It’s Reggie time! It’s that day of the week when I seep a reader of mine in buckets of praise. I can not think of a better candidate for such teabag-like steepage then my sistah in comedy:
Speaker 7 is out of her beautiful, goddamned mind – as the anonymous, Samantha Brick “Oh I’m so pretty, so Speaker 7 did me a favor and threw a bag over my head” photo should indicate. 7 has chosen the photo of this self-proclaimed beautiful narcissist posed next to a bag of colon cleansing doggie treats as a stand-in for her own photo. Never mind, that the bag says “coprophagia” on it, which I believe means a dog eats their own poo. I respect this choice. Truth is, I respect everything Speaker 7 writes.
Let me explain to you what goes down every time I read a Speaker 7 post. I flip open her blog in my browser. My insides start to quiver. I see her first joke three sentences down and I upchuck a giggle. It’s a quick one like Kate Moss would do after brunch. I move my eyes down the page and see her first picture. I usually see something like this:
…and I guffaw.
I can’t help myself. I read a bit further and Speaker 7 takes the truth – usually a gently bruised, half naked maiden – and dresses her up in a respectable, shining military uniform of funny by saying something like this:
Geraldo actually used the word “gangsta” and kept saying “gangsta,” really overemphasizing the “sta” of the “gangsta” to an extent that I stuck my hand into a food processor so I could concentrate on something else.
I read that and I pee myself.
This is how it goes when I read Speaker 7. Trembling insides, a giggle, a wild guffaw, an “Oh, no! that was feckin’ awesome”, and then I peer down to realize I’ve whizzed in my double-wides. (Double-wides is what I call my underwear, since I do have two cheeks.)
I also sound like a beer guzzling sport fanatic when I read Speaker 7. I read something of hers and I find myself going, “COME ON! COME ON! YES, YES, YES!” If someone walked by my house at that moment they’d say that dude with the high voice must be watching the football game. Nope, this lady in her knickers is reading Speaker 7.
I honestly feel that Speaker 7 elevates comedy to another level. I think it would be a horrible shame in blog-land if more people didn’t read her. She complained recently about her site stats in a post. I’m so in denial that she has any site stat suckage, that I refuse to link to the post. But, I will link to some others. She has an incredible series known as “turd of the week” where she talks about creationism, burkas, and women as livestock. I also dare you to check out her piece where a bride feeds herself THROUGH A NOSETUBE to lose some lbs before the wedding and NOT laugh. I dare you to check out her piece on Ghost-Douches and why we should have a better screening process before d*cks get their own TV programs and NOT wee yourself a little bit.
Truth is, I was a fan of Speaker 7 before any of you were a fan of me, which means I have incredible comedy tastes. Truth is if someone doesn’t publish this funny-assed broad, I may have to clone myself and start a publishing company. So, I can publish her myself.
The moral: don’t be a turd. Be a good egg. Click THIS LUCKY NUMBER 7 link and follow her.
You’re welcome and Happy Sunday.
Sweet Mother is updated daily. If you’d like to receive an email with new content, simply click the “follow” button at the top of this blog.
You might also like: