male female relationships

How to Make a Man Feel Good

Now before you think I’ve gone off the rails and decided to take my lesbo life and smoothly transition into straight porn, let me explain.  I don’t mean the above title in the way that you think.  I mean make a man feel good in terms of his self-esteem.  Some of you feminists out there may be cringing.  Fear not.  A lot of what I’m going to say can apply to fleshy-coin-purse carriers as well as danglers.  But, for the purposes of today’s post I’m going to talk about men.  Specifically, men.


Last night I attended a comedy show without Wifesy.  Now, I love Wifesy (as you all know) and I love that she loves coming to my comedy shows.  There’s nothing that makes a creative person happier than a supportive partner.  However, last night I went out solo as Wifesy was working.  I went to a show where I was performing and I hung out with a straight male friend of mine who happens to be the co-producer of my LA comedy show.  He’s a great guy.  I can’t say enough good things about him.


I do know that he’s going through a hard time though.  He just broke up with his long term girlfriend and he’s exploring delving into comedy on a more full-time basis.  He’s a smart guy, a sensitive guy, but definitely a straight male, p*ssy hound, dude.  This is my favorite type of straight guy.  A smart man who loves and respects women.  What’s not to like?


Here’s why I bring him up.  At the end of the show last night, I was heading out to the parking lot to head home to Wifesy.  Straight Guy headed out with me.  We were finishing up our conversation about this week’s show.  When I hit the parking lot, I asked him to do something odd for me.  I asked him to move my car out of it’s parking spot and point it in the right direction towards the street.  He jumped at the chance.  Literally, he was really happy to do it.


guy drives car homosexual

I swear Straight Guy was straight, but this picture was too good to resist…


Now, let’s go over some things here – obviously, I could’ve done this myself.  I am a highly capable woman and a good driver.  I’d even bet my car insurance rates are lower than Straight Guy’s (nudge, nudge, wink, wink.)  However, it was a bigger car than I am used to driving.  It was a clunker for a car.  I am babysitting a friend’s automobile while she’s in New York and Wifesy had our safe and comfortable car at work.  So, the car had me feeling a touch more insecure than I normally am.  The parking lot was also super-cramped.  My car was inches away from another car.  When the opportunity presented itself to ask Straight Guy to move my car for me, I took it.  Mainly, because I didn’t want to deal with it and secondly because I knew it would make him feel good.  He’s a helpful guy.


The whole thing reminded me of the time I had dinner in a New York city restaurant with a straight girl I usually adore.  She’s a feminist, which is important for what I’m about to say.  As we were leaving the restaurant, an older man in a suit held the door open for us.  My friend did something I didn’t expect at all.  She lectured the man on how “we can hold open the door for ourselves” and “is he joking that he thinks he has to hold open the door for two women.”  She-sus Christ, I have never been so embarrassed in my whole life.  He was just being nice.  Holding open the door for us made him feel good and goddermn it, it made me feel good.  There was no need to take him down for simple politeness.


damsel in distress

I wouldn’t go this far to raise a man’s spirits, but for god’s sake I’d let him hold a door…


Wifesy has a very good straight male friend named, Bob.  Every time we go out Bob pays for the meal.  At first I hated this.  I didn’t want to take advantage of a guy that wasn’t going to “get any” from two in-a-relationship lesbos.  That was until I realized it made him feel good and he did it for EVERY carrier of a fleshy-coin-purse.  Now I make a joke about it.  I tell Bob that he’s the president of the “Save a Lesbian” foundation and that on his refrigerator he should have a picture of Wifesy and I crying instead of a child from sub-saharan Africa.


Bob laughs every time.  In fact, Bob loves it and I can’t, for the life of me, see what harm it does.



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Photo credits:

damsel, dandy-car, feature


43 thoughts on “How to Make a Man Feel Good

  1. You have some awesome friends there, Rebecca. I’m gonna be in Cali in March (San Diego), maybe I can persuade my friends to come dow to LA with me to see one of your shows. It’d be epic, if so. If no, I’ll be down there on my own.

    1. either way, we should meet up. i’d love to meet you in person. it would be fun. i may even bring wifesy. and i don’t let everyone meet the woman behind the curtain… bwwaaaahhhhhaaa. lol. xoxo, sm

  2. That was a kind thing of you to do and kind that straight-guy could move your car. Chivalry is a nice thing when it’s not egotistical. It’s okay to be GD nice to each other once in a while.
    I liked this post.

  3. I am loving this post TOTALLY and COMPLETELY. I’m straight-ish, but I don’t see how that makes a difference; I agree that common courtesy and just doing small favours is something that makes everyone happy. It’s as if a guy couldn’t accept, erm, a piece of baked cake for fear of being called sexist (not from me, mind you, anything I do in the kitchen is bound to end up poisonous).

    Yay for you and the post!

    1. works, i heart you. and i’m with you. common courtesy and just a simple hello and a helping hand when needed and a goddermned touch of listening… well, they do volumes for the average person. i know they do for me. ;) xo, sm

  4. No kidding! I’ve gotten complaints about my being protective of women! (I am just protective of people in general, as one of my gay guy friends pointed out to me.) “You don’t need to protect me!” Well, it’s just my nature: I’ll hold the door for you. I’ll walk you to your car at night. I’ll watch your damn purse! I’m not trying to do some funky gender-role thing – don’t presume that based on my button-down shirt. I was raised to be polite, add a little domestic violence experience, and toss in the butch lesbo gene, and boom! You have a protector of women (people). It’s just who I am. Thanks for writing this.

    1. i feckin’ love you, kim diaz. i just feckin’ do. more on this extremely awesome comment later. off doing podcom stuff. sigh. showrunning is a b*tch! lool. seriously, i loved this comment and i love that you get it. we are kindred spirits, my friend. xoxo, sm

  5. On this same vein…recently my two sisters-in-law were here from NY and one night we all went out to eat. We made our way, two guys and four women, toward the restaurant entry. I arrived first and just stood there. My sister-in-law pushed open the door and went on in while I just stood there. Now, I’m a modern woman, I can open my own damn doors thanks to all of the women who came before me, but I know it makes my husband feel good when I let him be the gentleman I know he can be.
    Once we were seated at the table, he leaned over to me and commented how his sisters hadn’t waited for him to open the door. I just patted him on the shoulder and said, “That’s because they can’t remember you ever being a gentleman.” Men, they just need training and a pat on the head now and then.

    1. they do, now don’t they. how human of them. ;) i used to nanny this kid and when he wouldn’t behave i wrote down a list and called it, ‘billy’s guide to becoming a gentleman.’ then i had to explain to him WHY he would want to become a gentlemen. after really making my case, i think he wanted to be one. then i showed him what he needed to do. it mainly consisted of ‘not acting like a jackass’ for the most part. but, hopefully, he’ll remember a little bit of that. ;) xo, sm

  6. I always hold doors open for people, men or women, if I’m in the right place at the right time. Could be a beauty or a biker. It doesn’t matter. That’s the way I was brought up. It’s a matter of respect – no sexual overtones – no manipulation intended. I do, however, say a loud “your welcome” if the person enters with their nose in the air and acts like as the queen she expected it. Oxymoronic? Hypocritical? (BTW guys always says thank you). And if I was on a bus I would give up my seat to anyone who looked in worse shape than me. But, if you were game enough to drive the boat, move it your feckin’ self!

    1. okay, he who, ‘move it ur feckin’ self’ is HILARIOUS. i’m with you – i hold doors for whoever i can and definitely old people. i also used to get up for them on the subway or bus in manhattan if they looked like they needed it. i also did it for pregnant women. i help whenever i can and most of the men i know do to. a little goes a long way… xo, sm

  7. Great post,sm. I don’t have a problem with this at all — perfectly fine with hubs opening the door for me. Everyone just needs to lighten the eff up. There are some things we do wayyyy better than the male species and some things they do way (note I didn’t put as many y’s on that way) than us. And yes I can open a door just as good as a man but that parking shite I’m not so good at it and I’m man enough to admit it. ;)

    1. ‘everyone just needs to lighten the efff up.’ yes, dear briges, they most certainly do! and i loved the less “y”s on the mens statement made me rofl. but, i’m with you. feck it, i’m carrying this vag around, if it gets a door or two opened for me – why the f not. ;)

  8. Making straight men happy is easier then making a sandwich! Its all about their ego’s! As far as appreciation, of course but who doesn’t like being appreciated? I don’t think its just a straight male thing.

  9. This works for everybody SM,
    Everybody through their childhood has been taught at some point that it’s good to be helpful. That putting yourself out just a little bit can change someone else’s day. Even the old guy opening a door did your friend a favour because she got to have her rant.
    When you let people help you in any way you are giving them a chance to pat themselves on the back for a job well done. Obviously over using this magic power will not make you any friends but a simple HELP can change both your lives.
    I open doors for girls and guys.
    Portia xx

    1. once again, a magnificently refreshing perspective, portia. and how right you are. even the ranter was given something in a sense and i hold the doors open for everybody too, including (and most often for) my feckin’ dog! looool. that b*tch has my number for sure. ;) love, love, you. xo, sm

  10. Perfect SM. Perhaps it is my Southern. Perhaps it is that age has mellowed my feminist side. Perhaps it is I raised two boys into gentle men and gentlemen. Perhaps it is all these things combined, the world has taught me though civility has its place and there is nothing wrong with any of us giving room to it.

  11. I’ve never understood why feminists have to make such a production out of being independent and empowered. If I get to a door first I open it and hold it open for anyone else who’s behind me – young, old, male or female. I guess I’m old enough to remember when courtesy was just that, courtesy. Maybe that’s why I’m just a humanist. :)

  12. i have a friend who likes to pay for both of us and he opens the door and is like BOB…At first i didnt like him paying all the time but then i later on realised it makes him feel good about it…so we made a deal sometimes i will pay and sometimes he …this way i know i wont feel bad about my friend paying all the time..even though its what he wants to do…
    he is one of those men who respect women…
    Sweet Mom i admit at first i was like that straight friend of yours but later on i realized that its okay to let him pay because it makes him feel good..
    actually its like Wifesy’s friend Bob…my friend pays all the time and i feel bad about letting him do it when i know he and i are just friends and will never be more than that…

  13. I think this post speaks to how aware and considerate you are, and I love it!
    The whole paying for meals/opening doors thing is tough for me. If it’s a small one-time thing, I can accept it and be polite about it. But if it’s a long standing paying for my meal kind of thing, I don’t like feeling like I owe anyone anything, especially to a man. But I certainly wouldn’t be mean about declining some well-intentioned help.

    1. i absolutely hear you about the ‘owing’ aspect. i think that wifesy and i allow that specifically and ONLY to bob. there’s something about him where he genuinely wants nothing in return and the few times we’ve forced him to let us pay it has -incredibly- hurt him a bit. i’m not saying it’s not cray, the bob sitch, but with him it somehow feels okay. however, with that said, my inclination is to agree with you when it comes to other dudes. i think you and i are cursed/ blessed (both parts equally) with NOT being able to NOT analyze things. if i can be so presumptuous. lol. xo, sm

  14. If I’m going through a door and someone is following me, I hold it open for them, regardless of age, sex, or whatever. And I say “thank you” and smile when someone does the same for me, regardless of their age, sex, or whatever. Sometimes holding a door is just being polite! The world could use a lot more of it, I think.

  15. Fair point about self-esteem, SM.
    I hold the door for whoever is right behind me—man or woman. But I don’t have a nanogram of patience for any woman who thinks that a man who holds doors open is bringing back the oppressive patriarchy.
    Finally, she-sus Christ? Awesome!

  16. Also, my girlfriend says I pretend to be a damsel-in-distress whenever I’m buying anything ‘girly’ from cookware to bathroom mats. According to her, the nurturing impulse switches on in many women when they see an oh so clueless guy wandering in Bed, Bath and Beyond, and I enjoy it to the fullest.

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