Joke Week, Part 2

Welcome to Part 2 of joke week, an installment that will last 7 days.  You can read Part 1, here.  In essence, you’ll see 5 original jokes (or more) from me, per post, all week.  It’s my way of dealing with feck-blogging syndrome that seems to have broken out over the inter-webs this summer.  (Is Summer supposed to be capitalized?  Feck, grammar.  Feck Summer.  Where’s my coffee?  Where’s my high paying writer job?  Sorry, stream of consciousness got out.  She’s a wild animal like that.  Okay, let’s move on.)

 

One of the things I like to do when writing jokes is to try them a couple of different ways.  I’m going to do that in today’s post.  It’s like writing two different ends to your story.  You’ll see those jokes written back to back.  So you can judge them.  (Damn you.)

 

It’s also important to note that I like to react to my own jokes in parentheses after I’ve written them.  It’s like being a blogger-ish Andrew Dice Clay, but less of an a**hole, and with a rockin’ vag.

 

Alright, no more messing around.  Let’s get started.

 

Joke 1:

 

Mitt Romney has refused to release his tax returns citing that he just released his dog from the roof of his car.  One thing at a time, folks.

 

(Sing-how, Turnip!)

U.S. politics – the joke that keeps on giving.

 

Joke 2:

 

The Vatican has stripped the Pontifical Catholic University of Peru of its right to call itself Catholic for their progressive beliefs.  Not to be outdone, the Uni stripped the Vatican of its right to call itself learned due to Creationism.

 

(Whap-attack!)

 

Joke 3:

 

Fred Willard was caught jacking off in an adult theater.  Upon arrest, Fred gave the  following statement to the news media, “Pee Wee Herman made me do it.”

 

(Sizz!)

 

Joke 4:

 

A very rare brain disorder called, “Alien Hand Syndrome” will cause your hand to act of its own accord.  Fred Willard claimed to be suffering from the disorder when prompted to by both his probation officer and his dry cleaner.

 

(Bap-a-doo-doo!)

 

Joke 5:

 

United Airlines announced a fare hike for all passengers. Unless, of course, you can fit yourself into your second, carry-on bag.

 

(Flap-a-dash!)

Children fly for free this way.

 

That concludes today’s verbal jig.  Join us tomorrow for more modern, merriment.

 

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You might also like:

Joke Week, Part 1

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Photo creds:

kidinsuitcase, romneydog, feature-image

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17 thoughts on “Joke Week, Part 2

  1. This was fun! Romney joke is Spot-on! (okay, maybe I’ve retained a little delivery mojo?) This was the first blog in my reader this morning…what a way to let the games begin. Thanks! xoM

    1. ba-dum-bump. what? i’m here all week. alright, year. now, i do a ‘bronx cheer’ — these jokes are making me old school hacky like jerry lewis trying to eat soup with a straw and he is a real a**hole! lol. xo, sm

  2. I’ve had a few patients with alien hand syndrome. It’s fascinating to watch but I would imagine not much fun to suffer from. I can’t help but think of National Lampoon’s “Summer Vacation” whenever I hear the Mitt Romney story. I don’t want to compare and contrast the GOP candidate with Chevy Chase – too easy and too scary.

    1. oh, too easy and too scary, indeed, 1point. that alien hand syndrome freaks me out. have you ever read olver sack’s ‘the man who mistook his wife for a hat’? oh, you should, you should… much love, sm

  3. Sing-how, indeed. I will never tire of jokes about Romney strapping his dog to the roof of his car. And I’m glad the police have time to stop people masturbating in masturbating theaters since all other crime has ended. I look forward to tomorrow’s installment.

  4. Laughing so hard about the kid in the suitcase, I choked on my coffee. I am apolitical, but I have to say the pic of the dog too is funny.
    The syndrome, it’s viral, isn’t it?

  5. Love the one about Mitt Romney! I know I have no right to hate that man as I’m not even American but…the thought that such a bully could become President scares me stupid.

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