Mind Mapping Mental Breakdown

Okay, so I’m having some summertime, blogging blues.  I don’t know how to get out of this funk.  But, I am the proactive type, so I’ve decided to DO something about it.  I’ve decided to do something I never do.  I’ve decided to mind map.

Mind mapping is a sort of outlining or structuring that I find akin to the psychological Rorschach test.  You know, when you see this ink blob, what do you feel?  The mind map equivalent might say, “What is your thematic center bubble, now draw out your feelings from there.”  Maybe mind mapping isn’t supposed to be about your feelings.  Maybe it’s supposed to be about your main points.  The problem is, for me, I may start out with main points, but I end up at feelings.  Maybe I’m doing it all wrong.  Maybe I’ve – quite simply – developed some blogger’s blues.

What do you see? I see an evil, clown / bat / pumpkin ready to eat my creativity along with this blog post.

Here’s a shot of my mind map that I made this morning for this post:

Don’t worry if you can’t read it, I’ll go through each crucial piece, bit by bit.

The first thing you might notice is…

The feckin blog rash bubble:  I feel that my blog has a rash, a summertime rash.  It’s in trouble, simply because it’s annoying me.  I’m not going to quit it.  I’m going to ride it out, but I need some ointment.  But, what to apply…

Now, I wrote this mind map from right to left.

So, my first thought around the feckin’ blog rash theme was Summer Blues:

My blog (and me) we’ve got the Summer Blues.  Most smart people take off for the summer from blogging or they go down to less posts.  But, I’ve set a goal for myself and surprisingly, I’m hell bent on reaching it.  My goal is 365 consecutive posts with as few “breaks” as possible.  I’m at around 150.  Now, this nearing mid-way fatigue is interesting.  It makes me feel like, “What have you done for me lately, Blog?”  It makes me look at my blog and go, “Jesus, we’re going to have to make an appointment to have sex.  I’m going to have to work up to it, Blog, because our honeymoon period is over!”  Sigh.

The next structure point along the theme is:  Where did all the gaybies go?  I picture this  thought line sung to the tune of Paula Coles’s, “Where have all the cowboys gone?”  When I started this blog there was many a post on gaybies, future gaybies, dealing with a gayby, etc.  Now, the gaybies have gone and – at the moment – I’m not caring about them.  I feel like a mom who has given her child to a neighbor while she drives to the nearest Betty Ford clinic.  I’m sure the babies and gaybies will be back, but at the moment, they’re at the bottom of the storage bin, while I down a fifth of tequila.

You should be finishing your book section:  The next thought line is entitled, “You should be finishing your book.”  It is here that my mind map turns into a stern life coach at the ready with a reprimand.  It has nothing to do with the structuring of this piece, but – alas – it got in there somehow anyway.  I believe it is there, simply to mock me.

I miss Reading Other Blogs section:  I do.  I miss reading all of your blogs.  So, I’m going to try and do some of that today.  However, it will keep me away from finishing my book and every other thing I need to do.  But, I need that sustenance, so I’m going to do it.

Cheesy, Oprah-ish, Vaggy, End lines:  I do not know if the word vaggy would have two g’s or if it should be spelled, vag-y.  Lawd knows wikipedia is not going to be able to tell me, so I’m left to my own devices.  I really like some of my posts and I really despise others.  For me, that’s part of this process.  I write and I hit publish and I try not to beat myself up.  This is difficult.  Lately, I feel as if I can’t close a piece without an Oprah-ish, Vaggy, ending line.  Today’s might be, “Mind map your vision that you see for the world.  If the world doesn’t meet up to the standards of your mind map, re-draw using more vibrant colors.  You owe it to yourself and the dying baby otter.”  You see, not really necessary, but it will be there, anyway with a mention of a sick otter.  That should speak to other vages out there, shouldn’t it?  Oy.

Stats vs. Follower Drop-off:  I do not know how in the feck to get more followers.  I literally have no idea at this point.  Currently, it’s like weight loss for me.  I lose 5 lbs only to have a night of fornicating with a plate of Mexican food and never ending chips and salsa and I gain back 7.  But, in follower land, it goes like this:  I post something sexuality-neutral and universal in tone and I gain 5 followers.  The next day, I post something ultra-gay and I lose 6.  I know, I know, they’re not followers I should be wanting anyway, but we all want to build an audience here, so I can’t help but furrow my brow when it happens.  My stats have been at a plateau with two exceptions.  My 100th post day garnered views well over the 1,000 mark.  I can only assume that was because I linked to 100 bloggers and everyone loves to see where their stats come from.  So, if you want more views, my advice – write about everybody else.  The second high view day was the Gay Pride post – mainly because I have a lot of female readers and that post included a lot of man-ass.  So, if you want more views, I recommend – tits and man ass.  In other words, if I were to start this blogging thing all over again, I’d start a blog called:  A BLOG ALL ABOUT YOU:  featuring tits and man ass.  Every post would be about 100 different people and I would round it out, visually, with female cleavage shots and muscle men.  You can not lose with that formula, I’m telling you.

Blog Expansion:  I put a carbon copy of this blog up on tumblr.  It is not working.  3 people follow it and I don’t get why tumblr exists at all.  But, I feel like there are more readers out there for me and it is simply my job to find them.  Are they here, but don’t know about me yet?  Are they on youtube?  Are they on someone else’s blog?  I do not know.  Though, I’m pretty sure they’re not on tumblr.

I stole this pen from Staples.  The pen that I used to draw the mind map was stolen from Staples.  I stole it because I went there to make copies and the counter guy had me waiting a full 15 minutes while he talked to some older lady about banners.  I get it, she needed a banner conversation.  However, I only needed one feckin’ copy.  So, maybe, Copy Guy, CALL ANOTHER FECKIN’ COUNTER PERSON OVER.  I did not say any of this.  I waited patiently, but I was peeved.  So, I stole the pen to restore the natural order of things.  It was the only way I could let it go.  This has nothing to do with my blog rash mind map, except for the fact that if I had left that corner blank, my map would’ve looked funny.  Symmetry is a finer point of mind mapping.

Iron shirts, Water guy, Tax Forms:  This is part of my ‘to do’ list for the day.  It made its way on to the mind map, probably, because mind maps don’t really work for me.  They become, self deprecating, to do lists and seemingly non-linkable concepts that somehow I have linked here.

So, if you’re feeling like me – like your blog has a summertime rash and it’s annoying you…MIND MAP.  It’s writerly, quackery at its best.  Okay, okay, I know it works for some people.  In fact, I know mind mapping could one day save the dying otters that are clinging to the rocks in the marina, while my vag weeps, and Adele sings.  A mind map could do all that.


Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, simply click the ‘follow’ button above.  I truly appreciate you reading it.


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100th Post

Happy Gay Pride


Photo creds:  rorschach, mindmap-feature

45 thoughts on “Mind Mapping Mental Breakdown

    1. thank you. now i can release the tension in my buttocks left over from this morning’s ‘yoga rage’ – all because you will sing such a thing… 😉

  1. Thanks for bringing up the part about finishing your book. Now I’m going to feel guilty right there along with you. Mine is actually finished, but I’ve told myself I’m going to do one more revision before I send it out again – and you had to remind me about it.

    Thanks for the tumblr recommendation. I was thinking about it and now, you’ve changed my mind. What about blogspot.com?

    1. i seriously do NOT know if tumblr works. i think it may be filled with teenagers posting pics of themselves with their abs exposed. i can not get a hang of it…i’m going to spend the rest of this comment response reading your blog…lol. peace, out. sm

  2. That mind map looks eerily similar to the tick I pulled off my man parts last week.

    I’m actually having some writers block issues myself. But I don’t make a map. I just fart around Twitter long enough to let some clever stupidity flow back into my brain.

    1. seriously, whatever works. i’m thinking about becoming a dishwasher because i hear your best ideas flow when you’re doing something monotonous. no, i’m not, but you know… spending the rest of this comment response reading your tick blog. bye, bye.

  3. I too have a tumblr. I too have no idea how it works! It seems impossible to find people that you don’t already know are there, unlike wordpress where I think half of my 20 (so lowly a number!) followers are people I have never met in person. That’s why wordpress is so awesome. It’s a little more communal and a little less “look at me! I just reposted a million giffs of Harry Potter clips!”

    1. i seriously don’t understand tumblr and i suspect if it doesn’t work, i’ll delete it. as far as i can see it’s kids in halter tops overusing instagram. me likey wordpress tho… xo, sm

  4. I seem to be using up all my creativity and blogging skills trying to leave clever comments on other peoples blogs. As you can read…the end is near.

  5. Funny I remember seeing the man ass on my reader. I have found myself wondering if I should take a blog break for the summer. In fact I was just at one of my favorite blogs and today is there last day for awhile. It has me thinking to take a break or not take a break or maybe just be happy for things as they are and allow for less views. I can’t imagine 1000 views in one day? I had a seven second hamster video that had my stats up 300 and I almost pee’d myself. I think it probably like everything else in my life right now relax and go with the flow expect nothing and be greatful for what ever good happens to come about. That’s my two cents or was that a penny?

      1. no need to edit. that was an awesome comment. i think you’re right, go with the flow is the right idea. i loved my twinky winky post today and -sigh- low views. lol. anyway, that’s the way it bounces. thanks for reading, starla. much love, sm

  6. But we still love you, Mumsy. 🙂
    Just two questions….
    1. Who is Guy ?
    2. Why does he need watering ?
    Answer those and you maybe everything else will fall into place.
    (Sorry I couldn’t have been more help.)

    1. ‘water guy’ is the man we need to install our water filtration system…because in california, everyone pees in the water supply. not really, but that’s what wifesy thinks. ok, off to call him now. sigh. xo, sm

  7. Oh, I feel your pain! And people take off from blogging in the summer? (Actually, I have seen one person do that to work on her novel.) It’s so easy to get discouraged, especially with the followers situation, when it seems like people don’t really care about content (in my case they’re usually looking for young naked gypsies or Daniel Radcliffe’s naughty bits).

    But, for whatever it’s worth, I think you’re delivering AMAZING content EVERY DAY and making the rest of us look bad 😉

  8. You are doing your blog for you! Not for the feckle (fackle? fickle? the wiggly red line my computer shows me that I may not know this word) followers. In follow/unfollow communities like here & twitter, people sometimes follow just to get you to follow them. Bastids.

    You are also doing the blog for me. I think you write really awesome, big, read-worthy, funny posts, whereas most bloggers doing a post a day must be writing more like 200-300 words. But who can get a former New Yawker to rein it in? If you find out the secret, let me know.

    Stop looking at the numbers. Or if you want them to go up a little, try sharing each post on stumbleupon. It’s an interesting discovery tool. I’m meh on it, most people look at the one page and leave. But some linger.

  9. It seems the blogging world is taking it easy now that summer’s here. Or maybe that’s just me. But it is hard to sit at a computer all day when sunshine and kids at home entice with their antics. 🙂

  10. I love it. A Blog About You. And man ass. And tits. I mean, tits are always lovely, aren’t they? And man ass is always worth a gander. It’s a winning formula indeed. I have a horrible migraine but felt the need to comment on this post because…well, because otherwise I might have to do my actual work and commenting on your blog is much more fun. 🙂

  11. With the way my mind’s been mapping lately, I’m afraid of the stuff that may come trickling or spewing out, but as usual yours is wicked funny and well-loved, SM. And that book thing? My character is going to die from sheer neglect…gotta get back to her, I do, I do…. Good luck. :).

  12. Good luck with your goal! I plan on slowing down my blog posts soon to really focus on the second draft of my graphic novel and because I’ll be traveling a bit, which leaves little time to obsessively cut and paste paper 😀

  13. Dear, Sweet Mother, early on in your blog, I swear that you told Jesus that you were going to have to schedule sex with him. So, this begs some questions: 1) I thought you were gay? 2) Were you referring to the real Jesus, or a ‘Hay-soos’ that you know? 3) If you were referring to the real Jesus, how is that going to work given that he’s been gone for nearly 2,000, years? And, finally, 4) Do you call Wifesy Jesus sometimes? I am pretty sure I have called my husband that during intense moments, but I wasn’t trying to be sacrilegious. Sorry about the writers block. I like your blogs; they evoke a myriad of emotions in me.

  14. This is really good stuff. If only there was a donation button for those poor little otters. I think that the one constant here is that quality content got your blog to where it is and quality content will get it out of the funk. I don’t make it to your blog everyday but everyday I do I smile or think or laugh and that is what makes me come back. I commend you for the consecutive post goal, I know if I tried something like that I would feel like my creativity was a rung out towel with nothing left to drip out. You are funny and creative and have a real voice so rub a bit of ointment on it and all will be fine. Since this comment has gone on so long it may need a title, I am thinking “halftime pep talk for the weeping vag”

  15. Aww, it’ll come back. You’re brilliant. And if it makes you feel any better (or maybe only shows up just how random this stuff is) I think I followed you after a rather gay post. I think. But I may have been stalking your blog for a while before I followed, which could skew the results there.

  16. Hi Momma.

    It’s midnight here and I should be sleeping but I’m all upset about something horrible that happened today and I can’t sleep. Luckily your blog is ready and waiting for me to use as a “pick-me-up” and distract me from the big bad world. Momma you’re a life saver. I always smile when I see a mail arrive telling me that you’ve just put up a new blog post.

    My experience with writing is that, as with everything, the more you practice at it the better it gets. Just hang in there. You have some loyal followers who love you and read everything you post.

    And by the way. My highest number of hits was 73 on the day I started my blog. In the last month there have been 2 days where I’ve only had 1 view. 1! So yes. You could always promote your blog in other places. Most of my readers come from a forum I’m on.

  17. -grin- you’re international Mum and half the world is in winter so aim for that half! Do a post on Australia. Ok, maybe not Australia as there aren’t enough of us to make it worthwhile but how about the Southern Hemisphere? It’s cold and miserable down here so we’re all glued to our pc’s.

    Alternatively, why not grab Wifesy and go to the beach? Build sand castles and gather seashells. Don’t post about it, just hug the moment to your chest and enjoy it. I’ll bet a bit of time out would refresh those summertime blues!

  18. There ain’t no cure for the Summertime Blues…. Lots of bloggers are scaling back and doing simpler posts for the season. Take it as an opportunity to relax and think of stuff you’d have fun doing with the blog.

    And damn, those characters in my books are almost all back from their vacations and some are getting antsy. I need to get back to them, too.

    And your “what should I post” days are better than some other people’s best efforts. 🙂

  19. tumblr smumbler – yeah, i got nothin’….I read stuff I know I going to piss me off, like grammar police blogs, and that usually gets things moving…so to speak – yeah, I still got nothin’. You could read my book. I’ll send you a copy. It might make you laugh or put you to sleep or wonder why the “feck” that girl thinks she can write and then you would say to yourself, “I’ll show her how to write.” and then voiLA! Success!!! ; )

  20. Sweet mother,
    I think already you’ve seen that you have plenty of followers, very loyal ones indeed. I understand the feeling of views going down. With my on and off music journalism blog, I know how it feels to have 8 views to 66 views, then 2 views the third day. And everyone tells me, just persevere.
    And I think you’ve got something going. I come back every day to see what you’ve been up to. It’s because you are hilarious. You see things differently than most people, and it’s an eye opener every morning to read something of yours, because it makes me stop and think.
    I also, really, really like the mind map idea. It would probably help me in…well, everything. Just keep doing what you do, and people WILL come. You are amazing!
    Radium Rollercoaster

    1. just wanted to tell you, radium, that i read your comment last night, late on my phone, as i was coming home from a hollywood thing…now, these hollywood things can be both wonderful and soul sucking at the same time. so, let’s just say, your comment REALLY put a smile on my face. and it helped me dismiss the other b.s. so, THANK YOU. much love, sm

  21. Sometimes, reading other bloggers helps create ideas. I still have a file of photos of everything I crammed into a small purse that I intend to blog about.

  22. SM, you get tons of hits and views and comments!! I found you when you got freshly pressed, and trust me if you saw my daily views, you’d feel waaaaay better about your blog. It’s natural to feel down, I’m sorry you and your blog have to pencil in the sex. This too shall pass!

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