What the #1 Childless Mommy Blogger Thinks of SAHMs (Post 47)

So, who in the hell is the “#1 Childless Mommy Blogger?”  Well, me – of course.  The childless is, well, because no matter how much Wifesy and I try (and -oh- try we do) we can’t get a baby to come out of our vertical smiles.  Plus, I’ve been oh so busy with a full blown stand up career.  The #1 term I use because if I don’t say it – who in the feck will?  You gotta love yourself, you know?


That leaves – SAHMs.


Just what in the feck is an SAHM?  Is it some kind of S&M fetish term?  Maybe it stands for Super Awesome Homemade Magic.  Maybe it stands for Silence A**hole Honey Mad.  Nope.


It stands for STAY-AT-HOME-MOMS.


I really had no idea.


stay at home mom

Stay at home, my a**. Me and moms, we on the move!


I started blogging and I thought, “…just what is this cult of the SAHM?”  I kept seeing it over and over.  It was like #yolo or #nfb to me.  I felt in the closet.  I felt not in-the-know.  I don’t like that feeling.  So, I had to google it, people.  Finally, I got to the bottom of it.


It seems there’s a quiet war going on between the stay at home moms and the moms who don’t stay at home or I suppose you could call them – working moms.


Why in the hell this is even a conversation at all??!!  I’m not totally sure.


I suppose it’s because the SAHMs feel like they need to justify their stay-at-home-ness and the working moms need to justify their get-me-the-feck-to-an-office-ness.


The whole thing leaves me with this strange and wonderful, made-up feeling:


“Those who let growing humans suck at their teat should not throw warm bottles at the other women who are also allowing some sort of non-sexual teat-suck.”


In plainer English – why don’t we all leave each other alone?


As for the working moms, I think – good for you.  You have a passion, you get out there and do it, and you have a kid.  Great.  As for the SAHMs, I’m inclined to think – staying at home, raising something, keeping a house in order, making meals, shuttling little beings around, well – IT’S HARD FECKIN’ WORK.


In other words, the grass is sh*t brown on both sides of the fence.  Well, not really, a lot of SAHMs and working moms LOVE what they fill each and every day up with.  What I mean is there’s a downside to each yard.  Utopia doesn’t exist.  Let’s stop pretending like it does.


woman in a power suit

“You have no idea how much sh*t I take at the water cooler for wearing this man’s suit.”


I do believe that SAHMs are under-appreciated.  But, then again, I could say the same thing for women in the workplace.  Basically, if a woman does it, it’s usually under-valued.


If you’re a dude and you’re still reading (first off, you should get a prize) let me just say – stay at home ANYTHING is under-appreciated.  SAHDs?  Does that acronym even exist?  It can’t be easy for you.  Not only is your work under-valued, but now your entire projection of manhood is also called into question??!


I know because I am now a SAHLCMB – stay at home lesbian childless mommy blogger.  Granted, I make some dough.  Granted, I’m trying to land a gig that would take me from SAHLCMB to WLACCWPPT (Working Lesbo At Cool Company With Ping Pong Table).  Regardless, I get it.  I work 8 hours writing.  That’s right, 8 hours.  I play with, feed, wash, walk, and put to bed our dogs.  I clean the house, grocery shop, cook food, run out to various interviews – AND write 8 hrs a day or more.

Sometimes I want to off myself.


The perception when you work from home or when your home IS your work is that you’re a lay-about type person drinking wine who only has to put a decent meal together in order to be of value.  That is only me on Thursdays.  I’m kidding.  It’s not true and that perception sucks.


As a kid I saw the movie, Freaky Friday starring Jodie Foster.  There have been a million incarnations of that particular type of movie.  The entire concept is “walk a mile in THEIR shoes” or “let’s switch places, so you’ll know how I live.”


When I waited tables, I felt like every person should be FORCED to wait tables before they are ever allowed to eat in a restaurant again.  Sometimes it’s only through doing the thing that we can ever feel empathy.


Maybe that’s what SAHMs and working moms need – to switch out the board room for the nursery from time to time and vice a versa.  The dudes too.  If you support your wife – switch places while you’re on vacation.  Stay at home, take care of everything, just as she does and let her bring home the bacon for the week.


It’s not so hard to see how EVERYTHING is just work.  Pleasurable work, sometimes.  Awful work at other times. But, all the time – it’s work.  Now someone, please, make me a turkey pot pie!!



Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish in this blogger’s quest of achieving 365 consecutive posts.  To join in the madness, click the follow button at the top of the blog.



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superwoman, power-suit, baby-a-go-go


39 thoughts on “What the #1 Childless Mommy Blogger Thinks of SAHMs (Post 47)

  1. looool. I think it’s an american thing. a dude sits in a chair with his hand down his pants and goes, “make me a turkey pot pie, b*tch!” and usually the woman doesn’t take it very well. good to see you, portia. mommma LOOOOVES you. xoxo

  2. I think there *is* a Utopia: Me, and my lady, at MSG in the front row of the final show of your world tour, followed by the two of us joining you and Wifesy for dinner. The topics of convo would be the movie deal I signed for my novel, your sightseeing in other countries, Wifesy’s new animal hospital, and my lady’s new book deal. See? Utopia. 😀

    And, I agree: You really should try to walk in another’s shoes before attempting to say anything about them. I’ve noticed that some folks just don’t want to learn, though. Sad really. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Autostraddle to read your guest post.

    1. Wait, why do I only get sightseeing in other countries. WHAT IN THE FECK, FOSTER??!!! loool. just kidding. i’ll feckin’ take it and a book deal. and your book deal and your lady’s book deal and now i’m like oprah giving out cars, “and you get a book deal and you get a book deal and you get a book deal…” loool. and we are definitely gonna meet. one day soon, we will. 😉 sm

  3. Is this war still going on? I’ve been both a SAHM (took some time off when my kids were itty bitty) and a working mom. Neither was necessarily easier. They were just different. And either way, my kids turned out fine. Well, except for their poo talk but what does one expect from boys?…

    People should do whatever works best for them. Beyond that, they just need to love and support their children, whether they are at home or not.

    1. i actually find it cray cray how vehemently ppl argue for and against sahm and how it has it’s own acronym! but, i suppose that’s post-feminism, right? and puppy raising is also filled with poo. awful, constant poo and pee. they don’t talk about it, they just do it. constantly. lool. love you, carrie. love you. xo, sm

  4. Sweet Mother, I can see what your problem is, you need to get yourself a SAHM. I have one and it’s fabulous! I’m new to reading your blog but am enjoying your writing, I look forward to reading more.


    1. i have a HWCM – which stands for hot working childless mom. loool. my wifesy works her ass off. i’d like to make enough money so she can stay home if she wants at one point, but i ain’t there yet. anyway, thanks for reading, hec. it’s nice to meet you here. xoxo, sm

      1. I wish you much good fortune in your efforts. There are times when I wish my SAHM was in the paid workforce (I dare not say “working” because by god she works and works hard) but those times are fleeting, particularly when I come home and see the smiling faces of our children.

        Also good to meet and find your blog.


  5. Sweet SAHM, you missed a spot on the counter; you forgot to buy broccoli; and the dogs were obviously overdue for their walk because one, no, that would be both, just peed all over the kitchen floor! Oh. And you missed your meeting with Letterman at 3:00 pm. Finally, we’re out of turkey pot pie. Actually, we’re out of turkey and we haven’t seen a pie since Thanksgiving. All that’s left is the…and it’s going fast! But I’m sure we can scramble up some whine with a side of cheese if you like. XO.

  6. I was a SAHM but it wasn’t easy. My Ex. and I had a small computer business and after the Daughter was born I worked from home, looked after her and did all the domestic sh*t. It worked and we juggled everything but… because I worked from home in between naps and kindergarten and then school drop offs and pickups, that work was somehow undervalued. Maybe because I wasn’t actually earning a /wage/.

    I wouldn’t change a thing about the last 26 years but by god it would be nice to get some credit for what I did do. 😦

    1. i so hear you on that. it was the point i was trying to make, which i’m not sure i did all that well. lool. but, i do think ANYTHING you don’t get a wage for people drastically undervalue and taking care of an estate / home/ kids is REALLY difficult… so, i feel you. xoxo, sm

      1. This is starting to sound like an awesome plan. I’m not even sure which government you’re living under, but lets just insist that ALL of the governments give everyone an ‘Awesome-Allowance’, depending on how awesome they’re being! 😛

  7. My husband did our taxes over the weekend while I was in a coma – I mean sitting in hell – I mean in a class. He told me tonight what he used as my occupation on the tax form…wait for it…
    The Honie.
    “It doesn’t matter what you put on those forms,” he says.
    “Seriously, did you say your occupation is The Ass?”
    “No, he says, I’m your loyal follower.”
    The IRS is gonna have fun with that!

  8. Nothing we do is easy. I work, it isn’t easy. When I am not working I am looking for my next contract, it isn’t easy. When I am looking for my next contract I am expected to maintain the house, oh wait I do that even when I am working, it isn’t easy. Most times when I am working it is out of town, someone else maintains the house, no it just doesn’t get done unless I pay for it; it is never easy.

    SAHM, work. Their work is simply different.

    I am with you on walking a mile, please do. Put on my stiletto’s and walk even down the hall. Better yet run through the airport. The world has changed and with it how we work and how we are valued for the work we do. One thing that hasn’t changed? If we are women, that value hasn’t gone up by much; unless we are strippers and can hang upside down on poles.

  9. Male reader here (I’ll take that prize now!) and both my wife and I work and our daughter goes to daycare during the week.

    I respect anyone’s choice in regards to staying home with the kids or not. Really, people should worry about raising their own kids and not anyone else’s

    BTW, I’ve worked at a company with a ping pong table. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

  10. I guess that make me a SAHCJMB. (Stay At Home Childless Jobless Mommy Blogger). This game kind of sucks. I can’t find any anagrams for me that don’t make me want to have a drink. Scotch on the rocks if anyone is buying, you know, because of the whole jobless thing. Scotch goes really well with Turkey Pot Pie.

  11. Unless they’re like Debra from Everybody loves Raymond, I think SAHMs have a very daunting job to do. My mom’s an SAHM, and I know that our house would’ve just crumbled without her doing her best. I like your job-swapping idea; we should definitely do it to value each other’s contribution, if not for anything else.

  12. I will use pre-made frozen dough for your turkey pot pie, m’lady…. and I am (ever so reluctantly) a non-judgemental member of the SAHM cult. (I do, however, judge SAHMs… especially the ones who still believe that this is a noble, rewarding, yada-yada-yada calling because they didn’t get the message that being a SAHM is the most thankless job on the planet.)

    Just my thoughts as I laugh at the Pollyannas out there. BTW, didn’t Pollyanna end up sugar-coating, rainbow-ing and butterfly-ing her way into an early grave?

  13. About 10 years ago I agreed to spend my vacation taking care of my brothers three boys while they went on a cruise to celebrate their 15th wedding anniversary. They had a boy in high school, one in junior high, and one in elementary – I never did so much laundry, driving, cooking, cajoling, begging, pleading – it was an amazing week and I have never accused my sister of sitting around eating bon-bons again 🙂

  14. OK, well, you know how this one hits home for me. Momming is hard, no matter whether one does it at home or elsewhere, and that’s why I totally don’t get the hatred and the war. I am lucky to be part of a mommy blogging community that is very forgiving and understanding, but my experience is not the norm. There are SO many judgey, mean moms on both sides of the aisle on this one.

  15. I’ve done both and I don’t understand this feud at all. Both are freaking hard. Both have their pluses ( I originally wrote pussies by some Freudian slip). People need to stop looking down on other people in order to make themselves feel better. Seriously, own your awesomeness and calm the f*ck down, people!
    Really it’s hard to make an intelligent point once you’ve accidentally typed “pussies”. How do you take yourself seriously after that.

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