Maybe the Funniest Thing I Have Ever Seen

Okay, I was going to write a whole thing today about how I’m trying to catch up with comments and how I’ve received a bevvy of awards and have yet to respond to them, but then I came across what I’m about to show you.  I am literally trembling with excitement as I write this piece and share this with all of you.  It’s glorious.  Sometimes democrazy – oops, democracy – is wonderful in how it allows everyone to have a voice, even the ones who have just stepped out of an insane asylum and who get their political information transmitted by aliens through the tin foil on their leftover turkey pot pies.  This is just so good, I had to share it.  Here’s what I suggest you do.  Read my commentary first, in case you are at work or to just get an incredible overview of what’s in store and then watch the video.  Oh — and be sure to take note of the black-haired fellow sitting directly behind the crazy lady talking.  He’s laughing his ass off and it’s a sight to behold.

 

In quotes you will find my paraphrased versions of what this woman (in the video below) actually said in front of a council exploring the protection of LGBT rights in Lincoln, Nebraska.  Below that in bold, you will find my reactions to her statements.  And lastly…

 

God Bless, America – for the comedy, if nothing else.  Here we go.

 

“People found dead without clothes on are in gay relationships because partners steal clothes after death.”

 

I never knew this.  I don’t know why Wifesy would steal my clothes after I die.  She has full access to my wardrobe while I’m alive.  Maybe this is where the gay rights movement gets all of its funding.  All those Salvation Armies and thrift stores you see around?  They’re really just money fronts for the gay movement.  All the clothing is gathered by gay people who use their penises to determine when someone has died.  The penis (or vag) functions as a gps, once they arrive at the corpse, they strip it, and give the clothes to a thrift store.  The proceeds, of which, immediately go into the gay coffers.  And, of course, all of this happened to Whitney Houston.  But, you knew that, right?


“Winter Wipeout is a show written and produced by gay spies and orgy-ists or homociders.”

 

I’ve never heard about Winter Wipeout.  Is it on Fox?  Is it maybe something you only see in your mind, you, CRAZY BAG O’ DONUTS?!

 

“Anus licking leads to sepsis.”

 

Better go say that in the breeder churches too.  I hear a few of them are HUGE backdoor users.  Especially, the Greeks.

 

“P-E-N-I-U-S goes into anus to rupture intestines.”

 

Um, who told you that?  A man?  They wish.  Because that would be a big D-I-C…oh, nevermind.

 

“Hilary Clinton queered off in college with some Dean’s daughter.”

 

Good for you, Hilary. 

 

“AIDS is a Candida and gay people feck corpses.”

 

Yeast infections can also come from candida.  So, you had better go stand in the Monistat aisle at the supermarket, you, CRAZY BAG O’ DONUTS.  You better get to telling all those ladies they’re about to get AIDS.  Thanks for explaining the gay to corpse thing.  I was always wondering why the best gay bars were right next to the morgue. 

 

“Children in San Francisco have horrible test scores and rape each other hetero.”

 

OMG, “RAPE EACH OTHER HETERO” — that has to go on a t-shirt somewhere.  I picture a Jersey Shore cast member saying it to his other well ab-ed and tanned cohort:  “My buddy was looking so good after that gym workout and tanning session that I almost cruised him in the locker room, but instead we raped each other hetero.  Now, we’re going to the club to get some hos.”  WHAT IN GOD’S NAME.  I CAN’T.  I CAN’T CONTINUE.  Who knew poor test scores were a result of raping one another hetero.  And if people are raping each other hetero, aren’t they solving her problem?  You’re logic is being poorly translated from out of that tin foil, you Crazy Bag O’ Donuts.  Wait, what logic?

 

“Judas was a homo.  Do you choose Jesus – a celibate or Judas – a homo?  Because you have to choose.”

 

Lady, Judas was metrosexual.  Your gaydar is way off.  I think because the aliens are taking up your entire brain-feed.  Ay yay yay.

 

Now, please, without further adieu…ENJOY the best anti-gay video I have ever seen.

 

 

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Video credit:  Mediaite

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67 thoughts on “Maybe the Funniest Thing I Have Ever Seen

  1. Funny how a penis can rupture intestines but getting a colonoscopy can’t? If that were true, my intestines should be dragging on the floor right now like a long sausage link. (because of the colonoscopy, not the penis in ass thing.).

    1. oooooohhhh, the cartoon i have in my head of you dragging your sausage link intestines behind you…it’s wrong, but hilarious! oh, lawd, sometimes crazy is just SO good. lol. xo, sm

  2. Actually not sure if this is hilarious or scary – bit of both I guess. Loved the guy in the back! Oh and thanks for the transcript. I’m not even sure the lady talking was always sure of what she was actually saying 😉

    Loved: PENIUS – Seriously?! 😀

    1. I mean. it’s the craziest thing i’ve seen in a long time. for the first few secs, i was like, ‘oh, this is going to be sad’ – then it was just so ridiculous that i couldn’t stop laughing….xo, sm

  3. Dear Crazy Bag O’ Donuts,

    San Francisco is actually the highest performing urban school district in California as far as test scores go. Maybe it’s all those gay teachers!

    LMAO

    1. gotta be all those gay teachers…who are somehow raping each other hetero??!!!!! loooolll. nudge, nudge, wink, wink. i mean it’s so crazy that it’s so good. love you. xo, sm or sweet s for you. 😉

  4. LOL! That woman is crazy. The man behind her is the only one even listening, goodness knows what everyone else was thinking.

    I think she’s a lesbian in denial 😉

      1. Yes, well, she complained about the education system in San Francisco, but she couldn’t even ramble off a single complete sentence. So… I think my jaw dropped within the first two seconds and stayed that way as long as I could bear to watch.

  5. Hilarious, but oh so sad. I think she summed herself up well (or may she “self-inflicted”) with, “…and this is deranged thinking.” Is it just me or does she sound like the reading of the side-effects in a drug ad at the end, rambling as fast as she can?

    1. she’s on something for sure and i think the side effects are psychosis!!! lol. man, oh, man, it’s like comedy gold. i’m waiting to find out it’s a fake…xoxo, sm

  6. OMG! When I read your transcript of it, I thought, “oh, it’s just someone making a joke.” How sad that this is a real crazy nut-bag! I hope the people of Nebraska are smart enough to not listen to a mental case like her!

    Thank you for sharing this horror film 🙂

  7. Bags o’ donuts around the world are insulted by your comparison! I could probably have a more coherent conversation with a chocolate frosted than I could with that woman!

  8. HAHAHA… the guy sitting in the back made it all better… i mean i was like OMG and then his reactions told me “relax little..just enjoy the show”
    this video clearly shows the kind of hatred people have even in this century … i guess it will take thousand more years (if mayans don’t kill us) and one more iceage to get a world with no discrimination…

      1. bag o’ donuts is a pure mind feck, i’ll tell you that. lol. yes, hopefully she was taken back to her home afterwards and put back on her medication. ay yay yay. lol. sm

  9. This is performance art. This is Cindy Sherman dressed up as a crazy loon to make a statement that denying people civil rights is as crazy as labeling someone a bioethic genocider in hospitals. Because if it’s real then I will need to start drinking heavily. And then I might find myself gay and stealing people’s clothes and encouraging hetero rape to lower test scores.

    1. i think i was “hetero raped” in college. it’s why i had a low gpa, either that or i didn’t try. it’s one of the two. ay yay yay, performance art, indeed. what a crazy assed bag o’ donuts, but i swear i could do a modern dance to it. so, i think maybe you’re on to something. lol. xoxox

  10. The part that I found so fascinating is that she had written it all down ahead of time. When she was told she had only a minute left, she started reading faster….because, damn it, she had to get all of it on the record! Also, she was so matter of fact about all of it…no emotional body language to go with all of the hate and crazy. A sure sign of schizophrenia: As long as you don’t hear the words to realize that they make no logical sense, the noise almost sounds like a real person talking.

    1. you have surely hit the nail on the head of that diagnosis. man, oh, man and she had articles of some sort. did she print them at home on a printing press, i’m guessing? are they part of her unabomber-like manifesto? lawd, let’s hope not. lol. xo, sm

  11. Creationism, intelligent design and now this. Yes, this sweet old lady is many eggs short of a dozen but she represents all those people who don’t care whether their beliefs are logical or not – they make their own logic.

    If there were no Amendment 1, if there were no Pastor Sean Harris, if there were no DJ Dominic Dieter I’d laugh at Donut Lady but she’s not alone guys. This is scary.

    1. it’s hard to take her seriously at all, really. believe me, the sensible haters i take seriously. but, this one just needs meds and a good home. really. xo, mum

  12. You evil little Irish-Colombian thieving lesbionic woman- One single day I have to step away from the computer and you steal my plan. I was going to write about crazy Nebraska lady- now you’ve taken crazy tragi-funny lady from me. I don’t even know who to send a formal complaint to. Ellen DeGeneres? Darn dangit.
    Tomorrow we’re having lunch with Mrs. Guggenheim in Gaucín- so Mike’s telling me to sleep off my drunkenness immediately- aaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.
    I’ll get you though! You just wait!!!!!!!!!

  13. Tears… tears… tears. I love how she didn’t have any real premise to her argument and she kinda/sorta reached her point at the end. And what should I be if I want to live past 80? Apparently, to her, gays die at 40 and heteros die at 80– so what do I do?

  14. I’m absolutely speechless. No I’m not. This is hysterical and just shows how some people can be so ignorant. Some, or all, of the “evidence” she stated sounds like it was made up by giggling teenage boys.Hey Beavis, do you know that kids in San Francisco rape each other hetero? Huhuhuhuhuhuh

  15. Sweet baby Jesus, this is frightening beyond anything I’ve seen so far. I can only hope she’s suffering from massive dementia, otherwise she might be the craziest bitch I’ve ever seen.

  16. Wow! I really wouldn’t want to be the person to follow her. I would be standing there going “what the F…. was that?”.
    As long as she stays on the other side, I would say the battle is won.

  17. I’m so embarrassed to admit this, but I never knew ANY of those facts. Truly illuminating. I can say with absolute sincerity that she is the perfect representative of the anti-gay party.

  18. I would share this with my good friend who is both gay and over 60, except that she must not actually exist. Instead, I will go rape someone hetero. Yes.

  19. WOW! I’ve watched it over and over trying to figure out what “rape each other hetero” could actually mean in her head and I’m still stumped. The sad part is every argument against gay-equality pretty much sounds equally ridiculous.

  20. It really is very difficult to support the idea of one (wo)man one, vote sometimes, isn’t it?

    Incidentally, when arguing with fundamentalist Christians, you may find this useful. Of course, they may not be converted to intelligence and compassion, but at least in opposing them the confused bystander may be emboldened not to swallow their crap.

    http://wellthisiswhatithink.wordpress.com/2012/05/01/why-is-the-church-anti-gay-if-the-bible-isnt/

  21. Yep. That’s crazy. I’m a Lincolnite and I just love that our city is now not only known as the crazy football cornheads but the crazy ranting homophobes. Thankfully this ordinance is expected to pass overwhelmingly, just as it did in Omaha, and this crazy woman does not reflect most of us here.

    1. i know, she’s so cray-cray, but believe me i don’t judge a whole frickin’ town by the call of one crazy loon. there are good people in lincoln. there are good people everywhere, but this was too good not to have fun with…xo, sm

      1. I’m glad you feel that way — because I’ve had my fill of reading the “only in Nebraska” comments that are usually attached to this video. Mind you, usually I and my like-minded fellow Nebraskans are some of the ones saying this… 😉

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