Listen, there’s been a lot of speculation on the web as to why Katie Holmes might have left Tom Cruise.  I’ve decided to do some research of my own.  And by research, I mean I’ve put on a lab coat and trolled through gossip blogs.  I think it’s safe to say that my results are as possible as any of the others.

 

Here’s what I think might have happened:

 

He’s gay and the TomKat is out of the bag / closet.

 

Every time the doorbell rang, Tom jumped all over the couches hoping it was Oprah again.

 

Katie finally realized there is no science in Scientology.

 

Katie had the name Suri translated from its original sanskrit.  It means, “Mom, get me the feck out of here.”

 

Tom slides into the den wearing nothing, but his tube socks and button down – every.single.morning.

 

Cute the first time, annoying by the 57th.

Tom enters the house by belaying down from the roof, while playing the Mission Impossible theme song on his iphone.  He thinks it’s funny.

 

“I enter the house this way because I can. Okay, jack-rabbit?!”

Katie started watching “Dawson’s Creek” on loop and whispering, “Those were the best of times.”

 

Tom finally admits to Katie that John Travolta is his lover.  John Travolta denies it and says he loves his masseuse.

 

Katie decided to forego her marriage for a lesbian threeway with Victoria Beckham and Jada Pinkett.  In this threeway, the girls wear nothing, but designer shoes.

 

Katie: “Girls, let’s drop these feckers and get it on.”

Tom kept going on and on about the Scientology aliens.  When Katie asked him for proof, he showed her a picture of John Lithgow.

 

Katie started watching old, re-runs of John and Kate Plus 8.  She found herself wishing for a partner who is relaxed and easy like Kate Gosselin.

 

Wifesy and I are vacationing up the California coast for the next day or so.  I’ve posted these joy-reads in my absence.  Please do comment, if you like it.  I promise to read and respond to everything, the moment I am home.  Happy Summer, blogging besties.

 

Oh, and if your jury is still out on Tom Cruise, definitely check out his Scientology video.  It’s a gem:

 

 

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Sweet Mother is updated even while I’m in wine country.  If you’d like to subscribe to this blog, you can do so by clicking the follow button at the top of the page.

 

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Photo credits:  mission, risky, thegirls, rockofages

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