The Rescuer

Okay, what I didn’t know is that Los Angeles is Halloween CRAZY.  It’s kind of cool.  They have so much space out here that everywhere you turn there’s a hayride, a haunted house, a scary-assed corn maze, or a fright night.  Wifesy and I have decided to go to as many as we can.  Like little kids.  It’s sort of great.


This is FrankenWeenie. Don’t worry, it will all make sense later…


Yesterday, we were gearing up to go to a pumpkin festival.


As we were finishing our last cup of coffee, my bestie, Miranda called on the phone.


She was very upset.


“Roxy was bitten by a pit bull last night.”


“Wait, what do you mean?” I asked.


Miranda was choking down sobs and explaining how the little chihuahua that her and her husband recently adopted recently became a chew toy for a pit bull.


“It was so bad.  We didn’t know what to do,” she said.


I immediately handed the phone to Wifesy.  There is one medical healer (okay, doctor) in this house and it is her.


Wifesy reassured Miranda and told her that she would call over to the emergency room where little Roxy was awaiting surgery.  Thankfully, she was at a clinic that is part of the company of clinics where Wifesy works.


Wifesy spoke with the other doctor and found out the extent of the damage.  Apparently, it was a very big wound, but luckily, not so deep that it went through major tissue, bones, veins, arteries, and all the other things that you just don’t want to feck with.


The other doctor asked Wifesy if she wanted to perform the surgery.  It was Wifesy’s day off and my Wifesy works hard.  So, I’m all for her not taking anything extra on.  She said, “No.  I’m sure she’s in good hands,” and got off the phone.


We felt good about it, UNTIL Wifesy found out how much the emergency room was going to charge Miranda.  Let’s just say, it was the purchase price of a small car or the down payment on a new one.


Wifesy jumped in and said, “I’ll do the surgery because it’ll cost less.”


Miranda and her hubby transferred the animal to Wifesy’s clinic.


Wifesy and I had a few hours together before she was to go in.  So, we started up our P90X workout and decided to have a nice breakfast together afterwards.


I kept saying to Wifesy, “Ohhh, it’s so hot, you’re going to save my friend’s dog.  You’re a rescuer, a hero, that’s so sexy.  Who’s my little sexy lifesaver?”


I realized that I felt how straight women must feel when their husband is a firefighter.


“You go out there into that fire, baby, and you save some lives!  You come back to me in one piece and you save that puppy!!  Yeah!  And then I’ll treat you right.”


And she did and I will.  🙂


Poor Roxy looked just like something out of one of those Fright Night Farm attractions.  As Miranda’s hubby put it, “It looked like her throat had been slit from ear to ear.”


But, now, little FrankenWeenie (as we’ve come to call her) is on the mend and it’s all due to my sweet, lady, firefighter – doctor.


I look over at my Wifesy and I see a Chippendale in a firefighter hat and a speedo, but with brains and great boobs.


Life is good.




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Photo creds:

FrankenWeenie, sexy-fire-dude


36 thoughts on “The Rescuer

  1. Way to go Wifesy! The ER can be soooo expensive. My vet has always talked real dollars with me and I appreciate it. I know she would do the best for my pup too – kudos!

    1. it’s ridiculous the ER. a lot of people say that vets gouge them and are only out to get more money out of people and i get so defensive when people say that. because wifesy is so NOT in it for the money. she REALLY cares about the animal. it’s good to hear that you have a vet like that too. xo, sm

      1. Honestly I don’t know how vets make ends meet – when you consider that major surgery on a pup could be as little as a couple of hundred bucks and that involves os much staff and overhead. The requests for pro-bono work must be never ending. My heart couldn’t take that kind of work.

      2. Yeah and most vets I know are spending what they have taking in the homeless pets and finding homes and dealing with non payers and fixing animals because their owner won’t. Thank you for taking care of the dog Wifesy. Hope the dog gets better and the pitbull is still around 😦 Spay, Nueter, TNR, Feed and water….and drop off a buck or some towels and sheets or even lunch for your local vet and staff. They do so much outside the scope of the job.

      3. so true, jo. we’re always fostering animals or finding them homes that people ABANDON at the clinic. such a-holes people can be. truly. and you are also right that most vets do stuff that is way outside the scope of their job just to help animals. it’s crazy that people think they’re all money grubbing millionaires. as you know, we are feckin’ NOT! loool. xoxo, sm

    1. looooooool. i couldn’t help it. always something for my breeder-lady friends. and it makes me laugh to picture wifesy as such. and it was totally sort of sexy. he, he, ho, ho. 😉 xo, sm

  2. I loved this post SM. I could feel your emotions as you talked about wifesy. And as a bisexual woman, I can appreciate the picture of the firefighter as well as the mental image of a dog saving hero with great boobs. 😉

    1. i mean we are so ‘likeminded’ wendos, it’s ridiculous. 😉 i just LOVE wifesy. i truly do. and i love being able to talk about her here. she’s such a cool broad. you know, like me. and like you. 😉 sm

  3. Your little Wifesy’s all grown up and savin’ China! (Note: stop watching Disney movies late at night) There is something very sexy about heroes and heroines. Maybe it’s the idea of someone doing something selfless and good as part of their life, instead of making a big song and dance about it, or maybe the tide is turning and it’s hot to be a good person. Either way, go Wifesy!

    1. “maybe the tide is turning and it’s hot to be a good person…” oh, indeed, badfads, indeed! and there is something so hot about heros and lady heros. 😉 i so loved it and thought it was hilarious that it sort of turned me on. lol. xo, sm

  4. wow, thanks for the picture. Reminds me that my partner and I often take walks that lead us past the neighborhood firehouse, and one day the men were outside washing the fire truck. My walking slowed…

  5. Hurray for wifesy. Vets get bonus points in my book.
    On the thing we were discussing the other day, have you considered what you might like to do in combining your S&M identity (joking) and your stand-up identity?
    As you’re good on vid, have you thought about tutorials, or even just critiques? People post vid’s and you thrash them? That could be fun…

    1. i’m working on something, very seriously along those lines. and i think i just bagged a tv lit agent in LA, which is huge to bag this fast. so, now i’ll be writing my ass off even faster and more than i already have been. lool. life is funny, especially this business. it’s feast or famine, all the time. the other funny thing is that after i put up that ‘writing other blogs’ post, i got offered a pitching/ posting position at a WAY better rate. so, i’m going to try and do that too. now, if i only had another pair of hands… and wifesy is the bomb. ;0 xo sm

      1. Congrats! Your self-doubt is totally unwarranted. You asked me once if you should watch Davey Wavey and I said no… I’ve changed my mind. I think a Davy Wavey parody (NO ONE HAS DONE IT YET!!!) in your bra would be hilarious. He has hundreds of thousands of followers on youtube… Have a look at his stuff. You could play with it without even having to think too long about it…

  6. That is so cool. Your Wifesy, the Chihuahua Whisperer. Glad the little guy was okay. Nice of her to do the surgery. Just out of curiosity, do you and Wifesy watch Animal Practice on TV? It’s a new sitcom about a vet hospital. My 12 year old and I love it, but I think it’s on the bubble whether the network will keep it or not. I hope they do. The monkey in it is too cute.

    1. the network cut it! seriously. and they cut the damn show fast! i just read about it and i was very curious when that sitcom came to light because i had written something similar, a pilot that takes place in a vet hospital, since i know so damn much about it. loool. everything good gets cancelled. except for maybe breaking bad… xo, sm

  7. Wifesy truly is a hero. It breaks your heart when you think of how many people have had to either put their pet down or mortgage their house to save a member of their family. I guess this happens to the people members too. Well, maybe not the putting down part but, medical care can be an overwhelming expense for both 2 legged and 4 legged members of the family. Your Wifesy did everything she could to make that easier and kudos to you for supporting her decision.

  8. That is so wonderful!!! I hope lil’ frankenweenie is doing ok. If you need an amazing Haunted House to go to, I highly recommend the one at Theater 68 at Sunset and Western. I’ve worked on it before and it is AMAZING! Here’s the link to their website:

  9. Wifesy looks just like that! Well not exactly. I think she was wearing a different outfit when I saw her but I’m pretty sure that I saw her lift a giant coffee cup over her head while she was casting her smoldering gaze at you on stage.
    Significant others who save the day are hawt. I feel the same way about Hubs.

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