gay men vs lesbians

Gay Boy Things I Don’t Get (Post 31)

There are always going to be those jokes between the genders.  The “he always leaves the toilet seat up,” “she likes to shop,” “and he bogarts the remote” type of jokes.  Sure, there are a lot of differences – thank god – between men and women, but one thing that’s not talked about much are the differences between gay men and lesbians.  That’s the topic I’m going to dissect today.  Keep in mind, of course, that not everything I’m saying holds true for ALL gay male couples.  When you talk about one group and you generalize, there are ALWAYS going to be exceptions to the rule.  The below is mainly an overarching -amusing- theory seen through the prism of my experience.  So, take it all with a grain of salt.


The open relationship
Okay, we all know about Papi on the L Word (or some of us do) and lord knows there are plenty of gay and straight FEMALE lotharios, but this open relationship thing seems predominately gay male to me.  I know gay men in GREAT relationships for ten years or more and every now and again they throw in a third party to mix it up.  Good for them.  I’m not judging.  But, for me -personally- I’d lose my goddmerned mind.  Couldn’t do it.  No way, no how.


Liza Minnelli/ Judy Garland/ Elizabeth Taylor
Just what in the feck is happening here?  Listen, I know these broads can sing and act (or could).  I like them.  However, I would not throw myself off of an Olivia cruise to see one of their shows.  I’m just not that hysterical about them.  And some gay men are panting, fainting, teenage girls/ Beetle-mania crazy about these divas.  I suppose they react in the same way I do when Wifesy told me that Jillian Michaels was speaking at her Veterinary conference.  Me:  “Are you feckin’ kidding me??!  No.  No!!  You have to find a way to sneak me in.  I’ll contort my body into a gym bag!  Just make it happen!!!”


Liza Minnelli drag

Liza, what has happened, luv?


The more accepted the gay gets, the more gross gay dudes get
Now, before you get your g-string in a wad, let me explain.  When a movement gets more accepted, you’re going to see more variations within that movement.  It used to go like this: gay guy – effeminate, well dressed, well spoken, zero body fat, prissy.  gay girl – butch, good with a hammer, masculine, loose fitting clothes, spiky hair.  Now we’re all over the place.  There are lipstick lesbians and there are bull dykes.  There is also now a new breed of gross, gay, dude.  Sorry, but there is.  I’ll give you an example.  Wifesy and I were in San Francisco at a nice, gay, bar with an outside patio.  The outside patio was packed.  Wifesy and I went to the only “seats” available, which were really these raised picnic table benches.  We sit down and less than a foot away from us is a 400lb, gay, guy who is constantly spitting.  He’s drunk, granted.  But, he’s spitting in an incredibly crowded space and what’s worse, he’s not even getting it all out of him.  So, a great deal of the spittle is just hanging off his half-shaven chin like a clothesline of mucus.  God how I wanted a martini swilling swishy gay in his place at that very moment.  It was one of the grossest things I’ve ever seen.  Needless to say, Wifesy and I were out of there.


There are a lot of gay male things that I envy: go-go boys that are actually gay boys, gay bars of your very own (not just a night), and DINKS (dual income no kids and with two, male, salaries…that’s usually a lot of dough. two lesbos it’s usually a social worker’s salary and a teacher’s. sigh.).  But, that is all for another day.  Today, just enjoy my small list of confusion.  Momma loves you.


Now, walk towards the light, Carol Ann.


zelda rubinstein poltergeist

This is the drag costume I would wear, just sayin’.



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Photo creds:

zelda-polter, gimp-feature, liza-drag


31 thoughts on “Gay Boy Things I Don’t Get (Post 31)

    1. and we could add to this…patti lupone is a huge one. i had a gay friend that used to get such a boner for patti lupone. it was insane. liza is huge, huge to the gays!!! it’s cray. but, oddly fun. loool. xo, sm

  1. So. From reading your blog about the differences between gay men and lesbians…there really are none. There appears to be as many kinds of both gays and lesbians as there are people. Perhaps you dissected a pea and never really got to the meat of the matter? Of course, being straight, perhaps I missed something in the translation. I was expecting more like Monty Python’s “And Now for something completely different!” But it was fun. .

    1. ahhhh, and that’s all it was meant to be…total fun. not a scientific study of any kind. and you are indeed right. we are all really just the same. minus the assholes. they’re in a category all their own. see, i just cursed for you. xoxo, sm

  2. Not until I came into Fat Acceptance as a fat person and met some of the men who identify themselves as fat admirers, I did I understand how much more F’ed up many men are than women. It is no different with many gay men, a lot of their relationships no more than sexual/fetish activity. A lot of heterosexual men are no different (look at their wide pornography interests).

    I think that the problem with many gay relationships is that there is no female in the relationship to act as a governor (Think of “Lord of the Flies” or in real life what goes on in male prisons).

    Working in Drug Rehabs and Outpatients Clinics I have met many gay men who like some of their straight counterparts are simply looking for a relationship. They have a huge stigma from Society to deal with.

    Really you are asking the same thing as this question, Why are their so many men than women in Drug Rehabs and Prisons?

    1. very interesting commentary, william. i don’t know. i refuse to believe that all men are lords-of-the-flies type heathens. it might come along with testosterone to some degree, but i think you can train the mind to be civil and gentle just as a woman can train herself to do things that are in her best interest, but maybe against her natural strong suits. as far as the fat part, that was not what disgusted me about him. it was the spitting. and more then him spitting what i could truly not believe was that his friends did NOTHING to stop it. both men and women. maybe he was just drunk and needed a hand. regardless, there’s no way i’d be hanging out with someone who was acting in that way, like a neanderthal, without saying something. no way… anyhoo, glad that you read it and commented here. much love, sm

      1. I made sure that I used qualifiers like some, a lot or many, so not to stereotype the men that I talked about.

        Another example of the more positive attributes of lesbian relationships is that there is less domestic and child abuse in Lesbian relationships than in Gay or Heterosexual relationships.

        This is a very complex question that you ask.

      2. you are a very smart man, william. and i stand corrected. you did not say all – you did indeed use qualifiers, so i apologize. i think it’s a very interesting conversation that we’re having and you bring up some really great points. i’ve noticed them before, myself. but, i definitely don’t have any answers. sigh. anyway, thanks for the great commentary here. sm

  3. People of all orientations and persuasions are just a mess. Everyone looks like a freak to me, I’m the normal one. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to my Norwegian foot sex video – it’s getting to the good part.

  4. When I came out to my Mom; shortly after she took me to a gay/lesbian bookstore to help me understand myself (pretty cool Mom). The best part was her looking around at all the other lesbians, then looking at me and asking me, “Do you guys all shop at the same store?” Times have definitely changed since then and I am glad I no longer feel the need to ‘dress the part’, I live in pajamas now.

  5. The Liza thing has always confused me, too. And, as well, I get her talent and all.

    I can even see the Judy Garland thing in terms of character (escapes to a magical world of color where she can find her true self and gets nice shoes gratis) and real (beautiful on the outside, crushing pain burning to get out on the inside).

    So does Liza just grandfather in? Is it because of Cabaret?

  6. Two things: 1) What about Babs? 2) Thank heaven the big guy was out of your league, so to speak. When I see horrible people together I offer a prayer of thanksgiving that they aren’t polluting my gene pool.

  7. Too funny. I’ve wondered about the Liza and Judy connection (you can add Barbara to that list for me), but I’d never thought about the Income differences. That’s terribly sad and kind of makes me wish I was a gay male for just a moment.
    Please tell me that that wasn’t actually a picture of Liza. I would swear that it was a Liza impersonator. When you start looking like the female impersonator version of yourself, things have gone horribly wrong.

  8. I have to say the only part I don’t agree with is the “The more accepted the gay gets, the more gross gay dudes get” section. That’s a little stereo typical to state that we are all clean cut and trim. I think it’s just more accepting to not HAVE to look like a “gay” and that you can look however you want. Otherwise you should also pick on the super queens who walk around with the name brand purses – they also don’t fit the original gay norms.

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