Will You Guys Have a Gayby?

I had lunch yesterday with a supercool friend of mine from way back.  She is out of her mind, in a way that only a fellow performer can be.  Yet, she’s also down to earth in a way that only  a very few performers even attempt to be.  We were tight in New York and now, being here, in this new city, my vag has decided to reach out.  It’s not a sexual thing.  As you may know by now, from reading me, I often substitute the word “vag” with “emotions” – it’s fun like that.


So, me and my supercool friend had lunch and great conversation.  We talked about Oprah and Marianne Williamson and Iyanla Vanzant, and we even ordered off the, “Skinnylicious” menu, which is like having a double order of vag with vag sprinkles on top.  The only thing that would’ve made this lunch more lady-fied would’ve been the inclusion of dual pap smears after the final course.


Too much?  I think not.  Because here’s what follows.  Supercool friend asked me if Wifesy and I were going to have a gayby, since I was telling her about my book.


Please, Lawd, not that one. That baby ain’t right.


I went through my usual list, “Well, I want my career to be in the right place…we need a certain amount of money because we want to continue a particular lifestyle…I’m old, Wifesy is even older…blah, blah, blah.”


And then I stopped and said, “Actually, what we’re thinking of doing is taking one of Wifesy’s fibroids and just carting that around as our baby.  We’ll put a little hat on it.  Dress it all cute.  It will be great.”


Supercool friend nearly died laughing.


“Oh, my god!” she said.  “You can put it in little blazers and make sure it attends the right schools.”


“And it will never, ever, walk, of course.  Because it’s a fibroid.  It has no legs.  So, I’ll drag it around on a skateboard in a little sailor outfit.”


“Oh, think of the trouble your fibroid will get into!” she screamed with glee.


“Fibeous!  Oh, Fibeous!  Now, you stop that.  Mommy doesn’t like it when you eat before dinner.  Do you want to get even more round!”


We cried, we laughed so hard.


I don’t know if we’ll ever produce our gayby, Wifesy and I.  But, I do know that I always want to be friends with people who can laugh with me like that.


A short post today.  But, really, I don’t think much more needs to be said.


Oh, and here’s my friend.  Lucky me:




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30 thoughts on “Will You Guys Have a Gayby?

    1. honie, honestly, thank you for just making my morning. i really mean that. if it wasn’t for people like you commenting, i’m not sure i’d continue this thing and really, it means the world to me. so, let’s just say we’re in a mutual admiration society. 😉 much love, sm

  1. Dear Sweet Mother,

    Whether you have a gayby or a fibroid in a very smart blazer (it would be the best dressed fibroid at playschool, that’s certain), you will always make me laugh. I have been bad at commenting lately, but you are the best.

    1. don’t worry, badfads. I totally understand. And I appreciate it whenever you do comment. Truly I do. And thank you for the kind words and of course, only the finest for our little fibroid. 😉 Much love. Humbly, Sweet Mother

  2. Haha! You could name her fibula—it’s the name of the shank bone, and I had decided to name my daughter that (if I ever have a kid) ever since my first anatomy class, but it fits your baby the best 🙂

    1. looooool. What if we just call her, “shank bone” and she grows up to be a rapper… could be a huge winner! “please welcome to the stage, shank bone, the fibular rapper from the eastside…” i smell the platinum! loool. xoxo, sm

    1. bwaaaahahhhhaha, i was being very bad with this post idea, but i just couldn’t help me self…they are lovely the little ones, BUT just think of the blogging you could get done in the presence of your own little fibroid…i’m just sayin’….looool. xoxo

    1. Fibeous makes the BEST playmate. He really just “goes along” with anything. A real pushover he is. Especially if you use stairs… bwwaaahahahahh, what is happening to me today? xoxo, sm

  3. Supercool friends are the best especially when they can pull off a parody of as fine as that of Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”. None of my friends could do that. None of my friends can sing. Of course none of my friends are that funny either.

  4. Oh Sweet Mother! I laughed til I cried reading this. And that’s the real gift here. Friendship, wifesy, love and laughter. Don’t you love friends that so truly ‘get’ you.

    Warmed my heart! Thanks SM. You write so beautifully. Love your work!!!

    And if you like, I can donate you one of my own fibroids, or a big fat ovarian cyst so that little Fibeous will never be lonely. I bet it will speak with an Australian accent too…
    😀 xx

  5. Too good, SM. That’s the kind of off-the-wall conversation I love, one that has a life all of its unfettered own.
    Larf? … and some! 🙂

  6. Having produced not one, but two fibroids that I probably could’ve dragged along on a skateboard, I got a good giggle out of this. But I’m not too sorry to have gotten rid of them.

  7. OMG… Loved the video. Such beautiful eyes. (Your friend’s, not Oprah’s.) Brilliant. Oh, and your post was, too. :>

  8. Just in case you were wondering, there will never be the perfect time, you will never have enough money, and your career will always be in the way.
    Just do it.
    If it what you truly want.

  9. Hilarious! My partner also has fibroids and when I saw it on the ultrasound I proudly exclaimed, “It’s our little fibroid baby!” I am so glad I am not the only one with this type of humor.

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