It’s that time again. It’s a wonderful, sunny, morning here in Socal. I’m sipping my coffee and gently trolling around the posts of another blogger. You see, I have such a great community here. I want to pay it forward. Now, how would I do that? Well, if Oprah were in my immediate vicinity, I’d proudly proclaim, “I’VE MADE A GRATITUDE COLLAGE!” It would consist of cut out pictures of friends and family, my Wifesy and doggie, and a great deal of the commentators and readers here at Sweet Mother.
I would thrust my Oprah-like gratitude collage up in the air and behind me, I would hear a tsk, tsk. It would be my own mother standing over my right shoulder and shaking her head.
Her look would be saying, in a full Spanish accent of course, “Jou are in Jou’re late 30’s and jou are spending jour time making cutouts on cardboard to show jour tanks? Dis is sad, berry, berry, sad. If jou want to chow jour tanks, try calling jour real Moder eberry once in a while. What is dis blog? I no understand dis blogging. Does it make any money at all?”
But, I don’t pay Sweet Mother’s Mother any mind because I’m an adult and can do as I please. Thankfully, years of therapy have taught me that. Now, I’d LIKE to throw my gratitude collage up in the air and scream my thanks to my many followers, as my vagina grows three sizes due to fulfilling one of Oprah’s proclamations, BUT I’m allergic to glue-sticks and Wifesy refuses to take me to Staples for supplies. So, this Reggie Reader Profile series will have to suffice. It is with a warm heart and a cold coffee that I bring you the next installment. Please welcome….
In this artistic, ghost like image of Maggie, something delightful has happened. Besides a blurry spirit passing through Maggie and her two adorable dogs, Maggie has chosen KASHI cereal as her ‘fiber rich’ product of honor! You do not know how happy this makes me. Not only does Kashi cereal boast 9 grams of fiber – 9 GRAMS OF FIBER! – (and you thought you couldn’t give birth through your a**hole), but I also firmly believe it is…
THE LESBIAN CEREAL.
Here is my photographic evidence. “Good Friends,” really?
Yes, that’s what all the lesbos say in college! She’s just my “good friend”. We’re just getting “healthy” together. Of course we spend all of our time in the bedroom, you have no idea how many calories, sex, I mean sit-ups can burn!
So, yes, Maggie has chosen THE cereal that is closest to my own heart and that of the Indigo Girls. She is not, however, a lesbo. Quite the contrary, it seems Maggie has created a gaggle of straightbies. They are adorable and I picture them frolicking on her gigantic-sized deck. Quite frankly, I picture myself frolicking on Maggie’s deck while Mags flips the burgers and her twin sisters feed me shots. We eat an army of prime ribs together, a bucket of corn on the cob, gallons of handmade coleslaw, and as the drinks hit we argue politics, but not in any sh*tty kind of way. In a “we can all agree to disagree” kind of way. When the debate settles down, we all punch the poo out of her younger brother because he said something off color. He finally screams, “OWWW!” loud enough and we relent taking him under the arm and tussling up his hair as if he were a toddler and not a full grown adult. It feels like family and Mags does family good. (Grammar D*cks, that was poetic license. Pay attention.)
It’s true. When you read Maggie’s stuff, you feel like you’re included at the barbecue. She talks about naked museum strolls, and safety gear, and whether one should talk or not talk in a public restroom. She talks about how to deal with a drunken sailor/ toddler and I say, who couldn’t use more advice like that? Maggie writes well. Her humor is spot on. She deserves more readers. I’ve said this about her from the very beginning.
Mags started this whole “journey” (Thank you, Oprah!) as a weight loss blog, but it seems to have morphed into something more and for that I’m happy. It’s not that you can’t do an exciting weight loss blog, it’s that Maggie shines when she’s talking about the everyday. It’s like a window into her life and it makes you want to grab a seat at the picnic table.
So, tell the cook how you like your burger, FOLLOW MAGGIE, grab a beer, and then just sit back and read. You’ll be glad you did.
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Photo creds: kashi pics are ours, all ours! Prunes Feature pic