Fake Studies That I Wish Were True (#342)

After yesterday’s heavier post, it’s time for a lighter one.

 

 

Introducing…

 

FAKE STUDIES THAT I WISH WERE TRUE:

 

1.  Drinking red wine, coupled with a wine and cheese plate per day, will lead to thinness and longevity if done daily over a ten year period.

 

2.  People who get their lives together in their 40s often admired by their peers and experience renewed skin coats that give them the appearance of youth.

 

3.  Studies show that being stuck in traffic for 1 hr per day makes you a more patient and compassionate person.

 

4.  Blogging leads to monetary gain over the spans of a lifetime.

 

funny money

“Makin’ paper…”

5.  Staring at a computer for inordinate amounts of time enables one to evolve eyes that can see into the future.

 

6.  Being friends with ne’er-do-wells leads to better investment practices.

 

7.  Working from a chair for 8 hours may yield to the invention of a better chair.

 

awesome chair

Is there a way to get this “chair” for my day to day?

8.  Writing nonsense several times a day can lead to lucrative career in the bullsh*t business.

 

9.  Reading the news helps one to develop an adroitness at speaking foreign languages.

 

10.  Cleaning your house floods your brain with the same endorphins that one experiences when giving to a charitable organization.

 

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Sweet Mother is updated daily-ish on the quest to 365 consecutive posts.  Join me by clicking the “follow” button at the top of the page.

 

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Photo creds:

buddhist chair, money-honey

 

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36 thoughts on “Fake Studies That I Wish Were True (#342)

      1. One of my readers laid down the gauntlet to write a letter to my future self after reading my post yesterday. Oh, it is on! You could try that. 😀

  1. RE #10, it is only true if those endorphines make you experience, crankiness, easily distracted, tiredness, increased adgitation, easily annoyed and other such feelings and reaction when performing it.

  2. My top favorite study right now:

    Hemorrhoids in middle-aged women are a sign of genius and an indicator that said women have bodies and faces that fall perfectly in line with the Golden Ratio of proportions.

  3. 2 and 3 yes! How about sitting in chair for 8 hours invents a better ass? If 8 were true I’d be a filthy rich 🙂

  4. What!! None of these are true? Cause I now am a Bravo junky; I can’t be separated from my lap top for more than an hour, and I have no idea what I’m going to do this afternoon, let alone in the future! Damn. Don’t be such a stranger! Studies show that reading other blogs and chatting with on line buddies, helps relieve the shock when all those other studies fall short. 😉

      1. Glad it’s over soon… all work and no play makes Mom a dull girl, or something like that—written in my hs yearbook and seared in my brain. Turned out to be true, but there are reasons for the work, n’est cest pas?

  5. How about…

    Cleaning house or paying housekeeper to do so, leads to same endorphin’s as great sex (orgasm), chocolate, or small amounts of pain applied properly.

    (This is the reason you will never meet a person with two tattoos and why women eat more chocolate then men.)

  6. I find that life would be improved in proportion to the number of these facts that are deemed true. Might I add that mothers make $10,000 dollars more each year per the number of times each day that they are told “I hate you,” “I am not your friend anymore,” “you aren’t coming to my birthday party,” and “I don’t like you right now.” I would be filthy, stinkin’ rich.

  7. Cleaning house makes me want to stab people. Lately there have also been people in the house while I clean due to changing work and school situations. I had a minor melt down today and made everyone leave so I could get the place clean in peace. I hate cleaning so much that every interruption that makes it last longer could culminate in a homicide in the foreseeable future. You know what they do with boys like me in the slammer?

    Obviously I have slightly overstated the case.
    Portia xx

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