Spare Socks and Marriage

“Ugh!  Where is my grey sock?  Where is it?!!”



“Look, I do the laundry.  The socks sometimes go missing.  They always turn up eventually.  Wear another pair of socks.  There are about 80 clean pairs of socks in the drawer.”


“But, I want to wear the grey ones.  They match better.”


“You are being ridiculous.”


“I don’t know why you massacre the socks every time you do the laundry.”


God help us. This is worse than global warming.


“Let’s be clear, “Where do the socks go?” has been a historic question from Aristotle to Seinfeld.  They couldn’t answer it.  I’m not going to be able to answer it either.  Just take it on faith that the socks will turn up, just as the sun always rises.  WEAR ANOTHER PAIR OF FECKIN’ SOCKS.”


“I want to wear THAT sock though.”


“A) You’re being a 4 year old right now.  B) I told you the socks always turn up and there are 80 pairs of clean socks to wear in the interim.  Wear the black socks.  Black goes with everything.  And C)…”


With C, I hesitated.  Hesitation was my fatal flaw.  I said “And C…” and stopped to think and Wifesy smiled.  Around the eyes at first and then it spread to the rest of her annoyingly cute face.


“And C) I don’t give a feck about the missing socks.”


“You didn’t even have a C.  But, you had said C, so then you had to make one up.”


“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”


“You didn’t have a C.”


Here’s your feckin’ C, Goddermn it!


Wifesy’s laughing now and so am I.  She drives me crazy with this feckin’ sock thing.  Out of 80 complete, and paired, socks, Wifesy will find the one missing its partner and cry about it as if it’s her child that’s gone missing.  It makes me so insane that I want to turn on all of the stove’s gas burners and throw all of our good socks down upon them.


“There, now we have NO feckin’ socks.  How’s that for you?”


No matter how much you love (and I love this woman a great deal) something will drive you to drink.  It is the unavoidable byproduct of any good relationship – occasional annoyance.


I think the way out is the laughter.


I will always propose a C, even when I don’t feckin’ have one because my verbal outlines always make us both laugh.


Wifesy is also a key ingredient as to why this all works.  She doesn’t have a thick memory when it comes to our fights.  She lets them pass, in one door and out the other, like storm flooding you just have to wait out.


In all of my past relationships, fights were epic and long lasting and very difficult to recover from.  I do believe that I was involved with a long line of narcissists before Wifesy.  Everything was about them.  Unless there was a problem, then it was all my fault.  I’m glad I -finally- loved myself enough to find someone who can look at herself, just as I can.


A relationship is nothing, but a mirror at the best of times AND at the worst of times.  A mirror that can help you grow and see yourself better, if you let it.  But, if you never look into it, then you won’t notice how caked and crazy your hair has become.  You’ll only yell at your partner for “making you feel so ugly.”


Getting myself healthy enough to be with someone like Wifesy is one of the single, greatest things I have ever done.


I am truly lucky.  (If by “lucky” you mean “one who has worked for it and earned the damn thing.”)


I know when you’re single it’s easy to think, “I’m going to die alone, surrounded by cats.”    I know because I thought that once.  But, the truth is, there’s someone for everyone.  However, if you want the truly spiritual and uplifting relationship, you’ve got to do the work on yourself first.  Once you do, your other half will find you.


That’s my current theory, anyway.  And hey, it happened to me.


Much love,


Sweet Mother


End note:  Today NaNoWriMo begins.  Good luck to all my SweetMoNaNos out there.  Get your 1600 words in today and don’t think about it too much.  And by all means, let me know how it’s going in the comments section.


Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish.  If you’d like to follow this blog, simply hit the follow prompt at the top of the page.



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Photo creds:

feature, letter-c, missing-sock


51 thoughts on “Spare Socks and Marriage

  1. SweetMo, you are so lucky and for that I am so happy for you.

    At the same time, I’m terrified about NaNoWriMo. What did I let you get me into? I’m not ready to start writing today!

    But I still love you.

    1. looooool. oh, shannsy, honestly, i don’t feel ready either. so, i may write 1600 words of gobbledy gook like a mental patient. but, i’m going to get something down. you are so good at seeing things through, you’ll be great. xo, sm

      1. yeah, i think so. lawd knows i’m not gonna hold you to anything. i think you just have to keep the word count on target towards the 50k…. xo

  2. When I finally met my sweet husband, I was in a happy place myself and knew that sharing my life with a loving partner could only enhance that happy place. Seven years on, so far, so good! And he grumbles about missing socks, too…sigh…xoxoM

    1. sigh, indeed. looool. i wasn’t looking for wifesy. literally. i went to a festival to have a good time and because i love going to other countries. and whamo – the best thing that ever happened to me. and yep, i was happy with me too. but, i did put in 10 years worth of therapy. 10 years, every single week, for a decade. xoxo, sm

  3. I could not agree more with this. Working on oneself isn’t always easy, but once you make choice to change or better understand yourself–oh my god. What a great thing! It also helps us be more grateful. Then comes the other half. 🙂

    Anyway, I agree, because I believe it is working in my favor as well, and that’s a beautiful thing.

    Also, I found the socks behind my dryer. FYI, Wifesy.

    1. i don’t know where in the feck those socks are and i refuse to look for them. tho, i am going to make wifesy read this post. i KNOW, absolutely KNOW that my relationship with wifesy or the strength of it rather is due partially to the fact that both she and i have really worked on ourselves. it’s the key really… you’ll find yours la la. of that i have no doubt. xo, sm

  4. I’m so proud & happy for you, Sweet Mother. There aren’t many who are able to look at themselves honestly and yet, you do it so well. I’m happy that you have your Wifsey. 😀

    Re NaNoWriMo: I have written for 30 minutes (I’m taking a breather) and have 953 words. What’s your count?

    1. i haven’t even started yet! lool. but, i will hit 1,600 today. i’ll probably start this afternoon and use it as a break from my other work. and thanks for saying such nice things, foster. it means a lot. and as far as you…sounds like you’ve ALREADY practically hit your nano count for the day. much love, mother

  5. Learning to let go after arguments is key to maintaining a relationship. There is no room for grudge-holding; it will only sour the days (and of course, I’m not talking about big things like abuse, infidelity, etc.; I’m just referring to the day-in/day-out arguments–like missing socks…)

    By the way, I found a sock lodged behind my dryer that’s been missing for at least six years. I’m happy to say I kept the mate, and I now wear them proudly. They’re black and gray striped and look like a witch’s tights. Who wouldn’t want that?

    1. looool. “who wouldn’t want that,” INDEED. looool. i love how long you dedicated that spare sock to holding out for its partner and see, it all worked out in the end. we have a communal laundry room in our complex, so if one is behind the dryer…all is lost. but, the thing is they never are. they’re in the folded sheets or static clinged inside a pair of jeans, but they are feckin’ around! lool. i’m so with you tho… you have to let the small stuff go. it is key. i always love your comments, car. thanks for leaving an awesome one here. xo, sm

      1. Thanks, SM. And lest you think I’m weird (too late, I’m sure), I don’t always keep the mate, but I really liked these socks. When I worked in clinic, the kids always commented on them and told me I had “witch’s feet.” Also, I meant to add I’ve found a couple spare socks wrapped in my husband’s boxers. So always be on the lookout for socks hiding in bloomers.

  6. I tell everyone who asks what to get my husband for Christmas, “Black socks, he really needs black socks.” He gets socks from at least three people every year. Our kids think it’s a riot to see him pretend to be surprised.
    As if you didn’t know, I do the laundry around here…socks are always skipping out on their mate. Damn those cheatin’ socks!

    1. i should start requesting socks from everyone for her. i should have her swimming in socks. that way she can’t complain, but something tells me should would anyway. it’s her ‘issue’ – sort of like how some people recycle. loool. xo, sm

  7. I absolutely love this post. I could quote at least 5 lines that I shall now be repeating as my mantra, but probably loved this one the most: ‘A relationship is nothing, but a mirror at the best of times AND at the worst of times.’

    You are so smart, woman.

    1. sometimes, i am. sometimes. other times, i’m a big dummy. lool. but, i got it right with wifesy. thank god. anyway, thanks for saying so, works. you made my morning. xo, sm

  8. It’s alien abductions. They’re being teleported to another dimension where they party all night long and never get a hangover. Then one day the aliens get bored with them and toss them back into our dimension.

    As a challenge, you could write the missing sock discussion into your Nano work. 🙂

    1. ohhhhhhhhhhh nnnnnnnnaaaaaaanooooooooo. it’s been driving me bonkers all day, but i have tapped tapped something out. so, we’ll see. lol. and those socks. oh, those socks. lol. xo

  9. So I know you are funny when you lose socks. I know I’m not funny because I don’t lose socks. I think there are 2 spare socks from the last 15 years. I swear they were left here by some guy who doesn’t give a shit about matching socks, or someone who really wanted to f*ck with my head, because I still have them, in case.
    BTW loads of people do all the hard work on getting themselves ready for the kind of love you and SMF have but never hit the jackpot. You are lucky. Never forget it, GOOD lucky.
    Portia x

    1. you might be right about that, Portia. As you are often so right about so many things. 😉 and these feckin’ socks drive me nuts. I’m going to stick them in unspeakable places!!!

  10. I do my own laundry and still manage to lose one of my favorite sox every few weeks. I got 1794 words in today – not sure they are the right words but I wrote them:)

  11. Moms I am really enjoying your more introspective writing of late. It really feels like you are sharing parts of your self with us.

    Thanks for your wonderful stories.

  12. im a big fan you and wifesy 🙂
    Sweet Mom for me the line will go -“I’m going to die alone, surrounded by dogs.”…as im a dog person 😛
    i missed my day 1 of NaNoWri…but on my second day i managed 1800..though im still one day behind …

  13. Absolutely. I tell my clients that people tend to attract others who are at their same level of health, and so working to get yourself healthier and happier will mean that you’ll then attract someone who is also healthy and happy.
    Yay for you and your missing socks!

  14. Great post, Sweet Mother!! I’m so glad the sock issue hasn’t ruined your relationship 🙂 Marriages have crumbled over less. I’ve found a lot of socks in pillowcases, months after I gave up on them. Behind the furnace, too, which just seems like a fire waiting to happen. I only got in 430 particularly crappy words the first day, but I’m up to almost 1693 now. And these were much better words. Good luck to all the NaNos!

  15. Sweet Mom, I love your stories about you and Wifesey! They are always so human and touching. I agree with you 100%, we do need to do the work on ourselves to enjoy the fruits of our labors in our relationships.

  16. How true! In every marriage there is an argument about socks. In my previous life, every time we packed for a trip it included an argument about socks. We both knew it was coming and there was nothing we could do about it. In present life we fuss about socks occasionally, accept that sometimes we will wear each other’s socks.

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