So, Canadica launches tomorrow and at the risk of sounding redundant, you should follow it. I’m not going to go into a great big monologue about how it will discuss all things America and all things Canada and I will not go on and on about how it will be funny and I will not talk about how the thing has metamorphosized already into a new nation state, all it’s own, called Canadica, where people speak French and other people call it, “That Language.” I will not talk about how these are the same people who call things, “Freedom Fries,” which means they are rednecks and so no one pays them much attention at all, until they become George Bush and run that other country. Hold on! Was all of that said in only two sentences? Jesus Christ. Well, people tend to run their words together in Canadica. They say things like, “That’s just abooooooot awesome.” People understand them. Truly, they do.
The excitement is building. One new post every week by an American and then a Canadian and so on and apple butter and pancakes. (Added solely because they taste good.)
To tease this seismic shift in the evolutionary process of the blogosphere, over the last day or so, I’ve been running through the timeline of Canadian and American “relations,” as in, I did not have “relations” with that woman. I believe I left off somewhere around Roosevelt and Prime Minister King.
That means it’s time to pick up again. Here we go. Buckle your boots.
Canadian and American relations, Part Deux:
1944: Leighton McCarthy becomes first ambassador to the U.S. from Canada. Before that, the Brits represented Canada. Then Canada finally said, “Sorry, mate, we can take it from here.”
A second world war ends.
1948: Canada and the U.S. were all chummy and cozy during the war. A free trade agreement is thought about, much in the same way that I often think about going to law school. It’s thought about and then forgotten. King gets cold feet. He doesn’t like the greedy way Uncle Sam looks at him any more. It’s almost pervy like when you’re the last vag sitting in the waiting room of a truck stop. King no likey.
1949: NATO is formed. Canada feels good about it because Europe has decided to play. The Canucks feel with Europe involved, pervy U.S. is less likely to look up its skirt.
1950: Korean war. Many deaths both maple syrup like and stripe-ish blue.
1951-55: Everyone is worried about the Russians. Canada and the U.S. agree to forming a line of radar detection sites along the U.S. / Canada border. U.S. pays for it. Canada agrees like a reluctant neighbor agrees to hearing temporary construction work happening all night long, everyday, for a year.
1957: Canada finishes the radar detection line. Canada foots the bill. When asked why, Canada says, “If you let someone else pay for everything, how long until they make you their b*tch? We no likey.” Canada pays and gently shoves America back into the passenger seat.
1962: Kennedy decides to almost fight Cuba without consulting Canada. Kennedy asks Canada to get its troops ready. Canada replies by not replying. Kennedy gets the message, “Never text when you should’ve called.”
1964: Some trouble happens over the Columbia river and the building of a dam. Some Canadians are pissed. Others don’t care.
1965: Canada yells at the U.S. for bombing Vietnam. The U.S. ignores it. Canada yells again. President Johnson literally says, “You have pissed on my rug!” No one understands what it means.
1969: Now Canada and the U.S. are tense. Scorned lovers. Peeved co-workers. No one is happy. Canada opposes Vietnam and opens its borders to American draft dodgers. Prime Minister Trudeau tells an American audience, “living next to you is in some ways like sleeping with an elephant. No matter how friendly or temperate the beast, one is affected by every twitch and grunt.” Apparently Trudeau was a regular Eddie Izzard. Upon hearing that Nixon calls him an a-hole, Trudeau responds with, “I’ve been called worse things by better people.”
No jokes there. The truth is good enough for the moment.
So, that takes us right up to the 1970s. I’ll take you further in my next Canadica promotion down the road.
But, for now – run, don’t walk and follow Canadica – HERE.
It all starts tomorrow.
Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish. If you’d like to follow this blog, you can do so by clicking the “follow” link at the top of the page.
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