Joke Week, Part 4

Good morning, Sweet Mother-ites.  Oh, lawd, lawd.  I fought through these jokes today.  Hopefully they don’t sound as pained as they made Momma feel, but -oh- they might, they might.  In other news, my computer is at the computer hospital, which I’m taking in stride because it’s a computer and not a person, right?  Right?!  That’s how I should handle it, by not freaking out…RIGGGGHT?!  It’s just a computer.  It’s sick and hopefully it will not take all of my gig money to pay for it.  I swear if there was a computer-blue-cross-blue-shield, I just might opt in right now.

 

So, we’ve hit the just-over-the-hump day of Joke Week.  4 days down, 3 days to go.  You can follow how this all came about by reading these:  1, 2, and 3.

 

I think my brief respite from longer post/ story writing is helping.  Since after a few days of nothing, but jokes, I can’t wait to get into a bit of dialogue and story telling.  I suppose, creatively-speaking, it always helps to shake things up a bit.  And if you haven’t been here before, you should know that I always respond to my own jokes in the () after each comedy bit.

 

Without further adieu, today’s funnies…

 

Joke 1:

 

America’s first female astronaut, Sally Ride, came out as a lesbian in her obituary.  Her co-pilots in a show of solidarity stated, “Her sexuality never mattered to us, but we will say that Birkenstocks are just as ugly when viewed in outer space.”

 

(Wah, Wah! Wachovia.)

Welcome to the family, sistah!

 

Joke 2:

 

 

After orgasm men experience decreased activity in the prefrontal cortex, which is why they fall asleep after sex.  Apparently, women experience decreased activity in the “singin’ basket” when being nudged by a log from behind.  (My advice:  Dudes, try waking her up first.)

 

(Peas, purse!  Lawd, I think that joke had an epilogue!)

 

Joke 3:

 

Mariah Carey to join American Idol for a whopping $18 million.  Hollywood forecasters believe if the show keeps going the network will eventually be forced to hire Ted Nugent.  Thankfully, the network promises to pay him in Groupon Therapy coupons and “Backwater Back-Wash” – a new aftershave by the Glenn Beck Foundation.

 

(Cha-choo!)

Hi, Crazy-face!

 

Joke 4:

 

 

Mama Jackson has gone missing.  Meanwhile, Janet and Jermaine are fighting out on the lawn.  Don’t worry.  Under Charlie Sheen’s supervision, the family is planning a Torpedo of Lightly Blackened Truth, Holy Feck, Whose White Kids Are These Tour.

 

(Bow-chicka-bow-bow…)

 

Joke 5:

 

18 cops in China attempted to rescue a sex doll that they thought was a drowning woman.  Unfazed, a local man said, “You should see what these tofu-brains do for one missing p*ssy.  They chase her all the way up bonsai tree.”

 

(Flim, Flam, Flan.)

 

Well, that’s all for today, my friends.  As always, I love hearing from you in the comments section and if you’ve got anything I should joke about, let me know.  Only 3 days to go.

 

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Sweet Mother is updated close to daily.  If you’d like to follow this blog, simply click on the follow button at the top of the page.

 

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You might also like:

Joke Week 1

Part 2

Part 3

 

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Photo creds:  sallyride, ted

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22 thoughts on “Joke Week, Part 4

    1. HI-larious. there was a line that i read in the article about men falling asleep after sex that said, ‘the reason men fall asleep after sex is because you are not a pizza…’ i’m not kidding. totally bonkers funny to me. xoxo, sm

      1. There may be some truth to that! By the way, the one thing I love about Sally Ride’s story is that she was able to live her life as she saw fit, quietly, without her sexual orientation being highlighted…something ALL heterosexual couples take for granted. I look forward to the day when ALL COUPLES can take that for granted! xoM 😉

  1. I’m sorry but reading jokes and hearing someone tell them are two totally different things. The vids I’ve seen of you are awesome but I just can’t get into these written jokes. Mind you, the Jackson joke made me giggle. 🙂

    1. don’t be sorry. it’s not for you, it’s for ME. and i need a big break from the longer post/ story thing. like i said in post 1 – some of you will like it/ them/ the jokes, some of you won’t. c’est la vie, girlie. c’est la vie.

  2. There’s suppose to be a made up element to Joke 3, right? I think all of it’s real because it sounds too real especially the Glenn Beck backwater beck wash. I want some of that. I want to write all my conspiracy theories on my chalkboard and then coat my chalkboard with beck wash and then rub my back into the chalkboard some I’m covered in conspiracies and beck wash.

  3. hahaha…Jackson joke was crazy 🙂 what a week Sweet Mom
    hope your computer comes back all new and nice from the computer hospital…
    II know how you feel, coz my car jut got hit and its in car hospital 😛 and i miss it already

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