woman under water

Enter Full Screen (#353)

Thank god for the “enter full screen” option.  I hit a button and everything goes black except for the whiteness of my blank page.  My desktop is super-busy, so it’s great to have this format.  The shut everything out and write mode.  I wish I had one for my life.

 

The puppy – who is a gargantuan thing at this point – is on the end of the couch whittling away at his bone.  That’s his “enter full screen,” the bone.  He gets that thing and it’s all about the bone.  My older dog is more lost, milling about trying to find a place to land.

 

I don’t know why in the feck I’m telling you about my dogs or my desktop.  I suppose this is one of those stream of consciousness posts where I stumble through my thoughts praying there’s a point in here somewhere.

 

enter full screen

What language is that? Vulcan?

 

Lately, I’m obsessed with 4am.  I’m convinced that 4am is the time successful people get up and take on the day.  Right now I get up at around 5am.  See, I’m missing the whole success thing by about an hour.  My realtor gets up at 4am and I love this guy.  He’s together, in really tip-top shape, runs a successful business, and more.  Sure, I don’t know the full story and everyone has their hardships, but from the outside 4am looks like it’s working for him.  Oh, if only it were that simple – “The 4am Cure!”  I could market that.  Write a book about it.  Start a blog.  I’m tired.

 

My crazy shakes puppy has left the bone (so much for his “enter full screen” time) and heads upstairs to annoy Wifesy.  It’s our last few days in the “lodge” – the abode we moved into when picking Los Angeles as our new home.  There’s so much to do that I often have to detach from it all and pick and choose what I can accomplish in the here and now.  Truly, you can only do what you can do.

 

Wait, what’s that sound?  The dog is snoring and the pup is being a nut-bag upstairs, but down here – what is that? – oh, it’s a sort of peace.  There’s a sort of quiet enveloping me as I type.  I realize right away that I miss this feeling.  I miss this inner retreat into the writing.  It’s a sinking into kind of feeling, but not a bad sinking – a good one, a satisfying one.  It’s like taking a “Nestea plunge” into a department store display entitled, “The world’s most comfortable duvets collection.”  Damn you, marketing.

 

nestea plunge

Like this, but with duvets.

 

Time for another couple sips of coffee.  I’m back.  Gently tapping the keys.  It’s all good.  I’m one of the lucky ones.  I know this and yet I can’t help, but question as I constantly try to pick up the pace on the treadmill coasting towards success.  Wait, treadmills don’t really go anywhere.  Bad analogy.  I am filled with gratitude.  Yet, I can’t help, but weigh myself on the market scale and compare my price with the fish booth next door.  Wait, did I just liken myself to a pound of fish?  Super bad analogy for a lesbo.  Must find another.

 

It’s no matter.  You’re smart.  You get what I’m saying.  When you’re a kid, you want to fight the waves to make sure you stay upright.  You go crashing into them, diving into the white foam.  The adult in me knows it’s better to hold my breath, go under into the calm, and wait until the wave passes.  It’s serene down there, under the wave, while all hell breaks loose on the surface of the sea.

 

That’s “enter full screen” for me.  Giving myself a small moment to go under the crashing waves to write in the calm and the peace.  Seeing what’s down there when I really go within.

 

What about you?  Do you find writing to be a meditative, inner experience?  If so, what’s your “enter full screen”?  How do you turn off your world?

 

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Photo creds:

under-water, nestea, enter-full-screen

 

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29 thoughts on “Enter Full Screen (#353)

  1. I think my full screen mode is either bejeweled blitz or something I shan’t mention in an essentially PG-13 blog. My brain can go where it wants or can even turn off completely. My wife will certainly argue that it most definitely is the latter.

    Time for my douchey comment of the morning: I think your treadmill was actually a metaphor as opposed to an analogy. Tomato — to-mah-to.

    Not sure cuz using iPhone and eyesight progressively deteriorating, but the typing sorta looked like Latin but I could be wrong.

    1. oh, mike, you are correct on all accounts, minus one, which i will get to. but, as for confusing metaphor and analogy, you should see how crazy people go when i confuse chimps for gorillas. it has happened, resulting in total sh*tstorm. or the new zealand kiwi bird for the kiwi fruit -sh*tstorm number 2. and alas, the sex thing – i wouldn’t think you a dude if you thought any other way. let’s call it nature. 😉 as for this being a pg-13 blog, now that’s where you’re wrong. i take pride in my say whatever the feck i want-ness. often, that leads toward the dirty side. a simple troll through the archives will satisfy that issue. a starting point might be the post titled, “Grammar D*cks And Doggie
      Clits.” Yep, that’s the title indeed. I’d say the motion picture assoc would give me at least an R for that, but then again they’re a bunch of prudes. 😉 all the best, sm

  2. Enter full screen mode for me can be writing music or practicing, but not all the time. There are times when I can practice and time flies by while others I find myself checking the clock to find out I’ve only been playing for five or ten minutes. But those moments where it is “full screen,” those are wonderful. Beautiful post Momma.

    1. shannon, you are the wind beneath my blogging wings! lawd, let’s pretend I didn’t say that. i know what you mean though. the zone-ish feeling. sometimes that comes easily and sometimes it’s just work. thanks for stopping by here and reading. much love, sm

  3. Great post, momma! For me, it’s using pen and paper instead of the computer. No Twitter. No email. No Internet. I pull out the iPod throw on my “writing” playlist (lots of funky instrumental but no lyrics) grab my fountain pen (it must be a fountain pen) and write.

    When I’m really going hard on the books, though, and I need to type fast to get out all my thoughts, it’s using Scrivener. I can rearrange my chapters and scenes, do anything I need with minimal background noise in the software.

    Hope all is well with you and wifesy!

  4. There really is something about 4am. It doesn’t matter what time I go to bed I always wake up at 4am. My problem is I usually take a walk downstairs, lay on the floor and go back to sleep. Maybe I need to rethink that.
    I do find writing very cathartic and love when I enter that “full screen mode”. I just haven’t found a way I can trigger that at will.

  5. My fullscreen mode comes when I’m either reading, or writing. My issue is starting to write. When I do though, I’m shocked at where the time disappeared to. I’ve actually asked people if they’ve changed the clock.

    Porn is also a good time killer. Or, rather looking for it is. 😀

  6. 4am is the time when nobody will bother you or ask you questions about what you’re doing. You can go to bed nice and early, record your favourite TV shows that you’ve missed and watch all of them in the peace and quiet at 4am. Way more convenient if you ask me

  7. Wow. 5am is pretty decent for me… I don’t think I could ever reach that, if I ever wake up at 6am I’m very proud of it!
    And I must say I find it to block the world out completely…. I get so easily distracted! If anything, that usually happens late at night when everyone’s asleep (if I manage to stay up) – then I get into some kind of zone and can go on and on…

  8. I’m looking for my enter full-screen moment because the only thing I feel like writing at the moment is this comment, and even this comment isn’t very good.

  9. As a visual artist I think of that space as “getting all right brained” – when I get there I have no sense of time, my mind explores the shapes of empty space and finds diagonal connections. I get that way when I am taking photos too – I wish that happened when I wrote. I do get lost a little in it but nothing like I do when I all right brained – perhaps it’s because I need too much left brain to write. I dunno.

  10. yes, writing is very calming and centering for me. my full screen is writing, while listening to music and looking at the beautiful view outside.

  11. I know what you mean Mum. It’s a glorious feeling, and I think it’s like a verbal endorphin? I get it when I’m so deep into my story I can almost smell the things my characters are smelling. [Don’t ask].

    Getting up earlier does help. Listening to music helps as well. For me though, being happy is the most important ingredient. If I’m stressed about things in the real world, I find it almost impossible to reach that inner space I crave.

    I hope things settle down soon for you. -hugs-

  12. music helps me turn off the world…its my full enter screen mode i guess… how are you Sweet Mom…sorry i have been MIA lately ..trying to catch up on your last few posts that i missed on.. hope things are going great at your end,.

  13. Mama, I love this. I never have Nestea moments anymore. I get interrupted during the moment when my involuntary bladder muscle tells my brain that I need to go for a wee-wee, so I forget I have to go until my voluntary bladder muscle gives up the fight and my brain (and sometimes mouth) curses my children for the form my life has taken– leaky bladder, moments of confusion, and interruptions galore. What was I saying again? My husband just called and interrupted my comment.

  14. Writing can be that full screen mode. Sometimes it is reading (book has to be good for that) – and at other times it can even be something as profane as doing a jigsaw puzzle.
    Or – more profane – working. When in my office being busy finding out the morning hours are already passed and it is time to get my lunch out if I want to have lunch at all – that happens. Sometimes.

  15. It’s so true – that 4am thing. I realized that my world is busy beyond belief once everyone wakes up. My only real chance to write is to do it in the ridiculous hours before the world around me becomes chaos. I actually enjoy the quiet then. (I’m a slacker, I only set my alarm for 4:15.) Then we started milking goats – so even that early time is filled with work. It’s a struggle to find time to write, but if I don’t, my world, and all the beauty of my children seems to disappear in busyness. The way I hold it on a teaspoon up to the afternoon light and watch it shimmer – is done through writing it all down. It makes my life so much more gorgeous when I make the time to capture all these fleeting moments. Thank you for your beautiful blog, and writing, and your own capturing of the fleeting!

    1. Liesl, this was an absolutely, beautiful comment. thank you for writing it and leaving it here. i truly agree with all that you’ve said and even if we have to do it at 4am (pre-goat-milking 😉 then we should do it because it’s just a wonderful chronicle of the lives we lead. thank you for stopping by and reading, new friend. sm

  16. I totally agree with your 4am thing, I used to get up at about 2am so that from 2 – 5 I could program, I always found I was more creative and focused at that time.

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