Celebrity Interview: Tinky Winky

It is time, here, on Sweet Mother, to introduce our first celebrity interview.  I’d like to start this series with a guest that brings up a nostalgic atmosphere for me – Tinky Winky, the purple Teletubbie.  The gayest of the Teletubbies…or rather the only gay Teletubbie.  (That we know of.)  I sat down with Mr. Tinky and tickled his purple orb with triangular antennae by peppering him with thought provoking questions.  The result was a wonderful discussion about life, love, and loss.

Sweet Mother’s very honored to introduce our first celebrity guest…

Me:          Hello, Mr. Winky.  May I call you, Tinky?  Thank you for sitting down with me today.

Tinky:      Yes, of course.  It is my pleasure.

Me:          Let me start with some basics.  Where do you live?

Tinky:      When I’m not filming, in a lovely little cottage just north of Winkleshire.

Me:          You are Mr. Winky of Winkleshire then?

Tinky:      Indeed.

Me:           What do you eat?

Tinky:      Mainly, custard and a bit of arse.

Me:          Arse?  Why do you say it like that?  Do you have pirate blood?

Tinky:      No, I say it like that because I am British.  We taught the bloody pirates how to say it that way.

Me:          Very sorry.  So, the arse…the gay rumors are true then?

Tinky:      Yes, of course.  I am a proud gay man.  If my purse didn’t tip you off then you are truly in denial.

Me:          It’s a wonderful purse.  Have you chosen to come out now that your show is off the air?

Tinky:      No.  The people closest to me always knew – Noo-Noo, Po, Laa-Laa, they knew.

Me:          Are you dating anyone currently?

Tinky:      Yes…

Me:          Will you tell us who it is?

Tinky:      John Travolta.

Me:          Really?!

Tinky:      Yes.  I met him at craft services.  He was shooting at the soundstage across from us.  Our eyes met over a tray of canolies and I knew it was love.

Me:          Wow, so those masseuse stories are legit.

Tinky:      Well, yes, John has always loved a good man-massage.  I’ve tried to give him one, but he says my triangle gets in the way.  He says it chaffs.  So, I told him he’s allowed to receive deep muscle relaxation, elsewhere.

Me:           Does this mean you’ll become a Scientologist?

Tinky:      No, that shite is for weirdos.

Me:          I hear you’re filming a new indie feature…

Tinky:      Yes, I’m very excited about it.  It’s called, “No Country for Amorphous Blob with Triangle Head.”  It is, truly, the role of a lifetime.

Me:          And you’ve shot this in war torn Bosnia?

Tinky:      Yes.  Bosnia is truly not a place for an Amorphous Blob with a Triangle Head.  I think we learned that the very first day of the shoot…

Me:          How so?

Tinky:      Well, the director and I went for a few pints at the local, Suds N’ Shave.  I thought I’d get a straight razor treatment, but the barber thought it funny to attempt a hackjob on my triangular protrusion.  As soon as I felt a dampness from the custard on my forehead, I knew something was horribly wrong.

Me:          Just for our readers at home, Teletubbies bleed custard, is that right?

Tinky:      Yes and we cry, Jello.  So, you can imagine how emotional this made me.  I felt a custard drop and then it was a Jello-hail storm.  A tsunami of Jello tears.  I cried out for Danny…

Me:          Danny Boyle?  He is the director of, “No Country for Amorphous Blob with Triangle Head?”

Tinky:      Yes, he is.  And thank god, Danny being the attention to detail king, he had my triangle insured.  So, we rushed to the local hospital and had it attached.  It was a delicate situation there for a while.  The surgeons told me I might lose my triangle entirely.

Me:          That’s terrible.  How did you handle that?

Tinky:      I made peace with it.  The Guru Salamibaddha tells us, “You must part with all of your physical things, in order to mate with the fog.”  I mated with the fog that very night.  I think it was the only thing that gave me strength.  I know that even without my triangle, I could play the part of the Amorphous Blob without a country.  I knew it in my heart.

Me:          That seems like an Ah-Ha moment to me.

Tinky:      It was more of an Ow-Oh moment, really.  But, yes.  I learned that sometimes you get a breast job and although beautiful, the silicone breaks, and your tit slides down somewhere around your kneecap.  Only a fully centered person who has relinquished his or her attachment to her physicality can deal with something like that.  Once I did, it was the first moment I had ever felt truly alive.

Tinky, after his spiritual awakening.

Me:          Do you feel the same way, now?  Even though they were able to save your triangle?

Tinky:      Well, of course, I’m very happy to have my triangle back.  And, of course, John loves it.  But, it doesn’t define me anymore.  I’m a felt-covered, purple, gay, man who will never have washboard abs.  I am loved and I am blessed.  And all of that would  remain true, even if I lost my geometrical headpiece tomorrow.

Me:          Thank you for a wonderful interview, Tinky.

Tinky:      It was my pleasure, Sweet Mother.  I hope to see you around the gayborhood.

Me:          Yes, I’m sure you will, Tinky.  I’m sure you will.

The gayborhood Tinky speaks of located in Manchester. Here, the teles frolic with an off-duty surgeon.

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You might also like:

Mind Map Breakdown

I Am a Gay Shaman

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Photo creds:  tink purse, gay-teles, twink-jumps, twink-out, teles-nyc

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29 thoughts on “Celebrity Interview: Tinky Winky

    1. i do crazy searches that i guess yield results…loool. my fave, is the gay teletubbie boys down at the bottom. poor things, they’re probably not gay at all! ha, ha. xoxo, sm

      1. That’s the one I’m referring to and seriously, you don’t think they’re gay? Think I’ll ask hubby to dress up in the hot little red number. :).

    1. i. heart. you. thank you for making my morning. seriously. i’m just happy you read anything i write at all! very, very grateful for you saying so. much love, fishes, much love. sm

  1. Ha! Oh, so funny. I have a soft spot for imaginary interviews, and this made me howl. “No Country for Amorphous Blob with Triangle Head.” Amazing.

    I am going to spend the rest of the day not sure if I’m fascinated or appalled by the fact that Tinky both eats and bleeds custard.

    1. loooool. i know, i think i became custard obsessed. i’m so sorry to do that to you, jules…and you too, tinky. loooollllll. so glad you liked it, jules. i had fun again with this one. much love, sm

  2. Great laughs as always! But in all seriousness, I remember when all of that stink about Tinky Winky being gay came out. It was when my oldest was a toddler. He really loved the show, and not once did I worry about Tinky Winky being gay. I couldn’t believe the groups that made such a stink about it. Good grief, it’s a show for toddlers! And guess what folks? Even though my son watched it, he managed to grow up without toting a red purse. Go figure!

    1. i know. it’s ridiculous. people are such jack-holes. seriously. but, it’s fun to make fun of it all. hope you’re enjoying your vaykay, rubes! much love, mother

  3. Awesome interview. You know, The Advocate couldn’t even score a meeting with Tinky Winky, so kudos to you. Meanwhile I always got gay vibes from Laa Laa. I bet she likes her some Tubbie Muffin.

  4. Well, done! However, the Teletubbies are one of those rare times when I’m forced to agree with that self-righteous gasbag, Jerry Falwell. Although there’s nothing remotely homosexual about the Teletubbies, they are still incredibly freaking gay.

  5. I’m upset that Jerry Falwell figured out Tinky Winky was gay before I did, but then again, he was a genius. Wait…do I mean genius…no….I mean jackass.

  6. Oh sweet mother, you’ve really done it this time. I have bright purple hair, and my best friend often called me Tinky Winky. So without contest, the title sparked my curiousity. I was laughing the whole time. That’s the other thing about your blog I enjoy. Thank you for brightening my day 😀

    Xoxo Radium Rollercoaster

  7. I have always been fascinated with the Teletubbies and often found myself defending them in bizarre confrontations (long story). LaLa was my favourite and brought me great joy every time she did her line. That and the giggling baby sun. This has to be the interview of the century. Kudos!

  8. Teletubbies – gay, straight, transgender or asexual – freak me the hell out. That giggling sun gives me the heebs. I think Tinky was lying about not being a Scientologist. I’ve seen him hanging around their Florida offices, handing out pamphlets and offering to personally audit the pretty boys.

  9. SM,
    I’ve been reflecting long about your post, and Tinky’s life, and stuff. And it’s been a tad difficult to reflect as I’m sitting by the TV, and Thor’s blaring, and I’m a geek, and I think that for a superhero movie, Kenneth Branagh did a pretty good job, even if The Ringmistress would disagree. But I’m thinking, and reflecting, and started thinking about all the gay fictional characters in children’s books, as “bad for children”… And my son kissed me, for Father’s Day, and I started smiling again. It was a funny post, yet again, Mother. And to celebrate happiness, children, life – and in an effort to laugh at the Rush Limbaughs of this world – here’s Leslie Hall.

    Le Clown

    1. Oh yeah… I’m sure Leslie’s a lesbian leftist vegan who doesn’t shave because she wear shiny tight pants when she’s obviously not Kate Moss’ size.

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