Ok, so I have a new tv show obsession and it is, Tabatha’s Salon Takeover.  Now, I know I’m late to this party.  The show is already a hit, but you have to forgive me, as I was out of the country for two years and enjoying foreign tv obsessions like Come Dine with Me and Top Gear.

But, the b*tch is back (me) and she has found another b*tch to enjoy – Tabatha Coffey – the star of Salon Takeover.

If you don’t know the show, Tabatha, a fabulous looking lesbian with incredible hair and even more incredible clothes takes over the hair salon of disastrous owner for one week.  She tries to shape them up – from sad shambles to shiny success.  This is not an easy task.

Delusions of Grandeur
What I like about this show is Tabatha’s ability to cut through bull and shine a light on what is REALLY wrong.  I have some experience with reality programming and a lot of it is wildly set up.  Set up to the point of almost scripted and manipulative.  Therefore, I have no illusions that some stuff on Salon Takeover is probably set up as well.  However, Tabatha’s personality is not, as far as I can see.  She takes over one salon, the BQute Salon in Palmdale, California.  It’s a husband and wife owner team, which you would think might work, but doesn’t.  It doesn’t because the husband has inserted himself into the business for no reason at all.  He tries to sell mortgages, vacations, divorce services, etc, OUT OF THE SALON.  Come on in – for a haircut and a divorce!  It’s ludicrous and what’s even more ludicrous is that his wife lets him.  At one point, the assistant is setting up some specifics for the salon’s grand opening.  When Tabatha says, “What are you doing?” – the assistant says, “Setting up invites for the grand opening.”

But, who is she inviting?  Wait for it…

President Obama.

Let me repeat that:  President Feckin’ Obama.

That’s what this guy wanted to do – invite President Obama to his wreck of a salon’s grand opening.  It’s quite simply delusions of grandeur and Tabatha lets him know this.

His response is – “You have to think big.  You have to dream big.”

Yes, you do.  But, you do NOT have to dream ridiculous.

Oh, Lawd.  I know so many guys like this.  It reminded me of…

Comedians with only one name
Comedy is not the music industry.  It doesn’t have the cool cache that say rappers would or rock bands would.  Yet, there are a lot of guys – and for the most part these are black male comics – who think it’s necessary to call themselves by one name.  Now, this is not one, reasonable, name like Monique…

They call themselves things like “Closer”, “Punchline”, “Headliner”, “Gran Capone”, etc.  It’s the most arrogant thing I’ve ever seen and for the most of them, it’s deluded.

Here’s what I like about intense lesbians…
It’s that they are capable of breaking through the delusions.  Maybe it’s because they’re not seeking the silent approval of men like the “Closer” or “Gran Capone”.  Maybe it’s because of this that they can say, Really?  Is that what you want to call yourself?  How much money do you really make at comedy?  Or in this case, how much money do you REALLY bring into the salon?

Now, I have dreams and there are times when my writing career feels like I’ve invited Obama to the salon.  It feels like a long shot.

But, my dreams are more realistic.  I’d like to make $40,000 at this and then eventually $80,000 – a living.  That’s it.  It’s not glamourous, but it’s a goal.

Jillian Michaels is another intense lady who breaks right through the curtain of bull-poo.  With her, I think it’s important to remember one thing.

Screaming is only good for personal trainers or drill sergeants
I can’t stand Gordon Ramsay.  He’s a screamer for no reason in my opinion.  You don’t need to scream at chefs or staff in a restaurant and you definitely don’t need to scream at customers, which Gordon does.  Regularly.  When you yell, you might even be right or have the most valid point in the universe, no one will hear you.  They will only hear the yelling.  Yet, Ramsay is lauded for this bad behavior.  He’s not called a b*tch.  Tabatha never yells.  She’s intense, but she never yells.  Now, Jillian yells, BUT she yells because she’s trying to “wake people up” who are killing themselves.  That’s seems to be a good reason for some screaming.  I mean, think about it – if someone was crossing the street and they didn’t see a car coming, wouldn’t you yell at them to watch out?  That’s what she’s doing.  It’s yelling with a VERY distinct and pointed purpose.

Bitches Get Stuff Done
It’s SO amazing to me that women are still called b*tches and it’s mainly the successful women at that.  How sad is this?  Tabatha Coffey says she was called a b*tch so much that she decided to take the word back.  She now believes it stands for:

B = brave

I = intelligent

T = tenacious

C = creative

H = honest

Tina Fey did an amazing Weekend Update sketch with Amy Poehler way back where she defended Hillary Clinton.  She said, “Yeah, Hillary’s a bitch, but so am I and so is she…(points to Amy)  Yes, we’re bitches because bitches get stuff done.  That’s why they have nuns teach Catholic school and not priests because you might think that nun is a bitch at the end of the year, but you’ll know the capitol of Vermont!”  Now, you have to understand how well said this was within the context of the time in which she said it.  Tina gave this speech while Hilary was running for president.  During Hilary’s run, Hillary would give a public speech, as presidential candidates do.  During these public speeches, there were dudes holding up signs that said, “GO IRON MY SHIRT.”  I saw them.  It disgusted me.  Let me repeat it.  This is what audience members said to a female presidential candidate, “Go iron my shirt.”  Now, I ask you, would it ever be tolerated for audience members to hold up signs during an Obama speech that said, “Go pick cotton.”??!!  No, it would not be okay.  And it shouldn’t be.  However, the double standard is quite clear.

The BS, unattainable bar, women are held to.
I read a great, little, Freshly Pressed piece the other day.  I’ll include it below with some other bitch-must-reads.  In the piece, the mom goes on a rant/ rampage about little girls being picked on by little boys and the WORLD telling little girls to just “suck it up” because it means the little boy likes you.  The writer makes one of the best points I’ve ever heard for her daughter NOT having to take a abuse and then interpret it as praise.  The interesting thing is that there’s so much controversy in the comments section of this post.  The woman curses a bit during her diatribe.  Because of that she’s often called a bad mom.  Hello?  She cursed in a blog post on the internet, not directly into her child’s face at the supermarket.  And see, that leads to my last point…women are supposed to be demure when they feel outraged, beautiful while running through a muddy obstacle course, emotional at precisely the right cinematic moment, strong, but not sweaty.  You understand what I’m saying?  It’s unreasonable.  It’s deluded.  It’s bullsh*t.

So, any reasonable woman would be better off putting on her b*tch-dress.  I wear mine daily.  In fact, I would love to throw on a cape right now and take a jog to my Prius bellowing, “TO THE BITCH MOBILE!”  Care to join me?

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B*tchesque Must Reads:

Tina Fey on Hilary

Tabatha Coffey – The Making of a B.I.T.C.H.

Freshly Pressed Piece

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Photo creds: Featured images – 1, 2, 3, TC pic, Jm pic, TF pic

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