brain

Did My Post Suck Today?

The below is a list of what happens in my brain for the next 31 minutes after I hit “publish” each and everyday.  Note:  I only have about 1 original thought per minute, the other thoughts within that minute are variations of the original-thesis thought for that correpsonding minute.

 

Min 1:  “Did my post suck today?  It’s been a minute and there is only one “like”.  Maybe it sucked.”

 

Min 2:  “It’s Sunday, people don’t read very many blogs on Sunday, that’s a low-views day according to my stats.”

 

Min 3:  “Oh, wait, it’s Monday.  Okay, that is also a low-views day – so is Tuesday and Wednesday and hold on…”

 

Min 4:  “I should’ve written about my Mom.  People like it when I write about my Mom or my Wifesy.”

 

Min 5:  “I don’t think I should’ve capitalized Mom in that last minute thought.  PEOPLE KNOW MY GRAMMAR IS TOILET LEVEL.  THEY CAN FEEL IT and that’s why they’re not reading this post.  Mom?  Mom, help!  That’s when you capitalize Mom when it’s used like a name, jackass.”

 

Min 6:  “I should’ve written something jokey.  People like it when I joke.  This should be a jokey blog, not a relationship/ family blog.  God, such an idiot.”

 

Min 7:  “This blog will never be freshly pressed.  SWEET MOTHER WILL NEVER BE FRESHLY PRESSED BECAUSE GOD AND THE WESTBORO BAPTIST CHURCH HATE ME.”

 

Min 8:  “God, I would love it if the Westboro Baptist Church protested this blog.”

 

Min 9:  “Oh, wait, three more likes.  It must be my time zone.  It’s morning for me and an ungodly hour for everyone else in the world, right?”

 

Min 10:  “People in Germany are reading…and Austria.  Wait, I thought they were the same place.  They’re not the same place?  Oh christ, the Europeans can feel my shitty American public school education reeking through this blog and that’s why they’re not reading…wait, they are reading.”

 

I'm sorry that I only speak English and a sort-of Spanish...

 

Min 11:  “I don’t know how to take good pictures.  People don’t like this post because of the crappy photography.”

 

Min 12:  “Wait, I just gained another follower!  Oh, it’s that dude’s blog where I commented  57 times.  After he did a background check on me and realized that I was not imminent threat to him or his family, he finally decided to follow.  Phew.”

 

Min 13:  “I only post once a day, that’s why people don’t care.  I need to post 4,500 times a day.  No one will pay attention otherwise.  God, I’m so lazy!”

 

Min 14:  “I should go do something else.  If I go do something else, when I come back, people will have looked at this blog.”

 

Min 15:  “I don’t care what other people think.”

 

Min 16:  “I care very much what other people think.”

 

Min 17:  “I only care what certain people think…people with taste.  Everyone who stops by here has good taste.”

 

Min 18:  “I’m more of a niche writer.  I’m waiting for the niche to find me.  Where the feck are you, Niche?!”

 

Min 19:  “This should’ve been a travel blog.”

 

Min 20:  “Blogging is dead.”

 

Min 21:  “Newspapers are dead.”

 

Min 22:  “Wait, am I dead?”

 

Min 23:  “Four people came to my blog searching for Jared Leto.  I need to do more posts on Jared Leto and His So Called Life…Wait, it’s My So Called Life.  Mine.”

 

Thank you, Jared, dear.

 

Min 24:  “Where are clownonfire, carrierubin, blackdoorpress, wendyworks, cauldronsandcupcakes, staciechadwick, transguy, and poietes?  Oh my god, they must’ve been kidnapped!  They must have lives!  Nooooooooooo.”

 

Min 25:  “Nobody ever uses the ‘share this’ buttons on here.  No one has ever hit the ‘press this’ button, only I have ever hit the ‘facebook’ button, and some kind of ghost has activated the ‘stumbleupon’ button twice.  I know because when I check the link it goes straight to porn.  Porn!”

 

Min 26:  “When I don’t see the numbers on that orange button go up, I don’t feel alive.  Seriously, Sweet Mother, you need help.”

 

Grow, damn you, grow!!

 

Min 27:  “Maybe my blog template is hard to read.  Maybe I should write in a notebook, photograph it, and upload it.  Maybe I should hire a plane and skywrite my pieces.  Morose code?  Telepathy?  I’m telepathically sending you another post right now.  Why aren’t you “liking” it!  There’s a button right there next to your hypothalamus.”

 

Min 28:  “You are so neurotic, ten people have liked this so far.  You pay too much attention to this blog.  It’s like your child.  Just the other day your Wifesy said, I’M JEALOUS OF YOUR BLOG.  And then she tried to drown it in the bathtub.  Don’t you think that’s unhealthy?”

 

Min 29:  “You need to go back to writing twitter jokes.  142 characters, you’re in, you’re out.  Blogging is taking over your life.  You’re like Perez Hilton without the fame or the money.”

 

Min 30:  “People are saying nice things in the comments.  The stats look good.  Okay, okay.  I’ll write something tomorrow, but only because you begged.  Sorry.  Sorry.  I begged.  I’m grateful.  So, grateful.  Thank you.  Thank you for reading.  I haven’t felt this good since Eisenhower was elected.  God, now I’ve got to go and do something else!”

 

Min 31:  “Wait, is it time to post again?”

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily.  You can follow by clicking the “follow” button at the top of this blog.

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If you think this blog is too arrogant, you might want to read “Is Your Blog Getting Arrogant?

Other fun stuff:

Mom’s Macrame

When Daylight Savings Messes with Your Head

How to Train Your Drag Queen

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Photo creds:  brain, jared

1,180 thoughts on “Did My Post Suck Today?

  1. Hilarious (see I put a stop to at least some of those thought) I admit to the same bloggy schizophrenia. I think its the fact that interaction is the driving force behind blogging. At least for me.

    P.S. I admit to liking this format better, I don’t have to scroll up to complete the post, but it’s your blog momma.

    1. Oh gills, to quote Neil diamond, “u turn on my heart light”. Well that’s not exactly it, but u know what I mean. Seriously, I could’ve written an entire second post called ‘thoughts that run thru ur head’ while waiting for some attention on ur ‘thoughts that run thru ur head post’. So thank u for getting here so fast and saving me. I also hear u about the template thing. Now, if it were up to me I’d come to all of ur homes and read my posts to u at ur bedside, but my wife would leave me…

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

    2. Blogging schizophrenia! I love it! That’s a great way to describe something I think we ALL do.

      What a hilarious post! Thanks for outlining all our own blogging fears with such grace, candor, and a many laughs to boot. I was laughing out loud through the whole post!

      Do you find irony in the fact that you’ve been Freshly Pressed after declaring it would never happen?! I love it!

      1. grace. you had me at grace, joyful! thank you for such a nice comment. schizo, indeed. and this influx of comments and love may only be making it worse! thankfully, i can blog about it. arrrgh. he, he. :) – moms

    1. Oh sweet clowny – Eric, thank u for liking it and reblogging it. I am forever humbled by u, ur blog, ur very good taste, and ur French-Canadian charm. Merci.

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

      1. Sweet Mother, you speak for so many of us.
        I just did a public service by reblogging your post.

  2. Reblogged this on A Clown On Fire and commented:
    Sweet Mother woke up this morning, and thought: “Let me write a post for my stat-obsessed CoF blogger friend, so he won’t have to. Thank you, benevolent SM.

  3. Umm, Mother, Mom, does this mean your blog is arrogant? I mean, you do cover a few from that list here… just sayin’. It would make me feel a lot better, because I’ve spent a week worrying about arrogance, and I pretty much do all of the above. In fact, much to my wtf/damn/oh not Mother… I had just started a post that looked an awful lot like this one! Now, I have to do something else, lest I be called arrogant, and a copy cat! Bravo! You have me laughing again, even as I second guess my own post (in draft). :-)

    1. It’s completely arrogant. I’ve decided that blog arrogance is inevitable like death and taxes. So I’ve decided to just go w it. Seriously, second mother, thank u for stopping by here and commenting. I do not know what would’ve happened if no one had read the ‘nuerotic thoughts that happen in my brain after I post’ post, but I’m guessing it would’ve involved some naked running out in to the streets.. so thank u. As for ur post – Write it anyway, I have no doubt it will be hilarious and remember momma loves u. – mother Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

  4. Oh, my, if this one doesn’t get you Freshly Pressed, I don’t know what will! That was such fun to read–I laughed so loud on minute 22, my spring-breaking teenager stuck his head in my den to see what the fuss was about. See? You managed to rouse a teenage boy off of the cough–NOT an easy task. Well played, Sweet Mother, well played!

      1. Oh I’m having the same problem rt now and my thumbs are getting tired…and my wife is glaring at me…lol.

        Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

    1. The fact that you mentioned the words “Freshly Pressed” automatically means that you won’t be. In fact, you have probably just been sent to the top of the editors’ super secret “Under penalty of death by Chinese water torture, DO NOT Freshly Press this blog” list.

      1. My mind on SW comments: Damn, Clown on Fire is really funny. Maybe I should follow his blog for laughs. Except that clowns freak me out. OMG! Al Gore posted on Sweet Mother’s blog. Sweet Mother has really made it big time! Oh wait, it says Rob Rubin. Could Al have a psuedonym?

      2. what is sw? is that the other part of me? the ‘sweet woman’ part as opposed to the ‘sweet mother’. yes, clowny is very funny. where is al gore? i have some questions about the programming of current-tv and i’d like to thank him for the internet…and, oh, it’s rob rubin. well, i also love him, so all is well. who are you tuesday? their publicist? – momma, if you’re nasty.

      3. Thank you for noticing my error and the fact that YOU CAN’T EDIT A COMMENT ONCE IT’S BEEN SENT!!! Just Tuesday of the very un-funny blog Cashmere Clouds. And I don’t get the nasty thing which is probably further evidence of not being funny.

      4. like janet…”ms. jackson if you’re nasty.” it was obscure. and i’ve had some margaritas. don’t fault yourself! lol. anyway, tuesday, i expect to see you here everyday. and i will stop by your blog, right after i soak my hands in water due to the arthritis i have just developed after being freshly pressed. aaaaaahhhhhh. :)

      1. Ok Sweet Mother, I’m going to follow just because you referenced “Janet, Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty”. I like. I like. Oh, and I love the replies to the comments. *girlish giggle*

      2. i can’t help myself. it’s part of the addiction, but if we can all benefit then i sacrifice myself on the altar that is wordpress. wtf!! anyway, welcome, winn. welcome. much love, mother

  5. Haha. This is the kind of post I would write. I too wonder why the hell nobody ever hits the share button….probably because my followers are the only ones without Facebook accounts.

    And like me, you probably won’t be freshly pressed. But that just means your post DOESN’T suck.

    1. And by robin., I meant rob! I’m in the doctors office answering comments, which proves I have a problem, and the autocorrect on my phone is f*cling me ! See…supposed to be f*cking.

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

  6. Beautiful post just beautiful. I feel the same way anytime I do anything online. Why didn’t someone retweet my last tweet? Did this video I posted on YouTube stand a chance to gain any views? Why do I have a blog if no one comments?

    I think it is a natural thing to go through. Then again today I discovered that I apparently have over 160+ followers so that made me happy.

    1. I so hear u, shane. Thank u for stopping by here and commenting. And 160 followers that is – in the words of the snl ladies – amazeballs. So cool.

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

      1. No worries. I commend you on sticking with the Blog Post A Day thing, that is seriously amazeballs. Something that may be out of my reach right now.

  7. I didn’t write in my blog for more than a week, and today I finally got back to it. My husband complained the whole time; “You and that blog. You’re always writing in that blog. etc.” Then I told him it was all about him today, and he perked up somewhat. I can’t imagine how jealous he’d be if I managed to write every day, though.

    1. I am not kidding when I said my wife was jealous of my blog. I was answering a comment and I laughed and she made a snippy comment about the blogging, which led to a mini fight, which led to her saying “I’m jealous of ur blog”. I couldn’t believe it. We laughed and all is well but still…nuts.

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

    2. My husband DOES NOT LIKE IT AT ALL if I write about him. LOL! But he does complain that I have to post daily…what if I posted as often as I felt like…hell I’d get nothing done!
      I love SweetMother and Allison, husbands are always fun, that’s why we have them!
      I am so happy you got FP SM…I Know I am NEVER getting FP>>>, not sure, I think I made one of the counsel members angry….God only knows how! :) Congrats on this post…it is SOOOO how we all feel. Stats Are Addictive…and the orange box…like a hit off the ‘pipe’!
      Rockin’ my friend! Enjoy!!!

      1. thank you, sweet, amber light…and wifesy DID get jealous OF MY BLOG. it’s craaaazy. now, people know about her in Finland. lol. anyway, thank you for the kind words. a bit overwhelming, but totally fun, nonetheless. xo – mother

  8. It is a laugh-filled day in the blogosphere today, and that feels so good! If it’s any consolation, those “share” buttons don’t get much use on my blog, either. Of course, I still don’t Tweet, and FB is just my personal friends and family. I guess that could have “something” to do with it….

    Fun post!

  9. Very funny stuff Mother. I must admit to some of the same things. Since I started blogging, the little orange notification box on WordPress has replaced the red notification box on Facebook as my drug of choice. Also, I believe that Germany and Australia are the same country. It’s a common mistake. I have had 2 views from Germany, it must have been my Hasslehoff post. They can’t get enough of that dude.

    1. Sweet bill, u are so rt. Germany and Australia ate the same country. They like to keep their bratwurst inside kangaroo pouches. Everyone knows this. Thank u so much for reading and commenting. It makes momma feel so much less alone !

  10. This was perfect! I do this every time I hit publish, and of I don’t hear from Carrie, I start worrying that she doesn’t like me anymore!!!

  11. I just got this notice…how the hell did everyone else have a chance to comment before me? Is it a conspiracy? Does everyone else have some uber-shortcut and I, like the sucker I am, sit and wait for a stupid email telling me there’s a new post??

    hehehe…brilliant, just brilliant (and I’m not just saying that cause you mentioned my name). I’m sure you actually tell yourself some of this and to be honest, so do I (didn’t want to say everyone just in case the rest of your followers WANT me to believe that) Ya made me laugh. :)

    1. Oh, I tell myself a grt deal of it, sadly. But at least we can all get a laugh out of it. Good lord. And yes, when I don’t see u here, I wonder where u r ! Which sent me over to ur blog to find u, which led me to read a grt post. So all is well in the blogoqueer where we all seem to reside.

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

  12. SO glad I’m not the only one. I swear the only reason I do chores and exercise at all is to buy myself some time before I check my stats after I press “publish.” It’s the blogging equivalent of going to the bathroom while you’re waiting for your food at a restaurant; by the time you return *hopefully* all the feed/feedback will’ve arrived.

      1. I know it will get u, it will make u a slave. It’s like Atari when it came out or that damages series w Glenn close….wait, those are personal addictions. Anyway, thank u so much for the great comment. U rock. – mother

    1. Oh Emily, how true that is. How true. Although how long do u sit in the bathroom in a restaurant? I hope ur bringing reading material or at least ur phone to read blogs! Anyhoo, I love ur blog and if I remember correctly from ur last post ur preggers, yes ? Congrats. Big time. Xo – mother

    2. hello, dear emily, i tried to comment on your comment yesterday, but the cyber-monsters ate my thread. anyway, wanted to say thank you for your great comments and stopping by there…and if my reading of your blog is correct – congrats on being preggers! that’s right, geez – i hope it is – better go look now, lol. anyway, you are the bomb, thank you for visiting here.

    3. Haha, this post sums it up perfectly. I’ve been noticing the same thing, and I’ve just gotten started on WordPress. I hope that kind of paranoia doesn’t strike me too hard!

    1. Very true, my friend, very true. One is apt to drive themselves crazy that way…oh that’s rt, I’ve already done that crazy part. I try to please me first and then I try to pls Santa Claus, if I have energy left. The elves tell me he likes the writing. Once again, thank u for a lovely and insightful comment. Xo

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

  13. Hilarious! Min 7 made me laugh so hard. I used to dream about being Freshly Pressed, but then gave up. You can only have your hopes dashed so many times without it causing some kind of emotional harm.

    Somehow I haven’t come across your blog yet. I like it, I’ll definitely follow.

  14. Brilliant is SUCH an overused word in the comments section of this post. I mean, really, can’t any of your followers come up with something a little more creative?
    Just to prove I deserve the shout-out you gave me above (thank you sweet mother!), I’m going to use a descriptor with some balls.

    Fucking awesome.

    1. Lol. That’s why you are the bees knees ms. Stacie! Thanks for coming by. I need to hit urs and will do so tomorrow like its my job! :) – mother

      Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

    2. Oops…I’ve been a fan of “Brilliant” because its one of those Monty Python-isms, but I never thought of the fact that it looses quite abit without the english accent….not everything translates to the blogosphere !

      1. I was just joking! Only overused because it’s stated so much in the comment section. But look how prescient you were…Sweet Mother was Freshly Pressed! Maybe you should start telling people’s fortunes?

      2. wait, more importantly…you have two blogs??!! mj stepmom is not you…i’m so confused. christ. i’m ceasing the comment responses now. so tired. so tired. stoping. dying. dead. lol.

      3. We are all different people Sweet Mother.

        Day #2 Freshly Pressed Instructions:
        Breath.
        Drink a cocktail.
        Set your DVR for Mad Men.
        Respond to 1,001 comments.
        Repeat.
        Repeat.
        Repeat.
        Sleep.

  15. Love this post! I have so many of these things going through my mind when I get ready to click the publish button. Plus, you are very witty! I was giggling through the entire post! :)

  16. Well apparently neither God NOR the Westboro Baptist Church hate you…

    Because there you are on Freshly Pressed, page 1!

    Congrats. And all those thoughts you had? We ALL have them.

    Well, except minute #16.
    ;)

  17. Hmmmm, yes. A few of those thoughts have flown through my head. I decided as long as I have views in double digets I’m doing good. Even if it is 10. And I don’t worry about getting freshly pressed.

    But I do wonder why I get so many views from Pakistan. I know I wrote about Vindaloo once. And yes, I tend to use the Louisa May Alcott method of capitalization. At least in some of the older copies of the books and not the more modern reprints.

    1. oh god, i love this commentary. oman – that’s mine. who are the people in the country of oman and why are they reading my blog? and more sadly, why didn’t i know there was a country called OMAN???!! lol. thanks for reading, and commenting, i really appreciate it. – mother

  18. I know you are feeling morose, but perhaps you should try morse code instead of morose code ;)

    Good job on being freshly pressed, it’s an awesome blog. Following!

  19. I can answer the question that this title offers: yes.

    Alright, not really. I was actually fully engrossed in this post because we’ve all spent our time stressing over the amount of traffic we do (or don’t) get. However, after I developed a moderate level of apathy about it, I noticed that my viewership began to increase. Go figure.

    I’m glad this got freshly pressed but do not envy the low that comes after this surge of traffic. I promise to come back and look at another post though because this one was pretty damn good.

    1. i really appreciate that, matt and i will follow your blog in return, if i’m not already. i’m in total agreement that ‘not caring’ is key. though, i KNOW i hardly ever accomplish that. – moms

  20. Great post!!! We share many many similar thoughts, I have lost far too many minutes of my life thinking about the titles of my posts, grammar mistakes and my total lack of humor, and I’m not even very far into blogging and so many fewer people read my blog. =)

  21. This is really funny! You just got inside my head and read my thoughts every time I blog or is it post? I never know which verb to use…
    Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! Now you can sit back and say, “They like me! They really like me!!!!” Woohoo!

    1. phew, a standing o! now, i will truly never get my head into any decent sized hats. honestly, thank you, incidental, i’m humbled and glad to hear that you liked it. – mother

  22. That was incredibly funny, I know the feeling, but it’s a good day for me if I get 20 visits (I also don’t write that often)… keep it up!

  23. Welcome to the Freshly Pressed club! I have a feeling you’ll fit right in. :)

    I’m sorry to have to break this to you – but you’ll get no mug or keyring as a result. An outrage, I know! Fear not, I’m currently lobbying the Prime Minister of England and President of America to get this issue addressed. Once they’ve solved the problem of Justin Bieber, they’ll get right on it. ;)

    Excellent work! Bravo!!

    1. having lived in BOTH countries, i can assure you that neither will do either! but, they’ll undoubtedly agree to send troops somewhere together. lol. thank you, for the congrats. i already read your blog and enjoy it immensely! – mother

    1. THANK YOU. i am ALWAYS wondering why i do this and then i get up and do it all over again. it’s nice to meet you and have you as part of this neurotic club. welcome! and seriously, thanks for reading. – mother

      1. Thanks, just sitting here wondering if today’s post sucked and then I remembered…I didn’t post it yet! Thanks for the reply because I was also wondering if my comment sucked until I realized your hand was probably cramped from all the replies you had to make. peace.

  24. I don’t know wether to be amused or frightened that you my long lost Twin? or maybe I need to get a life ?! Terrific Post, you had me smirking in understanding…..iIwill read again and again (your blog that is), and you can check your little boxes….as we all do so lovingly :)

    1. markella, never fear, your long lost twin is here. now i need to slap myself for rhyming. it’s been a long two days. lol. anyway, thank you for the kind words and i’m so glad you’re going to read more. that, to me, is the highest compliment. all the best, mother

  25. LOL – morose code!?! Love it!

    PS: Stay out of my head from now on. It’s too spooky having someone else wandering around in there.

    1. well, you keep leaving the door open! lol. and thank you for noticing the morose bit…i find it so much sadder than its buddy morse…but, sssssshhhhhhhhh! :) hugs and have a wonderful day – mother

  26. Awesome post! Bloggers are a self-torturing group aren’t they? It’s like my entire sense of self worth is based on a series of numbers each day. Lol!

    Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed. Your post definitely does not suck!

    1. oh, cb, i feel your pain. ridiculous, but sometimes true. although my dog doesn’t give a sh*t about any of this and i can see her point! lol. anyway, thanks for the congrats and hope to see you again around here. – mother

  27. Hey, not mentioning FP worked! It was pretty awesome to see this on the FP page. So glad to know I’m not alone in having my comments and stats rule my life. My hubby is tired of hearing me run around singing, “I’m big in the Philippines!”. But you get to hang out with David Hasselhoff, who is also big in Germany (or is it Austria?). Congrats on being Decently Ironed and Freshly Pressed!

  28. Here is another comment for you. maybe another spot on the map too, just please don’t confuse Sweden with Switzerland 8they are the ones with money and chocolate and we ….well we are the ones without it ;-)

    1. i will try very hard not to confuse the two, but if i do i blame my crappy american public school education. we are lucky to learn the capital of new jersey and then we are luckier still if we can unlearn it. lol. thanks for stopping by here.

      1. Hahaha Yeah I hear you. So Sweden north of Europe and Switzerland south of Europe ;-)
        Not that countries matter anyway. Aren’t we all just people.
        perfect love!

      1. don’t worry, sweet kella, much like the movie, “avatar” – I SEE YOU. your comment is here. it has been read and i am grateful for your kind words. so, thank you. – mother

  29. Very funny, loved all of it and love that its not just Freshly Pressed, but in the No.1 spot, I had someone from Trinidad & Tobago today – I think WordPress is going to improve the basic world geography knowledge of the blogging community. But I am also saddened to see the little red crosses, does that mean some pages are being censored in some countries?

    Bonne Continuation!

    1. god, i sure hope not. i’ll have to look into those little red crosses. so, interesting. i was not aware. it is INSANE how blogging opens up the world, isn’t it? in a good way. anyway, thank you for stopping by here and the kind words. i feel truly grateful and humbled today. enjoy the sunshine, where ever you may be. hugs, mother

  30. Writing extraordinarily everyday is damn near impossible.
    Some days will always be better than others. Ride the wave, surf, relax.
    Kudos for putting yourself and your thoughts out on the web !

    1. how right you are, my friend, how right you are. but, write everyday i must. so here i am. thank you for swinging by and commenting. it is much appreciated. – mother

  31. Oh my Gawd (yes this is texan drawl worthy!) – I go off the grid for a while and you go and get yourself freshly pressed?!? Yay, you rock! Congrats.

    I’m beginning to suspect that W.P. actually does have people in charge with good taste ;)

    Enjoy the ride – I hear it’s something! :D

    1. stats link, upper left hand corner of your blog bar, near the top. now don’t hate me for telling you where it is…because now, you will NEVER be able to tear your eyes from it…

      1. you know, right after I left that comment, I found it on my stats page. talk about embarrassing. And you’re right, I won’t be able to tear my eyes away from it.
        Who’d have thought people in India were reading my blog?

  32. I’m pretty certain that you crawled inside my brain and wrote this post…

    Brilliant! SO glad you were Freshly Pressed today…makes me realise that I’m not the only one who thinks this way! :)

    1. oh, definitely you’re not the only one. there’s a whole army of us nut-balls over here in blog-land. glad to meet your acquaintance though and THANK YOU for stopping by here.

  33. Congratulations on being FP’d! I’m Stacie Chadwick’s blogging bestie and Transman and I are best buds from college, btw – and now I’m going to follow you because everyone has been telling me how hilarious your blog is, but I’ve been so self-centered and preoccupied with myself, my blog, and my little life of packing and preparing to move that I had not taken the time to properly read your blog. And now I have. I’m pretty sure I’m a better person for it. In fact, I’m certain that I’ve added a good 37 days to my lifespan because I laughed – a lot – while reading your post, and I hear laughter is good for your health.

    So thank you for that, Sweet Mother! Now, the bad news. Now that you’ve been FP’d, it’s all going to get worse. You will not be able to tear your eyes away from your statistics – ever. I’m slowly going blind. All I do is type, squeeze drops into my eyes and click the reload button. As far as your Wifesy is concerned, this is going to be the worst thing that ever happened to you. Think you’re obsessed now? Ha! Now you’re getting your taste of fame – and you’re going to want that flavor on your taste buds ALL THE TIME. I speak from a place of knowledge. Trust me on this. Before, you asked the question, “When will I be Freshly Pressed?” Now, you will ask the question, “When will I be Freshly Pressed again?” You will wonder if there is waiting period before it can happen. You will read about people who have been Pressed three times in six months – and you’ll wonder if you’re falling behind if this doesn’t happen to you. (Yes, I’ve just hit the two month mark and I’m slowly beginning to freak out because I haven’t been Pressed again! Where did I go wrong?)

    On the other hand, you’ve got some pretty awesome fans (and they just got a little awesomer now that I’m on board) – particularly Stacie Chadwick, Transman, and Clownonfire! Try to enjoy it – and when the day comes that you only get 27 hits in a day, shoot me an email and we’ll commiserate together. We’ll also plot to get the Westboro Baptist Church to ban and protest the both of us. That would be fucking awesome!

    Seriously, congratulations. Amazing blog. You definitely earned this FP!

    1. thank you, cristy. we are going to talk about this! in detail. lol. i’m hearing and listening to everything your saying – write now my heartburn is raging and fingers are cramping, but carry on i must….and we will revisit everything you’ve said here. oh, i promise, like acknowledging the black cat that crosses in front of you…i am heeding your warning! xo – mother

    2. I just have to make a small comment here. Not on Cristy’s brilliant flow ’cause no one can touch that, and really, it’s not smart to mess with genius. Just the fact that Cristy is my blogging bestie and Transman and she are best friends from college and both Transman and I were called out in your award-winning post, and now Cristy is following you and three of the four of us have been freshly pressed which would seem like a totally powerful common denominator and maybe we should all go buy lottery tickets with the numbers 6-6-6 in them, and on and on and on. What I’m trying to say is that if my super-secret powers of predicting freshly pressed bloggers is correct, Transman is next. Someone needs to tell him to hire an attorney and an accountant and a bodyguard and a PR person and all that stuff ’cause life is about to change more dramatically for him than he already thinks it is.

      1. true dat, sistah. true dat. i have always believed – and i will always tell my gayby – “You are the company you keep.” Even in the blog world. So, there’s that. and stacie, on a personal note, i’m grateful – TO YOU – that you were so kind to my blog in the early days, a mere 60 days ago, when i didn’t know what the feck i was doing quite yet. (not that i do now) you saw something in me, like the dirty girl who wears overalls to school in the romcom movie, you saw the model…and for that, momma is grateful. read her, people, read her!! …if you aren’t already. xox – mother

  34. I started writing recently, but I accede with your points. I don’t know, In one day, I check my wordpress page myriads of time and every time, I anticipate to see notification, because somehow it makes me feel worthy of something and more robust. :D When I see comments, I really feel good from inside. (: And your blog really cites what a blogger feels when he posts something and what he really anticipates from everyone else. (:

    1. And by the way, I’m reading your blog in India and I believe you’re an awesome writer and we share a common like: Jared Leto is a remarkable actor. After watching his movie, Requiem for a dream, I started to like his acting capabilities. Recently, I came to know that he is a lead singer in a band, 30 seconds to Mars. Awesome to know that. :D

      1. thank you. i really appreciate that. one of my best friend’s is from india. i know like saying your best friend is black, over here! but, it’s true. she’s gudrathi and i know i’m spelling that wrong. seriously, thank your for reading and the lovely commentary. i hope you’ll come back and read more.

  35. I just started blogging and can only hope to post something as witty as this. After reading it I just had to become a follower!

  36. Oh man, I do this same thing. I pour a lot of time into my posts, doing a lot of good research and I only get a few hits. So sad! Thank you for this post!

      1. If all the neruoses ended, I’d probably be neurotic about that and worry about why I had stopped worrying. You’re right. It will never end.

        Thanks so much for reading my blog. I always enjoy your comments :)

  37. Congrats on the FP! This was a riot. Of course, I’d be THRILLED if, 28 minutes after a post, my orange button had a 10 on it… even if it was 10 replies to comments I’d left on other posts!
    :)

  38. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed. Apparently that day’s post did not suck. You captured those post-publish-button-pushing mental gyrations pretty well. Love your blog.

    1. yes, it seems so, now doesn’t it? and thank you for the kind words about the blog. it’s nice to know i’m not blogging into the abyss anymore. so, thank you and i hope to see you again on here. – mother

  39. Who knew the secret to being Freshly Pressed was to put forth in public your insecurities over never being Freshly Pressed? This is a strategy I’m going to have to borrow. Thanks for sharing – funny stuff here!

    1. thank you, mark. i appreciate that. i always hold close to my heart the ‘ask and ye shall receive’ mantra or in my case, ‘jokingly yell and someone will listen’ eventually… lol. thanks for stopping by.

  40. Okay, are you kidding me? This is genius/epic/funny/witty/where was I going with this again…. enjoyed (:

  41. Loved this. Get outta my head. I currently have a big fat gray zero, no orange button. It’s been like that for days and I feel this withdrawal happening. Oh, god, I have to post again to get that rush again! It’s really a drug this blogging thing. Congrats on Freshly pressed!

  42. I’m not going to lie, i was thinking like some of the things mentioned in this article too. For first time bloggers i can see how confusing this concept can get and by not finding some way to stay in touch with your followers can hurt your viewership. So learn to branch out people and don’t forget to help each other -,o

    http://wp.me/2aAA8

    1. very true, my good man, support and connecting may just be the key to success…or at the very least a release valve on the insanity. thanks for coming by here, mother.

      1. lol, well i appreciate you mentioning these kind of troubles in this article. We have all been there before but i guess we were all too proud to talk about it huh? -,o

    1. jen, seeing my regular readers on here is like being thrown a buoy doing a tsunami. so, THANK YOU for coming by and saying something and the congrats and all that. xo – mother

  43. OMGosh! LOL! And I thought that I was the only one that did something VERY similar to that. thank you Thank you THANK YOU for making me laugh and not feel so out there.

  44. Hahaha, I have to admit This is so me…i literally spend the first 20 minutes after i share a post refreshing the stats page constantly hoping that someone, anyone likes what I just wrote.

    I love this by the way :)

    1. i’m so happy to hear that, dee. understand, you are NOT alone! lol. this post being fp’d is like an intervention for us all…which is great ’cause i love ‘intervention’. anyway, i hope you come by here again. and thank you for the kind words. – mother

  45. Awww this is god! I play this game – all the negatives are usually true for me hough – I think I’ve only ever had 6 likes. Hehe!

    1. yay, finland!!! FINALLY. That’s been my cheer anyway, ‘Finally Finland’ and now at long last finally. ;) seriously, thank you for stopping by here and the sweet comment, heather. – moms

      1. Following too! Just couldn’t help myself. great discipline to be able to post daily. I would if I could, but i can’t so I wont :)

      2. i totally understand, heather. and it CAN be a pain in the tukus, but out of that pain comes posts like these…so, maybe that’s something. regardless, thanks for stopping by here and saying so. i really appreciate it. – moms

  46. Nice! It is like about my blog :D :D :D. But in my blog the most popular comment are… spam comment! :D :D :D So You see, everything is ok with your blog ;)

  47. Lol even though I haven’t been here too long, I’ve been on fanfiction.net and that’s EXACTLY how I feel all day after I post. Ahhh! I’m going to post my story from ff to here. Wish me luck!

  48. This is perfect! There is no worse feeling than spending hours (DAYS EVEN) on a blog and no one comments on it.

    I am always surprised by what search terms bring people to my blog. ‘Baseketball court’ gives me hits every day and I have one picture of a baseketball court out of thousands of other pictures. Same with Jackie Chan. I am also a little creeped out to find that someone is clearly obsessed with my sea sickness, they google for it every other day.

    1. oh, yes, miss…the stats board can reveal all levels of odd stalkers. but, that’s an entirely different post, indeed. thank you for reading and commenting here. mother is very grateful.

  49. I feel the same way, but I never get that many visitors anyway… :-) It’s mostly my friends and family who read and comment.

    Maybe I should start writing more interesting things, and not do it in Swedish :-D

    1. oh, man, we wish we could speak Swedish over here, let me tell you. Truth be told, I wish i could speak a little bit of every language – so i can complain in each one! lol. i think it’s always friends and family in the beginning. so, stay strong, my sweet, swede. yours will come. – mother

    1. oh, lawd, kathy. i’m told from other fp’ers that this never ends!!!! well, at least we can commiserate and blog about it. ay yay yay. thank you for stopping by here and hugs to you too! – moms

  50. Yes, Jared Leto is a beautiful man <3 I certainly wouldn't hold you back from writing more of him in the future either ^.~

    Awesome job on this though ~ so funny! Congrats!

  51. Entertaining post. First thing that pops in my head as I’m pressing the publish button is min.1 though, then follow min .11-19 with that min.1 question still sitting there. Thats when I ask myself why I do this to myself. Thank goodness I just post 2-3 times a week. haha~

    Congrats on being freshly pressed! Now you won’t need to think of min.7 (or not as much as before?)

    1. lol. i think the key there is ‘not as much as before’…because i’m told IT NEVER ENDS. regardless, THANK YOU for stopping by here and for the enjoyable comment. – mother

  52. German and Austria haven’t been one country for a long time. The last time we were was from 1938 until 1945. We do however both speak German.
    Says the history buff from Germany.

    1. oh, sweet, andreas, i don’t think my high school social studies textbook had been updated since 1943! that must explain the problem, thus is the problem with the one of very few social programs we have here in the states – education. our only other one is the fire departments and they have no idea where europe is at all. i’m totally teasing you. but, THANK YOU for stopping by here and informing us all of this. because i can guarantee you (sadly) that most americans don’t know anything about it. ;) – mother

  53. I truly admire your typing skills & integrity to reply to each comment…as well as the hilarious paranoid rant you posted. Like so many before me, your minute by minute dialogue echos my own paranoia. Congrats.

    1. thank god you see it as integrity and not as desperation!! lol. i hated my high school typing teacher, but today i owe her an apology. a sincer, heartfelt, apology. :) honestly, thank you for stopping by here and commenting. it is really appreciated. – mother

  54. Ha, ha, ha! And I thought this was only a conversation in *my* head. LMAO. You took my insecure thoughts and blogged them, you magician you! So awesome to read this. I only *wish* I had as many followers as you do, Sweet Mother. Even my own mom doesn’t have time to read my blogs, and she’s got a super dull life. I can’t wait to read more!

    1. thank you, laurie. saying you’ll read more THAT is the highest compliment you can pay me. i am duly humbled. and my mom doesn’t read my blog either. thank god. :) much love – mother

    1. and here i thought it was more ‘fight club’ – ish. as in, ‘those who speak of freshly pressed, never get freshly pressed’. i’m happy to be dead wrong. ;) i’ll definitely check out the link, liz. – mother

  55. I write a blog on more news and current affairs based topics, but this post was absolutely brilliant

    1. i like the news. and i’ve written things for restoringtruthiness.org too. so, welcome to my land. and thank you for the compliment. i really appreciate that. – mother

      1. I have had a look around your site and there are some really good posts on it, have you any tips for getting views? as likes aren’t quite on my mind yet first I need people to read my blog

      2. hey there mark, imho, get a facebook and twitter acct if you don’t already have them. announce your posts on there and engage, engage, engage with other blogs. that’s my two cents. hope it helps and thank you for the compliment. – mother

  56. So funny. You are totally tapping into all of the bloggy angst out here in the world. Thanks for doing that so I don’t have to. Congrats on getting pressed!!

  57. I like it! I might do one of the panicky 3 minutes before I post anything on anything!!! Congrats on FP xxx

      1. Whereabouts, I live in God’s own county!! Yorkshire. The most beautiful place!! x

      2. lived in edinburgh, scotland, for two years. just got back stateside about six months ago, actually. LOVED IT. ALL OF THE UK IS LOVELY. my brother flew over for the summer – him, a friend, and my wifesy piled into a car and drove the whole of it from bath to isle of skye. such a wonderful trip. i even went to the small welsh town where my grandfather was from. a very memorable trip. glad to meet you here, even virtually, that is! lol.

      3. Happy to meet you too, never been stateside but love the UK especially the north x

  58. OMG!!! Had tears rolling down my face! I can soooo relate. I have shared, not only did I tweet this but someone walking by my desk asked why I was laughing so hard so had them stop and read it… they loved it too! I am now a follower that hopefully won’t be confused with a stalker. :-)

    1. stalker, follower, i’m not too picky. lol. thank you for saying so and you showed it to a work-mate! now i’m floored with excitement because i think we all deserve a laughing-break. i try to have one every hour. doesn’t always work though. too many blogging thoughts. lol. anyway, once again, duly grateful, cyber-curtseying, and even smiling too. – mother

  59. Now I feel so much better about checking my blog stats every day. I mean, I get like 1 or 2 likes per post, so obviously I have good cause to be even more neurotic than you :) Cheers!

    1. oh, bamboo. we all are neurotic, aren’t we? lol. well, at least we can bask in the glow that is the insecurity of all of humanity…cause i think we all do this nonsense. anyhoo, thanks for stopping by here. it is greatly appreciated. – mother

    1. if by seasoned, you mean – two months into blogging. not so seasoned really. i think this is out there for anyone to grab. even those who have mocked it mercilessly while still wanting it – like me. ;) and undoubtedly we ALL go through this! lol. so glad you liked it and thank you. – mother

  60. Thank you, for sharing your thoughts on blogging – they are exactly how I feel and felt ashamed to admit even to myself! You were brave enough to make me feel fearless about letting my fearful thoughts surface after each blog. Thank you!

    1. bitchy, you are not living up to your name with that lovely comment! lol. thank you for saying so. i know what you mean and i truly appreciate you saying so. – mother

  61. I really liked this, I have very similar thoughts just at lower numbers :)
    I was thrilled today with 11 likes & 90 views…Hopefully in time but I certainly recognize my own thoughts in your 31 minutes.

    1. dearest beth, HONESTLY, i don’t think those are very low numbers at all. keep the faith, sweet sistah. time and persistence are the trees that yield the fruit of all things. oh, jesus christ, something inspirational like that. ;) seriously, thank you for reading it. i’m glad you liked it. – mother

  62. Very funny. I’m glad I’m not the only neurotic one out there. I see from your comments we’re all a little out there. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed :)

    1. thank you. yes, it’s become quite clear that the collective subconscious is not so subconscious at all! lol. glad you’ve visited here and hope to see you again. – mother

  63. New to blogging, and LOVE this. So true!! (Though, since I just started, your expectations have grown higher than mine. With only 22 followers so far, I sometimes don’t even get a “like”. : (… ). Haha. Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

  64. Damn, I’m still catching up on your blog. You know only the hospital kept me away. I swear. I did keep asking for my phone so I could read your blog, but the morphine drip was too steady and I blacked out for a couple days. Thanks for the shout-out.

    P.S. When can I start calling you Mom?

    1. you can start immediately! lol. trans, we’ve missed you here. i hope you are recovering and okay. oh and the morphine, i swear an fp’d should come with a drip itself. ay yay yay. anyway, so good to see one of my reggies here – like being thrown a life jacket during a tsunami. xo – mother

      1. is that what this is? jesus christ, no wonder the heartburn. no, where do i pick up the check to pay my rent. oh, riiiiigggghhhht…. lol. transy, you will always be a part of my inner blogging circle. if this blog had google+ rings you’d be in the one that means closest..plllllaaaat. i have nothing more.

  65. Every writer/blogger is hypocritical enough to say we don’t care what others think and the number of likes don’t say shit about the quality of the post. But is that really true?
    You put that point across very well!
    Also, congratulations on being freshly pressed. :D

    1. oh, we ALL care, don’t let anyone tell you different. even when i try not to care, i care. it’s a viscious cycle. lol. anyway, thank you and thank you for stopping by here and commenting. – mother

  66. I’m not too worried about ever being Preshly Fressed. What worries me most is I haven’t a clue what a HTC Inspired 4G on AT&T is. New income tax code…because we do need another one…but the real question is: does it have a loop hole I can use? Oh..wait…it’s a new country having an election primary……………..right? So…where do I vote………………..Oh SweetMother where have I gone wrong? I’ll wait another 31 minutes for your answer and then I’m outta here………………..

    1. wait no more, my sweet, friend! here i am. lol. a 4g is one of those annoying android phones, like an iphone, but from google. so, i basically answer comments from everywhere – the toilet, the funeral, the maternity ward, everywhere. no place is sacred. ok, many places are. now, don’t worry about the freshly pressed thing bc as you can see, even when you announce, “I WILL NEVER BE FRESHLY PRESSED!” – it too can happen to you, “if you’re young at heart”. I think that was a commercial from my childhood. thank you for letting your neurotic thoughts flow here. they are welcomed. this is a safe space for everyone who is as relaxed as woody allen, as in – not relaxed at all. – mother

      1. Oh gawd…an android speaking to me from my closet…or would it be your closet? Thanks for the heads up…I’ll be looking in sacred places. Careful…don’t trip over the rock we use to keep the outhouse door closed….and for all our sake…leave it where it is!!!

      2. probably my closet, though i hardly use it anymore. lol. and yes, the outhouse door MUST remain closed at the very least that’s what laura ingalls has always told me. thank you, new friend. you are a fresh breeze today as you would be on any day. – moms

    1. Morose code – for when you’re just not feeling sunny enough to send a heliograph.

      (I’m sorry.)

      (No I’m not.)

      1. “when you’re feeling depressed enough to send your very saddest…” – morose code, much more sulky than the perkier morse code. thank you for noticing that bit, not many did. lol. and thank you for commenting, mackerel. momma is grateful. – me

  67. Is this an experiment or a practical joke by the WordPress Gods? I love it!!! I am brand new and I need a 12 step program to stop hitting refresh.

    If my kids sue me later for sharing their entire personal childhood experience on WordPress…I have a plan!!!!

    I am going to counter sue them for ruining my bellybutton!

    For the love of God can’t anyone get out of my uterus before reaching double digits? They were like farm animals! You check out my new blog and I will check out yours. Then we can think less about our followers from countries we have never heard not really reading our stories but stealing our banking info. ;) I am joking!
    allthatmakesyou.com

    1. this is up for ‘best comment award’, which will get you nothing, but still…it means i liked it. oh the familial suing that could go on. and unfortunately, most of what you’ve just read is very, VERY real. lol. thanks for stopping by here and for contributing that delicious comment. – moms

    1. thank you for the reblog, jimmy. yep, it’s a tough road. wp is great though, ’cause they have stuff like this. thanks for stopping by. i think, perhaps, i’ve hit a chord here. lol. – mother

  68. This was brilliant. Well done on getting FP. So glad I’m not the only one who is obsessive about blogging. Didn’t read all the comments, but it looks like there are many of us out there. The worrying thing is I only started blogging properly on 1st March and I’m already way out of control. Aagh!.

    1. oh, it happens SO quickly and it is a slippery slope from there, dear fiona. I am only two months in myself and thinking of checking myself into a blogging rehab, but i think it would be no use as the first thing i would ask is, ‘do you have wireless?’ anyway, thank you for coming by here and i hope to see you again. – mother

  69. LOL, I love #23. I write a beer blog and once I wrote a quote about Ben Franklin and the most of the people who stumble across my blog are searching for “Ben Franklin Photos/Quotes”. There have been a couple of times when I thought, “Can I work Ben into this post, also?

    Great work, congrats on being Freshly Pressed!

    1. thank you, new friend. and i love beer. so, i’ll be checking out your blog. it’s amazing what people search for and then end up on my blog…i’m guessing most of them looking for ‘ladybug three way’ are disappointed. lol. and yes, you should ALWAYS work ben franklin into a post. – mother

      1. You’re welcome! I just discovered your blog through Freshly Pressed and I love your posts. :D

  70. LOL!
    I only commented and liked out of sympathy for your ego. ;)
    Kidding! :)

    I usually have one thing that goes through my mind: I need more blog friends. Time to visit random blogs.
    *wave*

    1. stephanissima, i’ll take you however i can get you. :) was that too much? anyway, we all need blogging friends without them, how would we survive. mine are wonderful, if you happen to click their links. much love and a multitude of thanks – mother

  71. Great post… I think that is how one feels; once they get their blog popular among certain people.
    I think “that is why God doesn’t let people visit my blog at all.” (sobs)…

    Wee, I am definitely gonna follow you… once I get to read such “beautiful” thoughts every day, my life would be much more easier to deal with.
    Dear sweet mother, you are great… and well yes, congrats on being freshly pressed.. :)

    1. oh, anxious, thank you for the kind words. and i can relate, oh, i can relate. but, the gods have smiled on me today and brought me great gifts, such as you – so, all is well, until tomorrow, at least. and thank you, dear friend, i truly, truly appreciate it. – moms

  72. Hahaha. There’s definitely a lot of truth here. My blog’s a bit small time still, so instead of happening over 31 minutes, it takes place over the course of a whole day. I mean, I even use the WordPress app in my phone to keep track of visits and everything.

    1. oh, joe, as a fellow wordpress app user – i have it installed on my 4g – i feel your pain. and yes, i could expand that list to take place over a full day, but i fear my family would have me hospitalized. lol. thanks for stopping by here and i hope to see you again. – mother

  73. Lol super funnyyy! I literally just started my blog like 2 weeks ago and it totally takes over my life. Unfortunately, I get like 40 hits a day if I’m lucky. Read my blog if you get a chance and let me know what you think! share if you like it ;-)

    1. so glad to hear that. life is too hard and i’m glad this brightened your day. your congrats are much appreciated over here, i can assure you. hope to see you again soon. – mother

    1. jackie, jacqueline, jax – can i call you jax? thank you for saying so. you have even used the illusive ‘voice’ term, which leaves me humbled. so, i am grateful and you have relieved me of my suckage-anxiety…at least for the next moment or two. lol. – mother

  74. Dude I hear you. Blogging will make you completely insane. I have decided that I cannot pinpoint what interests people – so far no rhyme or reason. Maybe I should write about my mom. Or your mom. Whichever.

    1. never underestimate the power of mom exploitation for blog writing. it works! lol. thanks for stopping by here. great name btw, as it is mine, as well. ;) – mother

    1. and thank you for that rhyme, dearest radical. not enough people rhyme in the comments section. it is wonderful and has brought a smile to my face that you have done so. and i second that thank goodness for wordpress line too. hugs and kisses, mother.

  75. Min 10: Hi, you have a new reader from the Netherlands. Very close to Polynesia and Sweden. One original thought /minute?! I had one 30 years ago and I`m still waiting for the next one. Nice post.
    That is Nice in France.

    1. lol. we here at sweet mother and by we, i mean I, love the netherlands. so, welcome. yes, they come slowly for me, those original thoughts, but as long as they come…and my guess is you have more of them than you give yourself credit for. much like your very original comment. ;) – mother

  76. As someone who isn’t going to get on Freshly Pressed ever and averages 2-3 likes A WEEK, the fact that you get a like in the first minute of a post makes me jealous.

    1. ah, jealousy…one of the many signs of blogging psychosis. first you want more likes, then you want larger graphs, then you want reblogs, then you lose your job, and your car, and your family asks you to stop… careful what you wish for. lol. seriously, if it can happen to me, it could happen to you…

    2. HAHA! Right?! Blogging times are hard times! I read this and thought, “10 likes?!” and then I mentally went through all of the thoughts on the list. lol So true.

      1. so glad you liked it, cb. we are all a bit nutty in cyberland. best to throw open the windows sometimes and say, ‘it’s just a blog’. wait, did i just say that? i take it back. i didn’t really mean it. thanks for coming by here. :) – mother

    1. i bet your liked by more people than that. i like you just from your comment, so there. oh, it takes so little – one post for me and i was HOOKED. there will be no stopping you now. :) – mother

  77. Very humorously inspired because many blogger tend to think that. We may social networking our button off to only receive less than 10 responses. A nice way to explain the blogger mind within 30 mins.
    May God bless you my friend!

  78. Reblogged this on freechick and commented:
    Love it, though I have to say I’d love to have as wide a demographic and as many views as yours! But it is funny how addictive it can be to look at who, if anyone, has read what you’ve posted :)

    1. thank you, for the reblog, freechick. i suppose i had those views in the beginning because i have a decent facebook and twitter following from the whole comedy thing i’ve done for years before i got into this blogging thing. that helped, for sure. though, the comics i know all had in the thousands when it came to website views, so i felt like a loser. it never ends. the self-judgement never ends. best to pretend the numbers aren’t there. that’s mainly impossible though. – mother

  79. Funny stuff… I don’t take it all too seriously, I rarely get comments and super jazzed if I reach 100 hits in a day. But you see… I am sick,writing for me is like crack… If I don’t write, I may lose my mind.

    And I have a “niche” I write about motorcycles and the love of the ride.

    Congrats of being Pressed. I guess those numbers are looking good today.

    1. it sounds like you are winning the blogging battle then, iedaria. writing is also like crack for me. i do it EVERYDAY and more than anything else. i’m determined to do it. it’s like a disease. honestly, thank you for stopping by here and as soon as i can uncurl my fingers from the keyborad, i’ll check out your blog. i mean, who doesn’t like a nice hog from time to time? you say that in the motorcycle world, right? ugh, i’m such a dork. – mother

    1. careful, you’ll be writing a post on my post if you let your brain go there… lol. seriously, we all feel the same way. you are NOT alone. keep the faith. – mother

  80. I love it! This is exactly how I feel every time I publish a post. I feel like it’s a pretty good post, then I get barely any views at all, probably because the title sucks, or the post just sucks. Or my publicize isn’t working. Or whatever other reasons I can come up with. :) Although I probably don’t blog enough, not on a particular schedule. :)

    Great post! Congrats on Freshly Pressed!

    1. thank you, samantha. it’s nice to know we’re not alone, huh? i think we – of the blogosphere – share a brain on this one or something. thank you for the kind words. – mother

  81. HA! I was laughing really hard at this. This is so true for many of us I think. And now that you’ve become freshly pressed it is going to become worse. I think we become snobs about our stats and get really pissed when the page views drop from 10,000 a day.

    1. oh. dear. god. is that what awaits me. i do NOT want to be the first blogger to have a susan boyle moment and be rushed to the hospital for stats under 10,000 – jesus christ, what have i done? lol. i’m glad you liked it, bettie. seriously.
      – mother

  82. Hey! I really liked this article. I was just messing around looking for blogs to read, and this actually made the top page or something. I don’t even remember now.
    Anyways. I don’t know how into music you are, but I’m trying to get a crowd for my music blog, so check it out please or maybe tell someone about it! I have…2 followers.
    I’m going to look around the rest of your blog now!
    XoXo Radium Rollercoaster

    1. glad you liked it, radium. and as soon as i can uncurl my cramping fingers from answering all these comments, i will check out your blog. lol. stay strong, my friend. the tortoise wins the race. – sweet mother

  83. Stumbled upon you on Freshly Pressed. Brilliant post as you know by the level of commenting. Stats off the charts today…Brilliant strategy. (hmmm.protesting one’s post…)

    1. yes, stats are definitely off the charts. but, i will say it was less of a strategy and more of a reality. in fact, if you look at some of the original comments, we were all joking that ‘saying you want to be freshly pressed, never gets you freshly pressed’ – i’m glad to be wrong on that one! lol. seriously, shandra, thank you for stopping by here. – mother

  84. I shall follow you! This post was absolutely hot. I loved it. I couldn’t stop laughing, because it’s like we have the same thoughts. I freak out all the time because no one reads my blog. Except for stalkers. ;)
    I’m always checking the stats. I even set WordPress to my home page in Google Chrome so that I can check it and be reminded of my failure every time I open up the internet machine.

    Well, have a lovely day :)

    1. oh, taryn, wordpress on your home page, you are a sick child, indeed. don’t worry, there’s room on the boat for you. we’re all here doing the same thing, praying someone comes by…lol. seriously, thanks for the kind words. i take a follow as the highest compliment and you have a lovely day, as well.

  85. Oh my God, I’m starting to fear that I might end up with “blogging Schizophrenia”. Haaah! The signs are everywhere already! (^_^)

    1. notice? hardly. i mean, I’M DROWNING OVER HERE. lol. happily drowning though. it’s fun. like a blog explosion…but, so nice to see my reggies, like you, wendy. it feels, i don’t know, like a beer after a busy day. :) moms

  86. Hey, after eons of agonizing we both got Freshly Pressed today… Congrats, it was well deserved. I found myself laughing out loud several times at your, and frankly, my own well-reflected and represented, neuroticism. Really enjoyed this post. You’ve a new follower in me, and I promise I won’t get kidnapped, or go and get some sort of life outside of compulsively checking My Stats. I promise.

    Keep up the good work….
    -B. Littleton

    1. B! Congrats to you as well, dear friend. i hit the follow button immediately when i saw the lovely photos on your blog. it’s nice to meet another fellow blogging-neurotic at the very least to commiserate with! lol. seriously, thanks for the follow and i look forward to reading more of your posts. – beck, i mean, MOTHER ;)

  87. Love it! Nothing brings out the self consciousness like the realization that you’ve put your work out into the world to be viewed by any putz (like me) with an internet connection. Even though I hardly use it, I treasure the “edit post” button more than anything in the world some days.

    1. oh, i so hear you. the internet is a scary and wonderful place. and yes, that ‘edit’ button has become my best friend. thanks for reading and i hope to chat with you again. – mother

    1. it seems this post was more of a public service somehow like smokey the bear. because it sounds like EVERYONE goes through this, which is nice to know…it will also stop me from seeing a psychiatrist, “oh, everyone feels that way…pheeew.” lol. thanks for stopping by here and reading and of course, thank you for the kind words. – mother

  88. Agree with every one of these, entertainingly enough — except “blogging is dead.” Could be true, but I guess it depends on your definition of blogging, though.

    Funny post. Thanks for sharing these.

    P.S. — Speaking of sharing, definitely perturbed about the ineffectiveness of “share this” buttons as well. Would be ideal if they were at the top of the page, rather than bottom. Would probably work better.

    1. thanks for the great comment, john. i don’t know what it is with those ‘share this’ buttons, but i swear getting someone to press them is akin to asking them to adopt your child. people find it to be a big responsibility somehow or they can’t be bothered. i’m not sure which. glad you liked the post. and i too, PRAY, that blogging is not dead. ;) thanks again for coming by and i hope to see you again here. – mother

  89. hahah this is hilarous!! Imagine how it is to get a comment/like every WEEK only! :) Great writing & ps I love the layout! (I always feel like mine look really narrow & then people feel like that have to scroll for AGES to read them and then maybe they won’t bother??)

  90. Well, now you’re Freshly Pressed, so congratulations! The exact same thoughts go through my head, in pretty much the same order…but I’m pretty sure your blog is more interesting than mine. Now I just need to find my niche, right?

    1. yes, it’s all about the nice. though i still have no idea what mine is. lol. seriously, it’s got to be fun. if it ain’t fun, why bother. anyway, thanks on the congrat and for coming by here. hope to see you again – mother

    1. lol. it was just freshly pressed today. so, i’m just sifting through the whirlwind now. wish i was in your stroller, i may have to be whisked away from my laptop…aaarrrhhh, i mean YAAAAAY. it is pretty fun, actually.

  91. I feel like this describes the way I feel every single time right after I publish a post. And I update my blog weekly, if that! I don’t get many comments but the ones I do definitely make me feel awesome that some people are reading my blog. :D It totally makes my day.

    1. i totally understand what you mean. today, for once, i feel like a superstar. ;) seriously, thanks for coming by here, amelie, and for saying those very true things. – mother

  92. Oh my freakin’ God, that was the funniest thing I have seen today. You just basically described my life. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone.This really isn’t sufficient, but what else is there to say? AWESOME.

  93. I’m just starting my blog, and am enjoying the more experienced (and often much younger) blogger’s posts. this one really made me smile – I’m looking forward to retiring at the end of next week so I can start doing regular posts and worrying about stats!
    Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed – and thanks for giving me a giggle this evening!

    1. aw, shucks, it’s my pleasure. and your blog sounds interesting. i promise to check it out as soon as i can uncurl my fingers from all the commenting back and forth. lol. and congrats to you, on the retirement! that’s huge! – mother

  94. Honey, judging by the comments and likes, you were off by a mile… come to my blog and see the vast ocean of commentlessness, and I’ll show you what a blog looks like that has sucked for about a year and a half :P Funny blog btw.

    1. as soon as i can uncurl my fingers, james, i will visit your blog and leave you a comment. this mother promises, as we all deserve blog love. seriously, thank you for the kind words and the funny comment. – mother

  95. Awesome. Throughout the many different blogs I’ve written over the years, this is almost exactly, obviously with my own personal flare, what goes through my mind. Great job getting it down in words!

  96. Oh how true it is. In fact, I check my stats about every 2.7 minutes before I go to bed. I eat, check stats. I do the dishes, check the stats. I brush my teeth, check the stats. Tell my wife I am coming to bed, but instead check the stats. Go to bed and give my wife a kiss, but decide I better check the stats again, just in case someone decided to look at it in that 10 seconds it took me to climb in bed and kiss my wife. It’s an obsession really.

    Thanks for creating the words for it.

    1. that is so funny, chad. we’re all nuts. thanks for making me chuckle. stay strong. it must dissipate after a while, the blogging crazy. i don’t know. :) – mother

  97. WOW! So glad you made freshly pressed so I have another amazing blogger to envy..errr..follow! Laughed and found myself in every minute. Minute 26 goes like this: “Waiting on the little orange button to appear again and light my life like a Christmas tree.” Sad, I know. There is therapy, I think.
    Looking forward to following and finding some inspiration from a talented and successful blogger. Thanks!

  98. OK, really relieved I commented before you became famous and everything because now you’re gonna have to watch your back. You’ll be all like, “Do they love me for ME or do they love me for my newly minted Freshly Pressed fame?”

    You know who has your back Sweet Mother.

    Well done, so deserved, and overdue!

    I’m SO SO SO happy for you!

  99. Wow! This was hilarious, but I’m not gonna lie, as someone who is just starting out, and has just barely double digit followers, and you have thousands, it’s a little bit harder to empathize. However, I have the same dialogue with myself now, and i’m sure if I ever got to as many followers as you, I would still keep up that funny yet neurotic dialogue. Don’t worry, everybody loves you and your blog. You don’t need the Westboro Baptist Church: ) Maybe I do haha!!! You just got yourself another follower as well: )

    1. nina, i am ALSO just starting at this. so, stay strong. i only had around 140 something hard-won followers as of this morning. if you’re seeing thousands of followers for me, that’s because it integrates my fb numbers and there i do have a lot of ‘friends’, but that’s because of my comedy career that i worked at for years. so, keep doing what you’re doing. and NONE of us need the westboro baptist church – those a-holes!!! lol. but, honestly, thank you for following. i take that as the highest compliment and i will try and do my best not to disappoint you. all the best, mother

  100. I totally understand some of this! I write a blog where I’m asking for people’s thoughts about an app I’m writing, and I go crazy when I don’t see people viewing it because, well, I’m craving feedback. So, I get where you’re coming from!

    1. oh, drummer boy, it’s a hamster wheel, i tell ya. i can’t even imagine what goes into creating an app…though i love them, i can barely make a hyperlink. ay yay yay. such is my life. thank you for commenting here. – mother

    1. here’s what i’m saying next, ‘i will never have a million dollars’…and then… well, we’ll have to wait and see. pls, god. pulease. lol. anyway, ashely, thank you for stopping by here. – mother

  101. As a new blogger, I think about half of what you had on here (okay, maybe more than half but shhhhh!). I love this post! Thanks for reminding me that I’m not completely neurotic and alone with my thoughts lol

    I shared this on my fb because it’s awesome! I am now a new cult follower!

    cheers

    1. leena, welcome to the cult! your matching nike sneakers will be arriving in the mail in a few days… seriously, thank you for the kind words. momma is humbled. momma is bowing – virtually speaking – like a geisha girl. hope to see you here again soon. – mother

      1. The pleasure is all mine. Will be sure to keep you posted when I decide to blog in the nude or partially…. will let you know how it goes… you just may be on to something ;)

  102. Reblogged this on and commented:
    This post by SweetMother is simply hilarious!! I’m sure many, MANY bloggers have felt this way after publishing a post. I know while I read this I could certainly relate. What I really appreciated however was the neurotic dialogue she had with herself. One, it was very comical. Two, it made me realize how funny my own thought process is daily and how ridiculous my self-criticism can be!!! Now that I’m more conscious of it, I’m going to try and AT LEAST make my self-talk (often critical self-talk) much more comical. We all need to laugh at ourselves sometimes. Better yet, daily! If we laugh more, especially at ourselves, perhaps life will suddenly become less “why so serious?” and a lot more……….See photos : )

    1. oh my god, nina. thank you for reblogging. you are a new friend. what you just said was so insightful and so true, i’m with you. our self – talk does NOT need to be this brutal!! but, we do need to laugh at ourselves. anyway, i’m so glad you said the things that you did and i hope to see you again here. – mother

      1. You are most welcome!!! Please check out my blog if you get a chance as well. I would really appreciate it: )

        http://www.withanopenheart.org

        Also, If you have any advice for a new blogger I would love the extra help! You have soo many followers already, and If I’m right, you only started this blog a few months back. You’re doing exceptionally well!!

        Best,

        Nina

  103. Ok, you’ve been freshly pressed suffer from some kind of garden variety neurosis which most of us have and hopefully delight in laughing about your mind loop as much as we do when reading it. Maybe you can accelerate the anxiety to 15 or 20 minutes post-blog now. Just try it – you’ll gain an extra ten minutes to you day! Great post and new follower..

    1. marti, we are all suffering from this disease. it’s like polio in the 1890’s or whenever the hell that happened. anyway, thank you for stopping by here. momma appreciates it!

    1. any diversion is a good diversion to allow the stat gods to grow something. you made the right choice. lol. and i FEEL your pain. for reals. thanks for reading. – mother

  104. I normally don’t comment on blogs that suck. Thankfully, after reading your blog post my tradition conitinues. Nice Job.

    Congrats on being Freshly Sucked…ooops, my bad. I mean congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

    Mr. Bricks

  105. Gold! I love this – thanks! I was going to send this reply one word at a time so you had more comments to pop up and more orange numbers to get excited about but thought you probably have enough :)

  106. Very funny post! Thanks for the laugh. The trepidation between minutes 19 through 22 is unnerving. For comfort, I shove a bunch of Little Debbie Zebra cakes in my mouth. I call it Lil’ Debbie-ing it.

    1. ok, you’re seriously in the running for ‘best comment’. an award that will gain you nothing, but is an award none the less. i mean, little debbie-ing. i laughed out loud. thank YOU for that. – mother

      1. mike, i’m sure there’s a designer somewhere who’s made an icon that is the cyber-cream for that. such is the wastefulness that is all of our current lives!! lol. anyway, brilliant, comment. glad you’re following. THANK YOU. – moms

    1. jen, i will check that out, the second i uncramp my fingers from responding to all these comments! lol. but, thank you for stopping by here. momma appreciates it! oh, she so does. keeps the paranoia at bay…at least until the morning. :)

    1. thank god someone is using them. geez louise, it’s like canvassing for sarah palin getting someone to use one of those! lol. thanks for the great comment and we do, we do, indeed, care too much. ha, ha. – mother

  107. Very funny! I, too, feel dead (or dying) until I see some orange in the upper right corner of my screen. True, the number in the orange is almost exclusively a “1” or “2,” I am nevertheless quite grateful when it happens.

    1. derek, i’m no idiot. i made SURE to take that screen capture on a very high orange button moment. lol. because i can assure you, they weren’t always that high of a number. and my sad little heart would light up with a ‘1’ or a ‘2’. this i know. thank you for the kind words…we all die a little bit everyday, as we blog…lol. – mother

  108. Ha ha ha, I really laughed when I read this because I got through the same train of thought everytime. If I see a brief uptick in a certain old post,I start thinking I should churn out more to get more readers.

    If I post more often, it doesn’t necessarily garner more reads/likes either. Quality does matter, that’s for sure.

    Congrats on Freshly Pressed. As a fellow recipient (2 weeks ago), I can tell you the withdrawal is a worthy blog subject in and of itself. ;)
    :D

    1. oh, lawd, doug. i am not looking forward to that!!! lol. i have been warned by you and other fp’ers that the coming down is deadly…lol. but, thank you for the congrats. and i’m sure i’ll be doing a requisite, ‘what f.p. did to me…’ post. lol. – moms

  109. No, your post did not suck today. In fact it was very funny, all the way until I got to the morose code bit and then I laughed out loud.

    I am reading it while I am ‘helping’ the kids with their homework, so in my mind immediately morose code became a sulky child with the morse code book in hand grumpily clicking out a message.

    Thank you for the laugh, it helped me to better deal with my morose speller and morose reader….

    By the way, I would love my orange button to say more than a maximum of 2, maybe I should just never click on it and let it build up to a decent level!

    1. thank YOU for catching the morose code line. not everyone did. and i have always felt that morose code is just SO much sadder than morse code. lol. so, SO much sadder. :) glad it made you laugh and thank you for commenting here. all the best, mother

  110. Min 26 is particularly relevant to me. I’m glad to know that it’s not just me who takes stats as an affirmation of my identity as a person, a human being. Also, I get an average of maybe 2-3 likes a post (one of them coming from one of my best friends), for which I’m EXTREMELY grateful. Your 10 likes, for me, would just cause my head to explode from a combination of happiness and ego.

    Congratulations on getting freshly pressed!:)

    1. i hadn’t realized those stats were halfway decent until everyone told me to shutup for saying so!! lol. anyway, we all feel the same, patch, as this post has not hit a nerve, but exploded an artery. thank you for reading it and commenting. i am humbled and grateful. – mother

    1. thanks for the reblog, didilta. i really appreciate it and if you ever need your blog to grow in the U.S., even by 1, only say the word and i’ll hope over there. :) hugs, mother

  111. Great post, I know exactly how you feel the minutes and hours following a post drive me insane, although I’m already insane, it usually takes me to a new level of paranoia and anxiety.

    I definitely will follow your blog and I look forward to reading more of your posts.

    Dave.

    1. thank you, dave. i take a follow as the highest compliment one blogger can pay to another. we’re all a little bit insane on here, so it’s nice to know i’m not alone. all the best, mother

  112. “Did my post suck today? It’s been a minute and there is only one “like”. Maybe it sucked.”

    Haha!! I’m lucky if I EVER get even 1 like on my posts :) as funny as this post is (and its incredibly funny!!) I can’t relate at all, I mostly just write what I want and get excited when (if) anyone “likes” or comments on it but don’t stress to much about, then again, the only things I really stress about are life and death situations, and family reunions (though it’s possible they’re the same thing)

    1. you have to write what YOU want. and that whole family renunion/ life and death situation thing…i smell fodder for a new post. it made me chuckle. thanks for swinging by here and commenting. i’m truly grateful. – mother

  113. Hilarious! My thoughts exactly but it’s so much worse when you just start out in the blogging world. It’s totally spirit crushing!

    1. i hear you. i’m only two months in!! but, keep your spirits up…’cause look what can happen. you get what you want, even when you mock it mercilessly. hugs, mother

    1. mind! i relish in it. thank you, grey cat. i don’t always like cats, but i’m going to make a willing exception in your case. :) honestly, thank you for coming by here and following. i truly appreciate it. – madre

  114. Look! You got freshly pressed! And deservedly, this is funny stuff! I have definitely had similar thoughts. :)

  115. I just thought you read my mind before writing this post. Excellent post. I hope this is what going through every blogger’s mind while posting something new.
    This post deserves to be in this freshly pressed list. Congrats on being getting freshly pressed. :)

    1. bribery and begging doesn’t work. i tried it. but, stephen, you had me at “cornswoggled” so you must be doing something right. lol. and thank you for the congrats. it is much appreciated over here. big hug – sweet mother

      1. You’re very welcome. I awoke this morning, having sad yes to email me when someone comments, to some 400 comments on your blog. Egads! You must be busy over there. Being Freshly pressed must be something of a curate’s egg lol. Anyhow, well done again, and I am following you now, as, I am a sure, are many others, so good luck with the writing.