Something happens when you age, if you age well.  A feeling emerges that I can only describe as a basic, semi-euphoric, contentment.  I think this contentment comes out of a constant searching within one’s self for what is truthful and then applying that to the outside world.  Not to get all Oprah and vagified, but I am tellin’ you, if you learn to recognize the bullsh*t for the bullsh*t that it is, what will eventually follow is BLISS.  Plain and simple.

 

Let’s take bullsh*t example #1:

 

“Women are terrible drivers.”  I think we have all heard some variant of this remark.  Sometimes reasons are also provided:  “She’s always checking her make up.”  “She doesn’t pay attention.”  “She’s too afraid.”

 

Well, it’s a wonder anyone lets baby-woman leave the house.  How will she get two feet without sucking her thumb and peeing herself?

 

There’s only one problem.  It ain’t true.  Here is the truth:

 

WOMEN ARE SUPERIOR DRIVERS TO MEN.

 

Sorry, guys, but that is the truth.  That doesn’t mean that your particular lady could beat you on a Nascar track.  I’m sure, in your particular case, you’re Mario Andretti and she’s Ray Charles behind the wheel.  Yes, of course, there are some total, bimbo, airhead, sh*tty, vag-toting, drivers out there who shouldn’t be on the road.

 

But, overall, women are better drivers than men.

 

Chances are a “dangler” was driving…

 

How do I know?

 

Feckin’ car insurance.  That’s how.  On average, women pay LESS car insurance than men.  And how are car insurance rates determined?  By who gets into more accidents, Silly.  They are determined by WHO is the bigger risk.  The numbers don’t lie.  Men are the risk.  Men are 50% more likely to get a DUI than women.  Women are 10% less likely to have a moving violation on their record than men.  I could go on.

 

But, I won’t.

 

I’m not here to deride men.  I love them.  The cool ones, that is.  Even as a lady lover, I love me some dudes.  But, women get lied to.  Regularly.  We truly do.

 

The other thing we’re told is that women lose their “value” as they age.

 

Bullsh*t message #2 usually goes something like this:

 

Ladies, you’ve got your 20s.  That’s it.  You’ve got your 20s to figure out your career and land a man that you will eventually have a baby with.  If you don’t, in your 30s, all the good men will be married up and you will be fecked.  Men, on the other hand, increase in value as they age.  They have more wealth and access to resources.  So, they have no time restrictions.  Ladies, you only have your looks.  In other words, the clock is ticking so you had better get moving.

 

Well, let’s say society and our vagified-clocks are making this virtually true.  Why not work this to our advantage?

 

I recently read an article that said, “Women get better with money when they age.”  The reason given for this is “impending widowhood.”  Basically, women know they will live a long time.  Their husband develops a chronic cough and in their heads they say, “Sh*t, I better figure this stuff out.  I don’t know how long Daddy Warbucks is going to be around.”  And figure it out they do.  They figure it out like an insta-grow CEO who needs to immediately right the sinking ship.

 

I have a second solution to the “women decrease in value” problem.  It is two-pronged and here it is:

 

Straight ladies:  stay single as long as you like AND eventually (when you are good and ready) marry a geezer.  Think of how good you’ll be with his money by your marriage date and you’ll be even better, a few weeks from now, when he finally kicks off.

 

“Let’s get hitched, baby.”

 

Or…prong #2:

 

Think about becoming a lesbian.  I like to think that most women don’t devalue other women.  (Granted, there are some that do, but I say leave them to find their husbands in their 20s or sour past their expiration dates.)  The rest of you, think about tripping the light lez-tastic.  If you can handle that sort of thing, of course.

 

Bullsh*t lady idea #3:

 

“The hormones made her do it.”  Okay, there’s been a whole recent hullabaloo based on an article here, in the States, printed by CNN.  The article basically said and I’m paraphrasing (as usual), “Ladies vote less based on the issues and more based on their menstrual cycles.”  Again, if you’re a lifetime vag-toter, this is not a new thing you’re hearing.  We, of the fleshy coin purses, have all heard the ‘ole, “A woman can’t be president because she’ll have access to that great, big, red button and when she’s on her lady time, she’s likely to start World War Feckin’ 3.”

 

It has reached a point, that I honestly feel women should answer this charge like apes.  Human words are no longer sufficient.  I think, WE SHOULD START FLINGIN’ OUR SHIT AROUND.

 

Better yet, why don’t we stand inside our global cages and start spraying the passersby with buckets of our hormones and plastic baggies filled with this month’s cellular debris and uterine sloughing.

 

I think such a deed would help the world get a better picture of how we feel.  At least, we’d finally be using our WHORE-MOANS to make a perfect point.

 

As always, Momma loves you…like a mother does, no matter what’s under your shorts.

 

As long as you’re not holding me (or any other vag-carrier) down with it, that is.

 

If that’s not enough for you, there’s always…Ryan Gosling:

 

 

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” button at the top of the page.

 

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You might also like:

Understanding Lana Wachowski

 

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Photo creds:

feature-danica, ryan-feminist, old-man, car-taco

 

AND PLEASE CHECKOUT:  RYAN GOSLING FEMINIST TUMBLR

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