Wifesy’s Idea of a Memorial Day Post

So, it’s around 2pm, my time.  It’s Memorial Day and we have some girls coming over for cocktails and stuffed mushrooms before I do what all Yankees do today – fire up the grill.  Wifesy and I did a little barbecue shopping for provisions, straightened up the “lodge,” and hit yoga.

 

This morning, as I laid in bed with Wifesy planning our itinerary for the day, I said, “I have to do my post today.  When am I going to do my post?”

 

Wifesy said, “Just throw up some motherfeckin’ hot dog pictures.  Nobody cares.  It’s Memorial day.”

 

“Okay, Wifesy.  That requires no effort.  My blog is about writing.  It’s about me accomplishing some writing, even a little bit, each and every day.”

 

“Just throw up some motherfeckin’ hot dogs.  None of those motherfeckers are going to read it today anyway,” she responded.

 

“Okay, they’re not motherfeckers.  I like my blog followers.  What’s with you and the motherfeckin’ today?  Who are you, Bernie Mac?”

 

Wifesy laughed.  “Well, you said nobody’s reading this weekend according to your stats.”

 

That’s true.  I did say that.  But, still I wanted to write about something.  I wanted to write a post called, “Thank You for Your Service.”  You know, a post where I talk about how we’re always saying, “Thank you for your service” to servicemen and women in this country.  Now, I think this is a noble practice.  But, I don’t like how we say it as a blanket statement.  It’s like telling everyone they’re pretty when they may not be.  For example, that American serviceman who lost his mind and went on that Afghani rampage and killed women and children…maybe we shouldn’t thank him for his service.  Just a thought.  Now, I know, I KNOW, that Memorial day is about the servicemen and women who have died in the line of duty and yes, of course, they should be memorialized and thanked.  I’m speaking about one thing only right now — our American “thank you for your service” tradition.  Should we or shouldn’t we?  Yes, there are some who should absolutely be thanked for their service…

 

Everyone who carries a flag like this during a Memorial day parade should be thanked for their service. I did it once and I’m here to tell you — it burned more than a crossfit class.

 

For example:  my friend, John — we SHOULD thank John for his service.  John is a full-time nurse in a pediatric cancer ward when he’s not doing a tour of duty in Iraq.  John sent Wifesy a burka last time he was there, as a JOKE because he’s amazing.  John pays for so many meals for Wifesy and I that I have taken to calling him, “President of the Save a Lesbian Foundation.”  John loves this so much that he took a picture of us recently to put on his fridge.  When people ask who we are, John says, “his charity.”  John is wonder-balls, which is even higher than amaze-balls.  John should be thanked for his service.

 

The sh*t-faced guy who hit on Wifesy – non-stop – in the Buffalo Hot Wings chain while we tried to enjoy a margarita.  The military dude who sloppily leaned on her while intermittently screaming out incoherent details about his service, maybe he shouldn’t be thanked…well, I actually did thank him for his service.  On the way out of the place.  Angrily.  My voice said, “thank you for your service,” but my tone said, “feck you.”

 

I suppose my point is A LOT of people should be thanked for their service.  A few people  shouldn’t.  Sorry, but that’s totally the reality.  I also think there are everyday service people who never get thanked like our armed forces do and they should be.  Today, I’d like to thank them.  Here’s my list:

 

Teachers

 

Waitresses

 

Uncles and Aunts

 

Performers

 

Writers

 

Cooks

 

The guys at the car wash on a hot day

 

toll booth collectors

 

Police Officers

 

Firefighters

 

Wifesy.

 

Today, I’m thanking Wifesy because she puts up with this blog.  However, maybe SHE should thank ME because I clean the bathrooms, even though we both hate it.  And when I wash the floors, I wear these (pictured below) to dry them.  I seriously should be thanked for this because it’s both awesome and hilarious.  I call them my “drying slippers.”

 

I wear these after mopping and scoot around our floors like Tanya Harding, but less angry.

 

So, I suppose today I’m thanking both of us for our service.  And I’d like to thank all of you for your service to this blog.  If you didn’t read it, there would be no point – you delicious, motherfeckers.  (Sorry, Wifesy’s words, not mine.)

 

In other words, thank you.  …and here’s a hot dog.

 

Noooo! That’s not what I meant. Do not throw that lovey on the barbie!

 

Wait, that’s not original.  That’s just a small dog in a bun.  I have a better idea.  On the way back from yoga, just before writing this post, I said to Wifesy, “I don’t understand gluten-free things.  I’ve tried them a couple of times and they don’t taste very good.”

 

To which Wifesy said, “I don’t even know what gluten is, but give it to me.  JUST GIVE IT TO ME.”

 

So, this Memorial day to thank everyone who should be thanked, I offer you gluten:

 

Fresh gluten for you, on the house!

 

Goddamned, Blessed, American, Gluten!

 

Now, go and have a hot dog on a gluten-filled bun.

 

With love and Happy Memorial Day,

 

Mother

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Photo creds:  gluten, doghotdog, flag-carrier

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31 thoughts on “Wifesy’s Idea of a Memorial Day Post

  1. Where’s my motherfeckin’ Oscar Mayer Weiner pic?

    Sorry, it’s muggy and hot and I’ve spent all day scrubbin’ the floor like some gluten-lovin’ Cinderella. And I don’t even own a pair of those kick ass drying slippers.

    1. you need those f’en slippers!!!! i swear by them, even tho they make me look like an a-hole. i love you, 7, in a non-creepy way. have a wonderful bbq day. xo, sm

  2. This motherfecker read your blog today! 🙂 And laughed the whole time like I always do. So I’d like to thank you for your service for bringing a chuckle into my day!!

  3. I was going to write a long witty comment, but my 5 year old literally just came running in yelling “Guess what color my testicles are?!!”. Naturally, I am trying to hide myself busting out laughing. And I guess I want to say thank you to my kids, for being so innocent, to provide a good laugh when one is needed.

  4. Sometimes I feel weird thanking those in the military because saying thank you seems so small compared to what they do. I’m sure it’s better than not saying anything though.

    You were right about nobody reading today. I posted this morning and my stats page is just about the saddest thing you’ve ever seen. Note to self: no more Memorial Day posts.

  5. Interesting idea… I’ve personally always wondered about the whole “thank you for your service” concept- How about nurses? Doctors? Don’t window cleaners in Manhattan risk their lives daily? Have we built up a golden aura around certain professions because the illusion suits society?

    1. Here in Australia I think we just like the idea of having another public holiday on the calendar. It’s kind of a cultural tradition. We even have an official half-day holiday for the Melbourne Cup [except everyone takes a full day] so we can all get pissed and watch the horse race that ‘stops a nation’. God we know how to live!

  6. I have the same slippers!! Except mine are red.

    And as always, word up regarding your post. It does seem sort of trite to just say “thank you for your service.” It could mean everything or it could mean very little. I could just as easily say that to the server who waited on me during lunch the other day (on the other hand, she really was very nice.) And the folks in the military are only a few of the people who deserve accolades, so I’m glad you listed a bunch of them.

    And thank you for your service in making me laugh my ass off, SM. And thank Wifesy too for her service in helping animals. I salute you both!

  7. I didn’t post today but did spend some time today puttin’ posts up for the week. I suppose I should have made some hot dog plans instead, but sometimes it’s good to have nothing to do but write. Gahd dang motherfeckers. (That last bit just felt good to say-write!)

  8. Well, I read it Momma 😉

    I will say I think all our service men should be thanked, but it should be a sincere statement not like Hi, How are you?

    These men and women give up control of their lives and go places others of us don’t and they don’t always come back intact, emotionally or physically. My daughter’s grandfather was the sole survivor of his platoon in Viet Nam at Hill 875 and he was never the same. The abuses he committed in the rest of his life, don’t negate his sacrifice in VN … to my way of thinking anyway.

    Much love to you and Wifesy both!

    GC

  9. Every time I read your blog, I almost pee. Take it as a compliment. You inspired me to dust off/blog my photo collection of “Hoarders DeClutter By Decorating Graves”

  10. Memorial Day 2002, Orlando theme park. Right before the main show they called for veterans to make themselves known to the crowd, then we the crowd were bullied (my word, that’s how it felt from a visitors POV) to be upstanding and applaud the veterans. Fair enough, although as you rightly pointed out, there a dozen other groups just as deserving of our applause. The part that made me uncomfortable was the incredible sense of ‘we’re the only ones that do this’ THAT was not okay in my book.

    On a lighter note, to go through life gluten-free sucks, although my SIL has a superb flourless chocolate cake recipe.

  11. I feel insincere to accept your gluten, having not served, although I do like uniforms. And hot dogs? We don’t really do those here, at least not on a grill. Hot dogs are the food of drunks at 24 hour convenience stores when no other food options are available. Why grill hot dogs when you can eat steak, and chops, and sausages?

    Wishing you and Wifesy a chillaxing day! Thanks for another great read.

  12. Thank you for your service…your blog always makes my day…
    i like the way you thanked other professions too..i totally believe we should thank nurses and doctors…specially nurses…they do a hell of a good job but no one quite thinks about them..

    great post Sweet Mom… and a special thanks to Wifesy too.. 🙂

  13. Actually, Veterans Day is the day we thank veterans for their service, Memorial Day is the day we remember those killed in battle. It was originally called Decoration Day (I’m old enough to remember) because it originated with Civil War soldiers wanting to decorate the graves of the guys who had died. And I would posit that particularly the guy who killed the Afghans but also perhaps the drunken soldiers on leave have been scarred by the war and may deserve succor and soothing and maybe even some sympathy if not empathy from those of us having a good time BBQing in our back yards. I really don’t wanna start a war right here, just want folks to think with their hearts sometimes and not just their heads.

    1. no war needed. that’s a valid statement. i simply think that the military is like any other group. there are some wonderful people in it, but – much like any group – there are going to be some miscreants as well. i wish it could all be chocked up to ptsd, but i don’t think it always is. and understand, that i love our troops, almost enlisted myself once. AND completed a tour for the us navy. entertaining them, not serving, but it was my way to pay them back at the very least for all that they do. in fact, i think they deserve a good show more than most, truth be told. but, to say — in a blanket way – all are doing the world good…well, then you’d have to say all the catholic priests are doing the world good and we both know they are not always. bottom line, i’m all for thanking the good guys. but, i’m not for let’s thank everyone regardless. i just don’t think that’s realistic. however, we are both free to agree to disagree as well. much love, sweet mother

  14. I tried to cop out on Memorial Day. I posted twice, once to tell people that I’m copping out and once to show off a graphic that somebody else did for me. And you know what? IT WAS MY BEST DAY FOR HITS, EVER. Which makes me think that maybe I’m working too hard on all the other days that I post. Maybe I should just pull something lazy out of my butt and throw it at the screen every day. Then I would rule the Internet.

  15. I just realised that your Memorial Day is like our ANZAC day. I know the first three letters stand for Australia and New Zealand but I’m too lazy to google the last two.

    As a matter of principle I believe that individuals deserve to be thanked – when they do a good job. Same with tips. I will never tip a waiter[tress] who serves my soup cold and makes me feel like a burden he/she could do without.

    In fact I think we should do away with these blanket thanks altogether and institute a day of Thoughtful Thanks where we go out and personally say thank you to all those people we know who have made our lives better, brighter, warmer, safer, whatev-er during the year.

    Maybe we could send TT cards like on Valentine’s day? If nothing else we could start a new growth industry 😀

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