valentine's day

Love Thyself (Post 45)

I thought about writing a whole thing about Wifesy today.  The thing is I’m very protective of her.  I put her image up in a slideshow once, as part of a gig, and I hated it.  I don’t like people ogling my Wifesy.



A social media guy said to me once, “Sure, you need to be transparent and authentic online.  Sure you do.  However, YOU control how much of yourself or your family you reveal at any one time.”


I liked that idea.  I’m in control.  My relationship is valued and therefore, private.  It doesn’t mean I don’t talk about her.  Readers here know that I do.  It’s that I don’t have to do the typical Valentine’s Day thing and write a gushy, PUBLIC, love letter to my Wifesy right here on this very blog.  I can write one and leave it where it belongs – under her pillow.


So, where to go from here then?  Better said, when am I ever going to get to the title of the post?!


The love letter is out.  I just said I wasn’t going to do that.


I’m not.


But, WHAT IN THE FECK am I going to do?


candy heart


Well, for most of the day I’ve been applying to jobs.  Applying to jobs and then obsessively stroking the one, stray, chin hair I found this morning.


Nothing says, “WINNER” like being a jobless woman on a couch stroking her one chin hair.  Let that sit there for a moment.  One chin hair, no 401k, not even shoes on her feet…WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?  I’M LAYING ON THE FECKIN‘ COUCH.


Fine.  I know, I’m accomplished.  I’ve got a decent resume and an interesting body of work.  In spite of all that, I have trouble seeing further than my bank account.


Over the last few months this idea has become more extreme.  My therapist said to me once, “Your bank account is NOT linked to your self worth.”  If it’s not, why does it always feel like it is?  Especially as of late.


strange candy heart


Hold on, where’s the title?  Where’s the point?  Get to the feckin’ goddermned point, Me Lady!  (Truly, who would ever refer to themselves as me lady? Answer:  Everyone on Downton Abbey.)


Relax.  I’m not here to complain today.  I’m here to say – FECK IT – I’m going to love myself anyway.  I’m going to V-DAY MY VAG UP.  I don’t even know what that means, but it’s making me feel more festive already.  When I picture a literal expression of “V-Day The Vag Up” I see a piñata shaped like a KISS logo.  You hit it.  It explodes and feckin’ candy rains down on you like the boobs of Dolly Parton thrown carelessly over the back of a chair.


Or I see a gay guy and a glue gun, some sequence, a vag, and a whole lotta pain.


Let the term, “V Day Your Vag Up” mean whatever it needs to mean for you.


funny sayings on candy heart


As for me, I’m giving myself a time limit on the whole, “how in the feck did I get here when I’m so talented and where’s my money and how come I don’t have a car or a house or a or a or a or a or a…” I’m giving myself a time limit on all that.  One more hour.  Then it’s done.  Then it’s raise the vag up time.  Raise the vag up and rock the vag out.  I’m gonna spruce up the place, walk the dogs, and clean my lady parts.


Then I’m going to start jarring things.  I’m going to make things in the kitchen and then put them in containers with lids.  Then I’m going to stack them in the fridge.  I’m going to do this until my back aches.


When Wifesy comes home, she’ll get the letter and a house that smells like pine sol and love.


I’ll get a tired me who doesn’t have the energy to think about income streams and blogs and start up funds and kickstarters and jobs and THAT is how Momma’s gonna love herself today.


Happy Valentine’s Day, my friends.


Love yourself.





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Photo creds:


Candy Heart Generator


51 thoughts on “Love Thyself (Post 45)

  1. Two things:
    one – where oh where did you find that heart meme (or did you make it??)
    two – The Bloggess blogged today about a mysterious forehead hair – you need to go read it (unless you’re the same person, that is)

    three (I lied) – I often talk to my clients about “dating themselves” instead of searching for self-worth outside yourself (spoiler alert – cuz you won’t find it outside anywhere!). Cultivate the love.

    Happy V-day!!!

    1. there’s a link to it in the photo creds. it’s called, ‘candy heart generator.’ ridiculous. loool. i’m so going to read that bloggess piece and i wish! loool. or i at least wish i could sell as many books as her. and you are right, if you don’t get right with yourself, you ain’t never gonna find your match. that was me taking your words and dumbing them down. see how fun our show is going to be… loool. speaking of which, i have an update for you on that.. email coming shortly. xo, sm

  2. What a lovely gift you gave Wifesy today: a happy and loving partner. We were on the same wavelength today. I wrote a post on the same theme of self-love too. Yay good SM vibes!

  3. Bank accounts and self-worth are only one and the same if you have a small penis……..self-love works in all other instances.

    I know the above to be true, I asked my dead ex husband and he confirmed it during our divorce.

    This was perfect, wifesy will feel the love before she walks through the door.

    Happy Hallmark Day SM, Go Forward with all your talents.

  4. VAG IT UP!!!

    Damn I laughed so hard throughout your entire post… 😛 I especially love the conversation hearts!!

    I hope you and Wifesy had a feckin’ fantastic Valentine’s Day and I hope to see the two of you again soon!! ❤

  5. I struggled yesterday whether to write an ode to my love on my blog – and then I thought well, no. So I wrote about interviews instead. I have always kind of despised Valentines Day I have no idea why but I felt that writing a love letter to my partner for everyone to see would cheapen it.

    Also Sweet Mother – I think we are leading parallel lives. 🙂 Good luck on the job hunt! May money rain down upon you and may you find the job that makes your bank account love you again!

    1. parallel lives, indeed, it sounds like. stay strong, my friend. we will get through this and with the right jobs sans chin hairs. it must be possible… looool. xo, sm

  6. Good luck on the job hunt. And you’re right, you are accomplished. This is just a bump in the road. And don’t be using Pine Sol to clean those parts!!!

  7. It’s important when looking at your life, and find yourself beating yourself up about what you haven’t done or own. It’s generally when things are stressful not flowing that we make the time to do the looking. So it’s important not to forget to look when things are great. As human nature doesn’t naturally do that. Becky D you have the potential, the gift and the yearning for comedy… A bump in the road isn’t the end of the ride so long as you keep a tight grip on the handlebars.
    Even wen they do that wobble the dreaded uncontrollable wobble that even though we KNOW were falling we STILLLL try to control the bicycle all with that same expression of fear confusion and hopelessness lmao. But then that’s never stopped anyone getting back on and enjoying the ride.
    Hope you had a great day yesterday and quite right about privacy. Your wife didn’t enter the business you did. If you were a surgeon would people expect you to take her and involve her in surgery??!. For sanity alone it’s needed to have a place to close the door leave the world firmly outside and have a safe place full of love.

  8. Yes, love yourself and on days you can’t try loving Alan Rickman – in fact loving Alan never fails with me. I’d say if everybody was busy loving Alan the world would be a better place! 😀

  9. We are the same person, only one of us is funny and one of us is pathetic (hint: I am not the funny one). I can’t believe how adequately thus describes my feelings right now.

    1. we will come through this! vages up! undercover, you know i think you’re the bomb. so, pathetic just doesn’t describe you in my book. but, i’ll take funny. might as well, since i ain’t got no money. going to go shoot myself now.. looool. xoxo

      1. LOL! Don’t shoot yourself! Hey, I am going to see Victoria Jackson this weekend over here in the IE. If you and Wifesy aren’t busy with your super-star lifestyle you ought to come out and see her. She is, after all, comedy royalty! Do you even go to other people’s shows or is that the equivalent of Justin Bieber listening to anyone’s music but his own? Just wonderin’…

      2. victoria jackson from the old snl days? is that who you mean? her i would never go see, she’s a horrible, horrible gay-hater. like big time. as for other comics, i see so much of it (comedy) and them (comedians) that i can recite some of their acts… loool. xoxo

      3. No joke! I had no idea she was a basher! Of course I was just a pup when I saw her on SNL, so I can’t remember. At that time I am sure I didn’t know what gay was. I didn’t go, at any rate, because Princess Red Chief was too sick to leave with a sitter. 😦 Guess I dodged a bullet because I have zero patience for bashers. XOXO

  10. Oooh, SM, a chin hair!!! That makes you officially a crone. Sounds awful, but not. We need to reclaim crone as something fab. It means you’re a wise and witchy woman. Wisdom earned by having made it past your twenties, and then some. Even if you pluck, snip or otherwise obliterate that hair the fact that it has appeared is auspicious. It can be a secret you have with yourself – hey self, unleash my inner wise witch and let me create magic in my life…

    Or some shit like that. Wishing you rainbow-coloured unicorns, massive self esteem and a big fat income stream which comes in an unexpected ways that celebrate your fabulousness.
    Nicole xoxo

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