1. One of my eyes opens more than the other due to a lopsided botox injection. I’m hoping my arms will distract from that.
2. I’d like to wrap my guns around that woman, Ricky Gervais.
3. My arms are not grotesque. They are sinewy like a cat’s or one of those cadavers at the “Bodies” exhibit.
4. I’d like to use my arms to strangle Guy Ritchie.
5. Why don’t you stop worrying about my arms and start worrying about Rosie O’Donnell.
7. I’d like my next tour to include a massive, on stage, rowing of a large canoe. I need my arms fit for that.
8. I need my arms fit so I can bitch slap that dandy, Piers Morgan.
9. I’d like to teach my daughter, Lola, things, but with none of that underarm fat teachers usually have.
10. I think if I can get my arms strong enough, I can save all the people of Malawi.
11. I’d like to get my face to look like Kenny Rogers now and my arms to look like Schwarzenegger’s in the 70’s.
12. If you don’t like them, you can go f*ck yourself, but not with my arms! Use your own pathetic spaghetti sticks for that purpose.