Joke Week, Part 5

Okay, so my post is super-late today.  My computer is officially gone, daddy, gone.  So, I’ll have to make do with Wifesy’s until I can score some money to get a new one.  I haven’t talked about it in great detail, but here’s what happened.

 

I cleared my kitchen table and sat down to an afternoon of writing.  Nothing was on the table, but my close-to-brand-new laptop and my phone AND a new vase full of sunflowers.  As I sat and typed away and answered some of your comments, I heard a loud “pop.”  I paused for a moment not sure where the sound had come from.  Did our hanging lamp fall to the ground?  Did a car backfire?  It all happened in a millisecond.  I looked down to see water pouring out of the vase and heading for my laptop.  I ripped it off the table and cleaned the water immediately.   I opened it up and cleaned the small amount of water from out of the inside.  It worked for a few days and then…no more.  The computer hospital says, “my logic board has been fried and the login something or other has corrosion.”  Pretty soon, the computer has to be put down…like an old, loyal, lovable, dog, down it goes.

 

Here is the offending vase:

A $10 vase causes a $1,000 problem.

 

This is what I get for buying a vase in a buddhist store – Stress.

 

 

Yep, sometimes life makes you want to hide like this child I saw at Trader Joe’s today.

I understand, chico, I understand.

 

But, you don’t.  You go on.  You deal with it.  You say my family is healthy, I am healthy, and so I don’t stop.  Instead, I yoga-rage it out of my body and continue the merry with Joke Week.  If you want to catch up with us, try posts 1, 2, 3, and 4.

 

 

And now, my Sweet Mother friends, the jokes begin because, as they say, “the show must go on…”

 

Joke 1:

 

Apparently, the Damson Dene Hotel in England is replacing its bibles with the book, “50 Shades of Grey” because when a person needs to find solace, there is no better place to look then within the confines of a good fisting scene.

 

(wacka-ding-dong!)

 

Joke 2:

 

Turns out the arrival of the Olympic athletes in London did NOT cause the crash of the gay, “dating” app, Grindr…despite the best efforts of both the Men’s Water Polo athletes and the female shot putters.  C’mon, have you seen those ladies?

 

(Easy gals, I’m not Daniel Tosh here.)

 

Joke 3:

 

The powers that be are shutting down Los Angeles marijuana dispensaries.  California’s biggest Indian tribe, the Yurok, said the announcement came as no surprise to them since the government has been “bogarting our peace pipe for years.”

 

(How-ho-How.)

 

Joke 4:

 

North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Un married Ri Sol Ju.  The new first lady plans to keep her last name, but hyphenate it with her married one resulting in her new title, Lady Un-Ju.  Both Israeli leaders and Steven Spielberg have called the hyphenation insensitive.

 

(Bing, bing, bong.)

 

Joke 5:

 

Sherman Hemsley, the actor who played George Jefferson of “The Jeffersons” passed away recently.  I’m guessing when his angel met him at reception he said, “Come on, George, we’re moving on up…to a deluxe apartment in the sky.”

 

(RIP, dear fellow.)

 

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Sweet Mother is updated between computer floods and hell-storms.  I am your faithful servant.  To join our congregation, simply click the follow button and subscribe.

 

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17 thoughts on “Joke Week, Part 5

  1. Sweet Moms, glad you got your computer up and running until you can find a new one. Joke #1 — Ew, just don’t like the “fisting” thing but I’m sheltered. #2 — I don’t get — ditto on the sheltered thing, but I’m very openminded. #3 — hilarious. #4 — Awesome because he deserves that RIP in the deluxe apartment in the sky and it’s funny. Helmsley worked at the postal service for years whilst practicing his acting/comedy skills. Funny, funny!! Thank you.

  2. Computer rage, I know it well. A “friend” “borrowed” my laptop during a band practice and basically downloaded some Russian virus that caused it to shotgun vodka and die. She was looking at myspace so that made me “feel” “better” because myspace is….what is myspace? Un-Ju. Me like.

  3. My condolences on your computer, Sweet Momma. Will there be a wake? A memorial service?

    I liked all the jokes but I think #1, 3 and 4 tickled my funny bone a wee bit more.

  4. Well, that will teach you to try and spruce up the place with a little colour and fresh flowers…really sorry. 😦

  5. Liquid-proof computers should be the standard. I’d have been raging too much to come up with anything creative after that diagnosis. How could such a zen item cause such havoc?

  6. Sherman Hemsley and your computer in the span of a few short days. Makes one nervous about what tomorrow may bring. You set a great example of perseverence SM. Be strong…stiff upper lip and all that, what.

  7. Ugh. Now that’s a cautionary tale if ever I heard one. Think I might stop putting my coffee cup on my desk. The pc is underneath the desk but still. Thanks for the cfunnies and courage under fire. 🙂

  8. Awesome as usual. I couldn’t help but wonder if you had to take it to the Apple store and if you saw any hot geeks, and then I thought to myself, “Lauren, you’re such a perv, why are you so curious if she saw hot geeks in the Apple store in New York? You don’t live there. Why do you even remember that story?”

    That’s where I am this morning. Sorry to hear about your computer!

  9. Love the Korea bit – ha! Sorry about the vase, too. What was the material? As a ceramic artist representing vase-makers everywhere, I express my condolences and shame at the shoddy craftsmanship.

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