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Welcome to JOKE WEEK!

The time has come to shake things up a bit.  I’ve been slogging through the creative writing process over here at Sweet Mother.  I’ve been talking about how the imagination waters are getting stagnant.  I don’t like it.  So, I’ve decided to throw some sh*t up into the air.  Stir things around.  Box some ears, take some names.

 

There’s a television network, here, in the States, that offers an alternative when they have no new summer programming.  They call it…

 

SHARK WEEK!

 

All sharks, all week, all scary, all cool, all Jaws-like.  It’s enthralling.  It’s summery.  It’s a brilliant marketing ploy.

 

I’m stealing it and doing my own version starting today.  That’s right, I’d like to welcome to the Summer, Sweet Mother pages…

 

JOKE WEEK.

 

Beginning this Saturday and going strong through next Saturday this blog will present 5 or more original and probably ridiculous jokes.  Some you will love.  Some you will hate.  C’est la vie.

 

Interestingly enough, joke writing is something I used to do A LOT of before I started blogging.  I like it.  I like the conciseness of it and the mental game.  But, I also enjoy writing long form too.  Unfortunately, I really don’t have time to do both.  So, this week – for one week only – enjoy the jokes, folks.  They may not be back for a while…

 

(Under each joke you will find a written expression in parentheses about how this particular joke makes me feel.)

 

Let us begin:

 

JW 1:

 

The president of Chick-fil-A believes we are shaking our fists at god by allowing gay marriage.  Nutritionists say we are showing our a**holes to god by allowing ourselves to eat Chick-fil-A.

 

(Ba-Boom!)

“Even though we taste like lesbians, if you are lesbian we’d prefer that you do not eat us… Wait, this is coming out all wrong.”

 

JW 2:

 

Aaron Sorkin has fired the entire writing staff of HBO’s “Newsroom.”  Rumor has it the writers were fired for fast-talking like they were on a 12 day crack binge.

 

(Ba-Bing!)

 

JW 3:

 

The city of London has decided NOT to fill up the pools for this summer’s Olympic swimming events.  When asked why, a spokesperson responded, “There should be enough rain between now and then to fill them up to regulation height.  It’s bloody Noah’s Ark around here.”

 

(Cha-chow!)

London, as it prepares for the Olympic games.

 

JW 4:

 

The Pentagon is allowing service members to march in uniform during a gay pride parade for the first time in U.S. history.  Reportedly, some servicemen are disappointed.  Turns out they will have to forgo the Kenneth Cole thongs made out of the gun-strap on an M-16.

 

(Ying-a-long!)

 

JW 5:

 

Michele Bachman believes Hilary Clinton’s aide has ties to the Muslim Brotherhood.  I believe Michele Bachman has ties to the Bipolar Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.

 

(kaboooom!)

 

More tomorrow…

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily.  All this week it will be jokes.  If you’d like to subscribe, hit the follow button at the top of the page.

 

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Photo creds:  fin feature, displayshark, chick-fil-a, emptypool 

34 thoughts on “Welcome to JOKE WEEK!

  1. SM,
    Womp womp womp… Funny enough… When I read “more tomorrow”, I saw “Bill McMorrow”… Perhaps?
    Le Clown

    1. ah, billy, we all miss him so, don’t we? i stopped by his blog, but alas, i think he’s off on some island or some other such thing. and funny enough! definitely over-quota funny. momma loves you. don’t hate. it may give you a wrinkle. xoxo, sm

  2. OH… those kinds of jokes! Meaning the kind I have to understand what’s happening in the world kind of jokes… I was ready to tell you ‘what do you call a blonde doing a handstand… a brunette with bad breath’… No? Not in the club? I miss you Becky! Let’s get a reunion together!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. grace, momma misses you too. and becky. both of my egos. ;0 eh, some of them you don’t need to read much news for, but since i love you here’s a primer:
      chick-fil-a – hates the gays
      olympis – in london this year
      us military – likes the gays now
      michele bachmann – an idiot who was running for pres, but thank god that’s over
      and aaron sorkin fired his whole staff. i also, one day, hope to have the honor of being fired by sorkin. loooool. where are you living these days? xo, sm/ rd

  3. I have never felt Ying-a-long, but it sounds interesting. I can’t believe you say you’re in a creative slump after these jokes and those T-shirts. Love ’em. Keep ’em coming especially if they involve toe-blasting.

    1. ying-a-long, all night long! (i need help, seriously.) jokes and t-shirts, sigh. maybe i just can’t get cool enough to write a ‘story’ — but, as long as something semi-stimulating goes “on air” so to speak. everyone should enjoy a good toe-blast. PERIOD!!! lol. much love, sm

  4. It’s ironic in some odd way, but I only ever get a hankering for Chik Fil A on Sundays, whent he entire franchise is closed for the sabbath. No capitalism on Sunday? How un-American can you get?

    Plus, the thought of lesbian cows hawking chicken sandwiches only confuses me. Are the lesbian cows the ones in the sensible shoes?

    1. ok, 1point, i am quickly becoming a superfan of your goddermned comments. you know the lesbian cows hawking chicken confused me too. you’re selling chicken, chick-fil-a, chicken! maybe no one told them cows = beef and they think all meat comes from chicken, which they spell chickin…as if our school system isn’t in enough trouble… anyway, i fear how they make a sausage, probably from the thigh meat of a deity. is that too much? i’m here all week. sigh. to make a long comment longer on my part, ‘yes, the lesbian cows are in the sensible shoes.’ most likely crocs. and cows in crocs is a sight to behold, indeed. much love, sm

      1. I sense the start of a long and sarcastic blog-friendship. I’m looking forward to more jokes. Personally, I feel the art of telling jokes and even knowing them is dying faster than broadcast TV.

        I referred to an old old standard joke in one of my posts a few months ago, and people were genuinelty confused due to their lack of joke awareness. It’s a crisis, and it’s going to take more than a few sign-spinning bovine-types in Birkenstocks to stem the tide of joke illiteracy.

        Thanks for doing your part!

      2. it is another sign of our decaying society! you are right, good sir. it is sad. but, i am here to valiantly do my part. or at least attempt to. and i can’t believe i can’t get a chick-fil-a on a sunday, what a pack of a-holes. ;0

  5. There are entire days where I have no sense of humor, and yet you can whack out multiple jokes. Probably why you’re a comedian and I write 30 page nonprofit online communications strategy deliverables.

  6. These are great! The Chik Fil A one had me LOLing. My husband and I make up jokes all day long with each other but I think that if we ever brought them out in public we’d either be stoned (in the biblical sense) or tomato’d. Likely both.

  7. I have only ever written one joke in my entire life – feel free to use it.

    “So, when Marcel Marceau died, did they hold a minute’s noise?”

    I swear a holy oath I wrote this. I came up with it the day the famous mime artist carked it (I have witnesses). I only say this because I have lived long enough to hear it come back to be!

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