puppy training, dogs, puppy

My Inner Puppy Wars (Post 37)

I fought with the title of this post.  I thought about calling it, “I See Dead Owners” or “I See Dead Parents.”  Let me explain.  The Wifesy and I did something extremely impulsive.  We saw this pic on facebook:


american bulldog pup



And then we immediately ran out and adopted the little thing.  It’s like our vaggy, lady, raise-something, parts were immediately attracted to it.  Okay to him.  I say “it,” so you can understand that I have a healthy relationship with dogs.  I do not think of “it” / “him” as my child.


Okay, I do.  A little bit.


I’m not going to enroll him in a magnate school or anything, not that he couldn’t get it, after all he’s smart as feck…but, I won’t do it.  ‘Cause I know.  I know that they are animals and not four-legged peeps.


Regardless, I’m shocked at how much raising a pup (I’ve never done it before.  I’ve only had older dogs) makes me feel like a parent.


Here’s the first sign:  I FECKIN’ WORRY.  CONSTANTLY.


I worry about everything.  Mostly, I think am I doing it right?  That’s what I mean by, “I See Dead Parents.”  I look at my pup and I think about doing something wrong and that doing something wrong leading to my pup being an adult terrorist.  That would make me off myself.  Okay, not totally off myself, but it would make me really, really regret it.


Parents must feel like this all the feckin’ time.  I don’t know how they do it.


I’ve read all the books, but the advice is conflicting.


Little Cash (the pup’s name) nips.  Puppies nip.  But, in my humble opinion, you want to try and stop it.  I’ve read “put ‘em on their backs and make them submissive.”  Then I read something else that said, “don’t put them on their backs.  It confuses them completely.”  Then I read, “isolate them, but don’t scold unless the bite hurts.  But, if the bite really hurts, then scold loudly.”


I try everything and I try everything multiple times.  I’m not saying I’m neurotic.  Alright, I feckin’ am.  I’M THE WOODY ALLEN OF DOG RAISING, GODDERMN IT.  AND IF THIS ALL DOESN’T WORK OUT, THE STRESS IS GOING TO LEAD TO ME HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY ADOPTED ASIAN DAUGHTER!!  Wait, what the feck.  That’s not what I mean at all.  Back to the subject at hand…


I even read a puppy training article that said, “If the puppy is nipping or lunging and you don’t like it (I don’t) GROWL.  Growl like you’re the pup’s mom – low and guttural.  They recognize this and it will stop them in their tracks.”


So, now I’m growling like a feckin’ idiot in my own house.  If anyone were to see me doing it I’m sure they would think I was the first victim in the impending zombie apocalypse.  Look, sweetie, that woman…she’s got the “rage disease.”  She’s barking and foaming at the mouth.


zombie apocalypse

Just puppy training…no cause for alarm…


Sigh.  It is truly difficult to know the right thing to do.


I’m just glad the kid – oooops, puppy – can’t talk.  If he could I’m sure he would say, “MOM, YOU’RE FECKIN’ ME UP SO BAD RIGHT NOW.”


Alright, maybe he wouldn’t.  After all, I’ve had him about 3 days and he can walk on a leash, sit, and come when I call him.  That’s not bad for a 7 week old.  He’s also nipping less.


It’s so interesting when you raise something.  You think about their future A LOT.  You think about their future in terms of what you’re doing right now.  At least I do.


Here’s how I’m going to start to focus that thinking:  “I’m going to raise a healthy and balanced American bulldog.  He’s going to run and catch and play and listen to my commands 99% of the time.  Some of it will be out of my control, but what I can control I will.”


bully breeds


Really, that’s all anyone can do.


Hats off to you, parents.  The human version must be the biggest challenge of one’s life.



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bulldog-swim, bully-feature, zombie


23 thoughts on “My Inner Puppy Wars (Post 37)

  1. Hmmm – I never worried about what my pups would grow up to do. Someone told me to keep a jar of pennies and to shake it whenever the pup would misbehave – I never seemed to be able to find the stinking can when I needed it. My grandma would actually bite a nipping puppy on the ear – never had the nerve to try that, but her dogs never nipped. Maybe they grew up to be terrorists though.

    1. loool. he will be fine, this pup, i’m sure. i’m just having fun with my anxiety around it and my never having had a puppy. he changes so fast and already he’s listening. my other frenchie was older when i arrived, so she’s like a love, out of the box, so to speak. it’s interesting, fun, and challenging, i’d say. i’ve heard that cans thing… haven’t tried it yet, but probably will… looool. xo, sm

  2. He is so cute…. 😀

    my snowy is old now…worries me…but i rem when he was like a pup..he was totally like a demanding human baby…i was a kid too yet all i was worried about was whether he had his food, did he go for his walk, is it coldfor him….

    Sweet Mom raising a puppy is like the most awesome thing… 🙂

    1. like a human baby, indeed. ours is sleeping through the night. he gets fiesty, but then passes out from exhausting. it’s kinda hilarious. i’m really happy we got him… and it should give me some new blogging material… loool. xoxo

  3. Congratulations! I guess his name “Little Cash” is more a statement about you than about him. Perhaps you should have called him “NO Cash” and when you need to tell him he’s bad you would go louder on the NO. That picture of the the training class was taken at a Bichon Frise school right? There would be limbs missing if it was for bulldogs. HHHHAAAAAAHAHAHAH!!

  4. What, I shouldn’t have rolled my daughter on to her back and growled, um said: I’m the queen bitch around here, grrr? (true story) I shouldn’t have rubbed their little toddler noses in their poops and said, bad poopy? (ok, not true)… Yes. Hardest. Thing. Ever.

  5. My dog is nearly 10 months and rasing him is the most stressful/awesome thing I’ve ever done! I can totally commiserate with you. And you’re right; projecting the image of the dog we want will probably help him get there…or at least give us a good vision to close our eyes and dream about when we pretend he’s not eating the newspaper.

  6. LIttle Cash is precious! That pic of him makes him look as if he has a flower on his nose — soooooooo cute. I’ve raised two pups from when they were teeny tiny beings and they usually stop those puppy things when they stop them. You know like us, we we get our belly full of something, we just stop. Enjoy your new little love addition to your family, moms. And yes, they do feel and they love. And mine, well yeah, they are my kids. Happy weekend!

  7. He’s a puppy, SM. He’ll become a dog. For now, love and enjoy the puppy! When my daughter was born and my mother was all over me because I wouldn’t listen to reason (a.k.a. HER) and did things my way anyway, I reminded her that she had three children who grew up to be successful adults in spite of her mistakes. I was certain my child would survive mine. So far, so good! Enjoy! xoxoM

  8. He looks nicely areodynamic. Think if he misbehaves too much you could punt him over the fence? 😉 Just kidding.

    Hope you have a blast with him. btw, how does he get along with the other one?

  9. He’s gorgeous Mum! My one piece of advice? Be consistent. Love will do the rest because that little guy really, really wants to please you, he just doesn’t know how. -hugs to Cash-

  10. Ha! That was hilarious.

    I was lucky enough never to own a tiny animal (except for a rat, but that doesn’t really count). I do however think about a baby now… so I must admit it scared me a little… oh well.

    I shall start buying books, reading them all, freaking out at conflicting advice and then follow my original instinct anyway. How wrong can I go, after all?

    (don’t answer that)

  11. LOL! Bless…sounds like its all ‘fun and games’! Raising baby pets can be a bit stressy I think, but there’s nothing quite like the love and pure devotion you get from them. You’re doing a great job with the little man! PS. He is way toooo cute to cope with!

  12. Who put the hoodie on the dog? Brilliant. I’d adopt him, too. And this: “I’m just glad the kid – oooops, puppy – can’t talk. If he could I’m sure he would say, “MOM, YOU’RE FECKIN’ ME UP SO BAD RIGHT NOW.'” EXACTLY why I was so glad my son didn’t really start talking until he was three. Now he’s kind enough to just shoot me a really disappointed stare 🙂

  13. Beautiful puppy! He will grow up to be a beautiful dog who I suspect will be well behaved and balanced.

    So here is the thing, he already knows he is part of your pack and as long as you don’t let him become Alpha he will work hard to please you. I have always had big dogs, in some cases really big dogs. They have always been well behaved and trained to hand and voice commands. I always worked with them both at home and then went to training courses with them, usually offered either at my local Community Center or YMCA, this helped to socialize them with dogs outside of our home pack. The only time I ever yelled at any of my dogs was either when I was calling them from a distance or when they were old and hard of hearing, use a firm voice and commands “NO”, “BAD”.

    Dogs do not speak English. One syllable words with specific meanings work perfectly.

    Walk, Car, Treat, Good, Come, Sit, Stay, Out

    Good luck! Don’t stress. You are going to be an awesome and perfect dog mommy.

  14. Congrats on your new little bundle of joy!
    You will not stop thinking about it for the rest of your life.
    You will ridiculous things that you would never consider BC (Before Children, or in your case, Before Canine).
    Scratch Little Cash behind the ear for me, and don’t worry, because you care about your small friend, and that makes you much farther ahead of many, many pet companions (sadly). He’s lucky to have you both.

  15. That is one of the cutest puppies I’ve ever seen. I would have done the same thing. Thanks goodness I didn’t see the picture on facebook!
    Congratulations to you and Wifesy, I’d say the little guy hit the jackpot.

  16. Oh, what a cutie! I’d better not let my husband see this post because he’ll be off to adopt a puppy before I blink. 🙂 Have fun and take lots of pictures now because they grow up so fast. 🙂

  17. Damn it, Mother! Cash is cute! And now I’m going to have to talk myself off the ledge from running out to get a puppy of my own. I’ve already got two kids who constantly surprise me with “accidents”. A puppy might just throw me over the edge. But damn it, he’s cute!

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