Joke Week, The Finale
Posted on July 28, 2012
Okey doke, so I had to postpone the final day of Joke Week. Mainly, because I had zero time to post yesterday. That’s because I’m writing the entire script for a Latino Awards show to be broadcast on PBS. I’m not kidding. Thankfully, it’s a pretty big time, Latino awards show. I say that less to toot my own horn and more because I think it’s awesome that in two short weeks both Edward Olmos and Lou Diamond Philips will be saying the words that I have written. I love Los Angeles and the plethora of writing gigs it has to offer. I truly do. If you are good and if you can survive, the writing action is here.
I like LA so much that I’ll even get over my fear of natural disasters that prompt signs like the below, if it means I can get paid to put words to the page.
What’s that? A little quake? Not a problem if there’s a writing check waiting for me at the end of the rubble.
Speaking of funny signs (is that schticky enough for ya?), as I was running around yesterday from meeting to meeting, I also came across this following in a restroom.
I find it eyebrow-raisingly funny. It’s not the first time that I’ve come across a bathroom sign written in this manner in the state of California. What always amuses me is the way California pitches itself as the “laid back” state. Laid back, of course, until you don’t wash your hands.
This sign may say “Common Decency dictates…,” but I’ve got some smarts. I can read between the lines. What this sign really means is, “Wash your feckin’ hands, you dirty, celebu-tard. You may have won the Celebrity Apprentice, but we will NOT tolerate you spreading typhoid all over our bagel joint. Don’t be swine, Mr. Turpentine!”
Anyway, it is time for the very last installment of Joke Week. Tomorrow, we’ll be back to regular programming. If you don’t know what in the heck joke week is, scroll to the bottom and click on the previous links. Otherwise…
Swimmer, Michael Phelps, has made it to the 400m finals by 1/10th of a second. Phelps says he would’ve qualified by a bigger margin had he not farted mid-lap causing a fraction of a millisecond’s worth of drag.
(Yes, people, it’s an OLYMPIC-sized, fart joke.)
The Vatican is clamping down on the free thought of American nuns. One nun responded off the record, by saying, “What are they going to do? Put us in burkas? We already voluntarily wear habits. These sausages need to back off.”
(Hallelujah, Sister, Hallelujah!)
A personal favorite of mine, actress Lupe Ontiveros, passed away this week. Upon reaching heaven, Lupe said to God, “I am your humble servant, but so help me You, if you make me play another maid.”
Katherine Jackson and Michael’s kids attended the Jackson Brothers’ “Unity” Tour. When asked to comment on the irony of the situation, Katherine Jackson said, “Unity is for people who don’t want a reality show.”
The stars of ABC’s hit, “Modern Family” are going back to work after negotiations helped to double their salaries. Taking a page from their strategy, I’ve decided not to go into work today. The plan seems to be going well, until Wifesy pointed out, “Technically, you don’t really have a job.” I’m still waiting for a response from my invisible boss. Sigh.
(Was that a joke? I’m not sure. Who cares. Slap-a-do-dow!)
Thanks for playing along, everyone. I have a juicy piece worked out for tomorrow. I hope you’ll all come back to see a more invested post then. As always, I’m grateful for your comments and your eyes on this blog. Much love, Mother.
Sweet Mother is on a mission towards 365 posts. If you’d like to receive an email with new content, simply hit the “follow” button at the top of the blog.