The Strangest Ways to Make a Gayby

Okay, so a lot of you know that I talk about raising a gayby on here.  A gayby is basically what happens when a gay couple undergoes the often arduous problem of making a baby.  Now, what I don’t talk about much is HOW a gay couple goes about making a gayby.


Here’s the interesting thing – I’m writing my book and my book has to do with gaybies and so the ways to make a gayby have come up.  A couple of the methods I might actually consider trying with Wifesy and then some of them, not so much.


See, even right just then the sentence – “and then some of them, not so much”.  I pussy-footed.  I tiptoed through the delicate areas trying not to step on eggshells because what I really want to say is that some of the ways for making a gayby SHOCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME.  They leave me mouth open, wide-eyed, and blinking in disbelief.


Okay, so, everyone is entitled to their opinion – that’s no big deal.  But, here’s the thing – even though I consider myself a break down the door and shout the truth kind of comedian, I’m a touch worried about offending.  Me.  Worried about offending.


This has never happened to me before.


But, the truth is, I’m also sensitive.  I think about a gay person picking up my book and I think about them reading it.  Then I picture them reading the sections where I adamantly poke fun of/ tell the truth about/ how maybe THEY made their gayby.  I picture them walking off and crying in the corner of Barnes and Noble by the bathrooms or worse yet, throwing the book in the trash and blogging about how much they hate me.  (lol)


So, what’s an honesty driven writer to do?  I don’t know and that’s the question I lay before you wonderful people.  What do you think?


Let me give you two examples of what I’m talking about so you can give me a well informed opinion.  Here goes.


Strange Gayby-Making Ways, Example 1:


Picture Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson in that movie with Robert Redford, Indecent Proposal.  If you don’t remember the premise of the film – basically, Redford is very handsome and very rich.  Woody and Demi are very much in love, but also not so well off and also in need of money.  Redford proposes an obscene amount of money for one “night” alone with Demi Moore.  Of course, within the one “night” it’s clear that sexy time is going to happen.  Now, switch Demi Moore and Woody Harrelson out for Elton John and his husband David and let’s make Robert Redford – Charlize Theron, but this Charlize has Warren Buffet’s money.  And this Elton John is not the international star that he is, but a piano player in a small cabaret bar on Cape Cod.  He makes a very small salary and his partner needs a lung replacement.  Should Elton give up David to Charlize to make sexies with?


Redford: "I'll give you a few bucks if you touch it."


Okay, ridiculous scenario, but you see what I’m saying.  This is how some gay people are making gaybies.  Gay dudes getting together with lesbians and doing it hetero style.


Easily, I could say and do – to each their own.  However, I have to put my own opinion into the thing and the very idea of Wifesy going with someone else to make sexy time to have a baby DISGUSTS me.  I can’t.  It’s hard to think about.  I think it’s hard to think about for her too.  I mean, I hope it is.  We are in love after all.  Yet, this is one of the “methods”.  Jesus.


Yet, they did it in the L Word.  A whole scene was dedicated to Bette and Tina getting a dude in on a three-way to get his sperm, but I think they just stopped it short of sticking it in.  Nope, sticking it in was too far.  Maybe they wanted to fluff the guy up and then just hoped he’d leave his goods in a mason jar on the counter?  I don’t know.


So, there’s that and my wanting to say how I feel about it without saying to a group of gays, “Hey, the way you made your gayby is wrong and what the hell is wrong with you anyway?”


That’s not the way I roll.


Not to mention the whole thing reminds me of a second, great, little movie called French Twist.  In the film, a couple is having a hard time together – a man and a woman.  They just can’t seem to make it work.  Until, the butch lesbian drives up in her camper.  The butchie lez and the lady get it on.  Literally, it makes the lady float.  It makes her float so much that she wants to make love to her man husband again.  So, she does and she loves it, but she’s not giving up her lady lover either.  So, they divide the week like this – Mon thru Wed – lady to lady love, Thurs thru Sat – lady to man love, and on Sunday SHE RESTS.


By the end of the film, everyone who is capable is pregnant – that means lady-lady, as well as butch-lady.  Yep, I suppose things got carried away.  However, at the end of the movie, butch-lady is STILL living outside in her camper.


Completely crazy or alternative family?


And therein lies the rub, in a threesome, someone always ends up carrying the bags.  Threesomes don’t work for me.  Even in my single days, the idea always seemed good in theory and then like a horror-show in practice.  (You need a gps tracking system to know who’s putting what where.)


Strange Gayby-Making Ways, Example 2:


There’s a guy outside of San Francisco, Trent Arsenault, who calls himself a ‘donor sexual’.  He only has sex with himself – EVER.  He wacks off – sometimes films it, hey, the guy’s got to make a dollar somehow – and gives the “donation” to lesbians and hetero couples for making a baby with.


Creepy or sorta sacred?


He’s fathered 14 children this way with 4 more on the way.  Yet, he’s a virgin.  A virgin.  How this hasn’t created some kind of cult-like religion flocking to his house to encircle the man who fathers children without making the dirty sex, well, I don’t know.  All I know is I wish his name were Gary.  That way his offspring could be called, “Children of the Great Virgin Gary” – patron saint of the baby-less.


Anyway, I could go on and on.  I want to set these ideas loose on the world with my skewed perspective lathered all over them.  At the same time, I don’t want to say, “Hey, Gay, what’s wrong with you and why’d you make a gayby THAT way.  THAT was so stupid and gross.”


What’s a mother to do?


Help me, my sweet, generous, audience – how would you handle it?


What should this writer do?


With many advanced thanks,


Sweet Mother



Sweet Mother is updated daily.  To follow this blog, simply click the “follow” button at the top of the page.  If you’d like to contact this writer, you can do so at or by leaving a comment below.


You might also like:

Letters to My Gayby


Photo credits:  Indecent Proposal, French Twist, French Twist feature, Trent

81 thoughts on “The Strangest Ways to Make a Gayby

    1. that’s a method, for sure! but, i have no problem talking about that one and not worrying about hurting someone’s inner child, feelings, and such…it’s just a glass and a swish, so to speak. who could be offended? i always love hearing your thoughts though and i think most people don’t know that these ‘ways’ exist or haven’t thought about them, so, there’s that… xo – momma

      1. I am a little surprised that it would offend anyone. I was just shocked, most of my friends have gone the surrogate or adoption route. I guess I never asked it there was another way.

      2. it’s interesting to know that other people don’t realize the other ‘methods’ – very, very interesting information… sort of like me when i saw the movie ‘wilde’ for the first time, i was like, ‘oooooh, that’s how gay guys do it’ – i don’t have that equipment, so even with my imagination…the movie, let’s say, opened up my thoughts. lol.

  1. You have found a topic that hasn’t been written about in a full-length book (I think. Maybe it has, but not a lot, anyway.) You are knowledgeable in the area, or will be with more research. You are witty, and you write well. You are sensitive, which means when you do risk possibly offending, you will handle it with care.

    All of this screams–you must do this, and do it honestly without censoring yourself. Someone will always take offense, but then, well, they don’t have to read it. But I imagine the good you could do would far outweigh any potential offensiveness.

    Just my two cents. 🙂

    1. and a very valuable two cents indeed. thank you for saying it, carrie. i had wifesy and another great comedian friend of mine read my first draft of the proposal last night and there was a consensus that i was ‘apologizing’ too much, which i do NOT want to do. so, back to the repair room/ lap top to fix that now…and i will soldier on. you’re right, you have to not care. but, it is not always easy to push that thought process out the door… not at all! honestly, thank you carrie. this was helpful. more than you know. 🙂 mother

  2. I think option #1 would only be okay if you are a “3 martini” gay, but if you are on the truly gay end of the continuum, I don’t see how this is an option. And I’ve never heard of a 3some that was good for any woman — only the guys. So I would vote for sperm donation if you are inclined to seeing your own reflection back at you in your child and/or adoption, which I love for all the altruistic reasons but least of which, you have all the love and a new baby/toddler without all the carrying to term and going through labor. This one bears a lot of thinking… because any which way you have a gayby, it’s a forever of love and all that wonderful stuff, but it’s also mind-blowing how much you worry about said child … all.the.time. And how long it takes just to get out the door! LOL 🙂

    1. such great commentary, winn, as always. but, here’s the thing – the extreme end of the spectrum gays ARE doing it with each other – – check out this times article and skip down to david. totally amazing stuff in an ‘open your mind’ kind of way, i suppose. and i’m with you having a baby – any which way – has got to be an enormous undertaking. not to mention, pre-planning, if you have to get anywhere in a reasonable amount of time! lol. – mother

  3. Holy crap, Trent has it all figured out, doesn’t he? If teenage boys figured out how to make a profit from their sperm the world would be full of underage millionaires.

    1. i fear you are right, jen. you are SO right. this guy had it figured out, until the fda shut him down. seriously. i believe the wording they used was, ‘please cease manufacturing’ — ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. lol. becks

  4. I never thought about offending people but it’s not a one-size fits all topic, so it’s bound to cause some reactions in people. But if you think about it, it’s good. It evokes a response. Whether it’s negative or positive it means you engaged someone.

    Good luck with the book!

    1. thank you, adrienne. i hear you on that. sometimes the poking is necessay, even while it’s uncomfortable for both the poker and the pokee. wow, didn’t mean for that to sound so… well, you know. xo, me

    1. lllllllloooooooooooolllllllllll. i’m stealing that. i don’t know what i’m going to do with it – maybe put it on a tee shirt, but i’m stealing that! he, he. – me

    2. Mother,
      Sara took that sentence from my mind while sI was sleeping. She was so close to me I guess she could hear my thoughts…
      Shame on you, SL. Shame on you.
      Le Clown

      1. momma loves you, clown. we can let sara speak for you today, if you so desire. even clowns need a rest sometimes. believe me, i know. xooxo

  5. There is almost nothing in the world that can be done publically without offending someone. I say, if you believe in your heart that it should be talked about, then talk about it. You are funny and smart, not offensive or rude, and that is abundantly clear in the tone of your writing. I vote for writing about it. (and the guy who j’s it into a cup is scary. really, really scary).

    1. i second that – the guy who j’s in the cup (so well put btw) – is a bit of a creeeeeppppper. but, thank you for saying all that. i think i have to write it – this book. i’m on the first draft, but it’s going to take a lot of revisions because i firmly believe – sometimes it’s HOW you say stuff that can make all the difference. so, it will be draft upon draft to get it right. but, isn’t it always that way… thanks again for commenting, mom. – mother

      1. Hi Mum, morning all. I think you put your finger on it with the draft, draft, draft idea. Sometimes you just have to say something a lot of different ways until suddenly you see exactly what it is you want to say and how you want to say it.

        Just one question though – how on earth do you find time to work, blog, answer comments AND write a book????

      2. ac! andrea, perhaps, it’s better i say. i believe i’m remembering your name correctly. i missed you on here today. i’m a bit late in answering your comment, which should answer your question of ‘how do i find the time to work, blog, answer comments, and write.’ i don’t – always! ha, ha. no, the truth is – i work on this writing thing 8 hrs a day, like a real job, trying to get it pay off as such. i made my full-time living as a comedian before i left new york to live with wifesy in the uk. when we moved to socal – southern california, that’s the way they say it here – about six mos ago, we made a decision that i’d scale back the comedy and try and transition it into a writing job. that way i don’t have to be on the road so much. i like doing away gigs, believe me, but i’ve never liked the actually going on the road all that much. so, i’ve got a short window in which i’m trying to ‘make something happen’ – so to speak and that is why i write, and comment, and write my book, as if my fingers were on fire. as for the draft, draft, draft idea – you hit the nail on the head. i’m going to have to do several versions until i get the tone just right. once i get it right, the ones who don’t get it can feck off. i suppose my struggle now, is that the tone’s not quite right, just yet. anyhoo, ALWAYS good to see you here, sweet friend. always.

  6. Very thought-provoking post, Mother, and certainly not something that I’ve ever considered before.
    Yes, it needs to be written about and discussed, so you go right ahead and bring it into the open.
    Worry not about offending people because I’m sure you will discuss the various options in a thoughtful and caring way, and do previously childless hetero couples get offended by reading about methods that they did not use? I don’t think so. They are just other options that they chose not to take.
    It’s as open a subject as ways/positions for making love. For every method there will those for and those against.
    You have nothing to worry about here.

    1. mee, such, SUCH a good point this – “and do previously childless hetero couples get offended by reading about methods they they did not use?” so, well put and it gave me a new way to look at it, so THANK YOU. and thank you for your lovely comment. – sm

  7. We did our gayby making with lots of expensive assisted reproductive technology. I promised I wouldn’t discuss it publicly because Dear Wife is a very private person, but i’ll happily drop you a mail if you’re interested in our story.

    1. hey b, got your email this morning. very, VERY excited to sink into it. have to come up from some other work first, but i’ll send you an email as soon as i give it a full read. THANK YOU for sending it to me. – me

  8. I think you are lucky to have so many easy options to chose from to start your family. If it would take surgery in order to become pregnant, would that still be better than having all partners in room and doing it in a clinical type fashion? Like maybe hang a sheet across you, you have your partner up with you kissing you etc. He has his partner down there stimulating him and helping his arousal. No one but each partner would look into each others eyes. It does not have to be “sexy”. It is functional. Do you get just as jealous of your wife’s ob/gyn and their work? Touching the same parts. Inserting things in there… but there there is eye contact! Maybe even worse. I think you are being a little to dramatic about how to do it. Turkey baster, natural way what else? Have someone shoot from across the room and you try and catch it in your vagina? I think that having the ability to have a child should be more important than you being jealous that another human being might touch your partner there and that is ‘your sexy place’. Not to be insulting or rude. Just my opinion. I dont like to go to the dentist and get a route canal, but it is going to have to be done if i want to eat pain free right? Sometimes we have to be a little uncomfortable to get the things you want and need in life. But the moment passes and then the living begins!

    1. holy sh*t, blue, not for nothing, but your commentary almost reads like erotica. i’m sorry, but no way – no how – is my wifesy going to be with anyone else while we’re together, during my lifetime. read that how you want it, but that’s how i roll. no, of course, i’m not jealous of her ob/gyn, that’s a bit over the top. and most women will tell you that an ob/gyn exam is very different from a penis into the vagina scenario, no matter how much cinnamon they put on that speculum. (too much, folks, too much? lol. i’m here all week.) if the ob/gyn thingie seemed sexual then i’m sure hetero men would have a bit of a problem with it. picture teams of bachelorette parties heading to the gyno instead of chippendales…i don’t know, it’s not quite the same thing. anyway, i think you missed the intent of my post – it was not about why can’t i do this method or that or don’t i feel grateful or ungrateful about how many different ways the gays can have a gayby these days – it was not about any of those things. It was about NOT OFFENDING OTHER GAYS. that’s what it was about. it was about writing my opinion and not wanting to hurt others. THAT is what the post was about. but, thank you for your very juicy and interesting comment.
      – mother

      1. I think it is cool that you know just what you are and are not comfortable with. That makes things a lot easier. But i think that people should not be put off by whatever method works for them. I think everyone in that same position knows what you are feeling and know that it is a really personal choice. I would not worry too much about hurting peoples feelings while expressing your own. You are opening up your personal life to the world to tell us how things work for you and other ways that you have researched have worked for others. You are not telling anyone what is right or wrong. Just what some options are and what is right and wrong for you. That does not seem too offending at all. In fact, i am sure you are helping to bring an otherwise newishly spoken topic out into public conversation. That is never a bad thing.

      2. hey there blue, you know i had written you a whole comment to your second comment, but i think the internet ate it. suffice it to say, i love what you’ve said. the truth is i have to just get in there and do it – and you’re right, i think this is a topic that’s not getting much light and should be talked about. cool. thanks for swinging by here. and by that i mean, momma likes you.
        – sm

  9. Everything I have read from you is hilarious, well thought out and extremely tactful even when dealing with sensitive topics. I think you have everything it takes to write this book honestly, present all the options (even the ones you wouldn’t try personally) and to write it in a way that people with a sense of humor can appreciate. There will be some that might get offended, but eff em. Write it your way.

    1. man, oh, man. thank you for saying that, my friend. “feck ’em and write it your way.” great, great advice and some i plan on taking, even if they tar and feather me out in the town square. 😉 honestly, i sincerely appreciate your comment. it helps. it helps a lot. many hugs – mother

  10. My partner and I considered ordering an Asian gayby… But we had a long talk one afternoon and he dispelled my assumption that an Asian gayby would have the inherent ability to make sushi (and therefore decrease our restaurant bills). He also explained it would probably require me to wake up before noon to tend to them. I’m not sure I believe that one. My parents never woke up early, that’s what nannies are for. Finally he said I wouldn’t be able to use the water gun on them, the one I use to get the dogs to stop harassing me- and that was kind of the end of our gayby discussion.

    1. oh. my. feckin’. god. i think i love you. i love you in that way women have loved gay men since time immemorial. you know because you’re laugh out loud feckin’ funny and at the same time, spot on. i just followed your blog. wifesy and i, we go back and forth about the gaybies. our vaginas force us to have this conversation. sometimes i think we’ll have one, sometimes i think we’re having too much fun to add dirty diapers to the party. time will tell. love, LOVE that you stopped by here. – moms

      1. Just because you have a v-a (see how I did that the way Jews and Muslims spell god…) doesn’t mean you have to pass a creature the size of a watermelon through it. Personally, I’d go for a 3rd world gayby from a 3rd world v-a, I bet it’s kind of in their genes to be oppressed and submissive. But be careful, those Menendez brothers were third worldy and that story didn’t turn out too well for the parents. I’ve always found the Asian bowing thing very cute. Imagine a little pair of boys dressed in little white butler uniforms with gold buttons- best dinner party idea ever!

      2. stop it. stop it. stop saying things that feckin’ funny or you’re going to find me stalking around your home, looking through your garbage for your sperm, like that british lady i saw on one of those ‘women who snap’ shows. and especially since i have now seen a picture of you. (handsome!)

        anyway, ANYONE, who brings up the menendez brothers is forever my brother in arms and by in arms, i mean i will squeeze you because love hurts! those nutbags, as i’m sure you know, are now married. married to women. women who thought it was a good idea to shack up with some incarcerated men who hacked their parents to pieces. sometimes the vagina makes no sense. no sense at all.

        and no, we don’t necessarily have to pass a watermelon through it or a half latino baby (my vag, my preference!) – but, having vages (what’s the plural of vag?) and having estrogen somehow requires that we MUST talk about it. so, talk about it we do.

        but, we also talk about other things like – tennis and thai food and moving into a cooler pad and going to see the hunger games… so, there’s that. 😉

  11. The thing about blogging about making babies, I think, is that no one wants to be offensive but we all still have really strong opinions about it. I mean, not that this compares AT ALL to your much more relevant discussion of how exactly one goes about making a gayby, but I had an item in a recent post about how fecking (yes I am copying your word!) annoying I find Jessica Simpson’s very public handling of her pregnancy to be, and I was kind of worried that I would receive backlash from people who would accuse me of just picking on her because she’s a celebrity.

    Here’s the thing: you’re a really good writer, very funny and thoughtful. Sure, you may offend someone, but this is YOUR life you’re writing about, right? You’re entitled to your thoughts. And lots of people share them! And as long as you continue being awesome (which I have no doubt you will) and sharing them in your one-of-a-kind awesome way, who cares what others think? ❤

      1. oh, pinky, that was simply momma trying to be demure. yes, we all know that good looking gay men, like yourself, feck all over the place. no one here on this blog would ever deny it or say otherwise. 😉 mother

      2. tanks (the spelling was intentional) 🙂
        I’ll come back tomorrow… I have a story I think you’re gonna like, it’s a catholic thing…

      3. dear “the waiting”,
        I do recommend a trip to Ireland to EVERYONE! One of my 2 best friends is Irish and it’s the only place in the world where I’ve found people who can drink as much as I do and still get home alive. You’ll get the lingo straight away, probably at the airport when the customs guy tells you to move the feck along because he wants to go home.
        Penny? Dropping? Dropping penny? It’s a transliteration of the accent 🙂 See, some moderately cute, gay, former sex fiends know big words. Which means my parents were wrong! All that money for university wasn’t a waste, cuz I can type big words into the internetz machine!

    1. it’s true – the baby-talking-about industry is a VERY prickly place. very prickly. everyone’s got an opinion and some people are very serious about protecting theirs! i think your point about not givin’ a sh*t what other people think is spot-on. gillian, just said this too – ‘the minute as a writer, you start writing for the reader, you write sh*t. write for you.’ well, that’s not exactly what she said, but that’s the intent. all of you, spot on. all of you. so glad i could get a reality check-in right here on this very blog. okay, time to re-focus and get that second draft done!

  12. “All I know is I wish his name were Gary. That way his offspring could be called, “Children of the Great Virgin Gary” – patron saint of the baby-less.”

    lol … haha …lol … Oh.My.God. I think I’m addicted to you 😉

    I have no idea in this situation, I wish I did, but one writer to another, stay true to you, once you start writing FOR the reader, you’ll never write anything good.

    1. your comment was so good that i even referenced it in the comment prior to yours!!! that was a firsty for this bloggy. oh, my god, i’m losing my mind. anyway, you were dead right when you said, ‘once you start writing for the reader, you’ll never write anything good’. THAT is what i was doing too much in my first draft. I WILL fix it though. starting now, in fact. as always, gills, thanks for such an insightufl, writerly comment! xo, momma

  13. Oh my Sweetie Mama.. what can I say.. 5 watermelons have passed through my vagijay and why people are “sensitive” discussing how they get there is beyond me..
    (I can’t stop thinking about Mr Handsome’s comment up there of the 2 asian butler boys.. damn, I want some) Oh, where was I? Yes, touchy for some but on the serious side, needed info for many so I say write honestly and if they get offended, well they are the ones who do it in the dark and still call it “down there”

    1. “do it in the dark” and “still call it down there” INDEED. maybe even do it through a hole in sheet as well. you are so right, as are all of the beautiful sould on here. i have to write this for me, get it out there, and then not worry. easier said then done, of course. but, i will try, i promise i will try. 🙂 – mother

  14. I think baby-(and gayby-)making, in general, is just weird. Well, not the making part–that’s a pretty good time, in my view–but the process of getting a life from the beast with two backs is pretty weird. The biological part, the prepping part, the reading blogs from other people part, the making a list of things for people to go buy for you, the alien lizard raising screaming hell like a Scottish warlord out of a hole not nearly large enough to accommodate that–all weird.

    I’m going to be glad for the day when we can just go down to Target and get one, like buying a new mop. It’s only a matter of time.

    1. Target? Really? I think Slefridges is a safer bet, or at least M&S. It might even come with the sexy food lady voice. It’s not just a gayby, it’s a round, smiley, silent, pale, M&S gayby.
      Sorry, not sure how well this translates to non EU people…

      1. I’ll see Ure European union and raise you a lidl supermarket to answer u with Europe terms gently wrapped in poker references. Lived there for several yrs myself, so I know all about it…. 😉

        Sent from my HTC Inspire™ 4G on AT&T

    2. hey there ande, it IS weird, now isn’t it. and i second being able to get one at target. i get everything from there or off craigslist. but, a craigslist baby might be even more weird… i don’t know. lol. anyway, thanks for this awesome comment. and i love your blog, btw. – sm

  15. I kinda feel like whatever works for the couple in question is perfectly legit and appropriate. In saying that, obviously depending on the couple, there are going to be some options that are more suitable than others. I think you can easily give your opinion on ‘what is best for you and your partner’ without getting super judgmental about the methods you wouldn’t personally choose.

    There are just so many ways to look at these things. We have to remember that when good people argue about ideas, they are both right. I can totally see how two gay men and two gay women could decide that making a baby the ‘traditional’ way would be a much more authentic and organic experience. As well as a hell of a lot cheaper. Gosh, what if a couple can’t afford the medical expenses? Should that preclude them from raising a child, just cos other people might get freaked out?

    Claiming one method is not okay while others are is as prejudiced as making any other decision (such as whether gay people can wed) on a couple’s behalf. I reckon.

    1. This is all true, Michelle and as such, my tentatively trying to tiptoe into those waters. But, unfortunately, sometimes I think u have to barrel through anyway…like gillian said, when u start writing for the reader its most definitely not going to go well. Thank u for sharing Ure very insightful and lovely comment here. – mother

  16. I think you address each method as you have here..with honesty and humor. You can be a bit more sensitive with calling methods “Horrible” or “disgusting,” and still be honest. “May not be my cup of tea..but I tend to mix my own drinks anyways,” type of thing.
    I have a very good friend, an ex in fact, who is trying to get pregnant with her partner (also a friend). They have asked both their brothers to contribute the sperm and then it’s a 50/50 shot (one brother with opposite partner, no incest..eek), as to which fertilized egg is implanted. I know some people have a problem with that. They haven’t had luck yet..I personally just want to see them have the opportunity at every happiness, like everyone else. Having a baby can be such a tough situation in “ordinary” circumstances, let alone adding the question of “Is my method right?” If two loving caring people are committed to bringing a child into that relationship by birth or adoption..I say heck yes, because there are way too many people who have children who shouldn’t. Best of luck!

    1. heather, that is such a great comment. everything you’ve said – spot on. i do struggle with those things though because you see, my comedy can be a little ‘hit ’em over the head with a frying pan’ like a cartoon would be in that there is no subtlety. the joke is delivered more like an anvil falling from a mountainside, but again, it’s cartoon-like, so in reality no one gets hurt. at least that’s my intent to my comedy. so, i have a tendency to use words like ‘horrible’ and ‘disgusting’. it’s with that kind of stuff that i’m fighting. people who know me and who have known me for years, KNOW that in my comedy, i don’t ever truly go “after” people unless they have REALLY earned it. and i don’t think someone who’s just trying to bring a gayby into the world and like you’ve said “should have the opportunity at every happiness” – i don’t think they’ve earned being insulted, even slightly. so, it is there that i am wrestling. but, i’m thinking about it a lot and that’s the first sign of sensitivity and at the very least that means i’m doing my best to keep the laughs AND handle it in a sensitive manner. fingers crossed that i accomplish such a tall order. as always, thank you for the lovely and insightful comment. – mother

  17. Personally, I would add just a drop of Palmolive dish washing liquid to the mason jar so the baby had super soft skin. I think he/she would appreciate that later in life because dry skin sucks. As for how you should write it, I say someone is always going to be offended by something. That’s just human nature. But with the way you write, the humor shines through… At least to me it does and judging from the comments it seems a lot of other people agree. I can’t wait to buy your damn book.

    1. bill, you are just an amazing feckin’ human. you just are. i mean, ‘add a drop of palmolive to the mason jar, so the baby has soft skin’…. arrrraaarrrgggggggh. loved. LOVED. you’re right someone’s going to be offended by something. feck ’em feck ’em feck ’em. i will do it anyway. there. i feel better. – sm

  18. Don’t worry once you get pregnant everyone and their brother will ask you how you did it, why you chose that what etc. You get so comfortable talking about all the options it becomes second nature. Of course I still find it off color to ask me how I got pregnant. I got to the point where I wanted to respond with “so you want to know how I got the sperm in my vagina ? And you think that is an ok question to ask a woman? Can you explain exactly how in detail you got sperm in your wives vagina when she got pregnant? Thanks”

    1. this comment is glorious, contrary, glorious. “so you want to know how i got sperm in my vagina?” aaaaahhhhhhhhhh, loved. LOVED. people can be such d*cks. i’m going to have to write about that today. and i’m thinking about putting a chapter or more likely a page in the book called, “DO NOT TOUCH OUR FECKIN’ STOMACHS.” because i find it a little cray-cray that complete strangers think it’s alright to walk up to a pregnant lady and fondle her belly. i’m just sayin’. as always, thanks for stopping by here. – sm

  19. Really frank and courageous writing of something that gets very little ink. Thanks for this. It is a discussion that should be wider.

    1. thanks for sayin’ so, coot. i really appreciate it. i don’t think anyone talks about this in any kind of funny and honest way either. but, i’m going to give it a try… thank you, again, for the lovely comment. it made me smile. – mother

  20. Oh, my goodness. If my husband and I were trying to have a baby, and someone suggested me having sex with another man, there is no way in hell I would do that. I don’t care how “clinical” it would be. Would…not…happen. Creating another human being is a very special event in a couple’s life. I would assume that bringing home and using the tools necessary for artificial insemination is still more intimate than going through the motions with a member of the opposite sex to achieve the same result. I hope I am making sense. It is late, and I have a slight fever. Bottom line. I really thought your post was interesting. And by the way, “Children of the Virgin Gary” = priceless.

    1. thank you, thank you, thank you. i can NOT for the life of me understand why other people don’t understand why i would NOT want to have sex with another person outside of my committed relationship – even if it means making a beautiful baby – i mean, COME ON. isn’t the whole point partnership for life?? it is for me anyway. ay yay yay. and yes, IF i ever end up doing this, IVF is the way i’d go. but, it is VERY interesting to me that gay people are using all kinds and i mean all kinds of different ways. fascinating, actually. glad you liked, “children of the virgin gary” – i’m going to make that work in the book. somehow, somehow! lol. seriously, thanks for commenting, northern. xo, sm

  21. I’m so very confused….I thought you just placed an order with a stork and then the stork delivered a baby from the baby farm and then someone puts a bunch of plastic flamingoes in your yard?

    Are you telling me that Looney Tunes lied to me all these years?

    1. yes, looney tunes lied and apparently the road runner was never really that fast at all. how we’ve all survived and made it to adulthood, i’ll never know. lol. i like your method though, i may have to add it somehow to my planning process, if for no other reason than – i need those derned pink flamingos!!! xo, sm

  22. To be honest, I don’t see wrong in either of those solutions. It doesn’t matter which way people choose to have their gaybe, it’s the way they are going to be as parents.

    If you expect a threesome to last through childbirth, childhood, puberty and so on.. you’re gonna face some challenges I imagine and a threesome situation can potentially be a lot more hazardous for a child because of the interpersonal relationships that would go (with all emotions involved!) between three parents. But if it goes well.. I suppose that 1x extra love doesn’t matter much!

    If you don’t want to have that third one hanging about, just let him or her do her thang and be done with it. But you’ve got to make sure he or she isn’t going to claim legal rights, because then it’d again be hazardous for the child, right?

    Doesn’t really matter what you do as long as you’re aware of the consequences I suppose. Maybe you could gather “userexperiences” for your text and ask those “users” about how it all worked out for them in the end. Get a good example and a bad example and educate your readers about the cons and pros of the methods explained and keep the method descriptions themselves as clean and free of opinion as possible and give your readers something to work with instead.

    It’s a serious topic with serious consequences, so if you ask me; provide readers with serious choices. Nobody can feel harmed by that.. I think ;p

  23. Haha! I laughed through this whole post! Back when my wife and I decided to make a gayby,, I never even thought of either of these methods! We just bought some spermies from a sperm bank, defrosted them, inserted – and that was it. Of course, we did not get pregnant, but this seems to be the way most lesbians are these days 🙂

  24. One of my lesbian friends went to a sperm bank and got pregnant that way. Her partner and her problem was not decided which method to go. It was more of who was going to get pregnant. Neither of them wanted to get “fat” for 9 months or go through the pain of labor. I don’t know how they figured it out, but my friend decided it would be her who was going to get pregnant. They now have a beautiful baby girl.

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