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I’ve Still Got It

When I was about 30 years old, I had Rogue’s hair from X-men.  Literally, my hair looked very similar to the shot below.  It was a dark brownish red with a blonde streak down the front.  I wore it like that for a my comedy debut on television.  I had a dying-my-hair fetish for quite some time.  I’ve had blonde hair and the red with the stripe number and my natural, dark brown, and often black.  But, this Rogue style made me look ultra-cool.

 

It was almost exactly like this…

 

I know it was ultra-cool because I was walking the streets of Seattle (not like a ho, like a person philosophizing) and a 15 year old boy stopped me and said, “Cool hair!”  He meant it.  He had a huge grin on his face.  It was like the best hair he’d seen all day.  I was 30 and he was 15 and I thought, “Yep, man, I’ve still got it.”

 

 

I’d have my hair like that to this day, if it weren’t for the upkeep.  I mean dying your hair like that is a MAJOR part-time job because the minute the roots grow into the blonde streak you go from ultra-cool to meth addict.  The look changes so fast that if you’re not vigilant, you’ll go from ultra-cool to not getting a table at a restaurant because the manager thinks you’re going to steal the silverware.

 

If I wanted to class and sophisticado the look up, I’d do it ala Stacy London.

 

Look at that, one, cool, gray, streak of hair, perfectly displayed right in the middle.  Now, either Stacy London is a genetic mutant and that streak grows perfectly right the feck there OR she pays a lot of money for the look.

 

 

Stacy and I are about the same age and I worry.  I worry about not knowing who in the hell the up and coming music artists are.  I worry about not knowing how to use an app when everyone under 25 thinks it is soooo easy.  I worry about losing my cool factor.  And to understand my cool factor, I’d call myself a cool-nerd.  Both, in equal parts.

 

But, then I have other days where I go, “Nope, I can do this.  I can grow old and not lose my cool.”  Certain things get in the way like not having a good hairdresser.  When you don’t and you’re of your late 30s, a bad haircutter can turn you into an instant soccer mom, so can bad jeans, comfortable shoes, and tight capris.  It’s a feckin’ minefield.  Us trying-to-keep-our-mojo broads must navigate it daily.

 

For example, maybe you had a rockin’ hot body in your 20s, but now you’ve decide to enjoy things like…food.  That’s all fine.  You just can’t wear that 20 year old’s workout gear or the result is this…

I’m gonna say no.

 

You have to be more conscious about covering your bits.  The tight skirt / tight shirt combo is out, if you can’t handle a northeasterly wind with a bucket full of grace…

Sometimes we mainly hurt ourselves.

 

And as a final PSA…Lose the corset tops and the tennis visor if it makes you look like your last job was stealing the welfare check from a retired couple, while you split their timeshare in Atlantic City.  That description is not a job and this is not an outfit:

Why, God, why?

 

It’s not that I think all the fun has to go out of your life and your wardrobe as you age.  It doesn’t.  You just have to adjust.  But, hell, if you’re 80 and still have a rockin’ body that can work the sh*t out of a skinny jean.  FECKIN’ DO IT.  Exhibit A:

Come on! There is a whole lot of awesome happening here…

 

Lastly, sometimes I think it’s an energy thing.  (What the feck?  This is the second post where I’ve mentioned “energy.”  California is turning my vag into a hippie crystal most often found in a Wicca shop…Anyway…)  You have to keep the youngishness about you.  At least that’s my current theory.

 

 

What else could explain the exchange I had with 3, young, adorably, cute, Latino boys at the grocery store the other day.  It went something like this:

 

Scene:  I’m at the checkout line and the boys have my groceries bagged and scanned before I can even get them out of the cart, it seems, so I say…

 

Sweet Mother:  Jesus, you guys are quick.  I can barely keep up.  (Yep, I’m an idiot.)

 

One of the Latino boys says something very low, almost a whisper, and they all start laughing.

 

“What?” I say.  “I missed that one.”

 

And the one bagging the groceries guy says, “Miss, he said, Miguel is known for finishing quickly.”

 

Me:  “Whaaaaattttttt??????  Oh, my god.  That is awesome and so NOT G-rated.  You gotta keep it G-rated.  Well, not for me, but you know, for the kidsies.”  I’m laughing at this point.

 

The one who dropped the joke bomb runs off to the end of the aisle.

 

“Well, where is he going?” I say.  “You can’t drop a good one like that and run off.”

 

At this point, I was distracted and enjoying myself.  So, the cashier kid says, “Miss, would you like any cash back?”  Because you see, I’ve forgotten to finish my transaction, so I say…

 

“It seems we’re all having trouble finishing today…”

 

Which sends the 3 boys into fits of laughter.  And I go, “Oh, lord, we’re all blushing now.”

 

And the boy bagging groceries says, “Miss, I won’t tell, if you won’t.”

 

And that was it.  I felt like I did back when I had the streak in my hair, walking the streets of Seattle.  I’ve sorta still got it.  Either that, or they just felt like including the soccer mom because she looks cray-cray.  Feck it, I’m taking it how I want to.  I’ve still got it.  Thank God for the little things.

 

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Photo creds:  tightjoggers, cartoon-feature, oldskinnyjeans, skirt-muffin, disasterduo, rogue, london

 

38 thoughts on “I’ve Still Got It

      1. I think I’ve read that. Have I? I vaguely remember something about butt plugs and tampon extraction, but not so much on Vajazzling. Le Clown, is there something you can recommend to learn more on Vajazzling.

      2. Speaker 7,
        Absolutely. You can find a few articles on the interwebs by its ambassador, Jennifer Love Hewitt. She is very eloquent on the topic. Happy reading.
        Le Clown

      3. Thank you. I usually look to Jennifer Love Hewitt before I embark on any new venture, and now I see she vajazzles on special occasions and I no longer will die with any regrets.

  1. SM,
    That Granny should be Le Clown’s Granny! Rock on, lady!! As for Stacy London (can you believe I almost called her Stacy Clinton… not that I ever watched the show, or anything…….), we used to be BFF. In my dreams. Before they locked me up… before the restraining order. Before I realized I was dressing as Stacy, and we had never been BFF. Do I have enough for a post, you think?
    Le Clown

    1. ooooooooohhh, you do, you so do. write it purty please. WRITE IT!! i have a stacy london fetish. i simultaneously want to be her – in wardrobe, mainly and oddly think she’s hot. tho i think wifesy is better…now someone’s gonna call the police. i know it! lol. xoxoxo, sm

      1. SM,
        Seriously, I used to think this woman kicked some serious butt. Then I cancelled cable, and forgot everything about her.
        Le Clown

  2. I’ve got a friend with a natural gray streak and he rocks it. It’s a look that does seem to be bringing him gently and stylishly into old-guy-hood. The older I get the more lazy dressing I get, but I blame the increasing bike commuting.

  3. Oh man, I feel you on this one. I bought (what I thought was) a rockin’ wardrobe for vacation and then my husband was cruel enough to take a rear crotch shot of me while I was bent over in the ocean and it reminded me of one of those terrible garden decorations of some fat lady’s ass hunched over in the garden with frigging bloomers on. I either have to start working out to get my mojo back or get a divorce because no good spouse would remind someone that their ass looks like that.

  4. … you know im not lying i have grey hair growing just that way but i often have to get rid of it because im 26 and it freaks out my mom… ;) buti would love to have Rogue kind of look..
    I wanted to color my hair blue in college dont know why i didnt do it…
    Sweet Mom im sure you must have looked awesome in that look…

  5. I become giddy these days when a younger person calls me “miss” instead of “ma’am.” (That miss-to-ma’am transition occurred somewhere in my late 20s, without my permission, courtesy of a customer at the restaurant where I waited tables while I was in school. Bastard.). Good for you, inadvertent sex jokes with young Latinos at the grocery store!!

  6. Laura above just beat me to it, if the boy had called you ma’am instead of miss, the whole post would have been different.

    As for gray streaks, i rock tow of those bad boys down each side of my back, so I have the whole Pepe le Pew thing going there…very attractive, and it almost guarantees a nice spacious spot at the beach.

  7. Lucky you, “Miss.” They always call me “M’aam” and look like they wanna take my elbow to help me out. As for the rest of it, keep it all, it’s great joke-making material!

  8. In a low-lit restaurant a couple of years ago, I got carded by the server while my husband didn’t. Yes, it made my day. :) I’m not sure I’ve ever rocked it, but I’ve no doubt you’re still going strong and will be forever!

  9. SM,

    I love to pick out my fav one liners. Today’s is: “For example, maybe you had a rockin’ hot body in your 20s, but now you’ve decide to enjoy things like…food.”

    Awesome. If I didn’t adore you I’d steal it. You still got it girl.

    xoxo
    Stacie

  10. I get giddy when I get asked for my ID when buying wine at 75% off at the market. My friend and I went to a benefit last week (see my blog) and I dressed up for it, the first time in a LONG time. Afterwards, we stopped at Whole Foods to pick up a few things for the kids. Guys were tripping over themselves and turning their heads so far we feared they would fall off. My friend said “This is how I always dress to go shopping…” The guy was all flustered and got out a “yeah, I bet!”. Tee hee! Two tipsy hot mamas in little dresses caused quite a show for those guys :P

  11. A grey streak… makes me think of Diaghilev- ( a reference I’m sure everyone will recognize :D )
    I decided to embrace the grey, no use fighting it, it would be a losing battle.

  12. I think this is something all of can relate to. From around 15-16 to 26 I used to dye my hair all sorts of colours and as a guy that is a little more rare and unusual. Somehow though I came to the conclusion that it was time to grow up and just stick with my natural hair colour which is a really dark brown now with bits of grey for that added sophistication. I know this lady, she is probably in her 60’s and she now has white grey hair with a purple streak. Everytime I see her I’m impressed that she decides to just do what she wants and not let the world judge her.

  13. You’ve still got it mother! So do I apparently. There are 3 guys at work who apparently “like” me and they are all in their 20s. Not bad for an old broad who’s just around the corner from 50. ;-)
    P.S. I don’t dress like a kid, but I don’t dress my age either. I hate it. The only thing I’ve grown to accept is my increasing difficulty to understand electronics. I get my kids to do the things I can’t figure out or remember. :-)

  14. I was always fascinated with Stacey’s hair as well. Then I started to watch Arlene Dickinson (you have to google picture search her) who is a well known, extremely wealthy, rags to riches story, “Dragon’s Den” star here in Canada. Before I knew it I was taking pictures to my hairdresser’s saying I want to look like her. My hairdresser is phenomenal and said, “you don’t want me to do that to you” and pretty much gave all the reasons you just gave above. I wasn’t as amused by him though.

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