Post 11: Things I’ve Learned from my Dog

These are my dog’s thoughts.  She whispered them to me today.  All I did was write them down.  Oh, wait.  Doggie has another message.  She says, “These are my musings on life and humans should try them.  It might do ‘em some good.  Woof.”


love my pet

“Listen up, Sweet Motherfeckers. I’ve got something to say.”


Sleep lots.  Sleep and then when you’re done sleeping, sleep again.  Especially, on your days off, keep sleeping.  I mean, don’t sleep so much that you lose your job and can’t feed me, but sleep enough so that you’re always happy.


Get very excited about food.  Every time food is laid before you, you should feel like this:  “Oh, my god, I can’t believe this is happening again!  This is so awesome.  More food?!  Happy dance.  I’m such a lucky dog because I get this food.  I get this food everyday!”


Never pass up a petting full of lovings.  If someone’s going to give you lovings, even a stranger, LET THEM as long as it’s full of love.  It feels good to get a rub down filled with good intentions!


beloved pet

“I can drive, b*tches. Let me be!”


Get very excited when your pack comes home.  When your pack comes home, you should react like this:  “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re home.  I’ve waited all day for you and I’m so happy to see you ‘cause I really love you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.”


Experience things through your nose more.  Humans use their eyes too much.  Smells are great.  Smell the flowers, smell the grass, smell the door, smell the poo.  Okay, maybe not that last one, it only works for dogs.


Try to get other people to play with you.  If there’s a toy in the vicinity try to enlist other people into playing with you.  It makes you happy and it makes them smile.


dog toy

“Throw the toy, lady. You’re making me nuts.”


Never trust overt aggression.  If something is very aggressive towards you – growl.  GROWL loudly.  Try to scare them away with your growl.


Get excited about walks and car rides.  Being outside is wonderful.  The car is so fast and the wind hits your face and you can look at the whole world passing by.  Walks are good for you and they feel nice when you do them with others.  All of it is better than sitting on your computer.


Howl.  Howl together with the people you like or when they are away and you miss them.


Smell butts.  Smell butts ‘cause it let’s you know who someone is.  Dirty butt = dirty soul.


Make a nest.  Ruffle the pillows.  Mess up the blankets.  Rub your parts on it and make it your own.  Get it all arranged, so that it feels like home.


dog making nest

“Home base, baby!”


Say more without talking.  You can say lots with your ears, eyes, and the appropriate lick.  You can say volumes, even.


Forget easily.  If something is scary or traumatic or if someone is cruel to you – forget it, once you feel safe.  Forget it and never think about it again.


Always hate outfits other people put you in.  You didn’t pick it, it’s scratchy, it’s okay to want it the feck off of you.


dog costumes

“I hate this outfit, but Merry Feckin’ Christmas anyway.”


It’s okay to hate baths, but you should love yourself and everyone once you are clean.  Being clean is wonderful.  Though getting soaking wet sucks.


Really respond when someone you love calls your name.  In fact, get excited and run towards them gently dancing on your paws.


Sit, lay down, and roll over for treats.  Treats are life’s little gifts and if someone gives them to you – rejoice.


Let other people open the door for you, as if you don’t have fingers and only have paws.  It’s a simple thing.  They know you appreciate it and it makes them feel good.


Lay in the sun.  Anytime you get the opportunity to lay in the sun and soak it up, DO IT!


Don’t sweat the small stuff.  The important things are food, love, safety, sun, walks, and sleep.  That’s it.  So, stop thinking too much.



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