Joke Week, Part 3

Well, it’s been a trying morning so far.  I’m working off Wifesy’s computer because mine seems to have sh*t the bed entirely.  That means a lovely day to be spent at the mac store tomorrow where, surely, they will relieve me of what little money I have.  Plus, Wifesy’s computer is a UK keyboard, since we bought it there, which means EVERY time I hit the shift key it’s like I’m being pounded in the frontal lobe with a crumpet.  Why?  Because the shift key in Britain is miniscule.  I can only assume this is because the British are precise and can hit the thing with there pinkies perfectly, whereas Americans (with our fat pinky fingers) need much more of a surface area in order to hit the shift key or we would go insane.  I know this to be true because I’m going insane right now.

 

Don’t worry, my version of insanity involves sulking and eating ice cream for breakfast.  I suppose I go insane like a 4 year old.

 

Anyway, the world goes on whether or not my motherboard is fried.  So, on with the jokes.  (If you don’t know what’s happening in regards to these posts concerning Sweet Mother and Joke week, you can start here and here.)

 

Let us begin.

 

Joke 1:

 

Whooping cough, once a has-been disease, is making a comeback for the first time in over a decade.  Donald Trump was quick to move in and ask the Whooping Cough if he’d like to go up against Arsenio Hall on the next Apprentice.

 

“Bring it, Whooping Cough, bring it!”

 

(Woof-a-choo! Bam-a-loo!)

 

 

Joke 2:

 

Dennis Rodman owes over $200Gs in back child support to one wife and $800Gs to another.  Rodman says he tried to pay off the debt with piercings and stds, but we are told even the Bank of Narnia refused to accept the payment.

 

(Shazam-a-ram!)

 

Joke 3:

 

Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe, turns 23 today.  To celebrate, the actor plans to play a dirty version of “hide the horcrux” with the last girl to leave the pub.

 

(Hiyawatha!)

 

Joke 4:

 

In light of Snooki’s pregnancy, the commissioner of the Jersey Shore Parks and Recreation department has vowed to clean up condoms left on the beach to make sure this kind of thing never happens again.

 

(Slam-a-blam-a-ding-dong!)

 

Joke 5:

 

The Muppets and the Jim Henson company have severed all ties with Chick-Fil-A over their anti-gay stance.  A spokesperson for the Jim Henson company claims that their decision has nothing to do with the private sex lives of Bert and Ernie.

 

“We’re just roommates.”

 

(Whap-a-dunk!)

 

 

Enjoying Joke Week?  Let me know in the comments section below.  And by all means, if you think there’s a subject that I’m not covering and should be, tell me about it.

 

I’m off to feed the dog, which isn’t a euphemism, but should be.

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” button at the top of the page.

 

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You might also like:

Joke Week, part 1

Joke Week, part 2 

 

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Photo creds:  Arsenio, bertandernie

 

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36 thoughts on “Joke Week, Part 3

    1. hide the horcrux should be played by nerds everywhere!!!! and who can avoid a snookie joke? not i, i tell ya, not i! love, you weebs. love you, as sweet mother’s motherboard fries. sigh. xo, sm

  1. Sorry to hear about your motherboard…computers…can’t live without ’em, can’t shoot ’em! Oh, wait, sorry…I forgot about angry dad firing many bullets into his daughter’s laptop…I stand corrected. You CAN shoot them, but I’m thinking it won’t help repair the Mother f’ing BOARD… :), nor would your 15 minutes of fame on the TODAY show or whatever…

    And your joke about Snooki…too funny! Bet you’ll get a deluge of hate mail from her fans…that’s if if they sober up long enough to jot something down with their crayons… 🙂

    THANKS for the humor! Hope tomorrow is a better day…even if you spend a good bit of time at the dreaded MAC store…sigh…

    ~TenaciousB/KS

    1. i am kneedeep in motherboard hell. i would like to shoot my puter like that guy did, but then my insurance probably wouldn’t cover that. sigh. ugh. computers are pain in a-hole. major pain. anyway, off to dump it at the high priced mac store. waaaahhhhhhh, i’m crying like a baby, seriously. anyway, glad you enjoyed the jokes. and on the snookster – i talked about her on here once before and it DID piss off a snooki fan, she tried to argue with me that she was, ‘today’s feminist’ — oh, poor margaret sanger and gloria steinem to be reduced to such a thing! loool. anyhoo, i will never stop the snooki jokes, NEVER! *shakes fist in air* lol. xo, sm

      1. LOL…Snooki, a feminist? Why, because she occasionally pours her own drinks? WTF? Good for you…keep the SNOOK-SULTS (i.e. Snooki Insults) coming!! We all need the comedic relief! 🙂
        TB/KS

    1. you got the blueseys today, gurl? no!!!! do something nice for yourself. i’m going to wash my upper body in pinot gris once i get this effer-loven-computer fixed. wah! xo, sm

    1. YOU are a better person than i. i have offered bjs to the men and women of nyc’s tekserve. and thankfully, i’ve just found the la version, as i’m past warranty. sigh. hopefully it won’t hurt too much, as they say…

    1. aaaaahhhhhh, hello, kina! any friend of clown’s is a friend of mine. sorry i’m seeing (and approving) this just now. but, i will get to whatever i have to get to and do, very soon. i hope! sigh. much love, mother

    1. it should be used by everyone everywhere. wait until there’s a national ‘hide the horcrux’ day. imagine the british-hat-potential for such a day…i’m just sayin’.

  2. I must say that is a pretty good post that you’ve published there. I haven’t seen your blog before and “stumbled” upon this post via the Freshly Pressed section of the WordPress Dashboard thingy. I liked your post so much that I thought it deserved a few minutes of my time to leave this comment. So hence, the reason why you are reading this from me.

    I found it to be clearly presented, well written and very to the point. I’ve also enjoyed reading some of the previous comments left by other users.

    Please… please keep up the good work and I will be sure to stop by in the near future!

    Have a nice day! 🙂

    Kindest regards to you…

    Barry.
    http://brownhillsbarry.com

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