“…that is as ridiculous as two men kissing on the mouth! And I don’tcare what is politically correct. Everyone knows that two men on a wedding cake is a comedy skit, not an “alternate lifestyle”! There I said it! Ridiculous!”     – Actual Victoria Jackson Quote

Introducing…

ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON!

PART 1

…because this woman is BAT SHIT.

EXT. URBAN STREET – DAY
ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON, 53, stands next to a parked car on a busy street.  Standing opposite her, dangerously close to traffic, is an extremely seductive BLONDE WOMAN.

BLONDE WOMAN
Why do they call you, “Action Victoria Jackson?”

A CAR careens out of no where and sideswipes another car about ten feet away from the women.  Action Victoria Jackson grabs the Blonde Woman and SNATCHES her out of harms way, just as the car nearly misses her.

SFX: ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON MUSIC PLAYS

Action Victoria Jackson and Blonde Woman are frozen in an awkward embrace post near-miss.  They seem to be holding each other lovingly.  Two women walk by.

PASSERBY 1
Ew, LESBIANS.

PASSERBY 2
Aw, I think they’re kind of cute.

Action Victoria Jackson’s eyebrows raise at the HORROR of being called a “lesbian.”  In order to save herself, Action Victoria Jackson does the only thing a conservative woman looking to save the world from homosexuals, Hollywood, and abortionists can do – she PUSHES the Blonde Woman BACK into traffic.

Blonde Woman screams…  Blonde Woman gets HIT by car.

SFX: ACTION VICTORIA JACKSON MUSIC PLAYS

Action Victoria Jackson LEAPS up from off the car hood and spins as a CONFEDERATE FLAG CAPE unfurls behind her.

She walks off into the sunset…

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Photo cred:

Action Victoria Jackson, bullets

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