motherandchild

They Call Me, Sweet Mother

So, it is the day after one of my posts was beautifully “freshly pressed” by the wonderful, magical, fairies at wordress.com.  Most people after experiencing such an event, which can only be compared to a ‘blog explosion’ of sorts, tend to write the requisite “Day After I Was Freshly Pressed” post.  This involves lots of numbers and screen captures of graphs and proclamations of gratitude, and introspective inquiries as to how in the hell this all happened in the first place.  What’s interesting is that no one talks about the physical changes that happen.  Yesterday, my Wifesy came home to a Sweet Mother deep in the throes of the mid-afternoon-sweats.  This is something that only happens to individuals who have a thyroid condition and to those who have been recently “freshly pressed”.  There is also the overnight arthritis that occurs along with the instantaneous carpal tunnel due to excessive comment answering.  My hygiene has suffered and my dog thinks I’m an a**hole.  So, there you have it.  Be careful what you wish for.

 

"Freshly Pressed" hands. Yikes and ouch.

 

Now, I’m going to give you a touch of those “here are my statistics” statements.  (Let’s see, views yesterday – 15,927.  Views today so far 6,000+.)  Lest you think I am some kind of non-feeling android who doesn’t care about that stuff.  I realize there’s a touch of arrogance and I’m in danger of becoming a ridiculous braggart with all of these stats references and the genuflecting and the geisha-girl-like bowing.  But, then again, I have known all along that my blog would achieve some level of arrogance because they all do and I have written about it here.  It will happen to you too.  In the blogging world, these things are inevitable like death and taxes.  (To entice you to read more than 1 post…yes, I had the required tattoo burned into my flesh this morning.  Now, if I can only stop it from bleeding.)  Oh, I do, unfortunately, I really, really do care about all of this nonsense.  JUST LIKE YOU DO.  But, mostly I’d like to tell you a little bit about who I am.  Some of you – I am hoping – are new here.  I say ‘some’ because I do know that the great majority of people who read my fp’d post will never read anything here ever again.  They are the drive-byers and I get it, they have their own mountains to conquer.  However, being a comedian for so long has taught me to NEVER take your audience for granted.  So, hopefully this post will act as a nice introduction to me and all things regarding this blog.  Honestly, I am grateful to have eyes here at all.  So, thank you and let’s get down to it.

 

Why do you call yourself “Sweet Mother”?
Well, the reasons are two fold.  “Sweet Mother of God” is an expression I used to always say in a very, over-the-top, dramatic, American, fashion, in regards to things that really shouldn’t have required such a deep level of reaction at all.  What I mean is, “Sweet Mother of God” should be said during an earthquake when you are standing in front of a wall that is about to fall on your head, not when you’re at the coffee shop and the baristas have replaced your soy milk with heavy cream.  The latter is when I most commonly used it.  I say “dramatic AMERICAN fashion” because Americans are overly dramatic.  I read a fascinating article once that talked about human communication styles.  It said that North Americans tend to be more emotional when they are expressing things.  For example, when you are speaking to a North American they want to know how you FEEL about what they are saying.  They want you to express this feeling in your response.  This has developed in our culture because we are closer to Latin America and have therefore, co-opted their communication style.  The British, though, communicate differently.  The article went on to say this is because Britain is closer to Asia and Asian cultures have their focus when communicating on LISTENING.  Fascinating, eh?  (That was for the Canadians.)  After living in Britain for several years, this rang very true to me, as I always felt like I was trying to tap dance faster and faster for my British friends while storytelling and the faster I tapped, the harder they tried to listen.  “Two nations separated by the same language,” INDEED.

 

The second reason I refer to myself as “Mother” is because other people have always done so.  This phenomenon was a natural occurrence due to my personality.  Literally, years ago, when I used to bartend – the other waiters would call out, “Momma, I need two strawberry daiquiris and a margarita STAT.”  Momma, me, would make them their drinks and give them a hug if they were ever stiffed on a table and needed a shoulder to cry on.  It’s just my nature.  I was born to stick up for the little guy, nurture, fight for what’s right, and love.  It’s also important to note that although I am not black, most of my friends will tell you – I am a strong, black, woman inside – much like Kathy Griffin.  I don’t know why that is.  But, then again tell me how in the hell Adele and Dusty Springfield sing like that while also being completely deficient in melanoma and I think you’ll have your answer.  Momma’s got soul.

 

We are all mothers in some ways.

 

You don’t have kids (yet) so why do you talk about parenting?
Well, that’s NOT the only thing I talk about on here.  I also talk about celebrities and blogging and yes, about family.  I do that because EVERYONE has some kind of family and we can all relate.  I also do it because I enjoy it.  I may reference my ‘future gayby’ excessively.  In my world, a gayby is a baby made by two gay people (usually with the help of science) and a straightby is a baby made by two straight people (usually with the help of tequila).  I started talking about my future gayby because I’m in my late 30’s and QUICKLY approaching 40.  It seems to me that I’d like to leave something more in this world when I’m gone than bad credit card debt.  So, I’ve been thinking about making a gayby of my own.  Consequently, due to my mother-like, mother-ish qualities, I’m a passionate advice giver.  Some of that advice might be spot on, some of it might be ridiculous – almost all of it will be dispensed for your amusement and maybe one day for gayby’s when he or she is old enough to drive and annoy the hell out of me.

 

Are you a dude?
No, I am not a dude.  I am all woman.  In fact, I am recognizable as a woman, even from the back or so I’ve been told by construction workers on the streets of New York.  (New York is where I was born and raised, I will probably reference it a lot.  Although I do not live there now.)  I believe there was some confusion after my fp’d post as to whether or not I was a dangler due to my reference to Wifesy.  We are two gay broads.  One a veterinarian (Wifesy) – the other a writer (Sweet Mother).  We did not always know we were gay.  I say this in case for some ungodly, Westboro Baptist Church-like reason, you think you can’t relate.  It’s important that you know, for me, sexuality lies on a continuum.  Straight at one end, gay at the other.  For straight men – the grey area of bisexuality consists of prison.  For straight women – the grey area of bisexuality consists of three martinis.  I do not have a homosexual agenda, though – honestly – I am thinking about writing one.  I love humanity above all.  I hate a-holes without exception.  Most of what I say is tongue and cheek.  When it’s not, you will know it.

 

So, that’s me.  I am humbled and I love it here.  I also love to write.  If you are a writer, trying to write, or thinking about writing – we are kindred spirits.  Please, in the comments section, tell me all about you.  I’m all ears.

 

With love,

Sweet Mother

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” button at the top of this blog.

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You might also like:

For writers:  How I Can Help You

For bloggers of all kinds:  My Web MD-ish Guide to Blog Fatigue Syndrome

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Photo credits:  hands, motherandchild

142 thoughts on “They Call Me, Sweet Mother

    1. you, sweet, cristy can say whichever you like – gaybys or gaybies, your choice. yes, my email acct has taken a poo. i am an utter idiot for sending all those comments to my regular email. normally not a problem, but after fp-ness, a disaster! lol. thanks for coming by here… – moms

  1. If that’s what hands look like after a freshly pressing, I’m glad I never had that happen to me. That’s for damn sure! But congratulations again. I think your post was in the 0.1% of freshly pressed posts that were actually worth reading. I don’t know what the editors were thinking.

    1. rob, from you, i sincerely take that as a very high compliment as i think you are really very funny. i know, it’s like the editors let me and my sarcastic ass slip through! lol. but, i’m very glad they did.

      1. You’re welcome. You deserve it. But I’ve made peace with my never being FP’ed while still on WordPress.com by creating my own featured section on my new site called “Freshly Depressed”.

    1. oh, ems. thank you. yep, i agonized over that ‘day after’ post. so, thank you for saying so. looking forward to the calming down of things too…so i can head over to your blog and others. xo – moms

    1. oh dear god, clowny, i wish i lived in montreal and you and sara could have me over for drinks and a talk-down session. i’m like a nutball over here. glad to meet you again here too. i swear my reggies are like a life raft for my psychosis.

      1. The door is always unlocked. It’s Canada, after all. And yes, Eric is sober so I need someone to drink with AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Or after you catch up with you bajillion new fans. So like, 16 years from now.
        And thanks for the “eh” up there in that writey part. Brought a tear to this Canuck’s eye.

  2. I am impressed that you attempted to keep up! After trying to read 3 freshly pressed at the beginning of my blogging journey, and found 4 spelling errors,and content that made me sleep, I gave up, until yesterday, I was happy that yours, which I love reading, got the readership it so deserves!!!

    1. travel lady, you are such a wonderful addition to have here. i can not even tell you. everyday i enjoy chatting with you. so thank YOU. and i promise to get to your blog more, once things calm down a bit. much love, mother

  3. Well Miss Mother I am anew tagalong herew, not a drive by.. and geesh those stats.. I do believe would have rightly busted out laughing..
    Seriously, love your spirit and writing..the world needs lights such as yours..
    Lynne

    1. lynne, thank you for making my heart smile. ok, where’s oprah? that was such an oprah-ish thing to say so i’m waiting for her to appear over my shoulder. but, seriously. thank you for one of the kindest compliments i have received on here. i am humbled and grateful. – me

    1. so important. lol. you could get ‘decently ironed’ very easily…i’m just saying. hit the sidebar to read more. either way, thank you for stopping by here, maggie. momma REALLY appreciates it. – me

    1. alright, i’m going to say it, lydia, “you are the wind beneath my wings” today!! and i can’t help, but respond. you see, I HAVE A PROBLEM. lol. anyway, you have some posts over at your site that I’m REALLY looking forward to reading. so, thank you for stopping by here and saying such nice things…and giving me an out for responding…but, right now, i can’t help myself. it’s a DISEASE. ay yay yay.

  4. I admit I did find you freshly-pressed because when I log out of my blog, that Mother of all pages, the few, the proud, the best of the best displays itself — Freshly Pressed! That page where you hope, hope, hope your blog will show up one day.

    One usually scans through a few thinking (now why did she/he get pressed and my inspirational, spectacular, soulful, angst-ridded prose did not?) and I explore the ones that seem to speak to my above-referenced soul. Yours did, for your wit, wisdom, truth and the fact that you put yourself out there — boldly and bravely.

    Those of us (me) who are new to this are timid to reveal much, lest someone take offense, so we start slow and build, writing little snippets that may entertain or inspire and wait for those comments or “likes” to appear. It’s thrilling when they do and devastating when they do not (you’re right Americans are overly-dramatic, especially Southerns, which I am and now live near NYC) but so are writers, which I am. I freelance and have a novel-in-progress (my NIP) which I attack voraciously one day and then abandon for a few days, for whatever reason — cloudy, depressing day and my muse — (who is small, male and elf-like lately) doesn’t show up or I have to go to the gym – arghh! or self-doubt creeps in and I berate myself for even trying.

    But, I am loyal and do as one of your blogs recommends — pay it forward, comment and follow fellow kind, insightful bloggers as they follow me. I’m not sure how some of my followers have found me, but they have and all seem to be kind, decent kindred spirits.

    But I drone on too much for comments (because I take things literally) when you said tell me about yourself, I’ve done so — just a bit — and hope that you take my comments for what they are intended. A congrats for a great blog and being part of that elite group that all bloggers (newbies such as myself included) hope to be one day, a thank-you for some true laugh-out-loud moments and a heartfelt “hope your tired hands get better” so that we can read more.

    1. oh, brigitte, you are such a welcome addition to the ‘reggies’ department here. and i promise you, as soon as the swelling on my hands dies down, i will check out your blog. lol. we are such overly dramatic, us yankees – and i realize that you are not a yankee, being a southerner – but, the funny thing is non-americans call us all yankees, not realizing that here yankees are predominately those from the northeast. oh, the ridiculousness that labels create. anyway, i am truly grateful that you are here. welcome, new friend. welcome.

  5. Your Freshly Pressed post made me follow you this morning, but I didn’t have the chance to read any of your other posts after that. When I looked at the “blogs I follow” I noticed you had another post so I clicked the link. I just wanted to say that I think it’s a wonderful idea to write a post like this about yourself as your next post after being Freshly Pressed because of all the new followers you get. (And, if it makes you feel better, I’m a really new blogger and I have yet to hit 100 visits in a day!) ;)

    1. thank you for saying so, danielle. i agonized over that ‘day after’ post, so i appreciate your kind words. keep the faith, danielle and come here when you need support. we’re all going through the same bs. i can assure you of that! – mother

    2. SweetMother, I agree with Danielle. I loved this post and finding out more about you – in a condensed version. (I have 3 kids pulling on me at all times, so time is precious.) And your reference to Kathy Griffin, who is tiny, teeny, a sliver of an almond, just tells me that I’d like to row in your boat with you any time. :) Keep posting and I’ll keep reading. Congrats!

      1. thank you, winn. you are an angel in my commenting section. sincerely, don’t think i don’t recognize that because i do, I DO. thank you for stopping by here and giving me even a little bit of your precious time. i don’t take that lightly and i will do my best not to disappoint you. much love, mother

    1. i know i’m such a bitch. but, what can i do. lol. own it i suppose, like tabatha coffee says, bitch stands for – brave, intelligent, tenacious, creative, honest. so, i guess it takes one to know one. ;) statistics, though, they seriously make everyone an a-hole. lol. love you, jen, LOVE. – moms

  6. Oh, momma, too funny! You deserved every single one of those page views and I loved this post as well .. you had me snorting my soda into abused sinus passages from all this pollen with “For straight women – the grey area of bisexuality consists of three martinis.”

    Best wishes… GC

  7. I knew you when…you were just a mere blogger like the rest of us..
    Seems just like yesterday, eh?

    Congrats Mother…I was so damn happy when I saw you on the front page that I almost pissed myself…almost.

    You deserve it. Just don’t forget about the little people as you hit super stardom. :-)

    1. never. you guys feed me, everyday. as i check in with you and procrastinate the necessary work of my book proposal. ay yay yay. seriously, thank you, wendy. momma loves you!!! – me

  8. Since I’ve never been Freshly Pressed but I’ve imagined what my reaction would be, I’m wondering what you did when you found out.
    In my head I think I would start cackling maniacally and be confined to my house because my phone doesn’t hold a charge long enough to keep checking my email and stats every 5 minutes.

    Congrats!

    1. honestly, i broke out into the sweats. like a pre-menopausal kangaroo. they sweat, don’t they? then i started typing. that was it really. then wifesy took me out for margaritas. she’s such a solid one, that girl. as are you, lovely, adrienne. xo – moms

  9. Congrats again! You deserve being FP. One of the best things about it is all those wonderful comments people leave–aren’t they wonderful? You will attract many new readers and keep your old faithful. Happy, happy blogging!

    1. you know, i’m honestly surprised by the genuine warmth of people on here. i’ve done things on the internet before and people can be real d*cks, so it’s nice that the wordpress community – at least somewhat – seems to factor out the d*ckwads. or maybe it’s what i’m writing, i have no idea. but, it’s nice. and carrie, i’m very VERY grateful for my reggies, like you. so, thank you. xo, moms

  10. Congratulations on being Freshly Pressed — your post was hilarious. I also enjoyed your “movie review,” though I did as you suggested and skimmed the part about The Descendants (do want to see that some day). I wasn’t sure what to comment on, but I wanted to leave a comment because A) your posts are very entertaining and B) your reply comments are so nice I wanted one myself! You are right — there is a lot of blogging support here in the WordPress community. Best wishes on your new job at ICN!

    1. i have a new job at ICN?! Why has no one told me? does that stand for intergalactic-crazy-nut? oh, you mean the itsconceivablenow.com thingy. yes, they are wonderful and i am happy to be there. you, sweet, melissa – THANK YOU for the congrats and ultra-kind comments. do see the descendants. it’s a fantastic movie, but maybe rent it at home, so local, f*ckabouts don’t ruin it for you. consider this your sincerely meant, nice comment. i’m really glad you stopped by here and i really hope we get to chat again. hugs, mother

  11. Tell you about myself?!

    I’ve been telling about myself to MY “Mom” and three other obviously lost people on my blog for months. Apparently I am not as compelling as I had imagined. It was a great imagining, too. There was music, and ninjas, and fresh fruit as high as the sky! I’ve had to resort to…uh…embellishment and blatant fiction to double that. Now I’m kind of a big deal in my town…neighborhood……house? OK, bedroom (Hi, hon!) But the cats still think I’m an idiot, so…yeah. And no arrogance here. Not even bitterness. No, ma’am. It just means the unwashed masses don’t ‘get’ me, sensitive artist that I am.

    Hmmm, it seems I have a litterbox to clean. The cats get me, just fine.

    Congrats on WP stardom. Glad it lead me here. Good times ahead.

    A new minion

    1. dear minion, approval starts at home. and since you have that and cats, you are wealthy. now, the bloggedy-blog thing. i did not write that fp’d post in a moment of high confidence, i can assure you. at the time, i only had about 100 followers. about 100 followers after 16 years doing stand up comedy. when, seriously, i would’ve made a decent lawyer. so, i see your complaint and raise you an ultra-sensitive artist who should’ve been a lawyer. seriously, you have come to the right place. and i can assure you i will visit your blog as soon as things calm down here. so, your views will grow, your graph will increase and all without viagra. you are a blessed, fellow, indeed. i ‘get’ you. or at least i get this comment. if we were blue creatures from that ridiculously long cgi’d film, ‘avatar’, i’d be saying, ‘i see you’. so, consider yourself seen. momma is glad you’re here. – me

  12. How did I miss this?? While I was off gloating about my measly 20,000; you were getting FP’ed and bringing in 16,000! Way. To. Go Mama! YOU so deserve this, and I’m sooo impressed. I don’t read the FPs every day, anymore, so I missed the big one… or, I miss that it was noticed. I was way too busy putting my decently ironed up! ;-) Nice job and big, fat congratulations!

      1. the ‘did my post suck today’ post. lawd, it was crazy. 500 or something comments…still trickling in. fun, but craaaazy. still, like a neurotic loser, i hope it happens AGAIN. ;) momma

    1. it was crazy, second mother, simply crazy. i don’t know how you dealt with it. the spike in traffic is nuts. it’s like the wordpress version of being on conan or something. anyway, a fun kind of crazy and i’m still enjoying the overflow today. thank you, dear friend, thank you. – me

    1. thanks for checking in, jm. momma is okay. what i need to do is stop looking at the comments and do some other writing. ay yay yay. lol. yes to the fave cold beverage. heading to the fridge now. :) – moms

  13. I tried, really tried, to comment yesterday when I Found You on Freshly Pressed. My paw hit the follow button immediately and at least THAT worked. Woo hoo, basically. Love you! Carry on…..

    1. boozilla, THANK YOU. a follow i do not take lightly. it’s even better than a comment. thank you and thank you for leaving this today with your paw. momma is grateful and profoundly happy that you chose to do so. :) – me

      1. My pleasure!! Bears need blasts of fresh air and laughs too, and even though solitary in habit, a sense of community. Lest they lose their sense of humor and their fur starts falling out, especially on the typing paw.

  14. Once again Ma, congratulations on your very well deserved fresh pressedness. You were the first follower I got on my blog and I’m very grateful for that. I know how you try to reply to all comments on your posts, so mama’s hands must be killing her. I always get a laugh out of your writing, so kudos to you again, my very funny friend.

    1. thank you, bill. from someone equally funny, i’m always humbled when you say so. i’m sure this will all die down soon and i’ll go back to lamenting and bitching about my lack of a job and my dying spirit, but at the moment i’m basking in the glow of a little internet kindness. it’s a beautiful thing. hugs, momma.

  15. Kids will annoy you WELL before they can drive :P

    While I’m not the same sort of writer, I like food. So I write about food: cooking it, shopping for it, protesting it (in my passive Canadian way), eating it in restaurants. Throw in cute pictures of the kids and dog, you have my blog, midnitechef. I started when our second baby came along, the only alone-mommy-time I had was at night after the last feeding and before sunrise. So I took time to cook real food or bake goodies late at night, thus the “midnite” part. A true chef, I am not, but I want to obtain this title before I die.

    1. that sounds awesome. i can’t wait to read it. i have actually cooked from some of the recipes off blogs on here. i’m not kidding. made all my superbowl appetizers off the suggestions one blogger gave and they were delish. so, i’ll be checking out your blog for sure. Cheers! – mom

  16. Congratulations Momma! Like it or not, it is about numbers. However, numbers don’t matter when reading your blog. If we readers didn’t like it we wouldn’t be here. So do pat yourself on the back, young lady. “almost forty….” just wait, girl!

    1. it only gets better, right? pleas say, it only gets better!! lol. thanks for saying so, scrounge. i have always enjoyed seeing you here. ride on, sweet, lady, ride on! hugs – mother

  17. I just stumbled upon your blog today (through Freshly Pressed – not through stumbleupon), and oh my goodness are you funny! I’m so glad I found you here! I will definitely be following along!

  18. Congrats on FP. Those that get it (I haven’t) complain about all the traffic, those they have yet to be recognized are envious!
    Anyway-be careful about your hands. We only get one set! I’ve had carpal tunnel surgery on both hands- advice- don’t delay. The surgery works.

    1. my hands are actually okay, albeit a bit sore. but, thank you. i’m grateful, honestly. i always wanted a readership here and hopefully now i actually have one. thank you for swinging by, cycling grandma…what an interesting blog title, i’m going to have to check you out. all the best, sweet mother

  19. Since reading your post on FP, I have gone back and read a few more posts and I have enjoyed all of them, some more than others, but mostly it makes me laugh, making a dull day more cheerful. Glad that you were FP, which gave me the opportunity to read some fun posts.

  20. If you find the secret to getting Freshly Pressed, can you let me know? I feel like I am blogging for my own amusement sometimes, which, without viewers, is not really amusing at all. It takes alot to keep writing everyday without views.
    Regardless, I think you’re pretty cool and I am following you so I can see what else you get yourself into!
    XoXo Radium Rollercoaster.

    1. i have no idea what it is. and blogging for your own amusement is really the ONLY way to blog. lord knows you’re doing all the work, might as well amuse yourself. thank you for following my chaos. it is grateful. it is full of peanut butter. i don’t know what that means, but it felt right. – SM

  21. One word – FABULOUS! I love your blog and your writing style is divinely (and yes I may have created this word a second ago) refreshing. I love that you are as subtle as a brick through a window. Congrats on being pressed (into oblivion it seems) and keep up the good work! ;-) I’ll be back…

    1. ged, there is no subtlety left in America! and in my home it’s even worse. we are constantly hitting one another over the head with frying pans like some kind of deranged cartoon for children. anyway, you had me at fabulous. thank you for coming here. – mother

    1. that accompanied the reading of this blog post? i most certainly hope so. i encourage booze and chocolate here. it’s how i grew this a**. :) anyway, thank you for coming here, crunchy. all my best, mother

  22. Grats Mum :) Tried to leave a comment yesterday but I think by then wordpress was having conniptions :(

    Your post yesterday was hilarious, as well as striking a nerve but I think this one is even better. I particularly liked the bit about language. I’m Australian and our humour is different again as we tease unmercifully…but usually only people we like.

    Now that I’ve found you I’ll be back. Cheers!

    1. thank you, new friend. i’m REALLY glad you liked this one even better. my attempt has been to actually try and keep the gazillions of fish who have accidentally swam into this net. if i only keep those with taste, like yourself, i am happy with that, as well. it’s nice to have an aussie here. however, i assure you that we new yawkers also mock without mercy, yet at the same time are quick to say feck off to things we don’t like. my wifesy will tell you living with a person born and raised in nyc is like living with a squishy pillow packed with dynamite inside and a protruding fuse. or maybe that has nothing to do with ny at all, maybe that’s just me. ;) anyway, i welcome you here. you seem HIGHLY awesome. another word we yanks greatly overuse. xo – mother

      1. lmao – another thing we aussies love is someone who doesn’t take him/herself too seriously – I think I can safely say you’d be welcome in oz any time. However one word about kangaroos hopping down main street and your visa will be revoked! For life :p

  23. I read your Freshly Pressed one, and immediately added you to my RSS reader. (How very old fashioned.) Looking forward to following! Brilliantly written stuff. As I’d expect from a writer.

    1. oh, trevor, i still don’t even know how to work my rss reader. it taunts me, i think. so, if the rss reader puts you in the caveman days then my skills put me in that stage where it was just amoebas. There was an amoebas-stage, right? oh, lawd, oh, lawd. someone help me. anyway, i’m really glad you liked it. and i DO hope you come back for more. – momma

  24. Good follow-up post :) I can only imagine how many times ‘sweet mother of god!’ was uttered during the fresh pressed day. Your stats page will now forever taunt you with the 15,000+ in the best day ever slot….

    You deserve a medal for the amount of replies you gave too. So often the FP’s reply to every comment for the first few hours then give up under the pressure of being amusing over and over and over. Yours were still worth reading to the end, good job!
    Perhaps being fresh pressed should come with a voucher for the hand surgery of your choice?

    1. oh, i need that voucher today, i need it!! yet, i know like a crack addict, i’ll eventually feel the fp’d withdrawl. so, i’m trying to actually ENJOY it while it happens. very difficult for me, but i’ve been checking in with eckart tolle and oprah for guidance and they’ve both told me to shut the feck up. anyway, thank you for the kind words… when i originally started this blog and saw the fp section, i thought, ‘if that ever happens to me, i’ll respond to every comment’. then when it happened, i thought, ‘what an utter a-hole, i am.’ and my hands cried. anyway, you are a joy. it’s nice to read you here and i hope you come back for more. – mother

  25. Incredible! Congrats! I wish upon you a million hits. I once had 22 hits in one day; three from my mom, two from my gf, and 17 from my cat, logging on from an anonymous IP address, mocking me openly. He (my cat) also totally effed up my 2011 taxes, so I had him neutered, per Bob Barker.

    1. ohhhh, i have been trying so hard to get my dog to log on from anonymous ip addresses, but she’s such a bitch! literally. anyway, thank you for stopping by here and the utterly hilarious commentary. it is much appreciated. – moms

  26. I’m one who found your blog through the FP thing, and because you are funny, I figured I’d follow you — because when your job is chasing four kids under the age of five around, you need all the humor you can get!

    1. that’s awesome, irish, thank you. and chasing four kids MUST be a lot of work. so, i hope i can give you a little bit of a reprieve from time to time. thank you for the kind words and for stopping by here. – sweet mother

  27. No drive by post-reading here! I committed, clicked the “Follow” button and shall now haunt your blog for inspiration and some good laughs I am discovering. I literally LOL’ed about your definition of Gayby vs. Straightby, and again on the woman’s sexuality continuum. While I find myself married to a great guy (almost 7 yrs), with a 2 yr old son, and one more son almost 30 weeks baked, I at a period in my life, found myself more towards the other end of that spectrum. It comes down to loving the person, right?!
    I had a poetry book published at the age of 21, but am just now getting back into writing as my hope and dream of “profession.” I’m trying to find my inner me a little more clearly as I share it with the rest of “you.”
    Looking forward to more good stuff from you. Blessings!

    1. oh, heather, we are kindred souls! in more ways than you know! thank you for stopping by here and saying a little bit about yourself. we need more people in the world who feel, ‘it’s about loving the person, right’ – because i feel that indeed – that’s EXACTLY what it’s about. anyway, i already really like you. so, i hope you come back for more. hugs and stuff – mother

    1. oh, new friend, i can assure you i am very much a princess. i actually think that my sense of humor is in direct relation to me being the owner of a vagina for my entire lifetime. i mean, think about it, men aren’t built with this attractive thing they can actually put things in and carry around – if they so choose. if women aren’t being funny, perhaps they are taking their vags to seriously. or maybe the d*cks around them are scaring the sh*t out of them. regardless, funny is a HUMAN quality – like sadness and happy – so really, anyone should be capable of it. thanks for stopping by here and adding to this very fun soiree. – mother

  28. That is what happens after being “freshly pressed”? oh my God…I feel for your hands. But congrats either way, I realised i never said it yesterday. And like a lot of people now, I did the inevitable thing and followed your blog because it is just GREAT :).

    1. thank you, dee. i take that as the highest praise and will do my best to give you a little something of me – everyday. honestly and sincerely, thank you. and welcome to my deranged, little, cyberworld. – momma

  29. I did indeed discover your blog on Freshly Pressed, and what impresses me most is how you can write something every damn day. That feat alone must be worth some kind of award. I was so freshly impressed by your blog that I added you to my blogroll (at grandmakissedasailor.com – a plug for me). Congrats!

    1. a follow AND a blogroll! grandma-judy, you are the tops, indeed. thank you for that. i don’t take it lightly and hope i don’t disappoint. honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. – sweet mother

  30. Yes, I admit. I thought you were a dude in a gay relationship not sure on whether to call yourself a dude or dudette. :/

    I admire your tongue-in-cheek comments! It’s great reading a blog filled with sarcasm – reminds me what I miss in myself after becoming consumed by the role of a mother!

    BTW my kids were not conceived after Tequila – I don’t drink alcohol much, I stopped drinking when I was 18. What? I know sounds retarded. I conceived after medical intervention and I follow a string of blogs of women who have also found the need for science to fulfill their desires for spawns.

    I wish you all the best in conceiving your gayby. The road is never always easy – but it’s also never always hard.

    I shall read more of your ‘parenting’ advice. But I promise somewhere down the line – you’re bound to change your mind on at least one of them or see that it just doesn’t work that way! We know all the answers till the babies come!

    PS. I have to agree that Tits are not for toddlers – though if my son didn’t start biting at 13months I may have changed my stance on the matter! Child 2 has no choice now!

    1. oooooh, smart woman! i hear you. all of my ‘opinions’ are the result of failing to ever ‘rent out my womb’. so, they may ALL change when and if that day comes. i loved reading your commentary and i hope you come back for more. i have one friend who said to me that pregnancy felt so amazing for her, like a drug. she felt high all the time… i can’t help feeling that’s what it much be like for mrs. duggar!!! lol. anyway, definitely different for anyone and a lot of this is just joking around. seriously, thank you for stopping by here and the great commentary. xo – SM

  31. Hello sweet mother,

    Another fascinating post…You are an exceptional writer, binding different moods in your sentences.
    Well, if you are all ears- then i would be selfish and not tell anything about me over here…. definitely not. Just visit my blog… hehe… so that I could see my stats with some ease that yes, someone visited, even though I called for it.

    1. none of us are above asking for some eyes on our work. i can assure you of that. i am NOT above that. so, i just visited your blog, read a post, and followed. how’s that for service? now go hit refresh on your stats and enjoy. ;) and thank you for the kind words on the writing. that sincerely means a lot to me. – mother

  32. 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 comments on the Blog mmmmmm silly singing. I was thinking about your hands. I worked at a fire camp one season cooking it was 7 days a week 12 hour days. My hands swelled up and the fingers looked like little sausages. My husband recomended Tiger Balm as he has had issues with his hands hurting and swelling. The Tiger Balm worked like a charm. I don’t know if you have ever tried that before places like Walmart or such stocks get the non staining the other staining stuff is orange not so good. Your right most people have a mothering part within them. :+) Congratulations on such a successful fressly Pressed Blog!

    1. starla, when i answer you, will that raise the comments to 100? i certainly hope so because i LOVE round numbers. love them. they’re like picking a hangnail for me. so, satisfying. anyway, the hands will be okay. i think. but, if they get any worse, i WILL try that tiger balm. thank you for the kind words and for stopping by here. i truly appreciate it. much love, moms

  33. Awesome! That is exactly what my left hand looked like after I finished my book last year, which is why I’ve had to go to physical therapy. I included a link to your post today on my blog. You may get some aftershocks from that if anyone actually reads today’s post….sure they will, there is a small number of great followers over there (or is it here?) See you around, and take care of that hand, you’re gonna need it!

  34. Momma, your humility is inspiring! I’m glad you’re not above responding to comments– we SHOULD be grateful!! I followed you as well, and think you nailed your follow-up post: great illustration with that picture of your hands.

    1. thanks for saying so, new friend. i REALLY appreciate that and i appreciate you liking this post. i agonized over it. seriously. welcome to the conversation. i like you already. – mother

      1. Ha, I like you too! Bloggery is tough, I agonize over it too. Let’s keep each other inspired!! You’re welcome, I’m sure I’ll be jumping in the conversation again soon.

  35. Thanks for this post. I am new here and it did help me know you a lot better and I will admit I was confused by the use of “Wifey” in the last post. I will be humbly following your blog in hopes that some of your High F’pressness will rub off on me……..I am an ambitious squirrel that way.

    1. ah, you weren’t the only one, squirrel. but, hopefully that’s all cleared up now. ;) glad to have you here and i used to wish the fp would rub off from other bloggers too….so, be CAREFUL what you wish for. :) – moms

  36. Hi sweet mother, this post its even greater! I was hoping I’d write more things about you – thats the problem being a celebrity ;-)
    I think you’re right when you say something like watch what you wish… Can I keep wanting the same thing (be FP) anyway? Seems so great to reach so many people…
    ps. sorry for the grammatical mistakes. I’m just a foreinger dog
    See ya
    Bernadette

    1. bernadette, we love foreigners around here at sweet mother, so don’t worry one bit. and i can understand you perfectly. thank you for stopping in and saying such nice things. i really appreciate it and hope to see you again here, soon. much love, mother

  37. Congrats again Sweet Mother! I can’t say I’m surprised–you are hysterically clever! Sorry I’m late to the party–I’ve been away and having an even tougher time than usual keeping up with things. But congrats all the same! You deserve it!

      1. By the way your tag line “The last words I’ll say during the rapture, until then there’s the writing…” its awe sum. It just moves me into the literature.

  38. Congrats on being freshly pressed! That is how I found you in the universe known as wordpress. I’m not sure how I lived without your wit and crass humour before. Those stats- man that’s impressive. I hope that one day my humble blog lives up to such standards. You wanted to hear about myself in the comments section, so here goes: I am a costume designer/make-up artist currently living in San Francisco. I love traveling and I love writing, therefore my blog is about travel writing (makes sense right?) I have a huge respect for people with a maternal instinct (such as yourself) but I happen to have none. More accurately, what maternal instinct I have is misguided towards animals.

    1. hey there, travels. thanks for coming by here. i like you and i like what you wrote above. and i like san francisco. so, i am going to follow you now. please, come back here for more. i write everyday, even when i don’t want to. ;) – mother

  39. I think it’s perfectly alright to talk about children even if you don’t have them.

    Not all doctors have cancer, but that doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t study it and present their findings.

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