Are Sweatpants the New Muumuu?
Posted on May 17, 2012
I’ve got no idea what to write today. So, after looking through the news, I’ve resolved to do what I always do when I have no idea what to write – start writing. I have a couple of ideas. I’ve thought about writing something funny about how the sweatpants have become the new muumuu. Okay, let’s chuck the other ideas and go with that. Even the term “sweatpants” – it sounds very American and almost too casual. For example, the British call their sweatpants, “joggy bottoms.” Leave it to the British to have an ability to class up even skank-wear. But, here it’s sweatpants – a very sad sack of a word. I’m very conflicted about the sweatpants “issue.” You see, I think everyone needs their own type of muumuu. Maybe for guys it’s a favorite pair of shorts and beat up, old, t-shirt they never threw out and now fits like a second skin. For a lot of women, it’s sweatpants. Now, I have one pair of sweatpants that I just love. I wear them a lot. However, I have a rule about these sweatpants. Rule number one is, I almost never leave the house in them.
Sweatpants or a muumuu say to the world, “I’m staying in today.” They do not say, “I’m running errands.” They do not say, “I’m going out with friends.” And they should never say, “I’m getting on a plane.”
I don’t know why sweatpants on a plane bothers me so much, but it does. I have a friend from the Boston area who will ONLY wear sweatpants when she travels and she travels a lot. She wears them because she wants to be comfortable. I feel that when you travel, you should dress up a bit. I think I feel this way because you could die. If the plane crashes do you want to be the lady in sweatpants carted out on the local news? Or do you want to be the fierce looking lady in the power suit? Okay, maybe that’s not all that logical. I don’t know what my thought process is behind my love-hate sweatpants relationship, but I do know there’s a part of me that thinks we all dress like sh*t now. When you dress like sh*t, you feel like sh*t, and when everyone’s doing it, you have a nation of sh*t.
And men in sweatpants. Forget it. Men should never wear sweatpants in public – ever. In a boxing ring, yes, okay. But, out in the world? Or out at – god forbid – brunch?! No, this should never happen. Why? Because, I’m sorry, but all we women see when we see a man in sweatpants is a penis that’s way too un-contained. It has too much room to sway about and god forbid you should get a boner. It’s like the best material for tent city. Lest you think I am sexist, let me say, I feel the same way about any woman above a b-cup doing anything without a bra. I’m sorry ladies. I know it’s a curse, but put one on. It’s for the good of mankind.
One day, I remember my grandmother saying to me as she looked at my footwear, “My mother would’ve loved those shoes.”
I have this great pair of comfortable pumps that are a deep green with these little green bows on them. They are swank and cool-looking without being overly girly. (And this is a hard balance to strike, especially when it involves bows!) I understood why my grandmother said it. As I remember back on my great grandmother, I remember her as a woman who DRESSED WELL. I mean she wore those cute women’s blouses with the ties, before anyone did. The outfit was always put together in a wonderful way and it was always classy. If great grandma even owned a pair of sneaks they would’ve been those keds-ish kind, which aren’t really sneaks, but more boat shoes or something a cheerleader would run around in. The sneakers of today would’ve made her cringe.
Now, I don’t want to go back to olden times. I like my smartphone and my rights. But, can’t we bring back the way we used to dress? Even just a little.
I mean people used to dress like this just to go out to dinner:
Now we all dress like this:
Of course, every now and again I’m caught running around, doing some errands in some kind of workout gear. But, I do try to never leave the house in my muumuu-sweats. At the same time, everyone should have something so comfortable that it says, “Person at rest.” I know this all makes me a living contradiction, but I just don’t think this “person at rest-look” should be on a train or a plane. Every now and again I have mounted my car in my “person at rest” gear. Usually to drive Wifesy to work. But, it always slightly horrifies me. I’m always half thinking to myself, “What if I get into an accident right now? Everyone will think this chubby girl must’ve been on her way to a workout.” Then the medical professionals will realize I’m not wearing a bra and they’ll gasp to themselves, “No, she actually went out like this…” God forbid one of the male paramedics are wearing sweatpants…then the whole thing could turn into a real scene.
I’m not saying I want to go back to corsets. But, there is a part of me that thinks if we all started to say a little more please and thank you, a little more sir and ma’am, and if we all started to dress a little better, it would help things just like the broken windows theory.
The broken windows theory was an idea that – perhaps – helped to stop crime in New York in the 80’s and early 90’s. The idea was – if an area looks like crap, the people in and around it are going to look and act like crap. If all you see are broken windows everywhere – you care less about your environment and yourself. So, the city fixed the broken windows. Due to the broken windows theory and other factors – crime went down.
So, my thought is maybe if we all dressed a little better, we’d stop treating each other like this:
It’s just a thought.
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