Try as I might, I can NOT understand the benefits of Linkedin.  I like all things social media and connectivity and blog promotion – joke mass posting, and platform building.  But, try and try again, I just don’t understand the purpose of Linkedin.

 

 

Image representing LinkedIn as depicted in Cru...

Image via CrunchBase: "Why can't you speak to me kindly, Linkedin?"

 

It’s a sad truth.  Linkedin and I just don’t get along.

 

I don’t like the whole, fill out your profile based on your jobs and past experiences, etc, etc.  I tried to make my profile ‘original’ sounding and I think it fails miserably based on the way Linkedin’s templates are set up.  I’ve asked my comedy connections on facebook and twitter, etc, just what in the hell Linkedin is useful for and my connections have said, “Jobs”.  Now, I could use one of those, so I keep the profile open.  Notice, I’ve said open and not necessarily ‘active’.

 

To me, my profile there is a bit stale.  But, yet, I have no desire to update it.  I rarely interact over there and I’m only ever, even reminded of linkedin when I get one of these…

"Oh, there you are. Almost forgot all about you..."

 

I don’t understand the groups.  I’ve searched on there for a job, once or twice, and had some interest once, only once.  These kind of results make me feel like it’s pointless, but yet I have an account because, well, everyone else has one.  I think of Linkedin the way I think about those plastic, photo-inserts in my wallet.  Sure, I have them, but I don’t ever use them, at least not for their intended purpose.  I may jam a receipt in there every now and again, but they certainly don’t contain photos!  I mean, my photos are on my phone!  Isn’t that the way it goes now?

 

Who uses these anymore? And this guy ain't using them holder-thingies for the right purpose neither!

 

So, I find that I’m using Linkedin for other things.  For me, it’s my DEAD HEADSHOT DEPOSITORY.  I have a headshot on there from like 1942, right before they started making them in color.  I don’t use that shot anymore, but I like it so much that I wanted it to live somewhere.  Somewhere respectable, some place safe, yet not often visited – you know a secluded internet space.  I’ve petitioned the Linkedin creators to change the Linkedin name from Linkedin to DDH for Dead Headshot Depository, but no one is listening.

 

Please look Sweet Mother in the eyes when you talk to her!

 

This leaves me feeling deflated.  I feel like I’m supposed to know what Linkedin is for.  I feel like I’m supposed to use it better.  I feel like I get called in for Social Media and Writerly type jobs, so it’s in my best interest to understand it better.  Yet, I can’t.  I just can’t bring myself to.  I feel like it’s a club that everyone else understands and although I’m on the mailing list, every time I show up at an event everyone looks at me like, “Why are you not speaking Mandarin and why are you wearing clothes?  Didn’t you know that Linked in is a pseudonym for Chinese-Speaking-Orgy-Party?”

 

No, I did not know that and dern it, I still don’t even after I’ve been told.  I’m thick headed about my aversion to Linkedin.

 

Yet, I realize people must be using it for something.

 

I think it’s an underground, online dating site.  It’s a way to use a pseudo, Match.com-like service without paying all those pesky fees.

 

I picture invitations going back and forth that sound something like this:

“Dear, 3rd Generation Connection.  I see you work for Powersoft.  I have a friend of a friend who works for Powersoft, which is how I came across your profile.  If you connect with me, I’m hoping we could shift your Soft-Power into something more durable, something more sexy.  Please accept my invitation if you feel so inclined.”

 

Then you check the box:

 

How do you know this person — ‘former colleague’.

 

It has to be some sort of ruse like that because I can’t figure out what in the hell is going on over there.  So, I suppose my best bet is to let my profile hang there, as is, like a wallflower on the outskirts of a cool party until I get to joyfully delete it like I did my old Myspace profile.  (You have no idea how much joy can be extracted from deleting your profile off of a platform you’ve lost the love for…or maybe you do.)

 

I don't want you back, Myspace, even with your new fancy-pants logo.

 

And in the meantime, it looks like I’ll have to develop a similar relationship with Pinterest.  The question is — will pinterest become my ‘pictures from high school’ depository or will it be something more?

 

Will I love it or will I leave it?

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the follow button at the top of the page.  A new email will be sent to you, as new content is produced. 

 

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Want to connect with me on other social media platforms?  Here’s how.  Disclaimer/ Warning-thingy:  All of my internet-lands are an oligarchy of sorts.  That means, I am the queen.  I don’t just encourage, I demand that everyone who interacts there plays nice, so if you don’t play nice, you won’t stay for long.  Just an fyi.

facebook – note: my facebook ‘friends’ are maxed out here, but you CAN subscribe to my feed.  I use this platform more than anything and it is updated frequently.

Twitter 1

Twitter 2

Oh, and Linkedin, but I hardly ever visit…lol.

 

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Photo creds:  Myspace, wallet, killer linkedin logo designer/ illustrator

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