Facial Tattoos of Distraction
Posted on November 14, 2012
I’m on a writing deadline, which is why you haven’t heard from me over the last 24 hours. My brain is fried to the point of mulch. Wait, can you fry mulch? I guess the real question is why would you? Well, you get it. Fried wood chips. That’s me.
So, I’m creating a blog post today as a form of distraction.
My mother has always said to me, “You’re so weird.” And Wifesy on a couple of occasions has also said, “You’re a weirdo.” I don’t know why, but I take this as the highest form of compliment.
I suppose because I’ve always felt that if you can’t be funny – BE INTERESTING.
And weirdos are completely interesting.
So, a weirdo I am.
There are other weirdos out there. Some of them are dummies. Some of them are not. A few of them have facial tattoos.
Facial tattoos fascinate me. I’m not tattoo-phobic. Hell, I have a tattoo.
I got this faded mess circa 1995. It’s a theatrical comedy mask with a woman’s symbol through the eye of it. Don’t ask me why, but when I was in my 20s, I thought it was cool. Thankfully, I was smart enough to get it in a place not often publicly viewed. Although now, I suppose, it’s all over the feckin’ internet! (What is wrong with me?)
But, a facial tattoo is another thing entirely. (Unless your Maori or something similar…) Often, I think a facial tattoo says, “I never want to work again.” I could be wrong, but let’s face it – how many face-tattoo guys do you know who work in or for corporate America? Mike Tyson is the only one I can name and he’s also cray.
So, let’s take an online stroll through the world of “What the feck did you do?” facial tattoos, while my brain tries to slowly reform into something resembling grey matter.
Number 1: this douche-baton. And I say douche-baton because clearly he wants to hit himself in the head, over and over again…
I’m sort of obsessed with him because he decided to get Mitt Romney’s campaign logo tattooed ON HIS FACE…
This particular nut-socket was paid $15,000 to get the tattoo by another nameless ass-grenade. And the nut-socket states, “I have no regrets…”
Oh, but we have regrets for you, buddy. Oh, but we do!
Number 2: this lovely…
He’s got the Steelers on one side and the Eagles on the other. So, if they ever play each other, his head explodes.
Number 3: Maybe I was wrong about facial tattoos being unemployable…
‘Cause this guy just might be loading and unloading your luggage at the airport.
I have a friend who says tattoos are “emotional damage” you wear on the outside. I’d say that’s true in this man’s case. If you can’t read it, his eyebrows say, “MOMMA TRIED.” Oh, poor Momma. Oh, poor Momma, indeed.
Number 5: I actually think this girl looks pretty attractive. The only problem is tattoos fade and what’s it going to look like when you’re 80? …And is your mother still crying? ‘Cause mine would be.
Don’t know the story here either, but I believe the “Avatar” transition is about to begin…
Number 6: I call this one, “One Thing Leads to Another.”
I just feckin’ love this guy… especially for wearing a “bluetooth.”
Lastly, I could go on and on with this post, but it’s time to get back to work. My deadline approaches. I will say that no matter how many deadlines I have, none of them could hurt worse than this…I give to you…
Number 8: I call it, “OUCH!”
What are your favorites, my lovelies? Momma wants to know.
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