#OldPeopleProblems (#352)

How to know when you’ve officially reached OLD.  Or maybe you just have an old soul.  Whatever it is, the ‘symptoms’ are listed below.

 

When you use a hashtag and some nascent ne’er-do-well without fully descended testicles exclaims, “WHY DID YOU USE A HASHTAG ON WORDPRESS? HASHTAGS ARE FOR TWITTER, WHAT ARE YOU 100 YEARS OLD?!”  (Answer: yes.)

 

When you become obsessed with the website: www.houzz.com

 

houzz amazing living room

Heck, yeah. I’ll take that.

 

When you can’t make it through a 2 hour movie without falling asleep even when it’s one you were really, really looking forward to.

 

You start calculating how much money you’d need to live out the rest of your life without speaking to anyone that annoys you.

 

Alcohol and good food become just as enticing as a trip to Belize.

 

You enjoy children, but you love giving them back to their parents even more.

 

cute baby

Okay, maybe I’ll keep that one. That one’s redunkulous, but it has to stay that size.

 

You hear yourself saying, “The generic brand is just as good!” just like your own dad would’ve said.

 

Stretching means getting up from a chair and laying down on a couch.

 

You understand -deeply- why little kids enjoy napping and snack time so much.

 

You start arriving places early so you can, “beat the crowd” and then leaving before the crowd arrives.

 

Your credit score becomes important and not just “fun money.”

 

You realize that maybe your twitter feed is not a reasonable legacy to leave the world.

 

You stop arguing because you realize that after your done arguing with said person, you’ll still think they’re an a**hole.  So, why start?

 

You have no memory of your own 20s and every 20 year old you see seems like a cheap imitation of Amanda Bynes or Lindsay Lohan.  (And that’s saying something.)

 

lindsay lohan mess

You can keep this one…

amanda bynes mess

And her drunk friend too…

 

You love your age because you can see things and people for what they really are — beautiful hot messes.  You join in when you like and the rest of the time you ensconce yourself into the folds of the people that matter most.

 

Perhaps age is more than just a number.  Maybe it’s a badge of honor.

 

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Photo creds:

hot mess 1, hot mess 2, houzz, cute-baby

 

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56 thoughts on “#OldPeopleProblems (#352)

  1. Love this list. Dare I say I nodded yes to all of them? I particularly like the one about not having to talk to anyone.

      1. We could start our own silent commune 🙂 the sooner the better. Although we both work in professions where we have to speak. Whatever shall we do?

  2. My favourite (spelled NZ style) line: ‘You join in when you like and the rest of the time you ensconce yourself into the folds of the people that matter most.’ So true.
    On a similar and related note, Wifey and I were given two adorable vintage La-Z-Boys aka La-Z- Ladies aka La-D-Boys by my parents last week. Life is rather delicious when snuggled up in them fireside with a blanket each and our books. Ahhhh winter and old age – both have hit us this week. I’ll post a picture on my blog for proof of our happy decline into decrepitude.

    1. the job is killing me. i really want one that will let me telecommute because the drive here is murder. i truly feel like i spend all of my time at the office and that’s no kind of life. plus, the money isn’t -stay-at-the-office-all-day and night kinda money, if you know what I mean. so, i need to work that out. the house, on the other hand, is sort of shaping up to be amazing. hopefully, i can talk about that soon. how’s everything by you and yours? xo, sm

      1. I absolutely know what you mean. I hope it starts turning a corner for you – happy you’re having fun with the house, would like to read a post about it soon, maybe get some tips in being a homeowner.

        Everything’s good. Busy as shit, haven’t been able to write much, but good.

  3. Oh, honey, I have been there a long time. The wanting to miss traffic one is the first sign. Of course, all of L.A. wants to beat the rush hour, don’t they? It’s not so bad here, but bad enough.
    Yes, as to the “lb sign”, I remember when it first showed up on the old push button phones and it had absolutely no function. No one could figure out why it was there.

    1. loooooool. that is so true. the pound sign was there, but no one knew of its use. it was as if it was put there to say, ‘this will be important 20 years from now on something else entirely.’ lawd. and really how important is the hashtag and what happens if you go: #hashbrowns. i’ve always wanted to do that. xo, sm

  4. My dear, ask me all the things I remember. I remember when a mobile phone was having a cord so long you could hide in the garage or another room of the house to talk! I remember blue light parties in the basement and slow drags to Issac Hayes. I remember Electric Kool Aide Acid Tests. I remember bra burnings (damn I wish they would have told me not to burn if it was over a B Cup).

    Yeah, I am guilty of all of the above. I give my grandson back happily after I fill him up with sugar and give him another toy to make noise with. Grand children are the best revenge.

    I would gladly move to Ecudor! I would happily allow others to visit, so long as they had a return ticket.

    Age is a badge of honor. I made it. Dammit I am still standing, still intact. So are you and you are fabulous!

  5. “beautiful hot messes” is the perfect way to describe the world. If you aren’t at least part train wreck, then you’ve got some more living to do. And by living, I mean tucking into a fabulous cheese plate and a giant pour of red wine before indulging in an afternoon nap.

  6. I’m old enough to remember when cut and paste requires scissors and glue – I love that last bit about seeing people and things for what they really are – truly liberating.

  7. Can I just say …OMG. This is perfectly said. I shut down my twitter AND my fb. Now I’m blogging and Pinterest …oh and Betty white. The stretch from the chair to the couch.. I bout fell out! I swear you got a hidden camera in my house. Great post!

    1. lol. well, you know what they say, lisa, ‘great minds…’ and all that. 😉 it is true. like a fine wine, it all gets better or we care less. not sure which. and betty white! definitely, betty white! lol. thanks for reading. sm

  8. Turning 40 was the best thing to ever happen to me. I love getting older and everything on your list applies to me. 🙂 “beating the crowd” has become the only way I can tolerate being out in public anymore!

  9. Apparently my comments are not showing up on peoples posts. Apologies if you suddenly have a few from me.
    I have all the symptoms mentioned above. Diagnosis…old. Maybe even older because I have no clue who Amanda Bynes is.

  10. I am 100, dammit! Where is that rude little shit who tweets on the smart phone another cranky old fart stuck up his ass? (Was that you?) Can we sing now? Hope everything is going well for you!

  11. “You start calculating how much money you’d need to live out the rest of your life without speaking to anyone that annoys you.”
    I hope it’s never too early to do this….

  12. Gulp. If I can identify with five of those, is that a sign of aging? I knew that the closer I get to thirty the more I’m reaching the end of my life!!!

  13. Very entertaining and telling. Someone told me 50 is the new 30. Well – if that’s the case – I was/am tired at both ages because at 30 I had a newborn and now I’m just plain tired.

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