Thank You, Barack
Posted on May 10, 2012
You know, I’m not very political on this blog. Mainly because I don’t find politics to be all that funny, but that’s just me. There are some humorists who do politics extremely well. I do not think I am one of them. However, today I’m going to get a little political. I’m also going to try and stay positive.
Here, we live in a country where North Carolina decides it’s going to effectively ban the rights of a particular group of people. Here we live in a place where the 40,000 Twat-Moms have struck again harassing JC Penny for featuring a same-sex family in its catalog. Really, twats? Who in the hell protests a family? Isn’t that sort of like protesting Mickey Mouse or candy or angels? What a gaggle of non-thinking hormones you all are or at least the head penis from American “Family” Association that in reality leads 40,000 twats really needs to take some Midol. Thank god none of you have your finger on the button or the entire middle east would be gone, all of communist Europe, and any place in America that’s actually cool like New York or San Francisco or Austin. What a boring world that would be with nothing, but screaming Glenn Beck, Pat Robertson, and Fox News programming playing 24 hours a day because I can only assume – from your behavior – that’s what you’d want.
I’m remembering that sh*tty move a while back that a Michigan mayor made saying and I’m paraphrasing, “New York just approved gay marriage for a bunch of fags, time to throw away my I Love New York bag.” Well, I’m gearing up to take a page from her book. I’m ready to throw away my, “We’re all Americans, even though I usually don’t understand WHY you say such stupid shit” TOTE BAG. Guess what crappy, bible thumping right wingers, I’m tired of you shoving your bible down my throat in what is supposed to be the LAND OF THE FECKIN’ FREE. A country that was created in order to separate from the goddamned Church of England. A country that was created with the separation of church and state at the very forefront of its founding beliefs. I’m all for freedom of religion. Believe what you want – in your own house, on your own time.
But, tell me what I can and can not do and you have a war on your hands.
Wait, I’m supposed to be positive. I’m supposed to remain positive here.
Okay, so Barack has stated emphatically that he’s standing up for gay marriage. Maybe he was forced out of the closet by Biden. Maybe he did it to raise even more campaign money. Regardless, I don’t care. I’m just glad he did it. I am proud of him. I think it was ballsy. Completely and utterly ballsy. And excuse my commie-French, but he went the whole hog. He did not say, “civil unions.” He did not say, “separate, but equal.” He said marriage. He stood for equal. Equal, period.
Now, I’m only going to say this once, but it needs to be said:
CATCH THE FECK UP, BLACK AMERICA. CATCH THE FECK UP, NOW!
Why am I picking on another minority? Because one of the major reasons why the amendment passed in North Carolina was due to the black vote. Because the bible thumping, black minority has lost sight of where it came from. Evangelical black preachers and church goers have lost sight of the fact that JEWS and other THINKING white people HELPED THEM to gain equality. Something that should have been bestowed upon them in the first place. Something that should be their natural birthright. Very similar to the right to marry and the right to raise a family without unmitigated hatred being aimed at your kids right between their beautiful little eyeballs. Hello? Does this ring a Loving vs. Virginia sort of bell for anyone else besides me? Because, yes, at one point in this beautiful country blacks and whites weren’t allowed to marry one another. Mixed race couples had unmitigated hatred launched their way until a STATE WAS FECKIN’ SUED. I’d like to sue North Carolina and West Virginia right off the map. You see, there are some factions of the African-American community who believe that all people should be free, but that the freedom to marry is reserved for straights. Some religious people believe that a book should dictate every single thing human beings do, even if some of those things completely and utterly violate common sense. A lot of people do not want to see the truth for what it is. For example, that the bible was a book written by humans. You can say it came down from God. You can say it came down from Rocky Balboa, if you wanted. But, the truth is that is was and is a book written by humans. Therefore, it’s up for interpretation. Period. So, if you’re going to follow a book why follow only that book? Why not Harry Potter? Why don’t we start a war between the muggles and the wizards and those mud-bloods, well, they don’t deserve any rights at all. I mean, they’re mud-bloods. Holy sh*t, you mean this discrimination thing never stops, even in fairy tale land? No, it doesn’t, unless sensible people stand up. Period.
Ugh, I went off the positive track again. Let’s get back on.
Here’s the thing. Sometimes the government MUST legislate in order to protect a minority against the tyranny of the majority. This is the way it has always been, here, in America. This is the way groups have always gained their rights, here, in America.
I have no doubt that equal rights are coming. I have no doubt. The time is now because I don’t have another lifetime to live with Wifesy. I only have this one, right here.
I am not a political person. I am not a political comedian. But, I am for treating others as you would like to be treated. It’s funny, that statement almost sounds biblical. Maybe because it is.
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Photo credit: bag