This Post Might Make You Gay
Posted on May 20, 2012
According to one Navy Chaplain, it’s ADVERTISING that makes people gay. To paraphrase Mr. Direct-Conduit-to-God, “Everyone is born straight…Marketing makes them gay.” What in the feck. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Is this guy right? Probably not. But, watch out, it’s going to be fun to tease the sh*t out of him…
I decided to look around on the internet to see if any particular ads made me feel “more gay.” And if this post turns any of my readers gay by viewing these advertisements, I’m very sorry. It seems the gay has just become too strong. Christ, it’s more addictive than nicotine being flung at children by Joe the Camel or so says Navy-Chaplain-guy. Never mind that my straight friend said to me, “I tried being gay. I tried. Both sober and drunk, but it just wouldn’t take, even though I wanted it to.” Yep, that’s what a straight woman said to me. I suppose she’s just not influenced enough by advertising or she just wasn’t trying hard enough or she’s just feckin’ straight. It’s one of those. But, never fear, if this post does make you gay – I’ll reserve you some tickets next to us at the next Lady Gaga concert and we’ll make some room for you, over here, at the “lodge.” After you sign your “enlisted” form, that is. Since us gays are out there “recruiting,” I decided to make it official. Anyone who “turns” gay will be enlisted into a life of fabulousness from here to eternity. You’ll be given nothing, but strong cocktails, the finest clothes, visual images created by Tom Ford, and poetry by Maya Angelou. It’s the price you will pay.
Here’s a little something to get you started…
Are you feeling gay just yet? No? Well, let me up the gay levels over here at gay headquarters to see if we can’t get you with the next few.
How about this…
Not doing it for you? Let’s try this…
Still not feeling gay enough? Okay, time for boy bands. They’re like the gay-gateway-drug. You know like when marijuana makes you do meth? You mean you didn’t go straight from marijuana to meth? Well, you were supposed to!
I found this band and their vests alone made me look at another woman’s bum, if only to erase this image…
Okay, we’re still not deep enough into gay-land. Gay, gay, what says gay? Let me think. Overalls. On anyone. That will do it.
I mean, how gay looking is this guy…
Now, if that doesn’t make a man want another man then this definitely will. Or, at the very least, it will make straight women stop wanting men…Either way a gay advertising success:
Maybe the gay that’s inside of you is a little more of an intellectual gay. So, for the potential gay intelligentsia out there, I give you this:
So, maybe wacka-doo Navy Chaplain who claims he’s performed gay “exorcisms” has a point, as I’m feeling a touch gay-er after seeing all those images. But, you know, it’s just not quite sealed yet. I feel like there’s still some straight left in there on my Kinsey scale. Let’s see if we can’t use a childhood image marketed to little boys again and again and again to try and erase it completely. This not-so-little something clearly causes a maelstrom of gay. I guess we’ll have to do away with it.
Definitely leads to this…
Happy Sunday, everyone. And bottom-line, the gays love you.
Much love, Sweet Mother
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