Grammar D*cks and Doggie Clits

Okay, perhaps I should start by saying maybe this post is NSFW.  I have learned that on the internet NSFW means – “Not Suitable For Work”.  However, since I’ve already put both clit and d*ck in the title, it may be too late.  So, if your boss has peeked over your shoulder and fired you, I’m sorry.  But, let me just say – you were too good for that job anyway.


Now, let us begin.


Yesterday, the amazing Stacie Chadwick re-blogged one of my posts.  She is a love and one of the first people who advised me on anything – ever – here, back when no one was reading.  She said things like, “get a sidebar” and “you’re going to get freshly pressed” and “put up your stats” and she said them back when no one was saying them, a mere 60+ posts ago and I am GRATEFUL.  She also said these things with a very, “do it or don’t do it” kind of flair and I knew she was trying to help me, simply, because she liked the writing.  That is the best sort of person there is.  So, if you don’t follow her already, you should go over there and do so, once you’re done reading this post, of course.


So, after Stacie was so nice and re-blogged one of my pieces yesterday, the first and maybe the only comment was left by a guy named Larry (I’m not using his real name).  The comment said something to the effect of —


“She used it’s as a possessive in the first paragraph and I suffered a mental death after that.”


This next paragraph is in honor of Larry.  Everything in it is WRONG.


It’s sense of self was so large that the mear act of watching a baby take a step and than tumble was so gratifying to him that he told hisself, “What a stoopid baby.  It’s legs ain’t working right and yet, people aren’t visiting MY blog?  They is visiting this silly babies blog? C’mon, least this man can walk.”


Let’s fix this for Larry, straight away, shall we?


Its sense of self was so large that the mere act of watching a baby take a step and then tumble was so gratifying that he told himself, “What a stupid baby.  Its legs do not work correctly and yet, people aren’t visiting MY blog?  They’re visiting this silly baby’s blog?  Come on, at least this man can walk.”


There.  Now I feel better.  To be clear, this Sweet Mother can take a criticism and Larry was correct.  I had used the possessive when I shouldn’t have.  I usually scour my posts to edit as best I can, but sometimes I miss things.  It happens when you’re writing everyday and you don’t have an editor or intern at your side to correct things.  So, what did I do when I read such comments from Larry?  I went, right away, to the post in question and fixed it.  What annoyed me was the term “mental death”.  Really, Larry, really?  Isn’t “mental death” a bit strong?  This brings me to my next point…




Now, understand something, if I see a post riddled with grammar and spelling mistakes, I can get turned off too.  I give the person another chance because maybe they were rushed, maybe they’re new to this whole blogging thing, and I check back in with them for their next post.  If the problem continues, I simply don’t read their blog.  I simply ‘unfollow’ – what I don’t do is leave sh*tty comments.  And I definitely… (and yes, I’m aware I’ve started a sentence with “and” – twice now, in fact) I definitely would NOT leave a sh*tty comment after witnessing only one, ONE, mistake from someone who seems to be a stickler about her writing…from someone who seems to go back to her posts after reading them several times to fix whatever in the hell might be wrong.


Honestly, what in the feck is wrong with people?


It all reminded me of a specific moment in time a few years ago.  I was working on a show for the Edinburgh Arts festival.  The show was very unique and well received overall.  I called the show, “Bilingual Comedian”.  What I did was – I took a foreign language, Rosetta Stone, dvd in Spanish and I created my own version of it.  I created a slideshow – that I could manipulate with a clicker – which mocked a Rosetta Stone dvd.  There were dirty words in there in both Spanish and English projected up on to a screen, crazy/ odd scenarios that I felt should be (and never are) covered in “learn a language” dvds.  It was good.  It was interesting.  I was PROUD of that show.  It was well reviewed, most people really enjoyed it and told me so.  I worked my ass off on it.  So, much so that I was literally changing and replacing slides while I was performing the show.  For example, if I thought something didn’t work well the night before, I ran home, opened up the document, created a new slide, replaced it, etc, and then tried the new slide out that night.


During one of my “replace a slide try something else” episodes, I had inadvertently left a typo in my slide.  It was a typo, plain and simple.  But, I was tired.  When you do Edinburgh, you do your show (along with spots on other shows) 30 consecutive times in one month.  A – nice? – person pointed out the typo to me after the show.  Now, again, I can take criticism, but NOT when it’s delivered in a sh*tty way.  This is NOT how I talk to people, so I expect the same respect in return.  To me, the criticism is not what sets me off, it is HOW the criticism is delivered.  So, the guy says to me, in a sh*tty way, “that’s not how you spell, blah, blah, blah” and here was the KICKER —






Do you know how hard it is to take a criticism delivered in a sh*tty way when you are a comedian by a man who is under 4’ tall!!!!!!!  Do you have any idea the amount of restraint it takes for a comedian in this position to hold back?  It was difficult, oh, so, difficult.


This man knows how to help you and not insult you.


There were many things I wanted to say like…


Perhaps you can’t see it from your “vantage” point or the people who are tall enough to ride this ride can see it perfectly with its correct spelling or let the man who is of average height throw the first stone, you midget!!!


But, I did not say any of these things because in the end I like to think of myself as decent.  So, I did something else entirely.  I thought to myself, “These Europeans think we’re all stupid anyway, so let’s use that,” and I said:


“Nope, not a typo.  That’s how we spell the word in America.”


This answer was perfect.  It stunned him and his friends for a moment and they sort of fluttered around muttering, “No, no, that’s not how they spell it in America.  I know that’s not how they spell it in America.  Is it?  Is that how they spell it in America?  How could I not have known that?  I need to google this right away.”


I jumped in my taxi, refreshed, and rejoicing in my well served revenge.  I smiled and laughed like a wild clown the entire way home.  All’s well that ends well.  However, this post is not finished.  I need to give you – my wonderful, blog readers – one last thing.


Doggie Clits.


My Wifesy is a veterinarian.  She has a job, currently, that she took right out of school, but doesn’t quite like all that much.  The vet place where she currently works is a bit “cowboy-ish” and we’re urban gays.  Not to thumb my nose, but feck it, I’m thumbing my nose.  They won’t let Wifesy do some things that Wifesy finds important when practicing good medicine – like – CLEANING A FECKIN’ WOUND.  They don’t want her to do this because it takes too much time.  But, Wifesy, being the amazing rockstar that she is has already landed another job, in the big, GAY, city where we get to move.  So, she simply has to tough it out for a few more days.


That’s why I told my Wifesy this morning, “Stay strong and remember the doggie clits.”


The doggie clits story goes like this — Wifesy found a mass in a sweet, little, dog.  The mass was protruding out of the doggie’s vagina.  It was obvious to Wifesy that the protrusion was a mass because Wifesy is a good doctor.  But, her boss said – and they’re always doing this, jumping into a case and trying to rope it to the ground like a cowboy when that isn’t always the right answer – so, the boss says, “Dr. Wifesy, I don’t think we can remove that mass.  I think it’s maybe the dog’s clit.”  He was dead serious.


"He wanted to remove my what?! What is this sub-saharan Africa?"


To which Wifesy said, “I don’t think it’s the clit.  I think it’s a mass.  Tug on it.”


(Yes, she said, “tug on it.”)


The boss-doctor did just that and a very, very, long mass came spilling out of the doggie’s vag.


As this was happening, Wifesy said to her boss-doctor:


“With all due respect, sir, if this is the dog’s clit then this is the luckiest dog in the world.”




So, you see, world, give Wifesy and I hater-ade and we’re going to make jokes about it.  I say, bring it on because you can’t break our spirits.  Oh, no, you can’t.  Because we are the luckiest dogs in the world.  The luckiest.



Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, simply hit the follow button at the top of the page.


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Photo credits:  Peta-nugget, the dog is mine, so hands off!

93 thoughts on “Grammar D*cks and Doggie Clits

  1. My book designer and editor is South African. We had a great time sending the manuscript back and forth, often debating grammar and word choice, sometimes taking days to decide on one sentence! As she said, “now that’s passion for language.” We first had to resolve the whole UK vs. American spelling, and then it went from there. You can ‘t emphasize enough the importance of good grammar in writing! We’ve lost much of this in the tweet/email world.

    1. that is so true. and it IS important if you take your craft seriously as a writer. you need to check, check again, and then re-check. however, people need to look at things in context — this is a blog on a free platform, written for free. if there’s a mistake here and there every now and again, it will get fixed in due time. i often see typos and mistakes in PRINTED BOOKS and i think to myself how, HOW did that typo that i saw right away get past a team of editors, agents, and publicists. but, it does. it does. and when i does i like to think of the quote from another writer, ‘to err is human, to forgive divine…to be a d*ck, there’s no excuse’. okay, the last part is mine. lol. thanks for stopping by there, lisa… mother appreciates it! – sm

  2. SM,
    You know about my Frenglish insecurities, and on behalf of all other imperfect writers out there, thank you for writing this post.
    You can write worth shit… my wife says so. And Stacie’s blog kicks some serious butts. I hope she gets massive traffic from your post.
    Le Clown who wishes Lord Evil Poppy would nap for once.

    1. momma loves you, clown. that’s another great point too… that i wanted to make, but this post was way too wrong already. what about people where english is their second language??! should they be banned from blogging for getting a word or two wrong? no, because then we’d be denied all the amazing things they have to offer — like speaking several languages, which hardly any of us native english speakers can even manage to do!!!! which drive me completely insane. anyway, momma loves le clown and hopes lep let’s you sleep. i must go bathe the dog and her fully intact clit. sorry, couldn’t resist. – sm

      1. I should teach LEP the word “clit” (what? she already knows “pig shit”, “penis” and “Rush Limbaugh” – I AM NOT COMPARING A CLIT TO RUSH LIMBAUGH. I HAVE WAY TOO MUCH RESPECT FOR THE CLIT) and film her saying it.
        Le Clown

      2. llllooooooooollllll, ‘i am not comparing a clit to limbaugh, i have way too much respect for the clit’…..nooooooooooooo, noooooo, sides hurting from laughing. yes, yes. loved. stop it. stop. oh, lawd!

  3. I’m just a little annoyed that you aren’t letting the rest of us read Larry’s blog in all it’s perfection.

    Yeah, Larry, I did it…that’s an apostrophe man and I’d do it again!

  4. As a stand-up comedian myself who has performed in front of tens of people, I congratulate you for having the restraint not to cut that “small person” down to size…not that there would be anything left of him if you did.

    I will also concur that Stacie Chadwick kicks ass, though her predictions of me getting freshly pressed never came true, thus leading me down a slippery slope of depression filled with nightly binges of ostrich jerky and Diet Mountain Dew.

    The blogging world is cruel…very cruel.

    1. rob, i do NOT know how you haven’t been freshly pressed. i think that’s just crazy. are you still on this platform or have you moved all things over to your own site. never mind, i’ll look at your blog today to figure that out. i’m only saying that because i think it’s ridiculous that you haven’t been fp’d and i’m wondering if it’s because they just haven’t ‘found’ you yet. – me

      1. I’ve been on my own island for about 2 weeks now. Nice of you to notice. LOL. Just kidding. I know you’re busy being a blog star and all. 😉

      2. listen, your blog is amaze-balls, but i feel like i don’t get your ‘new blog posts’ message enough, so i never know when to check it out, even though i was following you…so, i just signed up for your mailing list, so there! 🙂 moms

      3. Thanks! You wouldn’t have been getting new post messages without resubscribing. That’s why I had instructions how to do it on my sidebar since February. LOL. But fear not, I am currently working on a new telepathic notification system. It’s not perfected yet, and it gives me splitting headaches (probably from banging my head into a slab of concrete), but I’m determined!

    2. I’m sorry, Rob. But did you follow my twelve step program to get freshly pressed including buying a limited edition statue of Rajinkanth from my site for $19.99? I still have a few left if you didn’t get it in the first round of suckers, er, future freshly pressed winners. Without Rajinkanth, you got no game. Just sayin’.

      1. rob, i’m barely aware when my own post launches into the blogosphere, that is how retar-tar, i am. now, if someone want to explain to me how to do a pingback…oh, never mind. well, i shall be getting ye blog posts now and you may rue the day i joined your list! for i am an active, active player in this here game. 😉 and buy stacie’s thingie. it’s worth it.

  5. Again, thank you for the wicked tea break! For all those Grammar crazies, my Mother was and is one, so were 3 English teachers, all telling me to be a hairdresser. I became a policy writer (a wicked one at that), but my Mother told me I would never be able to write. If it weren’t for my husband, I would never have started a blog. Negativity, and useless grammar pointers = not getting off your duff and doing what you love. Again, my well manicured middle finger salutes those lovely people.

    1. oh, travel, it seems that neither of us get to give that middle finger a rest, huh? so many idiots, so little time. lol. anyway, i love it when you comment here because you’ve said it just right. the criticism can become crippling and paralyzing, but you just have to do it anyway. you just have to risk and know that sometimes your work won’t be perfect. it’s that simple. xo – sm

      1. If you only knew, I am actually far too polite to ever use that finger. My background dictates, that I politely nod. I just don’t like negative comments, if you don’t agree click back or go home.

    1. you need not worry, as even the little person who was quite mean to me, i assure you – did not get any kind of returned wrath. i simply made him confused. so, never fear. i only go after a-holes and since you seem not to be one, you have no worries. the true a-holes on the other hand, come in every shape and size and are the vast colors of the rainbow. what amazes me is that we all have shortcomings. all of us. all of us. i am amazed that other people don’t see theirs when they ‘critique’ others. i’m amazed that they don’t have theirs in mind. because i always remember mine. anyway, glad you liked the post. thank you for stopping by here. i’m grateful for it. – mother

  6. My, my sometimes people miss the point, don’t they? I once wrote a human interest story for a local paper about a young woman that traveled to Botswana to do some charity work and I inadvertently said it was in South Africa instead of Southern Africa (i know, i know, so sue me) and someone called the editor to point out the glaring error (which BTW the editor should have caught) but this same editor changed the word “brooch” (another article I wrote about a glass artist who made said jewelry and wore it) to “broach.” Argh-h!! The grammar police are always out there and on guard. Beware and be aware. :). Great post, Mother.

    1. yes, this is what i mean, even with a team of people working on something, sometimes mistakes still get through. that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have checks in place to safe guard against it or just a meticulous drive to check and re-check your work. however, the truth of the matter is – none of us will ever be perfect in anything. so, addressing people as such, is a mistake. a total mistake. anyway, as always glad you stopped by and said so here. love your blog, btw, too. xo – sm

  7. If only some people could remember that NO ONE is perfect! It is not physically possible for any human to never make a simple, honest mistake. Not in grammar, not in anything. I would bet every book more than 50 pages in length has at least one error of some kind in it.

    In most cases, a simple typo in an otherwise fine story/post/book doesn’t even need to be pointed out (unless it plays havoc with the intended meaning). And if something should be pointed out, what is wrong with simple, polite language?

    1. oh, jm, i don’t know. people are cray-cray and by cray-cary, i mean crazy, lest any grammar people are stalking the comments section! in which case, they will have a field day because i do NOT mind my p’s and q’s in there – harmful apostrophe intended as it makes a nice space between the p and the s and the q and the s!!! anyway, i’m with you on this…why point it out if it’s not that glaring and doesn’t change the meaning, unless they’re sending the damn thing to an editor and then also comment on how it made you so tired that your brain died’ – i’m paraphrasing – but, people are wackos. you, however, are not. momma is very grateful for that. thank you, jm and have a wonderful saturday. – moms

  8. I’m trying not to snort with laughter as I read this because I’m rocking my son to sleep, but shit this is a funny post.

    And the midget! What a son of a motherless goat! I think if a spelling mistake is enough to cause him to die a mental death then the fact that it leaves him brain dead would be a win for all parties concerned.

    1. there are a-holes of every describable height and order. of this, i am certain! however, they will not break our spirits! united people of the doggie clits, all rise! we live to fight another day. what is wrong with me? anyway, good to see you here, as always, beth. so good. – mother

  9. To which Wifesy said, “I don’t think it’s the clit. I think it’s a mass. Tug on it.”

    “Tug on it” needs to be trademarked, and made into a t-shirt….or a techno song. Seriously, your post made me laugh so hard, I started choking/sneezed coffee everywhere. In a round about way, I’m mad you made me laugh so hard.

    1. oh, the ‘tug on it’ tee. you, my friend, are a marketing genius! genius!! i love that you snorted something out of your nose during this reading. i consider that the highest praise. so, thank you, mike. thank you. – momma

      1. butch?! my 150 pairs of high heels would deny that. however, i can change a car tire…so, it’s probably a mix of both. :0000000 – sorry, a lot of mouths there.

      2. godderm it!! silly me to think a comment on my blog was about me!!! what an a-hole, i can be. and yes, egocentric always with a sweet heart. yes, it is possible to have the two. ask any leo. wahhh.

      3. oh well…. 🙂 I tried. You’re cute enough to be gay, though. You could be my recruit! I could teach you… everything. I’m very good at it.

  10. My grammar is horrible. I apologize for the headache my post is probably giving you right now. I am making a genuine effort to make it better. Although I thought all the porn of my page would keep people from noticing how truly horrid my grammar is. Oh well, when I’m done laughing about doggie clits I’m going to find a way to turn that into an interesting photo and send it to you with love and a cookie. That is, if you’ll let me. 😀 good luck on your move ❤

    1. i know, cerebral, i try and i try and yet, sometimes i fail. anyhoo, who gives a sh*t in the scheme of things – can other people understand you? that’s all that matters. glad you enjoyed the post and thank you for the kind words on the move. – mother

  11. Oh SM, that’s how we spell it in America indeed. That is funny stuff. I try to make sure my posts are grammatically correct,spell checking incessantly, but the problem is that I have a penchant when I am writing to include run-on sentences, like not one or two but multiple run -on sentences, sometimes in the same paragaph. And I like to start sentences with And, as well as sometimes also end them with And. Also by the time I’m getting ready to post one it’s like 2 in the AM and I’m ever so sleepy.
    I gave you a shout out on todays blog cause you rock.
    You had me at doggie clit.

    1. i will be heading over to your blog momentarily, good sir. that is very kind of you. i hear you about the sentences. like it or not, i tend to be a ‘clunky’ writer and i’m always spending time trying to de-clunk things. i can’t tell you how many times i read my sentence again and go, ‘oh, with a couple of periods, that one sentence could be made into 5. hmm, maybe i should do that.’ i’ma runonahole. see, how i did that? anyway, always love your comments and stuff. see you soon, over there. – moms

  12. Love it!! Stupid grammer d!cks! And Wifesy sounds just awesome. I mean, you’re already posting once a day, I don’t even know how you find time to revise at all! LIke lay off Larry. 🙂

    1. stephers, thank you for the spot on comment. screw ’em indeed! stupid grammer, oops, i mean grammar d*cks!! anyway, you’re awesome. thanks for reading this. – me

  13. All I have to say is thank GOD I found you before all the bandwagon fans jumped on board. You are now in Lindsay Lohan, Snooki, and Michael Jackson (if he wasn’t dead) territory. More direct advice: keep your wallet close at-hand in one of those fanny packs if necessary and lock the doors and windows. Bandwagon fans tend to break and enter and jump into your bed in a “meet the writer” kind of way that is completely creepy.

    Just kidding! I love your fans and SO appreciate you sending some my way. I am forever grateful for your 100,000 viewer freshly pressed fame, because now? I am squarely on the wagon (even though it’s more fun to be off) too.

    But you know, Sweet Mother, who has your back, and anyone who reads me will attest to the fact that I carry a candy cane shiv at all times. So watch out, Larry. I will CUT you if you diss my girl again.

    1. oh, stacie, you will always be sweet mother’s mother. wait, is that even a compliment? you know what i mean, the maternal force that helped the sweet mother, which is wonderful for me bc i am often forced into that role. anyhoot, i’ve seen that candy cane shiv that you speak of and it is gorge! (street speak for gorgeous) I feel that anyone who disses either or us from this point forward should be verbally flayed with it, for it will be a sweet, sweet death, being a candy cane and all, and i am nothing if not a sweet, sweet mother. here’s to me, loving you. (isn’t that how it goes?) – mom

  14. “Yes, she said, “tug on it.”
    If I were still single, that would be my new chat-up line. It would probably require special attire to be a complete success, though.

    1. lol. the TUG ON IT tees are on the way. as for the special attire – shorts with cutaway crotches or something more subtle… momma loves you, pinky. loves you. – me

  15. If I misspell something right now is because I have tears of laughter rolling down my face. ITS SO DAMN FUNNY!.. I mean It’s.. It’s so damn funny!

    1. IT’S funny indeed. i will never live that IT’S down. it live’s – i mean lives – in my very soul! foeva. i mean, forever!!! waaaaahhhhhhh. anyway, so glad you liked it. xo, mother

  16. Forgot to mention… after I decided against ordering my Asian gaybies, I considered getting a midget or two (Chlesea Handler has one, why shouldn’t I?). I read somewhere that Queen Elizabeth 1st had a few and so did the Hapsburg dynasty in Spain (and they’d look just as cute as the Asian gaybies in white butler/gold buttons outfits). I couldn’t find a single website which specialized in the sale or lease of gay midgets. I know I was being picky looking for the gay variety of midgets, but I thought it might be amusing to have someone around whose mouth height is so strategically located.

    1. oh, dear lawd – ‘whose mouth height is so strategically located.’ bwwwhhhhhhaaaaaa. lawd, have mercy, we are cut from the same cloth.

      if i had my chewy – chelsea handler’s sidekick (i almost wrote for her btw and not a day goes by that i don’t mention it) – i would call mine CHUECA – in honor of the gay spanish gayborhood that i’m dying to go to. my one regret that we didn’t stay a weekend there when wifesy and i were still in the uk. anyhoo – momma loves you, pinky. loves.

  17. Oh. My. God. I’m going to tell that doggie clit story to my son as a bedtime story tonight.

    I’m also going to teach him to incorrectly use the possessive of its as it’s for all eternity so all the Larry”’ss’ of the world suffer mental death’s.

    1. now, wouldn’t that be glorious… it’s a bedtime story and a life lesson all in one… loooool… great comment, 7, thank you, thank you. momma loves. – me

  18. Haters are dumb! I love you and that’s all that matters right?

    Mother mother mother! O’ sweet mother! I have started ‘The Uninspired Chronicles’ and I would love it if you took part. Also, please help to spread the word. I am sorry I am asking you so shamelessly but I love your posts and I can’t help it 😦


  19. It’s been my experience that grammar dicks like Larry exhibit some of the worst grammar mistakes in their own writing, which is probably why they feel compelled to point out other people’s mistakes in the first place. Total dick! The most obnoxious thing about such critics is that they don’t even realize just because you wrote it incorrectly, that doesn’t mean you don’t know the correct way. I spot tons of common errors in my own writing the second I read it, but there’s a totally different part of my brain that types out something completely different when I’m writing. I don’t need anyone to explain to me the difference between too and two or its and it’s–I don’t even need to stop and think about it for a second–but that doesn’t prevent me from typing out the wrong word for some bizarre reason. Most the people who get so hung up on the improper placement of an apostrophe or a comma couldn’t explain to you the difference between a dependent and independent clause. I wouldn’t be surprised if Larry was one such jackass. Like you said, it’s a blog. You don’t have a team of editors or the time to proof your work to death. The entire nature of blogging is informal, and some people really just need to get over themselves!

  20. If a mere apostrophe caused Larry’s mental death, I’m guessing his brain was in its death throes already. Hence, the comment.
    I applaude you for effortlessly dropping both foreign midgets and doggie vaginas into one post. There oughtta be an award for that. Or a cash prize.

  21. I can’t imagine having so much time in my life that I could find and comment on the typos by fellow bloggers. I’m jealous, really. And isn’t there some important message out there about being the first to cast stones?

    But you are the true master, because you managed to spin the spur into a blog post. And a great one at that!

    1. thank you, carrie. that was sweet. and thank you for commenting on the original said post. it allowed me to slap some of the dust off my cold, black, heart after reading the comment. ugh, i have a headache today and my book is to blame. wah, wah. anyway, thanks for stopping by here. i always love it. -me

  22. Momma – You are my hero! I laughed from beginning to end on this post. I’ve gotten those sh*tty grammar comments before (I admit mine sucks, but I try) and I always think, “Wow, that’s all you got out of 2,000 words a wrong fucking comma?”

    Please convey my huge esteem to Wifesy as well. I spent a summer working as a vet tech and saw lots of “cowboy” way doctors. I love how she handled that situation!!!


  23. HAHAHAHAHA. Sorry for laughing out loud. Lucky bitches, those dogs. Hey, that’s an appropriate use of the word … 🙂 LOVE you, wifesy, and your writing sooooooo much!!! AND I will still be reading every time you post. Suck it grammar d*cks! xo *muah*

  24. I figured I better recover from guffawing over doggie clits..OMG…and comment. Thank you for the laugh, and some people, (Larry), maybe don’t deserve love. Yep, I said that!
    As one who gets so tired of editing after slaving away on a post, and letting my grammar/punctuation flow freely (free?), I say poop on the haters. How very 1st grade of me! ( I have a toddler so my maturity level sinks a bit at times.)
    Another thoroughly enjoyed post Sweets…(too much?) I am constantly amazed at your wit, comedy, and willingness to comment back on all our comments. I wish I had my own personal Stacie. What a gym….( there something wrong there?!)

  25. Genius. Chock full of great advice, in good faith, with a good heart, and hysterically put.

    And 10 points for using “feck.”

  26. I couldn’t be happier after reading this. Someone else gets it! I recently posted my own rant on Grammar Nazis and the hate they spread. It wasn’t half as awesome as yours, but the message was there. I’m glad someone else more intelligent and grammar driven took it upon themselves to bring down the haters of the world. Bravo

  27. This makes me more insecure about my grammar, punctuation, and spelling. English is my second language. Aaah! And the doggie clit joke just had me laughing really hard.

  28. First and foremost, I agree with you completely about mean commenting. In fact, a wrote a post about it a little while ago. If you don’t like something, just go watch/read something else. People who take the time to write something hurtful just aren’t nice.

    Secondly, please tell me there is a video somewhere of your bilingual skit because I absolutely have to see it!

  29. It’s really hard to type with my little handi-cat sitting in my lap being needy and I had to stifle my laughter because the Masshole is napping next to me. So what I’m trying to say is this is the worst post to read right now. I’m quietly laughing and deleting my typos.

  30. Okay, several things: doggie clits . . . no wait, that comes last. Starting a sentence with a conjunction. Screw all of them, I taught university English, and I forbade my students from writing five-paragraph themes, and encouraged them to start sentences with conjunctions just so I could watch their eyes bug out and their little heads explode. Knowingly breaking the rules is not the same as not knowing the rules.

    We both go back later and edit our posts because neither of us can afford an intern or copy editor, and as writer/editors ourselves, criticism comes naturally, so about the midget/small person/nugget: You showed incredible restraint. Your response was classic, but you could have also pointed out to him that in the colonies, individuals over 5-feet-tall are allowed certain creative license.

    Doggie clit! Your wifesy is a wit, and that clit (unintentional rhyme) should have been removed and sent to Ripley’s.

  31. The doggie clit story reminds me a little bit of that David Sedaris story, “Santaland Diaries.” It had a similar climax (oops, pun) of funny-as-hell serves-you-rightness. Glad I clicked on that seductive title!

  32. Thank you for being polite about it. I apologize for my forwardness; the only excuse I can offer is that it was late at night and my manners had obviously gone to sleep already. This post you linked to was hilarious 😀

  33. First off I would like to say awesome blog! I had a quick question in which
    I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your head before writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my thoughts in
    getting my thoughts out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the
    first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be wasted simply just trying
    to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?

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