fortune

Blogging, in Rhyming Couplets

I’m sucking down a juice and staring at my screen.
When they say, “You’ve got writer’s block, maybe this is what they mean.”

 

 

I’ve skimmed the New York Times and torn through the Huffington Post,
looking for a subject, a story, or an a**hole I can roast.

 

But, there’s nothing.  My brain is vanquished.  And the page, it’s almost a blank…
Until I think about rhyming couplets and for that I have David Rakoff to thank.

 

For now, I’m having fun and this writing has become a game.
And Lawd knows it better be, ‘cause only a dunce would do it for the fame.

 

Sorry about that there, I channeled the sassy side of me for an instant.
Don’t worry, she likes donuts like a Winchell’s ho bag and she’s insulin resistant.

 

There’s a part of me that worries that this poem or story or post might be lame.
But, feck it.  It’s my blog and if you don’t try – the makin’ nothing – that’s the real shame.

 

So, here I am – one vessel of teeming humanity trying to carve out my little piece of insanity.

 

Does it work?  Well, it depends on what you like?
But, I will say if creativity is a machine, it keeps this old dyke on her bike.

 

(Yes, I said that.  Yes I did!  You don’t like it, talk to the SQUID.)

 

It’s the new, “talk to the hand.”

 

One day at a time, one joke at a go,
where it will lead is not for me to know.

 

The only person who knows is one of those late night, psychic, superstars,
and thankfully, my calling cards keeps her stocked in expensive cat food jars.

 

 

It’s the “just do it” like a Nike slogan for a nerd.
I will hone my voice, I will write it down, I will find a way to get heard.

 

The dog sleeps and I peck at the keys hoping to find the steady road.
That’s what we all do here and regretfully there is no “auto pilot” mode.

 

The athlete trains.  The singer sings and the writer writes.
Funny how what we love can seem like enduring a million fights.

 

I suppose this is a post about writing and tricking your never cooperating brain,
into finding that creativity button and achieving a moment’s pleasure out of tons of pain.

 

I could’ve just written about Victoria Jackson and her homophobic rants.
A former SNL star, who spews hatred every morning before she even puts on her feckin’ pants.

 

I could’ve talked about how every comedian I know seems to have the cancer.  Alright two of them, but that’s two too many, and it’s just another thing for which none of us have an answer.

 

That stuff is too depressing though and I’d like to create more of a refreshing morning balm.  A place of refuge for the blogging weary like when you’re in the desert and you find a lone palm.

 

Sweet Mother started as one thing and may be becoming a whole other, indeed.
It’s nice to go with the flow though and to not always fight the current and its rapid, rushing, speed.

 

This blog has given me many things and one of the most beautifully vag-tastical sentiments is what I feel towards all of you.  The community here makes me smile and wonder with great people like you, what the feck would Oprah do?

 

But, the Oprah in me is not here today and neither is my Gayle.  Well, you’d know her as Wifesy and, truth be told, she’s a shade or two more pale.

 

So, that’s it.  This little ditty is almost done.  That’s right, it’s coming to an end.
This morning I struggled with post ideas, but now it’s alright ‘cause I’ve just up and told a friend.

 

(You, people, that’s you.)

 

Good Gawd.  Sweet Lawd.  How in the hell do you wrap one of these suckers up?
Maybe by letting you all know I’d never be gay enough to use a menstrual cup?

 

 

Ewwwssssy.  Whhhyyyssy?  Was that too much?  Have I gone too far?
I’m saying no ‘cause I feel like the next round’s been bought for me and I’m a favorite at this bar.

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish.  If you’d like to receive an email when new content is published, simply hit the follow link at the top of the page.

 

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Photo creds:

squid, fortune, mensescup

 

27 thoughts on “Blogging, in Rhyming Couplets

  1. Loved this momma! Whew .. it’s good to be back here .. It took me forever to figure out how to get WP to notify me of your posts!

    Much love to you and Wifesy!

      1. Haha! Ironically, my “arse” is currently on display at my little piece of WP’s domain ;-)

        Yes, I am doing well .. not quite thriving, but definitely improving.

        xoxo

    1. yes, please, i would like vag-tastical said from every corner of the universe and i’ll take any kind of credit from you. even if it’s just you write my name on some kind of receipt you throw in the trash. wait, that sounds weird. i mean that in the bloggery, i love your bloggedty sense. and i also feel that anyone who reads both of us should receive some kind of award. i’m not sure what that is, but i’ll think of something…

      1. I’m discovering that blogging can stretch my talents much further than I ever thought they would go. Not into poetry though! You, however, have a chance at combining comedy with rhyming couplets and pulling it off. :D A new art form maybe?

    1. it’s a ridiculously bad sort of rhyming couplet-ish, poem. but, i am honored that you read it regardless. seriously, ian. you are like a gem here and i am flattered that you read. much love, sm

      1. I am afraid I have killed off my pen name but I will still pop over on every post

        Regards
        Bruce ( a new man you might say)

      2. very interesting, bruce. i totally understand the metamorphosis this all sometimes requires. you are a favorite and i’m glad you’ll be popping by. much love, sm

    1. When u are rt u are rt
      And I think ive broken every rhyming couplet rule.
      It was boredom I was trying to shake and it’s a great point you are trying to make,
      But yet I’m still too old to go back to school.

      I don’t know. Closer?

      You are so rt, Yolly. And I appreciate the awesome way you told me so.

      Xo mother

  2. “The dog sleeps and I peck at the keys hoping to find the steady road.
    That’s what we all do here and regretfully there is no “auto pilot” mode.” .. love this one…
    Sweet Mom even in a writer’s block you can create a post so creative…How cool is that?

  3. A few questions?
    1) Is that the Official “talk to the squid” visual? I like to get these new things right.
    2) What is that giant condom thingy? I don’t really want to know…it kind of scares me.
    3) How is it you can be this clever while bored and fighting writers block so early in the morning? What do you have for breakfast? In the immortal words from Harry Met Sally…”I’ll have what she’s having”.

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