Joke Week, Part 3

Well, it’s been a trying morning so far.  I’m working off Wifesy’s computer because mine seems to have sh*t the bed entirely.  That means a lovely day to be spent at the mac store tomorrow where, surely, they will relieve me of what little money I have.  Plus, Wifesy’s computer is a UK keyboard, since we bought it there, which means EVERY time I hit the shift key it’s like I’m being pounded in the frontal lobe with a crumpet.  Why?  Because the shift key in Britain is miniscule.  I can only assume this is because the British are precise and can hit the thing with there pinkies perfectly, whereas Americans (with our fat pinky fingers) need much more of a surface area in order to hit the shift key or we would go insane.  I know this to be true because I’m going insane right now.

 

Don’t worry, my version of insanity involves sulking and eating ice cream for breakfast.  I suppose I go insane like a 4 year old.

 

Anyway, the world goes on whether or not my motherboard is fried.  So, on with the jokes.  (If you don’t know what’s happening in regards to these posts concerning Sweet Mother and Joke week, you can start here and here.)

 

Let us begin.

 

Joke 1:

 

Whooping cough, once a has-been disease, is making a comeback for the first time in over a decade.  Donald Trump was quick to move in and ask the Whooping Cough if he’d like to go up against Arsenio Hall on the next Apprentice.

 

“Bring it, Whooping Cough, bring it!”

 

(Woof-a-choo! Bam-a-loo!)

 

 

Joke 2:

 

Dennis Rodman owes over $200Gs in back child support to one wife and $800Gs to another.  Rodman says he tried to pay off the debt with piercings and stds, but we are told even the Bank of Narnia refused to accept the payment.

 

(Shazam-a-ram!)

 

Joke 3:

 

Harry Potter actor, Daniel Radcliffe, turns 23 today.  To celebrate, the actor plans to play a dirty version of “hide the horcrux” with the last girl to leave the pub.

 

(Hiyawatha!)

 

Joke 4:

 

In light of Snooki’s pregnancy, the commissioner of the Jersey Shore Parks and Recreation department has vowed to clean up condoms left on the beach to make sure this kind of thing never happens again.

 

(Slam-a-blam-a-ding-dong!)

 

Joke 5:

 

The Muppets and the Jim Henson company have severed all ties with Chick-Fil-A over their anti-gay stance.  A spokesperson for the Jim Henson company claims that their decision has nothing to do with the private sex lives of Bert and Ernie.

 

“We’re just roommates.”

 

(Whap-a-dunk!)

 

 

Enjoying Joke Week?  Let me know in the comments section below.  And by all means, if you think there’s a subject that I’m not covering and should be, tell me about it.

 

I’m off to feed the dog, which isn’t a euphemism, but should be.

 

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You might also like:

Joke Week, part 1

Joke Week, part 2 

 

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Photo creds:  Arsenio, bertandernie