Life Is Not Fair

“When they got together they were doing crystal meth, which I didn’t know at the time,” said Wifesy.  “And then they bought a house together,” she added.


“Whhhaaaattttttt?!!!!!!” I exclaimed.


“Huh?”  said Wifesy.


“That is not fair.  I can NOT afford a house and I don’t do crystal meth, nor would I ever do crystal meth.  What the feck??!!”


“Are you doing a comedy bit for me right now?” asked Wifesy.


“No, but you can see how that is unfair, right?  Why can the crystal meth heads afford a house and the strongest thing I do is a martini and, yet, I can’t afford a house.  That irritates me to no end.”


I draw the line at this guy becoming more successful than me…


I’ve always felt like this.  I’ve always felt a strong aversion to unfairness.  I’ve always had a finely tuned, easily rubbed, injustice chord.  I remember when I was just a kid, the school went on some kind of field trip to an animal farm.  On the way back, the teacher asked, “Who has a pet dog at home?”  The kids who did raised their hands and received cute, picture books on dogs.  Then she asked, “Who has cats?”  And the kids who did raised their hands and received cat books.  Then she said, “Who has a dog and a cat?”  I raised my hand and received both books.  I sat back down and grinned a satisfying smile that went from one end of my face, back past my ears, and finished around the back of my head.


Why was I so happy?  Because…I DIDN’T HAVE A DOG OR A CAT!  I had gamed the system.  I learned right then and there that it’s alright to game the system when the system is blindingly unfair.  You see there was one group the teacher was missing.  There was one group she had left out.  The kids with no pets at all.  We were supposed to go home – bookless with no freebies because clearly we came from loveless, animal-less homes.  Not me, no way, no sir.  If it’s not fair, I’ll make it fair, by lying if I have to.


My mother tells that story to other people sometimes.  It’s half the reason I know it so well.  Now, I don’t think my mother liked the fact that I was a lying 7 year old.  But, I do think she was proud that I made something unfair, as fair as I could in my own way.  In her eyes, in that moment, I was a mini-Erin Brockovich.


But, as I cruise through adulthood, I’ve realized you can’t always right things the way they should be.  You can’t lie and get the house, especially now that the whole:  here’s-a-mortgage-don’t-worry-if-you-can’t-pay-it-back banking attitude is a thing of the past.


Sometimes the meth heads get a house, while the hard working get an apartment or worse yet a mobile home or worse yet, a tent.  Sometimes the sh*tty guidos with no talent on the beaches of the Jersey Shore get endorsement deals.


It’s hard to stomach.  It’s enough to give one ulcers.  And then there’s that whole Hollywood, “You’re how old?” sort of thing that happens.  There’s the idea that you’re washed up at a certain age in this town, which is why everyone, here, lies and says they’re younger.  You see, they just want their Hollywood version of pet books.


I have become much better at not focusing on the ‘other’.  It doesn’t matter what the meth heads have.  It’s only important to be happy with my life and what I have.  I DO realize that in the most important ways, I am blessed.  But, I’m human and when I see the meth heads lighting up a crack pipe in front of their heated jacuzzi that overflows into their in-ground pool, my insides shake.


I want to scream, “Not Fair!”


Sadly, this is often given to those who don’t deserve it.


You can’t, however.  You are not allowed.  Screaming, “Not fair,” is only allowed with children and with adults, only in a court of law.  So, I have to smile at the meth heads while thinking, “I’ll get mine.  Mine is coming.”


Many days I believe it is.  Some days I don’t.  And while it’s hard not to be a continuous, never ending, fountain of self confidence, I suppose it helps me relate.  I really relate to everyone who has worked really hard.  I really relate to those still reaching.  I relate to those who have to work, everyday, in an effort not to judge the rich, talentless, meth heads around them.  I relate to those who have to practice at not envying the toy pile of their neighbor.  I understand your struggle.  If I could, I’d give you BOTH pet books.


I suppose it’s good to know that we are not alone.


End note:  I’d like to thank the horn dogs who read Sweet Mother for giving me very high numbers yesterday.  Straight ladies, I believe I have you to thank.  (And a couple of my lezzie sisters too.  My straight dudes were doing something else.  Playing Tomb Raider, maybe?)  Who knew all that hot, gay, male bun-age would lead to such a stats increase?  For a moment, I understood why porn makes so much money.  So, sadly, I did not achieve my 10 out of 13 goal.  Mainly, because I wanted to make sure I was paying adequate attention to Wifesy.  I didn’t think shoving my face into my phone the whole parade and yelling, “Why won’t you work, evil technology!” was conducive to having a good time.  As a result, I stole the pics that I could, when I could.  I think I ended up with a semi-decent collection.  Now, Sweet Mother always keeps her word.  We will achieve that year of prosperity.  I’ll just have to come up with another contest to help us reach it.  A bunch of you played yesterday with a fine attention to the ‘rules’ and in keeping with that, you win a Reggie Profile.  Those winners are:  Weebles, Radium Rollercoaster, Chrystal, Michelle Gillies, Christine Kiefer.  I’ll have to figure out what we’ll do for pictures.  The rest of you were supremely awesome commenters, as per usual.  You made momma smile and I am forever grateful for it.  Much love, SM


Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” button above.



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Photo creds:  pool, crackhead


55 thoughts on “Life Is Not Fair

  1. Well you do live in Southern California which is the world capital of Life Isn’t Fair.

    That’s why I live in North Carolina, where life is fair but still sucks.

    BUT, at least I have a house.

  2. I was raised by a mother who told me repeatedly “Life isn’t Fair”. I have trouble even thinking of anything as being “Fair”.

    God love the Irish Catholics!

    1. Dude, Irish Catholic here, mother told me every day of my life, “Life’s not fair”. Do they have a handbook or something? Maybe I didn’t get a handbook because the nuns could tell I was going to ditch the whole thing as soon as I moved out of the house.

      1. loooooooolll, a few of us have ditched the whole thing, eh? love it, fishes, love it. have you heard about the u.s. catholic nuns the vatican are currently trying to tame? xo, sm

      2. The Vatican is usually so sensible and empathetic, so they can’t possibly be wrong this time? They’re always picking on the nuns. Every other priest is diddling boys and they’re not concerned at all with that. Stupid effers!

  3. your story reminded me of a school trip where everyone was taken to a 3d movie…it was way back when 3D was big thing…my best friend went, my tiny little brother went and when it was our turn we got the news that remaining kids will have to stay back because the bus broke on the way back to pick us… i was like O man that’s not fair…never knew there were bigger things waiting in life ,, 😛 though it was a funny incident

  4. You have no idea how often I say the same things, Momma. You know I have a visceral reaction to unfairness in terms of people and animals who need help, but I have the same reaction to people who have contributed nothing of any genuine value to society but get rewarded for their vapidness/stupidity/criminality with fame and big cash dollars. There are so many wonderful, brilliant people without houses and and fancy cars and pools with cabana boys/girls, who really deserve it. It’s not fair!! (stamping foot) But I also know that sometimes the good people do win. And you should/could be one of them and I will be tickled pink when it happens. Meanwhile, I will send you my Reggie shot since I already had it planned before your Gay Pride photo extravaganza.

    1. yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhh, i want your reggie shot, yeah! i’m so with you, weebles. it torments me. daily. though i know sometimes the good people win too and when they do, i rejoice. that i can swear by. i just wish i saw it happen more, but i will say it does happen. fingers crossed! 😉 much love, sm

  5. The fact that life seems to work in complete opposition to fairness is part of the reason I’m something of a misanthrope. The mad, bad, and completely evil seem to reap the greatest rewards and anyone who tries to be good, fair, or decent seem to get shat upon.

    1. i can totally understand why it would put you in that sort of mental place, urban. my misanthropy vacilates – i go between everyone feck off and i love everyone…it’s like a bipolar misanthropy, it’s bizarre. lol. but, believe me, i totally understand. and when i’m feeling the same as you i tend to retreat into a bottle of wine! and it’s the world’s fault! lol. xo, sm

  6. Growing up the oldest of 3 kids, my middle brother always got away with a lot of shit because the “middle child syndrome” bullshit was in full swing and back then, you followed fad doctor’s advice like sheep. I used to often dream of him doing something wrong and either not being punished for it, or getting the blame in his place. I would have a screaming fit in my dreams, crying out for the injustice…often waking up with my hands clenched into fists. In my waking time however, I accepted the injustices as part of life and moved on. My mother told us from the time we were old enough to understand, that life wasn’t fair. I have passed that on to my kids as well but my “middle son” has a hard time accepting that. What is it about these brats? 😛

    1. loooool, wendos, this is such a great comment. thank god, that birth order sh*t was done while i was growing up because seriously, what a drag! i feel for your middle son because i think i’m the same. he’ll have a hard time of it, maybe, but he’ll probably be really compassionate too…. xo, sm

  7. No, you are definitely not alone! I’m one of three kids, and my mom always made a huge deal out of things being fair. To this day, she thinks she ‘owes’ me 8 years of free childcare because she’s been watching my neice and nephew for that long (though I suspect this may just be part of her plan to get me to have kids). But I’m with ya – it’s better to just focus on working hard and on what we DO have, and in my case, on possibly bumping into Snooki or J-Woww… 😉

    The story about the pet books is crazy! Seriously – what were they thinking?! Someone pass the meth.

    1. Jules, I will take your eight years of free child care. My parents basically screwed me over… totally. I have been orphaned several times because I am still disobedient in my old, mother-of-six kids ways.

    2. ‘someone pass the meth’ INDEED! ha, ha. i love ya, jules. that’s hilarious. the pet books drove my 7 year old face insane. my dad always tried to be very fair, but it just didn’t always work out that way. i always felt my brother got things sooner, but it was because my parents had more money by that time…i think. 😉 xo, sm

  8. Mama, you are so wise. I stand in awe of you. BTW: Screaming “That’s not fair” in court doesn’t work. I know because I ended up losing custody of my sons anyway. And THAT is not fair. At all. I kind of feel justified in kidnapping them and moving to Tuscany this summer. But I know I will get caught because the theme of my life seems to be “that’s not fair.” As my dad always said, “Life is not fair, but it is fairer than death.” Sometimes death seems fairer than real life. Uh, oh. Got to go change a stinky diaper, and that, too, is not fair. 🙂

    1. laurie, that sucks huge cow-balls. seriously. i’m very sorry to hear it. your dad was right tho, it IS far fairer than death. because death is not fair at all. except that it happens to us all… ay yay yay. i’ve gotten really dark now. much love, sm

  9. I’ve never tried crystal meth although it sounds interesting. I just LOVE crystal glasses and crystal chandeliers.
    Is it a powdery sniffy thing or a smoky thing? I don’t do injecty things. Only scary people do injecty things.
    But seriously, fairness is an illusion we have when we’re young.
    Two years ago when my business was in trouble I thought: Hey, I’m educated, I’ll get a job to keep the business going during the crisis. Responses ranged from “we want someone right out of college” to “32 is a bit old for our team” to “we want someone without your experience so we can mould them”…
    Real life is nurses study for years and do a sometimes excruciating job and get paid a pittance and the Kardashians get married and go to parties for a fee. You’ve got to work around it 😉

    1. ‘work around it’ INDEED, pinky. you are so right. that’s what i try to do, every, bloody, day. lol. and it’s a smoky thing. still gross though. i’m a drinker not a drug-face. always and forever. much love, pinks, much love. sm

  10. Hey, we meth heads work hard. The meth makes us do things at least twice as fast as anyone else so we can make twice as much money. Of course, we’ll live half as long, and that’s where the fairness comes in. As for not reading y’all yesterday, I don’t like to watch anyone making an ass out of themselves, gay or straight. There are some public lines I don’t think should be crossed, but that’s just me, and why I stayed away. To each his own, eh? And otherwise, I think you have a VERY readable blog. It’s why I’m here most of the time;-)

    1. para, i SO hear you. if bare, male, gay, asses are not your thing, i TOTES get it. looool. and yep, here on this very blog, i try to be as equal opportunity humanoid as possible. i’ve never been in the ‘gays only’ camp. it’s just not my thing. so, bottom-line, i’m glad you read this thingy right here. 😉 and your whole meth thing had me dying, dying laughing. i did feel like that on coke once, which is why i never did it again. i was pretty sure i could’ve ran for mayor, but I was also pretty sure I was the only one who thought so…. looool. xo, sm

  11. I don’t know how many times over the past several years someone told me “don’t worry they will get theirs”. They did get theirs… and mine too. Everyone knew exactly how devious and downright evil “they” were and still they were rewarded. Anyone who did do the right thing and played “fair” lost. I often wonder how they can look at themselves in the mirror. Then I realized that they don’t see what we do.
    Thanks for including me in the “Reggie Profile” list. I had a lot of fun watching for your pictures to appear and more fun when they did. You got some pretty “inspiring” shots. 😉

    1. ‘they did get theirs…and mine too.’ oooooohhhh, mich. i so understand. i SO understand. all we can do is focus on ours and let them celebrate in our rear view, i seriously think that’s all we can do. happy to include you in the ‘reggies’ and really glad you enjoyed the silly shots…the parade was fun! xo, sm

  12. As a mom, and a lawyer, I have always told clients and my kids that “life is not fair, and anyone who tells you any different is a liar”. Then I try to make things more fair for my clients, and I have always tried to treat my kids as fairly as possible. I do have to remind them sometimes that fair is not necessarily equal.
    As for meth heads with houses, I have seen what a meth head’s house looks like. Believe me, you are better off in an apartment than envying them that house.

    1. ‘you are better off in an apartment than envying them that house.’ ohhhhh, how true, chlost, how true. it’s all about perspective, isn’t it? and a meth head, undoubtedly, does not take very good care of said house. indeed. if i weren’t a comedian, i would’ve been a lawyer or a shrink. seriously. so, i totally respect what you do and how difficult it must be to achieve any sort of fairness in the law or with kids! much love, sm

  13. I used to think that life was /meant/ to be fair but then one day I realised that it’s just random… with a twist. The twist is that sometimes when you don’t get what you want or think you deserve life turns around and gives you something far better, bright ribbons and all. You have Wifesy, heaps of talent and integrity. Would you even consider swapping all that for just a house?
    -huge hugs-

  14. I always believe that those among us who get the good stuff without deserving it are going to hit the bottom really hard when karma catches up with them. It works too.

    It might not be today or tomorrow but those meth smoking homeowners will find out that their house is on a nuclear waste dump one day.

  15. Oh, yes, the hot gay male butt brings all the straight ladies out. It’s true. It’s something that movie directors, tv show creators, and other people need to figure out. A gay guy is not an automatic turn off to women.

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