Getting It Right


I read an article about a comedian who had recently passed away.  I had worked with this comedian before, but truth be told, I never really liked him.  Why?  He wasn’t all that nice.  Plain and simple.  And I don’t mean on stage.  I mean off.  On stage you can be however you like and I LOVE a cantankerous motherfecker on stage.  But, if you’re still an a-hole off stage – in every minute that you walk around in life – you’re not high on my list of cool people.  This guy was like that.  He was a provocateur every second of everyday.  It was exhausting.


However, I did glean one cool thing from the article and it ended up being an odd similarity between myself and Mr. Instigator comic.  He had a code.  Now, his code might have been – “be an a-hole at all times to lead yourself and others towards self discovery whether they want a self discovery or not.”  But, it was a code nonetheless.


Yep, I just said code, as if we are all knights of the round table.  But, it’s true whether you wear armor and dance around like some kind of nut at a medieval fair or not, you need a code.  I think you need a code for your art and your life.


You must know what you are fighting for. (There’s even a lady-knight in there. See if you can find her.)


I believe that I had a loose sort of “code” for this blog and that’s why it has worked for me.  My blog code was very simple when I started.  It was and still is this:


  • write creatively, every, single day FOR ME.  just for me.
  • do NOT get involved in coding and design.  have the blog look good, but don’t go further than that.
  • find a community who ONLY knows me for my writing – thus my alias, Sweet Mother.
  • test out my book ideas.  test out my other comedy ideas.  test out my more serious stuff.
  • do no harm.


That’s it.  That’s my blog “code.”  I think it’s different for everyone.  Yet, I strongly feel that everyone should have one.


Now, I said for your art AND your life when talking about this code stuff.  So, what’s my life code?  Well, if I were to think about it, it would probably go something like this:


  • do creative and fulfilling work.
  • get paid for that work.
  • do not take unsuitable work out of panic.
  • take care of myself and wifesy in all areas – health, spiritual, financial, etc.
  • meet and connect with like-minded, positive, individuals.  get rid of the rest or create a boundary between myself and them.  (they don’t even need to know about said boundary.)
  • be edgy…because that’s who you are and what you like.
  • live authentically.
  • protect those who need it.
  • do no harm.


That’s it.  That’s my life’s code – in a loose sense.  I think you need to have one.  I think it should be somewhat flexible, but I think you have to have one.  I think when you have one it puts you on the absolute and right path.  I think it’s part of the key to getting everything that you want.  I read somewhere that google does this with its employees.  It asks them what “qualities” are most important to them and where do they “see themselves in 5 years.”  It’s that sort of thing, but really – to make it all quite simple – it’s just a code.  A code for living and creating.


What’s yours?



End-notes:  Since this is a rather short post today, I’d like to include a couple more things.  1.  I accidentally left out a wonderful blogger yesterday, who had given me an award.  Her name is Brigitte.  I have read her stuff and it is great.  She deserves readers.  So, if you’re looking for another wonderful new blog, follow her today.  2.  Lastly, a friend of mine posted this blog on my fb today.  She thought it really related to my “Thank You, Barack” piece on why the black community should support the gay rights movement.  It was written in 1970.  1970!  And I still think it holds true today.  Give it a read and if you comment, let ’em know I sent you.  xoxo



Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” button at the top of the page.



You might also like:

Thank You, Barack

How I Can Help You



Photo creds:  chargingknights, redknight


85 thoughts on “Getting It Right

  1. My code:
    Stay up all night writing.
    Go to sleep realizing what a crappy ass post I just wrote.
    Wake up at 3 am and totally rewrite it.
    Slog my way to work.
    Try to telepathically make more comments appear on my iPhone.
    Go home.

  2. oooooooooohhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh- She’s turning into Dexter 😀
    I barely remember my pin code, remembering another code would be too much work. But if I had one, “do no harm” would probably not be one of the points…

    1. But, annoying drag queens would probably be part of my code (if I had one). Once, a drag queen gave me a button saying: “I dress this way to annoy the drag queens”- I’m still not sure what it means.

    2. looooollll. perhaps yours is ‘do much harm’. tho, i don’t think you do much harm. one of yours might be ‘inflict verbal assaults while telling the truth…’ but, that ain’t such a bad one. and i love the dexter reference. why in the feck did i not think of that ??!!! xo, sm

  3. Oh goodness, codes, how I live by them.
    1. live an honourable life,
    2. grow with my son, not live through him
    3. I started exactly 1 year ago, cutting out all the negative noise – including family.
    4. Don’t say, but do
    5. live without regret, it is a waste of time.
    I could write out more, but people would think I was a little nuts.

    1. looool, travel. i would never think you are nuts. these are FANTASTIC though. i love them. there are so many good ones that stood out for me – don’t say, but do, grow w my son, don’t live thru him, cut out the negative noise – they’re all really good. and the don’t live with regret too. such good GOOD stuff. much love, mother

      1. no. YOU go too far some times. take some responsibility. geez. it’s part of being a man, isn’t it? or does this lesbo have to tell you everything.

      2. It’s only too far if it’s serious. Did I actually think she meant she physically “grew” with her son? Of course not. The whole line was: “grow with my son, not live through him”-
        It couldn’t be anything but a play on words.

      3. if you want to tease the shit out of people on your own blog, go right ahead. but, this is my space. so, once again, i’m gonna say it – direct your stuff and me and not at others. this will be the last i say on this, as i have other shit to do.

      4. Well, that is a bit small of you, and a narrow minded comment. As a parent, if you don’t grow, then you missed the point of being a parent. As a human, you should always grow and learn.

      5. well, she didn’t take it as one. so, direct your shit at me and NOT the people who comment on my blog. besides, she was talking to me anyway. i heart you, pinky, but i like the people who come here and i WILL protect them and their feelings. please refer to above code.

  4. I have plenty of life codes–so many that my kids are sick of hearing them. But one of the most important is to not take yourself–or life for that matter–too seriously. Why get your undies wadded up over the little things? No one’s got enough time for that. On the other hand, sometimes you NEED to get your undies wadded up–otherwise nothing in this world would change. So I guess that’s another life code…

    Nice post, Sweet Mama.

    1. thank you, rubes. you’re always an awesome addition here. and i’m so with you, ‘don’t sweat the small stuff’ — MOST of the time. 😉 much love, mother

      1. See? This is the real reason I blog. Just to collect warm fuzzies like the one you just gave me. Lord knows I don’t get them from my kids…

  5. My code, simple: Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

    Frankly, SM, this domestic drone shit scares me to no end! HF

      1. Government is certainly needed because a lot of folks won’t do the right thing without regulations and oversight. But people must have their right to privacy! I’m serious as a crutch when I say, domestic drones is a path to eliminate privacy. I do not need Big Brother watching what I do on my patio! I don’t scare easily, but this is scary. HF

  6. That seems like a nice funda…
    My blog code is sharing whatsoever comes to my mind and my life code is somewhat ironical to the blogging one- its to hide what I feel because what I feel is something that won’t be considered and given any importance by anyone but me.. Its as simple as that.
    Well, I lack in adding little bit of humour to my writings terribly, I think I must try learning your posts. 😀

    1. very interesting stuff, anxious. thank you for posting it here. i think our codes have to be different depending on our own needs and the timing and a lot of other things. much love, sm

  7. Do not harm… i wish to follow this code of yours… 🙂
    also “write creatively, every, single day FOR ME. just for me.” love this one..
    if i may, i would like to say that i kind of think i have the same in im not saying am creative but yes i love to write everyday just for me..

    My Codes are simple
    “to be nice to everyone”
    “to never ignore an old homeless lady”
    “to write a post every night”
    “to tell my dog i love him when he is unwell”
    “to say sorry when im wrong, sometimes with words and other times i prefer to buy things”
    “to respect ‘who im’ even if no one cares”
    “to work hard even if i dont like my office anymore”
    “to miss my old friends”

    Sweet Mom its a long list… 🙂

  8. This is wonderful, but you do have a way with that, SM — such a astounding way with that. Thank you for the shout-out btw and I love the do no harm and the positivity thing. That’s certainly on my code as well as finish, finally finish what I’ve started. Also the one about taking work that’s unsuitable — that which does not make your heart sing and instead causes stress and headache is probably something one needs to avoid. :). xo.

  9. Life Code:
    Try to tell the truth
    If people are born with it or can’t help it, no jokes
    Clean the kitchen before you use it, bathroom after
    Teach and learn
    Smell good

    Blog Code:
    OOOPS! Don’t have one. Will get one and come back to you. Feel like I have forgotten the first rule of everything; Fail to plan, Plan to fail

    Portia x

    1. portia, thanks for commenting here. i love this. i particularly loved, ‘clean the kitchen before you use it, the bathroom after’ – that is so true and it had me rolling…xoox, sm

  10. So I could tell you the 10 comandments are my codes, but I’ve broken every single one of them at least once (if you count abortion as murder that is) and I’m not stead-fast religious, so that wouldn’t be completely right.

    However, I believe in the chore-value of treating others the way you want to be treated. I know simple, right?! But it’s not really. I mean I don’t want to be gossiped about behind my back and yet this person might be an a$$hole thus absolutely deserving of some harsh words (behind his back and to his face), but still it’s not how I want to be treated, so I don’t treat them that way either (or at least I try to). And then I want people, especially my friends, to be honest and upfront with me, but there are some things that are so hard to say (like: “Girlfriend I love you, but your final thesis you worked your a$$ off for a year and you had me proof-read sounds like a hungover hippster who never even took an introductory class of property rights scribbled it on a dirty napkin on his way to work”). Even if you say stuff like that in a nice way it still hurts and nobody want’s to be the bitch who hurts her friend, right?!

    So my code has two rules:

    1) Treat OTHERS like you want to be treated

    2) Allow OTHERS to treat you well

    3) Treat YOURSELF the way you treat others

    Love the red-head girl-knight 😉

    Hugs, K.

    1. I consider myself to be an atheist but like you I try to live a christian life with regard to treating others as I would have them treat me. It’s never easy but if more people at least /tried/ to live that way the world might just be a nicer place for everyone.

      1. Totally agree,acflory. There’s a German saying that goes somewhere along the lines of “The most peaceful neighbour can not live in peace if his neighbour doesn’t care for peace.” – That always made me giggle: Such an absurd excuse 😉

      2. lol – a bit like when we say ‘it takes two to tango’! I guess whoever came up with that one has never seen me twirling around the kitchen on my own 😉

    2. k, this was awesome. and i so know what you mean about your friend’s thesis. that is the HARDEST thing to give constructive criticism when you don’t really like something. the hardest thing, but i totally agree…in some cases, you should NOT tell them. that’s the kindest thing to do…great list. xo, sm

      1. Thanks sweetmother 🙂 And yeah, you are right sometimes going by “if you have nothing nice to say, just don’t say anything” is the right way to go, unfortunately that doesn’t work when asked a streight-forward question. You know, those moments when withholding information or just your opinion crosses over to lying? 🙂

  11. You know what? I bet there are more than just the one lady in that picture. Bucket helmets can cover a lot of hair. Plus, I’ve seen some women with pretty impressive facial hair — there’s no saying that those knights aren’t ALL women. And how awesome would that be? Pretty awesome, I say.

  12. My code is evolving along with me. I like yours a great deal!

    * Write what you feel even if it pisses people off.
    * Don’t avoid the things that hurt, those might be the lessons others need
    * Let go
    * No pressure

    Life codes similarly are evolving

    * Let go of what others expect, they only wanted it for them not for you
    * Grow up less slowly, it really hurt the first time
    * Those that love you don’t care, those that you love need to know
    * Do not harm to yourself or others
    * Always follow through with promises
    * Always tell my truths
    * Give back

    1. this is such a great list, val. i really loved write what you feel even if it pisses people off. a bunch of them really rang true for me too. such a great list. the ‘let go of what others expect’ is huge and i think a life long goal for most of us creative types. xoxo, sm

      1. Yes, oh yes. The whole thing of letting go of what others expect has been haunting me lately; funny that it goes along with write what you feel even if it pisses people off. Actually funny that it goes with the second one also, but I have had a huge struggle with stepping back into myself to tell a story, one that really is mine to tell, one that I have avoided telling for fear of hurting others. Funny they have never deserved my protection or my care, nor appreciated that I laid it at their feet.

  13. *Be a better parent to my kids than my own were to me*.

    Set your expectations low and then it’s easy. 🙂 And the comments section does not disappoint yet again!

    1. loool. it is crazy in here, isn’t it. it’s like an oprah show to fix yourself where a few of us got drunk and bitch slapped each other. just the kind of party i like. 😉 and it sounds to me like you’re totally accomplishing that goal you’ve set, especially from your posts that i have read. xo, sm

  14. I love your list 🙂 Hmmmm… Mine would be;

    *Always look at the funny side of things.
    *There is always a silver lining.
    *Always smile at people in the street. It either makes their day or freaks them out. Either way, I win.

      1. We live in a small town so often walking down the street means you say hi to nearly everyone you encounter. When you transfer that behaviour down the line however people clearly think you are some sort of psycho. It makes the trauma of being in the crowds that much better when someone nervously steps away from you 🙂 Little kids always say hi back though. Unfriendliness is obviously a learned behaviour.

    1. i love those. and i have two out of three of them nailed. the never say you want to do something unless you intend to do it – has me killed when it comes to my workouts! lool. much love, sm

  15. 1. Live from vision, not from circumstances.
    2. We create our own reality. So what we create should further our vision for our lives.
    3. There are only two human emotions, love and fear. If I’m not coming from love, I’m coming from fear.
    4. Take responsibility for everything. Everything. Every. Thing.
    5. If someone calls me an ass, say Thank you for sharing. If two people call me an ass, I should get a saddle.
    6. There is no such thing as being a victim. I create everything in my life.
    7. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting it to work.
    8. Transformation is being in exactly the same place but seeing it through new eyes.

    1. i loved, loved, loved these. and nearly died when i read, “if two people call me an ass, i should get a saddle.” such great stuff, boomer, such great stuff. xo, sm

  16. I’m not sure what my blog code is but my life code is fairly simple :

    – follow my passions so long as they do no harm,
    – stand up for those who cannot stand up for themselves,
    – do nothing I will be ashamed of when I’m older and greyer.

    The third one kind of links to the second one because sometimes not doing something can be even more shameful than what we actually do do. Finding the courage to act when I know I should is hard though. Still a work in progress for me.

    p.s. Don’t be too hard on Pinky Mum – his heart is in the right place. Just ask him about Project ProteKT.

    1. I know ALL about Pinky’s heart and read his blog regularly. So, I know all about Project ProteKT. However, just because you do good work doesn’t mean you get to be rude to my audience in my space. There was no reason to go after travel lady. I knew she wouldn’t like it and as you can see, she didn’t. I have said from the beginning that I want this to be a safe space. He is free to comment here, but he’s not free to just randomly go after people with what he thinks is funny. Nope, not on my watch. My blog, my rules. On his own blog he can do whatever the hell he wants. I read his blog a lot and tellingly, he never goes after or “jokes” with people to that extent there. i protect, travel, as I would you, meeka. mother

    2. all very true, meeka. when you talk about ‘the courage to act when i know i should’ – i think that one is huge. it always reminds me of a horrible stabing case that happened in brookly way back when. the woman was stabbed to death and there were 100 witnesses. 100! the issue was “everyone thought someone else would do something about it.” literally. even once voice might have stopped that, but everyone was mute. much love, mother

      1. Ugh that’s horrible. That poor woman’s last thought must have been ‘why?’. I know the police here tell people not to get involved because they can easily get hurt but how would you live with yourself afterward?

        There was a horrible incident here a few years back where a guy shot a woman on the street in broad daylight. A guy who was passing tried to stop the guy from shooting a second time and ended up being shot and killed himself. I know that his bravery was no compensation to his wife and young children but I’ve always thought that such courage was the hallmark of a truly good and decent man.

  17. My code is: be a thinker not a stinker.

    Wait, that’s my creed.

    Wait that’s a quote from Apollo Creed in Rocky.

    Still works. I will keep it.

  18. Code…do not be a douche. When you are a douche, try to figure out what made you act in a douche-like way, try not to do it again. Just be nice for god’s sake. Codes should be simple.

  19. Dear Sweet Mother,

    You’ve really hit the nail on the head this time. And you’re extremely organized. I mean, having a code entails having available paper and a pen that isn’t all dried up – like 98% of the pens in my desk. Still, I’ve thought this out carefully now that you’ve made me all introspective and shit. And this is my code:

    Leave this world a little better than when you entered it.

    That’s it.



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s