seat belts save lives

A Fight Between True Loves (Post 30)

Phew, I’m writing late in the day today.  It’s been a crazy week.  Yesterday’s post received a lot of awesome comments.  So, today I found myself scrolling through the “color note” app on my Android phone.  That’s where I keep a lot of my future blog posts ideas and concept thoughts.  It’s an easy little, electronic, yellow, legal pad of an application.  You open it up, hit “add” and start typing.  This afternoon I found myself scrolling through it and I stumbled upon something else entirely.


note pad for ideas


Wifesy and I don’t fight much, but when we do, we fight both passionately and intensely.  I suppose we do nearly everything with that type of enthusiasm.  As I was scrolling through the pad application, I came across this beginning of a sentence:


“I can’t believe u r…”


Basically, it goes like this.  Wifesy and I live in a loft space together along with our french bulldog.  That means no doors.  There’s a staircase up to our bedroom and a railing that overlooks the main living area, but no doors.  This is important for what I’m going to say next.  The loft thing is fun to live in, but a pain in the arse when you have guests over.  We had a wonderful friend staying with us.  I’ll call her Lorraine.  Lorraine was staying on the couch down below our bedroom.  We had all gone out to dinner, but on the way home Wifesy and I proceeded to get into a HUGE fight.  It started in the car.  I’m still new to Los Angeles and don’t know where in the feck I’m going at the best of times, which tends to frustrate Wifesy to no end.  I kept missing the freeway entrance so Wifesy told me to pull over and she’d drive.  I did, but I was annoyed about it.  I then proceeded to lay down in the back seat and contemplate why -sometimes- even the people you love the most you’d like to hit repeatedly with a soft object until you exhaust yourself.


pillow fight, soft object

Am I the only one who dreams of solving conflict like this?


Wifesy saw me laying down in the backseat and asked if I were wearing my seat belt.  I wasn’t.  In my defense, I was in the backseat.  Where I’m from, in NY, the law growing up was that you didn’t have to wear your seat belt in the backseat if you were over 15 years of age.  I’m way over 15.


We get home.  Wifesy and I are pissed.  Poor Lorraine is on the couch barely breathing in order to not disturb the fragile nature of the quarrel-fog we’ve conjured up.  Wifesy and I go upstairs, but there’s no door.  So, we can’t have a fight.  This annoyed me to no end because we almost never go to bed angry.  We talk things out.  Yet, there was no way to talk it out because Lorraine could hear every word.  So, I flipped open my “color notes” application and began to type.  This is what was said, verbatim:


Sweet Mother:  I can’t believe u r fighting w me like this w ur friend here. It’s really rude.  Ok, if ur not gonna talk w me now and work it out then u just go out w her tomorrow and i’ll stay here, which will be even more ridiculous and embarrassing.


Wifesy:  I asked you nicely in the car to put on your seat belt.  I’m not asking because of some fucking power trip. (SM real time note: Wifesy does not use the SM ‘feckin’ when she’s angry…)  I’m asking because you are my life and if anything happened to you I would die.  And seat belts fucking save lives.  And you were a selfish asshole not to put the fucking thong on!  (SM real time note:  I mean, “THONG” instead of ‘thing’??!! Could there be a better typo in a fight btwn two lesbos?)  I don’t want to talk.


Sweet Mother:  Tough.  When ur married, u have to talk.  Especially if we don’t want to be weird in front of Lorraine in the morning.  I hear u that u felt u were saying it to protect me.  However, from my point of view u were talking to me so shittly and disrespectfully from the moment I got lost in the detour.  So from my pov it didn’t sound nice or loving when u demanded that I put my seat belt on.  It felt orderish and mean.  I don’t respond well to that.  And then when we came back in the house, u still wouldn’t let it go.


Wifesy:  I asked you, pleaded with you nicely at first.  I only got agrivated (SM real time note: I’m leaving the misspelling for authenticity’s sake…) and more demanding after you wouldn’t put it on but at first I asked you.  You know they save lives.  Quit being a fucking child.  You’re 40, wear the fucking thing.  I don’t want you to get hurt or die.  Why the fuck do I have to even ask.  It’s ridiculous.


Sweet Mother:  Even now, u can’t even be nice or makeup.  That is ridiculous.  Unfortunately, that’s also far more childish.  Fine, we will play it your way.  For the record, just like I said I would in my marriage vows – I tried.  (SM real time note:  And the award for most dramatic goes to…SM.)


Okay, back to real-time Sweet Mother.  I don’t like to display every moment of our private lives here on this blog or on the internet.  However, when I re-read this, it was just too funny to pass up.  I mean we had a fight over a seat belt.  A silly fight about me not dying.  In the morning, we were over it.  But, what re-visiting this has taught me is – if you fight good, you live well.



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Photo creds:

feature, pillow-fight, note-pad


39 thoughts on “A Fight Between True Loves (Post 30)

  1. That is a seriously cute argument! A rarity to have a written fight recorded word for word whilst lying next to each other in bed. I think you should keep it for ever and have it read out at your funerals as evidence of how much you loved each other. But definitely always put your seatbelt on as it wouldn’t have the same sweet ring if Wifesy had to read it at your funeral as you didn’t bloody listen and died in a car accident from not wearing your seatbelt! A much better eulogy is “I told you to wear your thong!”

    1. okay, pepi, this is the best damn comment ever. you are right. i should keep this odd encapsulation of an argument i have in my phone for as loooong as possible! and the thong typo was just priceless to me. priceless! i know, i know, i always wear my seat belt now. looool. thanks for reading. xoxo, sm

      1. Oh yeah! You liked my comment enough to follow me 🙂 I love your humor and would definitely do a Vyvy and come see you perform live when I get to LA next. (Which unfortunately will be a while since we live in NZ & the wife and I are currently trying to get me knocked up again.) My eulogy line for Wifesy was going to be “I told you to wear your fucking seatbelt!” I decided that was a bit in-your-face, then suddenly realized the thong line is perfect. I think no matter how it happens, if you die first, she should incorporate it into her speech 😉

      2. i always tell her she’s gonna go first bc i’m younger! loool. but, truthfully, i want us to go together like a lesbian version of the ‘notebook’. you MUST come and see me and do a what i will forever now call a ‘vyvy’ (looool) when you are next in la. tho i would love to go to nz. i just figured out the kiwi thing and that it’s not about a fruit. christ, that took me a long time. slow, yankee, education. good luck w/ the baby plans. i find that incredibly admirable… and can’t wait to read about it on your blog. 😉

    1. confession: she doesn’t know about it yet! loool. but, she’s amazing about this sh*t. i’ll let you know once she reads it and oohhhhh, she will read it. lol.

    1. if by some miracle of miracles that you’re here a night is on, you are coming!!!! it’s super fun. and silly fights are tardo. but, we’re supernerds. so, it’s all good. 😉

  2. In the spectrum of fights….at least this one meant something (that Wifesy doesn’t want you to die) instead of it being about some goddamn dirty dishes in the sink.

  3. Perhaps you could could rephrase the motto from back East by changing “Click it or ticket” to “Click it or feckit”.

    I’m just sayin’…

    1. of course, i LOOOOVVVE ‘click it or feck it.’ loool. and i got your blog award too, allan. thank you, i am very flattered and honored. i will say that i’ve become sh*t at awards. doesn’t mean i don’t appreciate them tho. i really do. xoxo, sm

    1. i think you are so right there, t.w.. my parents were/ are still that way. and they’ve been married for over 40 years. i like to say i had a ‘moonstruck’ childhood. if you’ve ever seen that movie, you’ll know exactly what i mean. 😉 xo, sm

  4. Arguments between lovers / partners / spouses are usually one of two things, they are either knock down drag out ugly or loving ugly.

    Both make you want to beat the other down (not always with something soft) but one you recover from the other, well not so much.

    I think yours is of the second kind, delightful in retrospect. Worth saving so you can remind each other later. Dang SM, wear your seatbelt.

    1. 9.9/ 10 i wear that seat belt. i promise. i just HATE being told what to do. loool. and i’m with you. we have these loving fights. rarely, do we truly hurt each other…or at the very least, we are both mindful NOT to do so. so, i think that’s why we work. love you, vals. xoxo, sm

  5. These are the sweetest, silly fights we pick out of care, I think. I’ve actually argued with my husband about Reese’s cups. I can’t even remember how it started or where it went, just that it was summarized in “I love you enough to bother you, idiot”.

    1. “i love you enough to bother you, idiot.” so cute and so well said, tori. i’m with you, very silly fights. i sort of enjoyed having this odd written record of it almost a month later tho. it just sort of reaffirmed why i’m w/ her. and it was funny, in retrospect. at the time, not funny at all! looool. xo, sm

  6. This is sent with love and admiration for both of you. Although the “fight” (can you call it that when you are not in a ring?) was technically over the seatbelt or “thong”, it truly was over how you respond when your frustrated. Go back to missing the exit and you had to succumb to letting her drive. That must have really hit you in the gut. And her frank way of suggesting that she should drive? Must have really set you off. So you took a stand. Fought for your rights to be free to move in your car! Your an adult! You can make a decision! Even intellectually challenged ones. Your choice. Slightly passive aggressive way of fighting with her by not wearing the seatbelt but a message non the less.

    Accept this. You have someone that loves you and while living. Stupidly(and yes, I may have just called you stupid) holding your ground because you feel bad because you can’t find and exit. Really? I like the fact that you have a wife that wants to make sure your around a long time. Now get in your car and practice driving in LA. This will prevent more fights in the future. And wear your “fecking thong”!!!!!

    1. we get into all of our feckn’ fights in the car. truly. we’re like some old weird vaudeville married couple. a lot of it is because she knows the city and i don’t. when we missed the freeway, it was because the 405 was rerouted through 5 other feckin’ parts of town like they like to do here. wifesy missed the entrance too, several times. she was frustrated, i was frustrated. she can be controlling and i don’t like being told what to do. but, in the end, we both know that the WE is more important than the ME. and that really helps. xoxo, sm

  7. Sounds like you were a bit childish, crawling into the backseat to begin with. Good for wifesy for not backing off. I have sent your blog to Lorraine so she can adjudicate in this matter. LOL!

    1. lmao. i was being a big, whiny, baby, but wifesy also gets captain controllo, which is why i got whiney, baby… which is what happens with every feckin’ couple in the world, i think. loool. poor lorraine. she was truly the victim in all of this. tee, hee. xo, sm

  8. This is refreshingly intimate and so honest. We’ve all been there. It always baffles me to read things in the media about couples being “on the rocks” or whatever because they were seen fighting, or when people act like any fights in a relationship are a sign of trouble. These small fights are fought out of love. They’re a byproduct of how hard we try to love another human being, even through our own shortcomings, frustrations, and insecurities. “If you fight good, you live well.” Couldn’t agree more.

    1. and THIS dear ashley, is also so well put. what i worry about are the couples that DON’T fight. i think that’s totally unnatural. not that you have to disrespect each other or really hurt one another, but disagreeing, keeping your own personality, standing your ground from time to time, but also knowing when to give way, these are vital to a healthy relationship. i think, anyway. 😉 much love, sm

  9. It’s funny how a certain situation (like having a friend stay the night) can escalate the smallest quarrels. I know I’m the type of person that wants to hash things out too. I know it’s weird, but I’d rather stay an extra hour in the car and work it out then to let it go. Then I met some real assholes to the point where I didn’t care whether I got my point across or not because it wasn’t worth it. I hope to one day find a relationship like you and Wifesy have 🙂

    And even though I don’t have a Wifesy or Hubsy, I still would like to have a place with a separate bedroom because I can’t stand that shit. I like my own space 😛

    Also, holy shit I’m famous!!! HAHAHAHA! I loooove that coming to see you is now called a “Vyvy”. This makes me all giddy!! 😀

  10. i’m with you. the loft space was a feckin’ mistake!!!! but, it’s cheap. everyone needs separate space every once in a while. you’ll find your hubsy or wifesy, TRUST. you’re too good of a person, not to. and you’re young. he’s out there, somewhere. 😉 sm

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