I had lunch yesterday with a supercool friend of mine from way back. She is out of her mind, in a way that only a fellow performer can be. Yet, she’s also down to earth in a way that only a very few performers even attempt to be. We were tight in New York and now, being here, in this new city, my vag has decided to reach out. It’s not a sexual thing. As you may know by now, from reading me, I often substitute the word “vag” with “emotions” – it’s fun like that.
So, me and my supercool friend had lunch and great conversation. We talked about Oprah and Marianne Williamson and Iyanla Vanzant, and we even ordered off the, “Skinnylicious” menu, which is like having a double order of vag with vag sprinkles on top. The only thing that would’ve made this lunch more lady-fied would’ve been the inclusion of dual pap smears after the final course.
Too much? I think not. Because here’s what follows. Supercool friend asked me if Wifesy and I were going to have a gayby, since I was telling her about my book.
I went through my usual list, “Well, I want my career to be in the right place…we need a certain amount of money because we want to continue a particular lifestyle…I’m old, Wifesy is even older…blah, blah, blah.”
And then I stopped and said, “Actually, what we’re thinking of doing is taking one of Wifesy’s fibroids and just carting that around as our baby. We’ll put a little hat on it. Dress it all cute. It will be great.”
Supercool friend nearly died laughing.
“Oh, my god!” she said. “You can put it in little blazers and make sure it attends the right schools.”
“And it will never, ever, walk, of course. Because it’s a fibroid. It has no legs. So, I’ll drag it around on a skateboard in a little sailor outfit.”
“Oh, think of the trouble your fibroid will get into!” she screamed with glee.
“Fibeous! Oh, Fibeous! Now, you stop that. Mommy doesn’t like it when you eat before dinner. Do you want to get even more round!”
We cried, we laughed so hard.
I don’t know if we’ll ever produce our gayby, Wifesy and I. But, I do know that I always want to be friends with people who can laugh with me like that.
A short post today. But, really, I don’t think much more needs to be said.
Oh, and here’s my friend. Lucky me:
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