I Wish This Was A Photoblog

I’m struggling with what to write today.  I’m posting so late because I originally wrote an entire piece about the Octomom.  I have it saved here on my computer, but I’m not sure if I should post it yet.  That’s because the Octomom saddens me and it’s very easy to lose the funny when talking about a neglectful, self involved, idiot.  So, I have the Octomom piece sitting here on my desktop and all I can think is, “I Wish I Had a Photoblog”.  It feels like a photoblog would be so much easier right now.  I know, I know, people with photoblogs don’t think a photoblog is easy at all.  I mean you have to have the right equipment and lighting and a good eye, etc.  Etc.  However, right now, I simply want to post an image like this:



And then say something like this:


The above image was taken by using skilled fingers against a keyboard and the perfectly applied pushing of the buttons command + shift + 4.  Such a sequence of events, causes a screen capture.  When performing a screen capture, one must be sure to outline the image correctly and precisely.  One must start with the crosshairs in the upper left hand corner and then pull down towards the right.  It seems the picture was taken in Alaska.  Now, I have been to Alaska, several times.  However, I spent most of those trips inside the darkly lit areas of a comedy club/ bar.  So, if you wanted to see a picture I have actually taken, you would’ve received a badly out of focus picture of a barstool.  Thankfully, since this is a mock-photoblog, I can expertly use my nimble fingers to present this pristine image of an Alaskan lake instead.


Next, I would upload this one to keep the flow going:



Then I would add some additional photoblog-esque commentary on the above photo:


This picture appears to be from Germany.  I have never been to Germany, but I would very much like to go.  I love beer and the Lady Gaga song, “Schiebe”.  Now, I did not create this picture by standing on that pier and expertly adjusting my lenses to deal with the evening light or lack thereof.  However, I am an expert searcher and it was my incredible use of the search terms “gorgeous” and “landscapes” typed into the search box on flickr that yielded this image.  These are nuances you can not learn in art college.  For example, had I used the terms, “toad” and “summer” I would have come up with this image:



You see, they are completely different!  What acumen!  What talent!  What splendor!


I am not being hard on myself today.  I know that not everyone is capable of creating a piece about the Octomom, failing, staring at it, not deleting it, but thinking about deleting it, and coming up with an alternative plan that involves mimicking a photoblog using nothing, but the skills of a screen capture.  However, not everyone is Sweet Mother.


Which made me think… What would happen if…if…I typed “sweet” and “mother” into the engine…


And this is the result:



And this…


And for some reason this…


I’m sorry, but the last one makes me feel like I may have accidentally called for a jihad some place in the world.  If I have, I didn’t mean it.  I take it back or blame the guy in the photo credits below.  I only meant to be a Sweet Mother.  And this post is all this Sweet Mother has in her, at this very moment.  The well has become irritated.  To express my inner feelings, to represent the turmoil of the tortured artist I am today, I give you this:



Now, if you want to turn that frown upside down…tell me you want to see the Octomom piece and I’ll post the darn thing tomorrow, regardless of how I feel about it.



Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” button at the top of the page.



You might also like:

I Wish I Had a Food Blog

My Movie Review of the Woman Sitting Behind Me…



Photo credits:  alaska lake, pier, toad, crying baby, kittens, phone-rose, sad clown


57 thoughts on “I Wish This Was A Photoblog

  1. I think you should post more photos of what comes up with the term Sweet Mother….Octomom grosses me out and bums me out and irritates me out. I know whatever you wrote I would love but she is icky and the kids make me sad.

    1. i’m so with you, mags. i did a whole piece on it and it just made me the sad clown you see at the end there. she’s hard to even rail against because she’s just so feckin’ sad and the poor, poor kids. ugh.

  2. I don’t know how many times I stare at that damn laptop and say to myself “Ugh. What am I going to write today that nobody is going to read anyway and thus Id be better off flipping channels with my hand down my pants Al Bundy style.” but then out the clear blue sky I usually get a vision and frantically try to get it all written, photoshop the images, and post it before midnight so Crappy ass Feedburner can decide whether it feels like sending the updates out in the morning.

    Wow that was depressing. I think my blood sugar is low today.

    1. llllooool, oh, rob. the whole, ‘wow, that was depressing. i think my blood sugar is low today’ really made me laugh out loud. i so feel you, my friend. it’s a racket. in a lot of ways. sure, we don’t have to post as frequently, but i like it and i’m trying to accomplish something here. i think the octomom piece i wrote just bummed me out and then it’s equally hard to spend time on something only to chuck it. xoxo, sm

      1. I salute you for trying to post every day. If I tried that, I’d probably be addicted to amphetemines and the good kind of Sudafed by now (the kind you have to show ID for).

        I’m trying to balance appearing to enjoy my full-time job, having the requisite 3.2 hours of daily family time, and trying to come up with something that eventually people might like so much that they can’t resist sharing no matter how hard their finger says no.

    1. i don’t know. she just might be too depressing for sm to spend time on. i felt like i researched the holocaust this morning after i wrote about her. too much. anyway, momma loves you, jots. xo, sm

  3. I think I’ve said this in your comments before, but sometimes I wish I had a cooking blog for similar reasons. Like photo blogs, the authors of recipe blogs probably don’t think they’re easy, but dammit I do! BTW can’t wait to see what you have to say about Octomom, should that piece ever be posted 🙂

    1. i’m on the fence about the octomom piece. not the first one i have NOT posted either. there was a paula deen piece too, way back in the early days (oh 3 long mos ago. looolll) of this blog. anyway, maybe i’ll sit on it for tonight, see how i feel in the a.m.. sigh. xo, sm

  4. Someone didn’t take their SSRI’s this week… 😀
    I think your problem, and America’s problem are your views of alcohol. Enjoying drink and dedicating one’s self to it, makes life nearly palatable.

      1. I’ve never known an American drink like a European and not intern themselves at Hazelden 😀
        I drink about one and a half bottles of red p/day. Sometimes an aperitif and always my bed-time brandy…

  5. Hey there, it’s been a while…

    My blog sort evolved, without my intention, from an ‘I travel a lot, here’s my witty commentary on life on the road’, into a ‘here’s the shit I see’ photoblog, largely due to running out of crap on which to comment… And if it makes you feel any better, I’ve found that it’s tricky to find good, original pictures to throw up, especially with any kind of consistency. There’s only so much pretty shit to take pictures of…

    And this is a laugh out loud post, so if this is what you come up with when fighting a bout of blogger’s block, then I think you’re doing just fine :). You’ve kept me in stitches since I found you on FP’ed a while back…

    -B. Littleton

    1. remarkable, you just made my day. seriously. i mean that. so, thank you. and i totally know it’s hard. i just like to say that everything i’m not doing is easy, makes me feel better. loollll. xoxo, mom

  6. I think you should write my photoblog for me. You’re much more entertaining. (I may get kicked out of the Guild of Photobloggers — if there is such a thing — for saying this but nothing puts me to sleep faster than reading a description of camera settings and what the photographer was thinking when they took that gorgeous shot. And yes, I’m guilty of occasionally doing that, so it’s possible the guild may have mercy on me and let me hang around the fringes.) The Octomom makes me sad (and irritated) too. That said, I bet whatever you wrote is funny so I’m in.

  7. Yeah, I understand. If you’re playing it straight (c0uldn’t resist) then go with the octomom article. I’m sure you’ll have some valid insights. If you’re playing it for laughs, only you can decide if it works or not. I, like others have said, am saddened by the entire octomom episode. I’m saddened for her, for the kids, for a world that makes her a celebrity. I just can’t find it funny in any way. Perhaps you can. All joy today. I’m sure you’ll make the right choice. HF

  8. Even though I love my bitchy fashion blog, I spend a fair amount of quality time wanting to have a blog about my adventures in _____. I think it’s pretty normal to want to do and try something else, especially when it looks easy/fun/crazy/something. That said, your writing is funny and engaging, so I would read your food or google image search or photography blog. I will also read your Octomom post if you should choose to post it.

    This is mostly unrelated, but the most frustrating adventure in google images I ever had was while trying to make a slideshow for a bridal shower game. I was making a game where you had to guess the movie based on the wedding scene (which is harder than it sounds), and for almost every single search, I got multiple pictures of the Duchess of Cambridge or Princess Diana, even for Pirates of the Caribbean. The worst by far was The Princess Bride, which didn’t even get much less ridiculous by adding the word “movie” to my search.

  9. I agree, Octomom is just too sad. She clearly has issues that need to be resolved and it’s too sad. Wait, I said that already. I read headlines when I’m really stuck.

    1. ok, my fave part was ‘the mistake was not related to her appearance’ and ‘she went searching for oranges…’ JESUS CHRIST. oh, man, that was good. thank you, pinky. xoxo

      1. Hello. Just happened to scan this convo thread on my way to the bottom of the page … I’m reluctant to follow the original link lest it ruin the comic gold that is the above two quotes, out of context.

        Anyway. What I wanted to say was that I can sense your Octomom-induced sadness and I think only a sweet mother such as yourself could give so much of a shit about old news like her fucked up shit. There are plenty of other shitty people with children to be sad about, but personally, I would rather read one of you’re Gayby posts. They give me hope. Please have children.

  10. Well, if you’re not sure, maybe you can do the whole thing from the distance of a metaphor. Perhaps instead of writing about Octomom, you could write about…oh, I don’t know…maybe a blogger who wanted to have 8 blogs, even though people told her she’d be spreading herself too thin and she wouldn’t be able to respond to all the individual blog’s needs and so on and so on…

    But I agree–it’s kind of sad. Especially if in 12 years, one of the offspring searches the old blog of the now very famous Sweet Mother, star, writer, and producer of three comedy blockbusters, only to find out that Sweet Mother mocked his very own mother 12 years earlier.

    Decisions, decisions…

    1. seriously. it’s one of those, ‘i need some distance from it’ moments. i’ll come back and look at it tomorrow with fresh eyes. i love the blogger who has 8 blogs idea though, brilliant. xoxo, sm

  11. Octomom makes me sad, too. I’d follow your photoblog if you ever decided to choose that path (it better be witty though, or else).

    Side note, Schiebe is a great work out song if you ever need to run and/or dance out any of the crap that life throws at you. Your mention of it inspired me to go dance it out right now, actually. Thanks!

  12. The trouble with octomom is there is no sense to her actions. I’ve wasted time flinging myself against a metaphorical brick wall trying to understand nonsensical behavior, survived bloody, bruised, but none the wiser. And remember, she has six other children besides the eight. I don’t know how to comment beyond the obvious. If you have done so, let us see! You are a braver blogger than I. We, your readers, will judge your efforts severely and without mercy, but don’t let that stop you. 😉

  13. I just feel sad for the octomom too. She clearly has some issues that the idiot that thought it would be ok to impregnate her with a litter somehow didn’t notice. Maybe you could rewrite the post to include a massive serve for that person.

    She is an idiot who needs ignoring. He was a professional who should have known better. You are right, sometimes it is better to have a rant then go back and edit it with a kinder eye. It is not those kids fault their mum is crazy, and they are the ones who might read it later.

  14. When I can’t think of anything to write I just post nonsensical excerpts from conversations with my children. A photoblog would be much easier. Especially if I didn’t have to take the photos.

  15. I’ve written about Octomom, and I believe I also used the word “sad” and the words “horribly sad” and the words “Victorian freak show”. It’s interesting that you wrote about photos because my doppelgänger, aka Speaker7doppelganger, did a whole post on her improvements to that “patriotic” eaglecop photo I posted on my blog. She took a lot of your advice about making it more American-y.


  16. I’d never heard of Octomom before so I did a quick search to find out what everyone here was talking about. I wasn’t shocked by the third world living conditions but I was shocked by reading that this mother had a ‘stylist’. Excuse me?

    Post your article on Octomom Mum. I’m sure we’ll survive a bit of sadness and you wouldn’t have written that article if it hadn’t have needed to come out. Let ‘er rip!

  17. If it matters, I have mixed feelings about Octomom; obviously there’s a screw loose somewhere but then a part of me feels sorry for her. But I’m that kind of person…trying to figure out why a person does what she/he does and have empathy for that. I feel most of the time here, I’m the last kid chosen for dodgeball, but still….looking forward to your next post. Be well, dear M!

  18. I’m always surprised at how much you can write, and how friggin good it always is. Even this, your “brick wall”, was better than what some people churn out once every two weeks.

    You could post a picture of paper and make it interesting. You’re that good.

  19. Good morning, sweetmother. There I was, going to my room, thinking about writing down my weird dream or thoughts about my (deleted very depressing word here) when I stumbled about your new postings.
    Gonna take my pill now (just in case) and my day will be just fine :-).

  20. I’ve made the mistake of including images with all of my real posts, which I do not suggest anyone take up as a practice. I spend just as much time trying to find creative commons licensed photos to use as I do writing the damn things. Argh.

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