“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor.”
– Betty Friedan
There is dirt on my floor right now. Literally, right under my feet someone tracked in some sort of topsoil. Was it the dog? Me or Wifesy? Who knows. What I do know is that my bare toes are swishing around in it while I think to myself, “Must write, must write, must write.” The floor gets cleaned later. The greedy part of my brain wishes the topsoil were sand on a beach and I had a coconut drink in my hand right now!
Anyway, that’s why I included the above quote because of the dirt. Now, I don’t know what in the feck MS. Friedan was referencing, but I’m going to say it was a feckin’ housecleaning commercial. And she’s right. Cleaning a floor is never going to give a woman the big O, unless, of course, she’s on all floors (sorry, all fours) and getting it from her lover while he or she screams, “Shine it! Shine it! ‘Cause we Shiney, Happy, People!” Maybe then. Maybe then it might be possible to achieve the big O, while achieving a natural shine. Maybe that woman is also dating Michael Stipe.
I included the quote for another reason too. I included it because it is often the way my next Reggie introduces her posts. She starts them with a quote, a quote that fits the piece. And when she can’t find one, she writes something like, “Quotey, quotey, quotey, quote…” – by Anonymous, which makes me like her all the more.
The newest Reggie and the MOTHER OF A CAPTION CONTEST, top 3, winning joke writer is…
KATHY V of DON’T FORGET TO FEED THE BABY
There are many reasons why I like Kathy and her writing. For one, she’s funny. For two (can you say “for two” – probably not), her and the hubs were in the Navy. The Navy was the first place to recognize that me and my comedy stylings should be performing for their organized, away-from-home, super-dooper, troops. So, I feel that the Navy has good taste. For three, she calls her baby “Sausage.” For four, she’s sorta deep. One minute she comes up with something insanely fun like a million different ways to say douche (my fave is, “Douchey Potter and The Goblet of Douche”) and the next minute she writes a really compelling piece about SAHMs versus working moms and how – no matter which way you go – it’s f’en hard.
Never mind that it took me a second to figure out what in the feck an SAHM was…
At first I thought it stood for: “Sweet Angry Harried Madonna.”
And then I thought maybe it was like the acronym HALT for alcoholics, but instead this one went: “Sorry, Anxious, Hungry, Mad,” so give me a beer or I’ll shoot you.
Finally, I landed on Stay At Home Moms (SAHMs) because that’s what it actually stands for (in case anyone else out there is as slow to the uptake as me).
But, when I talk about deep, really, I’m talking about the post Kathy wrote regarding getting pregnant in Prague. I thought it was really touching and moving without being overly sentimental. That’s a really delicate balance, as any writer knows. It’s a great piece and a sweet little read.
Then of course there are the pieces where Kathy is just going through her day ATTEMPTING to write and even those are funny.
Surely, those are plenty enough reasons to follow Kathy V. You can do so HERE.
But, if you need one more…
She also likes the Muppets. I don’t know why, but I tend to love people who love the Muppets.
So, Kathy, this one’s for you. It’s just the right mix of sexy and hilarious. It’s my fave and it’s a classic:
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