I Wish This Was A Photoblog
Posted on April 25, 2012
I’m struggling with what to write today. I’m posting so late because I originally wrote an entire piece about the Octomom. I have it saved here on my computer, but I’m not sure if I should post it yet. That’s because the Octomom saddens me and it’s very easy to lose the funny when talking about a neglectful, self involved, idiot. So, I have the Octomom piece sitting here on my desktop and all I can think is, “I Wish I Had a Photoblog”. It feels like a photoblog would be so much easier right now. I know, I know, people with photoblogs don’t think a photoblog is easy at all. I mean you have to have the right equipment and lighting and a good eye, etc. Etc. However, right now, I simply want to post an image like this:
And then say something like this:
The above image was taken by using skilled fingers against a keyboard and the perfectly applied pushing of the buttons command + shift + 4. Such a sequence of events, causes a screen capture. When performing a screen capture, one must be sure to outline the image correctly and precisely. One must start with the crosshairs in the upper left hand corner and then pull down towards the right. It seems the picture was taken in Alaska. Now, I have been to Alaska, several times. However, I spent most of those trips inside the darkly lit areas of a comedy club/ bar. So, if you wanted to see a picture I have actually taken, you would’ve received a badly out of focus picture of a barstool. Thankfully, since this is a mock-photoblog, I can expertly use my nimble fingers to present this pristine image of an Alaskan lake instead.
Next, I would upload this one to keep the flow going:
Then I would add some additional photoblog-esque commentary on the above photo:
This picture appears to be from Germany. I have never been to Germany, but I would very much like to go. I love beer and the Lady Gaga song, “Schiebe”. Now, I did not create this picture by standing on that pier and expertly adjusting my lenses to deal with the evening light or lack thereof. However, I am an expert searcher and it was my incredible use of the search terms “gorgeous” and “landscapes” typed into the search box on flickr that yielded this image. These are nuances you can not learn in art college. For example, had I used the terms, “toad” and “summer” I would have come up with this image:
You see, they are completely different! What acumen! What talent! What splendor!
I am not being hard on myself today. I know that not everyone is capable of creating a piece about the Octomom, failing, staring at it, not deleting it, but thinking about deleting it, and coming up with an alternative plan that involves mimicking a photoblog using nothing, but the skills of a screen capture. However, not everyone is Sweet Mother.
Which made me think… What would happen if…if…I typed “sweet” and “mother” into the engine…
And this is the result:
And for some reason this…
I’m sorry, but the last one makes me feel like I may have accidentally called for a jihad some place in the world. If I have, I didn’t mean it. I take it back or blame the guy in the photo credits below. I only meant to be a Sweet Mother. And this post is all this Sweet Mother has in her, at this very moment. The well has become irritated. To express my inner feelings, to represent the turmoil of the tortured artist I am today, I give you this:
Now, if you want to turn that frown upside down…tell me you want to see the Octomom piece and I’ll post the darn thing tomorrow, regardless of how I feel about it.
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