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Teen Wolf and Other Embarrassing Things from My Childhood

My mother is a ham.  A complete and total wack-a-loon of a ham.  A ham with a dark comedy side too.  For example, if my brother and I were watching a scary movie, my mom would say, “You two shouldn’t be watching that.  That’s too scary.  You should turn that off.”  We would ignore her and hours later, forgetting all about what she had said, one of us would head into the kitchen.  Mom would be washing up a dish and like kids always do, we’d start to pester her with questions…

 

“Hey Mom…”

 

No answer.

 

“Mom…”

 

No answer.

 

“Mom!  Hey, Mom!”

 

By the third or 4th time, Mom would turn around with the craziest expression known to man plastered across her face and say, “I am not your mother!!!!”  We would be momentarily startled and she would laugh hysterically.  Then she would say, “See, I told you.  You shouldn’t have watched that scary movie.”

 

My mom and my parent’s closest friends delighted in scaring the pants off of us around this time of year.  I remember one time we were all eating dinner over my aunt and uncle’s.  My uncle was a quiet guy, a mumbler, to be exact.  So, I didn’t completely notice that he was gone from the dinner table.  Behind my head (and my cousin’s) was an open window with the screen down.  Cousin and I were shifting the food around our plates when two inches from the backs of our necks we heard, “Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”  A blood curdling scream from our uncle with his big face plastered up against the window screen.  We shook and screamed until creamed corn ran down our thighs.  My quiet uncle laughed so hard, he wept.

 

To continue the “let’s scare the shite out of ourselves” tradition Wifesy and I headed over to a “haunted corn maze” this past week.  That’s right, a haunted corn maze.  You walk into this maze of high corn stalks and you basically run out screaming.  Young, college students with lots of energy hide among the corn and jump out to terrify you.  A first, Wifesy held on to my arm.  About 5 minutes in, she was about 10 feet in front of me running wildly for the exit.  I lost a shoe in the hysteria.  By the time I finally exited the maze, screaming, chased out by a masked man with a chain saw – my panties were wet and not in a good way.  In an elderly sort of way.

 

Why in the feck do we do these things to ourselves?  And why in the hemp is it so enjoyable?

 

My mother, being the creative, crazy, Halloween lover that she is, made one Halloween costume for me that I will never forget.  She dressed me up as “Teen Wolf.”  But, not a little bit.  She didn’t just throw a mask on my head and call it a day.  She glued actual hair to my face.  It seemed like Mom was hell bent on winning some kind of imaginary award when it came to creating our Halloween costumes.  She rendered me unrecognizable.  I wore black pants with suspenders, a red and white stripped shirt, my hair was gelled and slicked back, and my hands were covered, as well as my entire face with werewolf hair.  All night long I had to run around going, “Hey, hang on, it’s me…” to all of my friends.

 

I was in Junior high.  The other girls were dressed as slutty cats, maids, and secretaries.  I was dressed as Michael J Fox (pre-the-Parkinsies) impersonating a teen werewolf.  It was epic.

 

I learned a few things that night as well.  One was that most people don’t take their creative ideas that far.  They throw on a pair of devil ears, pick up a pitchfork, and call it a night.  It’s only the few, the eccentric, that take things to extremes.

 

I also learned that I love those people.

 

I love people who -much like William Hung- sing with abandon even though they can’t carry a tune.

 

 

I love the people who take their own imaginations further than maybe they really should.

 

 

And I love the parents who take the time to dress their kids up in costumes like these:

 

Are you feckin’ kidding me? How awesome is this?! (All credit Huffpost, link below.)

I can’t take it! (Photo cred: Huffpo, link below)

Princess Leia and Chewbacca. No! (Credit: Huffpo, link below)

“Sophia” from the Golden Girls. I mean??!! I want this person to be my mom for a day. (All credit, Huffpo, below)

 

Maybe, one day, their kids will look back on these pictures with horror.  But, maybe they’ll also look back on them with something else too…perhaps, a sense of relief that they never had normal parents.  People who dressed them up in a store bought costume and called it a day.  Maybe, just maybe, they had parents who took it a step too far with the best of intentions at heart.  Parents who approach Halloween like it’s an opportunity.  I love those kinds of people.

 

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Photo credits:

All baby costumes, jk rowling, feature-zombie

 

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65 thoughts on “Teen Wolf and Other Embarrassing Things from My Childhood

  1. Although I’m not much of a dress up person, my darling daughter LOVES dress up! When she was little, we did the obligatory pumpkin, witch, and angel. We also did a present (dressed her up as a gift box) and I Dream Of Jeannie (she had a long, curly ponytail). Now, she’s big into cos-play and I’m still making costumes for her! Today, she’s disappointed. She was supposed to report for jury duty and planned on going in costume. Thanks to Sandy, jury duty was cancelled…but my child still vows to show up in costume, whenever that might be! Happy Halloween, SM! xoxoM

    1. i looooooove that she was going to show up for jury duty in costume! would that be a cause for instant dismissal do you think? if so, it’s the best damn one ever… i’m surprised i haven’t seen too many ‘hurricane sandy’ costumes… maybe too soon? lool. your daughter sounds awesome. but, then again, the apple never falls far from the tree, now, does it? ;) sm

  2. Nothing will ever top a Baby Golden Girls halloween costume. Well, except you dressed as Teen Wolf as a teenager.

    Speaking of movies with “Teen” in the title and embarrassing situations…Earlier I posted a clip from the movie Teen Witch to Facebook. Have you seen the movie? The “top that” rap will go down as the worst thing that ever happened to any of those people.

    1. OH DEAR GAWD, J AND T. oh my god. that is the best thing i have ever seen. oh lawd, lawd. you just made my day. i watched it all the way through. it’s ridiculous. “he’s so funky. i will never be that hip.” noooooooo. oh, god, it’s so good. and the outfit to the left was almost my exact teen wolf, but with fur. what in the feck. and why have i never seen this. i feel like you just filled a gap in my repertoire that was searching for this… ooooooohhhhhhhh so good! xo, sm

      1. it is the very definition of ‘so bad it’s good.’ i mean my insides were quivering when i was watching it. dear god. what were we all thinking in the 80s? looool

  3. While it won’t let me like, it will let my comment. (sometimes I can’t during the day)

    Today, I am like your mother. I blame it on having to wear snow suits with a plastic mask on an elastic string for the Halloween’s of my childhood.

    1. you are in good company then. looool. weird about the ‘likes’ thing too. someone else mentioned it. i’ll bring it up with wordpress. thanks for letting me know. and happy halloweenie! xo, sm

      1. Not sure if it is the browser. WP wants me to update it. I can’t update on this comp as it doesn’t meet prerequisites to run the update. But sometimes I have no problem. I think it has to do with some images that may have some embeded coding.

    1. seriously. but, there’s something so heartbreakingly serious and endearing about him that i just love it. and his answer is the bomb, ‘i did my best, so i have no regrets.’ it’s just so good. xo

  4. I loved this. My grandmother once dressed me up as a generator from Hoover Dam (her idea) – she owned an upholstery shop so she had all this heavy duty fabric and grommets. She took a cardboard barrel (the old school ones with metal rims and waxed linings) cut the bottom out of it and made suspenders out of chair webbing so it sat on my shoulders – my head was covered with a Devo shaped hat made from sparkly naugahyde. She covered the whole mess as well as my shoes with tin foil. She mounted a flashlight inside the barrel so it sat under my face – it was the ugliest thing I have ever seen – but I loved it.

    1. OH MY GOD! a generator from hoover dam??!!! that has to be one of the most original things i have ever heard. i love it when parents and grandparents go out of their way like that. it’s like they’re having as much fun as the kid. it’s awesome. and i gotta say… i wish you had pictures… do ya? do ya? loool. xo, sm

      1. Sadly this was one of the 2 or 3 moments my grandpa failed to capture on the Polaroid. I had that barrel for years until my mom took it to the dump one day while I was at school. I do have photos of the grandparents at Hoover Dam when it opened to the public – it must have made a big impression on Grandma.

  5. My older sister Pat is the queen of the Halloween costume. To be honest she costumes up for every holiday or occasion. I don’t know where she gets her ideas from but they are always surprising, always remarkable and always fun! She just sent me a picture of her at work. She is dressed as a baby carrot.

  6. My best Halloween was the year none of the family’s costumes fit me. We were a big family and only 4-5 hand-me-down costumes. I had to make my own costume. I decided to go as a bum, and my mom used her make up to give me a beard and mustache, and give me busy eyebrows. I wore my dad’s t-shirt, my brother’s pants and a jump rope belt with the handles removed. My favorite Halloween ever. I’m not even sure if it rained that year (seemed it rained every Halloween).

    1. it’s funny the ones we remember, isn’t it? i remember teen wolf AND there was on year that my mom dressed as a pumpkin. she even had pumpkin earrings. she used to get really into it. it was great. and the bum sounds amazing! happy halloween. xo

  7. My best Halloween costumes were all once I reached college. In grade school, my mom would make me costumes, but she couldn’t sew very well. One year I was a guinea pig. It was pretty brutal.

    But my current Halloween costume is based off a chance discovery at a costume sale. I found a huge, beautiful long, double-breasted red coat. I promptly bought a red hat off of eBay, threw on my boots and some leather gloves, and I went to a party this past weekend dressed as Carmen Sandiego. It was AWESOME.

    1. oh my god, that sounds hilarious. did you have a “where in the world is…” scrawled on your back? lool. but, i have to say, my fave part of your comment was, “one year i was a guinea pig. it was pretty brutal.” oh dear god. that brought tears to my eyes. tears. xo, sm

      1. I did not, but I did get screamed at by people. “I found you, you fucking bitch!!!” was my personal favorite. I tipped my hat and ran off.

        I’m concerned that there may be photographic evidence of it somewhere in my mom’s house.

  8. Great costumes…and now we know who you get your funny genes from! I don’t think kids will ever get to enjoy Halloween in the same way that we did. They’ve lost the freedom to wander the streets at night, playing pranks and demanding food from the neighbors. Sure, the candy was awesome, but nothing was better than strolling the dark streets with your friends, completely unsupervised. I used to think that’s what being a grown up would feel like. xo Miss Snarky Pants

    1. i know. there’s a lot of ‘party in the common room’ for the kids these days. and less going from house to house, which is sort of a shame. but, i bet they do it in cul-de-sacs the country over with abandon…regardless of what the milk cartons say. at least, i hope they do. sigh. xo, sm

  9. Teen Wolf is one of those movies that I will always watch if it is on TV. I will stop what I am doing, yell “Blast!” whenever the commercials come on, and feel a little guilty when it is over. The same thing happens with Troop Beverly Hills.

  10. This is so epic. I loved the part where your uncle scared the crap out of you. That’s my hobby (sneaking up on people and scaring the bejeezus out of them). As far as Holloween costumes go, I have a plan to dress one of my kids (if I’m ever so blessed) as a decorated Christmas tress with lights. :D

  11. My Daughter was young before the Halloween thing began here in Australia but I once made her a dinosaur costume complete with a long, stuff green tail. :D I’m not sure she appreciated my genius back then but we’re good friends as adults so maybe it worked after all.

  12. Oh man, those baby pictures are amazing! I too love people who take it too far. That’s why I do theater. That’s why, even though it’s a cheezeball fest, I go to things like the Rennaissance faire. That’s why I always have a Halloween costume. Here’s to imagination!

  13. Babies are the best because they have absolutely no input or dignity. I morn the day my daughter became old enough to begin choosing her own costume. Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel, [insert Disney princess here]–she’s been them all…oh the boredom. I wonder if I could convince her to be Ariel the Werewolf.

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