I think these are 11 of the worst ways to deal with stress off the top of my head. I hope that I didn’t engage in any of them today, but really, I’m not sure! Anyway, enjoy my insanity.
1. Telling your boss to feck off
2. Slapping everyone you love with a piece of bologna
3. Shaking over small shit like you’re your own personal earthquake
4. Holding enough tension in your a-hole to crack brazil nuts. (walnuts are for amateurs.)
5. Telling everyone you love to feck off and then telling yourself to feck off
6. Honking indiscriminately while you are still in “Park”
7. Getting so angry that your nipples cut a hole through your own shirt and then yelling at everyone who stares at your exposed nipples.
8. Sweating in someone else’s wedding dress. (I don’t know what this means. I can only assume you got so mad at your friend that you said, “Forget her, I’m going to jog and then put on her new dress.”)
9. Tying a rubber band around your forehead and snapping it every time someone does something stupid.
10. Drinking your way through the Gallo wineries, one vat at a time.
11. Shaking a stuffed crocodile until the stuffing comes out. Then sticking your own head into the crocodile’s head and wishing it would come to life.
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